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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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June 25, 2003
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One night, my husband asked me
if I wanted to meet him and his mom at the mall to get his little
sister some shoes. I agreed, because I never turn down
a mall invite. Anyway, the mom had ordered shoes for my
husband and his sister only. That's not what bothered
me. What irked me was that I found some tennis shoes on
sale, and went to the counter to buy them myself. I gave
the associate my credit card and it declined. My MIL turned
to me and said, "Boy, that's a shame. OK, you guys
ready to go?" What she didn't realize is that that
was the joint account. She made it seem like I had no
money, when in fact neither of us had money!
Signed - That's A
Shame
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- DIL vs. MIL, 2 of 4 needed/Posted:
25-JUN-03
My FMIL is now mad at a guest of hers who sent
us a fondue set for our wedding. She was mad because she
had bought their daughter a ton of stuff that cost a lot of money.
She thought that a gift like this that wasn't from the wedding
was tacky and rude! I agree that it was a dumb gift for
us, but, oh well. She just has to comment about everything!
Signed - MIL Spouts
Off Again
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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My husband and I are
from different ethnic backgrounds. He is THE ONLY CHILD.
My relation with my MIL was beautiful in the very beginning, because
we didn't understand each other at all. I pretty much went
along with everything, since respecting the elderly is quiet common
in my culture. After several years living in her country,
I just couldn't pretend that I didn't understand what my MIL was
saying anymore. My MIL sometimes acted just like those old
women in the soap operas. SO DRAMATIC. She called
my DH and just cried for attention, complained that I didn't like
her anymore, told him that she was so sick or dying, and she once
even pretended, unconsciously, to get everybody's attention.
Of course I didn't pay any attention to her at all, and that pissed
her off so much. I had to get caller ID in order to avoid
picking up her calls. She knew it, and she sometimes tried
to just call and call more than 10 times in a weekend (and she
didn't leave any messages). The good thing is that my DH
is always on my side. We try not to be rude to her, even
when she was acting ridiculously. I just can't stand her
anymore, not even her voice. We don't live very close to
each other. But she always invited herself to my son's birthday.
Honestly, one of the reason that I don't want to have the 2nd
child is to avoid more of her uninvited visiting. I've never
expected that a MIL would give me this much stress. It's
so nice to have a place to get it all out, and to know that someone
out there will understand me.
Signed - My Dramatic
Latino MIL and Me
RESPONSE: My Dramatic Latino MIL and Me
Your MIL should not have to invite herself to your child's birthday.
In most cases here I usually can see the problem with the MIL.
But, not here, and I am worried that you have tainted your husband.
He needs to do what is right.
RESPONSE: My Dramatic Latino MIL and Me
I know what you mean about not even being able to stand somebody's
voice anymore. It's admirable that you keep being kind and polite
to her. I know what you mean, too, about being hesitant to have
a child just because you KNOW that there are going to be exponentially
more problems with MIL trying to "come down your chimney".
Best wishes.
RESPONSE: My Dramatic Latino MIL and Me
I can understand your story completely. My DH and I are from
different ethnic backgrounds, too. DH and I have known each other
since high school, and we have been married for 13 years. We
have 3 kids. My ILs both understand and speak English, but all
of them (DH included) will speak Spanish 85 percent of the time
when we are together. This was NEVER an issue until my third
child was born. After that, things changed. I didn't like the
fact that I was ALWAYS the last to know what was going on. Every
week we were EXPECTED to go over to his parents house and drop
off the kids for at least 3 plus hours. If we missed a week,
G-D help us!!! MIL wouldn't talk to us the following week. It
got so bad that she wouldn't even look at me when I spoke to her.
Mind you, I have never, ever said a rude thing to her (and I've
known the family 19 years). I have always been the "good
DIL" and kept quiet, "Yes, MIL. Thank you, MIL."
