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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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June 26, 2003
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Alrighty. Before I married
my husband, my MIL told me something that I will never forget!
Now, I do believe that she is Satan's daughter and all, but
I won't get into that. After busting into my house early
one morning, my MIL proclaimed that the following is as a motto
that I should live by (because she does), "Always keep
the house immaculate. Always have a warm meal ready for
your husband, and be a whore when it comes to sex with your
husband." That Christmas, after 7 months of dating,
she gave me tacky lingerie with a wink, and she said, "I
though that my son would enjoy it." Good grief!
This came from a lady who believes that only a baby can mend
your relationships! Her first son's father left her because
she used pregnancy as a way of keeping him. Scary, isn't
it?
Signed - Get Real,
MIL
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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Worst gift: My fabulous
MIL (NOT) graced me on one of the four (out of ten) birthdays
that she actually remembered with a WONDERFUL PAIR OF MICROWAVABLE
SLIPPERS. Apparently, she ordered them while on the airplane.
She couldn't buy a proper gift, but she managed to buy herself
an OVERSIZED (to fit herself) sable coat. Of course, there
was the year that she bought me a fake ostrich bag. Oh,
and then there was the flower arrangement that someone else had
sent. Oh, but wait, I've forgotten the maternity clothes!
Signed - My Fabulous
MIL (NOT)
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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I'm engaged to a wonderful
girl who I have been with for 2 years. I got along fine
with the ILs until DF and I became engaged. Since then,
it has been a nightmare. I fully understand that, normally,
the bride and her mother plan most of the wedding, but I really
want to be a part of it. I don't mean the dresses or even
the flowers, just things like the invitations, songs, and the
order of the wedding. I have been really careful not to
be demanding or be pushy, but every time my DF and I pick something
out without MIL's input, she gets mad, or she says that she does
not like it. And, she has even tried to change it.
She has even said that I should not be a part of the wedding plans
at all. MIL has questioned and talked badly about my job,
even though I work for my family (they own several local businesses).
Meanwhile, her BIL sells used cars, and is king of the world.
My DF has talked about the wedding, and she wants my input so
that we will both feel comfortable on the big day. To DF's
credit, she has stood up to her mother, but MIL acts like she
has not done anything. She has gone as far as to make arrangements
without asking our opinion. The one time I put my foot down
and told her where the wedding was going to be (DF agreed with
me), MIL did not speak to me for about a month. DF loves
her parents, and I want a peaceful relationship with them, too.
Please give advice on how to deal with this. Should I just
butt out?
Signed - Future SIL
Not Sure What To Do
RESPONSE: Future SIL Not Sure What To Do
Yeah, butt out. Let her walk all over you now and I'll guarantee
that it won't get any better.
RESPONSE: Future SIL Not Sure What To Do
Absolutely not! It's your wedding, too! If your DF is happy
with your input, what else matters? The ILs already had their
day!
RESPONSE: Future SIL Not Sure What To Do
Two words: Premarital counseling. Your wife wants to keep peace,
but be the "daughter". Uh, uh. She needs to think
about you and herself as a couple. And a prenuptial agreement
wouldn't be a bad idea, either.
RESPONSE: Future SIL Not Sure What To Do
Who is paying for this shindig? If you and DF are footing the
bill, then by all means put your foot down. If that is not the
case, and your ILs are paying for everything, then there is a
lesson to be learned here - THERE IS NO FREE LUNCH!! If your
FMIL is making you miserable, the easiest solution is to take
over financial control of your wedding, or elope. Good luck!
RESPONSE: Future SIL Not Sure What To Do
No. It's your wedding, too. My girl would tell me, "MOM,
if you are gonna be this way, then I won't even ask what you think."
She is stubborn. She would pay for it herself and let me pout.
I think that if the parents can afford to pay for it and they
offer, then wonderful!! But, they still need to realize that
it's your wedding and you need to ask your DF to stand up a little
more for you. Just as she would want you to do with your parents,
were this reversed. They are supposed be giving "the two
of you" a wedding. They had theirs. And this is yours.
RESPONSE: Future SIL Not Sure What To Do
DON'T BUTT OUT!!!! I had an amazingly similar experience during
the planning of my own wedding, except that it was BOTH sets of
parents who were pushy and difficult. My DW and I put our (collective)
foot down. My parents were being rotten to DW, and her parents
were being equally rotten to me. We stuck to our guns and did
our wedding our way. And, in the end we told them to either be
civil or not to bother coming. In the end, it came to telling
them all that a choice between them or each other was no choice,
and that, while we would certainly miss them, it wasn't going
to change our decision. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Future SIL Not Sure What To Do
You are not the one who should butt out. It is your wedding day,
too! I am glad to hear that your fiancé stands up to her
mother. I think that she needs to sit down and explain to her
mother that she fully expects you to be in on all the decision
making, as it is your big day just as much as the bride's. I
also think that your fiancé should tell her mother that
if she doesn't treat you with the respect you deserve, there will
be consequences. It sounds like the mother of the bride is living
vicariously through her daughter and forgetting what a wedding
is truly intended for. Good luck, you will need it!
RESPONSE: Future SIL Not Sure What To Do
Absolutely not. If you give in to her now, the rest of your life
will be even more he!!ish. This is YOUR day, too. You are fully
justified in wanting to be part of it. It is your MIL who needs
to butt out.
RESPONSE: Future SIL Not Sure What To Do
You should not butt out! It's your wedding, too. Your MIL should
be there to help, if asked, but not acting like it's her wedding.
I'd say something (a lot of somethings if need be) because she
will think that she can run your marriage, household and children,
as well. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Future SIL Not Sure What To Do
My friend, it starts now. DO NOT compromise your wedding for
the sake of peace. First off, who is paying for the wedding?
If it is anyone other than your FMIL, then tell your FMIL that,
although her opinion is valued, you will have a say in the wedding
plans. And, if she does not like it, then she will have no say
in the wedding, and may not be invited if she does not check her
attitude at the door. If she is paying for the wedding, then
have your fiancé talk to her and tell her that there are
only two people getting married, and even though her (FMIL) opinion
is valued, so is yours. Try to find a compromise. If your fiancé
is not on board with this decision, then she is not the one for
you - do not marry her.
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I wrote a story here
a while back about my MIL (back when she was visiting us for 6
weeks!!!!). Well, SHE'S BACK!!!!! Unfortunately, she
came because my husband's cousin, who she raised as her own, was
in the ICU unit after being assaulted. I feel badly for
him and all, but now, of course, she has to come stay with us.
She's only been here a week, and she's already starting.
Oh, did I forget to mention that DH is away on business for the
next 10 days???? So, here I am, stuck with his mother.
She proceeded to tell him yesterday on the phone that a)
I discipline my kids way too harshly. EX: My 3 year
old got put in time out for grinding cookies into the carpet of
her brother's room. That's too harsh in her idea of parenting.
b) my little brother and sister are monsters who come over
only to torment my children and break everything in the house
(NOT TRUE AT ALL!!!!!!). c) I sit by as my 7 year old little
brother torments my 3 year old daughter (her favorite grandchild).
d) the house is turned up side down and is a mess (I am
a neat freak, and am very tidy, even with small children).
e) she can't wait for him to come back, because she's going
crazy with all those kids running around. f) my family
visits way too much, and she can't even think straight with all
the noise. So, this was my response to my DH. His
mother is a pain in the @ss!!! She wants me to come home
from my full time job, and drive her around to every dollar store
within a 100 mile radius so that she can buy souvenirs for all
of her bingo buddies. She constantly criticizes my parenting,
cooking, dress, hair - you name it! I am lazy if, after
coming home from work, I do 45 minutes of homework with my 7 year
old son, cook dinner, bathe both my son and 3 year old, put them
to bed, and then want to go to bed myself. Everything that
I have which is a name brand (purses, clothes, jewelry) is followed
by a question that goes like this: Did my son buy you that???
So, the last time she asked me this, I said, "No, I bought
it for myself as a treat for being a full-time mother, wife, and
employee. And, I can afford it because I have a job that
pays well." She almost had a coronary. She told
my husband that I am rude and disrespectful. She wants everything
that I have, since she thinks that her son has paid for it.
She will say, "You know that (brand name) item that DW has?
I want one just like it for my birthday. He never buys her
nice things because, in his own words, "She can't appreciate
the value of things." Mind you, I have heard her say
to her friends on the phone that everything I have is thanks to
her son being so successful in his job. She feels that if
it wasn't for her son, we wouldn't even own a home, car, etc.
I know that I can just ignore her, as I have in the past, but
it's really beginning to get to me. I work just as hard
as my DH for the things we have. Nothing has ever been handed
to me in my life. I have always had to work for my things,
and I resent her comments. She is just annoying!!
She sits back while everything is handed to her because she's
too lazy to get a job. She feels that my DH and I have to
be at her beck and call when she is visiting, because she does
nothing all day till we get home. I don't mind doing things
with her on the weekends, but during the week I just don't have
time. As most working mothers know, you have to have a schedule
of some sort to get done what you have to. She cannot grasp
this concept. Her indirect comments are really hard to deal
with when she is visiting. And she will intercept when I
am disciplining my kids by taking them out of time out.
I really resent this, because they are MY children. I will
raise them the best way I can. She does these types of things
continuously when she is visiting. She rearranges my kitchen
and bathroom, and she makes comments to my children that go something
like this, "Oh, I can't believe that your mom did your hair,
got you a haircut, cleaned your room, etc." I always
do these things. I am a very tidy person. I keep my
children well groomed, and I feel that I am, overall, a good mother,
wife, and housekeeper (to the point where my husband jokes that
I am anal). So, where does she get off making comments like
this? My DH's response is, "Oh, she's just rattling
your chain. Ignore her." He says this like it's
some joke or something. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks.