That's been my life. Finally, things came to a head. DH went
to drop off the kids last year at the IL's house, and they started
yelling at him about how he was keeping the kids away from the
family. WHAT? That was the last straw. THAT WAS IT!!!! DH
packed up the kids and walked out. MIL has since called twice
(last month she phoned and spoke with DH), but he said that she
doesn't see the problem. Get this: She said that we didn't like
them because of their ethnic background, because they are poor,
and because of the language that they speak. Uh, what the heck?????????
I couldn't believe what DH was telling me. I told him, "Boy,
she really doesn't get it." He agreed, and said that things
would stay the same (no contact). I won't go into more detail,
but our lives have been WONDERFUL since the "break".
We have finally developed our own family. We have our own way
of doing things, and we can live by and set our own rules with
no interference. It's the way that things should have been at
the start. Sorry that this is so long. I want you to know that
I do understand the language part. I have pretended for many,
many years that I don't know what is going on. I do understand
a lot, and it's hard to keep quiet. I just let my husband take
care of his family. This time he not only took care of them,
he stood up to them and decided to take care of us first. I am
very proud of him. Good luck. Just know that you are not the
only one with a MIL like that.
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MIL, with FIL, just
came to the US from overseas to see (for the first time) their
17 month old grandson. Prior visits have proven very tense,
because MIL hates that both of her sons married Americans and
now live in America. She is a very angry woman, who has
spent many prior visits criticizing her other DIL and son, saying
that that DIL stole her son and "made" him unemployed
for a time (because they moved to a small town for a few years)
and ruined his life. This is untrue, BTW. He took
care of their child, and was an independent consultant.
In the last visit, she said very hurtful things about a miscarriage
that I'd just had. My husband had forbidden her to talk
to me about (she ignored him) it. She constantly criticizes
everything, and anytime the littlest thing upsets her, she has
a crying tantrum. Prior to the visit, because my husband
knows that we have to walk on eggshells, he replaced the American
flag hanging outside with a flag from her country. They
intended to come here for a week. Within minutes, the criticisms
of our son started (he doesn't smile enough, why isn't he climbing
ladders yet, something must be wrong with him, etc.). When
she visited our house, she went monster because my husband (who
is 45, by the way - I am 40, just to give you perspective here)
and I had thrown out a 1970ish orange and green couch to make
way for the nursery. She claimed that there were too many
pictures of our baby son displayed (whom she indicated was now
"ruling the household") and not enough of her.
She was also upset that my husband's pictures of a trip to Egypt
were no longer on display, and that our dining room furniture
now consists of my parent's antique furniture (they passed away
a couple of years ago), rather than my husband's old particle
board/pressed wood el cheapo furniture. She said some insensitive
and crass comments about a dear friend of mine who was just killed
in Iraq. She attempted to give our son a wrapped present.
Then, she got angry when our son could not unwrap it, looked at
his other toys, and started playing with them. She snatched
it out of his hands, saying that he didn't appreciate it.
Furthermore, she said that her son (my husband) was barely the
little boy whom she had known, and he was now being "sucked
dry" by me. She barely looked at our baby son.
She then tried to get me to stop feeding my son in the highchair,
even though he had barely eaten a thing with all the commotion.
Then, she confronted me and yelled at me in front of my baby boy
about the amount of time that I spent on the phone with my family
and the sister of my dear friend (who was killed) while they were
eating lunch. She then yelled at me in front of my 5 year
old niece, and would not stop. Then, outside of the house,
she accused our 5 year old niece of not telling the truth, and
had her in tears for 20 minutes, crying in agony, "My granny
called me a liar. I am not a liar." She stormed,
with her husband, out of the house, and said that they would never
be back. She said it with a terse "good-bye" (like
that English woman dressed in leather, who hosted that game show
that was on a couple of years ago - you know, the one where she
insulted people). They stayed in a motel, that was 3 minutes
away from our house, for 3 days, then flew off to Europe.
This is the last straw for me. Has anyone had a similar
experience? What would you do?
Signed - The Evil American
RESPONSE: The Evil American
Tell them that they are never welcome back.