Signed - Frustrated
in Florida
RESPONSE: Frustrated in Florida
Don't be there the next time she shows up! Look, would you put
up with this cr@p if it came from your own mother? Probably not.
So, why accept it from her? Pack up her stuff and tell her to
go home.
RESPONSE: Frustrated in Florida
Oh, she is just rattling your chain. Ignore her. He is right.
It appears that he is married to you. He knows you, and he is
confident that his wife is not what his mom says. He also knows
that his mom is a nut, and is making this up. Speak to him about
her coming so often. And, ask him to help you. By the time you
read this, she will be gone. Life will be normal again. Be smart
and think ahead. Make plans and make them clear the next time
she wants to come.
RESPONSE: Frustrated in Florida
No f***** way would my MIL be in my house for that length of time
while my DH was not there. NO WAY ON EARTH! Can you not chuck
her out? I would. I wouldn't even have my MIL there without
DH if she was the politest, nicest person in the world. And,
yours most surely isn't that. OUT, OUT, OUT, I say.
RESPONSE: Frustrated in Florida
Just a thought. I don't care if she doesn't have the money or
not, tell DH that if his mother needs to come to town, she can
find a hotel. That may be "mean", or whatever, in her
book, but I sure as he!! would not put up with that. If she wants
to act like that, she can do it outside of MY home. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Frustrated in Florida
I'd have a LONG talk with your husband. Let him know that on
her next visit, mom will be staying at a hotel because you just
can't deal with her, her nasty comments, and her interference
with your children. Make it stick.
RESPONSE: Frustrated in Florida
Give her the number of a hotel, pack her bags, and drive her there.
You are putting up with way too much from this woman! I could
accept the constant criticisms of myself, but she is overstepping
boundaries with your kids. And that is where I would draw the
line. Get rid of her!
RESPONSE: Frustrated in Florida
You shouldn't be required to spend more time with MIL than her
own son spends with her, unless you choose to. Tell DH that MIL
can't come unless he's there. No business trips, no working late,
no leaving you in the room alone with her, etc. And, he needs
to speak up immediately every time she does or says something
that is out of line. Present a united front, and eventually she
may get the picture.
RESPONSE: Frustrated in Florida
Believe it or not, I agree with your husband. My DH's mother
would rearrange my kitchen to suit herself. I am left-handed,
so things are stored differently. She would "prune"
my houseplants, some survived, some did not. The list is a long
one, but I just ignored what she did unless it was something that
I was grateful for. When I did say thank you for doing "X",
she would look at me strangely, since I never mentioned any of
the other things. After 10 years she stopped interfering with
how I kept our home. Yes, 10 years is a long time, but, again,
I never took the bait (yes, this is the person whose MIL gave
away my wedding gifts to her daughter). I think that not responding
drove her more nuts, and I am pleased. Passive-aggressive goes
both ways!
RESPONSE: Frustrated in Florida
As long as you're not worried about your kid's health/welfare
with MIL around, wait until DH gets back from his biz trip. Wait
an additional 2 days, long enough for him to recover from the
trip, and leave for 3 days yourself. Just go. Let HIM deal with
the house, kids, his mom, the situation, food, clothes, etc.
And, then see how crazy his mom has made him in the meantime.
Don't do it with a mean spirit or out of spite. Just tell him,
calmly, that you really NEED to recharge your batteries, and that
this looks like a great time. Tell him that you love him and
appreciate him. And, go. Take your best girlfriend whom you
never get to see anymore, and go have fun. Don't worry, and DON'T
apologize.
RESPONSE: Frustrated in Florida
Your sheer PATIENCE and STRENGTH are amazing. I would not even
be able to put up with this woman for an afternoon, let alone
days on end. How did it happen that you agreed to have her stay
at your house for that long, again, without your husband there
to be a buffer, even? Why is it that you don't discuss with your
husband the absolute necessity of telling her that IT DOESN'T
SUIT when she proposes such a long visit? She should not be able
to foist herself on you like that. If my MIL talked to/about
me like that, she would NEVER see me. I admire your strength,
but it's hard for me to understand why some boundaries haven't
been set with this woman. She's being incredibly rude. It's
appalling for her to partake of your hospitality. And, while
she's doing that, to relentlessly complain about everything (which
sounds like it shouldn't even be complained about - it does sound
like you're doing a great job, and should be commended!). Please
have a talk with your DH. Seek couples counseling if he doesn't
see the light. He is asking an awful lot of you to expect you
to take on this awful woman for such a long time, ALONE. Would
he want to entertain your mother, all by himself, for six days
straight? How would he feel in your position?
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Working Women Don't Have Wives