RESPONSE: The Evil American
What a self-absorbed little witch! Thank your lucky stars that
she's gone, and hope that she keeps her word and stays away.
She sounds like a nut, and there is no way to deal with people
(and I use the term loosely) like her. It's a shame that your
son will miss out on his grandparents. But, really, would you
rather he saw (and maybe learned) that behavior every year?
RESPONSE: The Evil American
I'm so sorry to hear of anyone who has lost a dear friend in Iraq.
Please accept my condolences.
RESPONSE: The Evil American
No. But I would love a similar experience with my ILs. Then
I could cut them off permanently. Never, ever would those people
cross my threshold again. I would not speak or correspond with
them ever again. By the way, they are the evil ones.
RESPONSE: The Evil American
I would never, ever allow that woman to visit me again. Maybe
if she wrote a genuine-sounding apology and followed it up with
some long-distance normal behavior (birthday cards, presents for
the children, etc.), then I might consider allowing her to visit
in a year or so. But, it's unlikely. Your child and his cousins
do not deserve to be treated so horribly by someone who is supposed
to love them. And, she does not deserve the pleasure of seeing
her grandchildren.
RESPONSE: The Evil American
What would I do? Show them the door and NEVER invite them back!
How could they be so horrid to a 5 year old child? Take the lead
from your SIL and tell your DH that if he insists on seeing them,
he will have to get them a hotel room elsewhere. It is unbelievable
what some men expect you to put up with for the sake of faaaaaamily!
RESPONSE: The Evil American
She's the one who stormed out of the house like a maniac. She's
the one who's being absolutely childish and silly. I know exactly
what you must be thinking. I doubt if at this point you can ever
respect this woman. And, where there is no respect, there cannot
be a relationship. The worse thing to do at this time would be
to contact her or confront her, because that's EXACTLY what she
wants - attention. If she gets it this time, she will know that
she can get away with ANYTHING! I think that you should just
do NOTHING about it until she has proven herself worthy of your
respect. Until then, I would just say - don't call her. If she
does call, be civil and polite, but keep it short.
RESPONSE: The Evil American
I would tell that woman to go to he!! and never come back. Consider
yourself lucky that she left, and be done with it. I would cut
all communication with her. If she calls you, at the first sign
of rude behavior tell her that it will not be accepted. And,
if it continues, you will be forced to hang up the phone. Put
your foot down and be strong!
RESPONSE: The Evil American
I would yell back at her, "Good, we don't want you back here
anyway!" I, personally, would add, "none of your family
here likes you anyway!!!" I would have no problem adding
that on, since she was mean to a 5 year old and made her cry.
RESPONSE: The Evil American
I would have told her to not let the door hit her in the @ss on
the way out. Do NOT allow her to EVER darken your doorstep again.
And make sure you NEVER take down the US flag ever again. I would
have told her to leave the FIRST time she was rude. Do not send
pictures or anything to her again. If she calls, block her number
and hang up. Change your phone number, get caller ID and an answering
machine. Tell her to % &* off and die.
RESPONSE: The Evil American
Oh my GOD, where do we begin?!!!! I guess with the hope that
she keeps her word and DOESN'T come to visit you again. How could
she be so RUDE? I was just stunned to read all the things that
she said and did. It just seems like she's one uninhibited font
of rudeness, spewing it out constantly. What a toxic person.
I couldn't begin to understand where she's coming from and what
her problem is. But, I think that if you're lucky, you'll never
have to see her again. Just let your DH deal with her. I don't
know if this will even begin to help you, but I stopped rewarding
my MIL's behavior if it was rude or out of line. She really backed
off. I don't think it made her like me better, but she stopped
trying to tell me what to do and walk all over me. In my experience,
people like your MIL are best avoided. Trying and trying and
trying painfully to work things out with them, when YOU'RE the
one doing ALL the work, and they're just letting it all hang out,
doesn't get you anywhere except, as one poster wrote, "You
get so you just can't even stand to hear the person's voice anymore."
Ration your energy with these people!
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Working Women Don't Have Wives