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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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June 27, 2003
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Worst gift: Drunken
Visit.
Signed - Tearful
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
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My MIL occasionally
buys my daughter clothes - but only ones from the 90% off last
season, wrong size, color and style rack. The clothing is
so bad and completely not returnable that it would probably be
better if either nothing, or just a small token toy were given.
Ordinarily, I wouldn't care. But, because my MIL makes a
point of buying $500 designer jackets and still supports her two
loser 50 something ish daughters, and has YET TO GIVE US A DIME,
it kind of ticks me off. She had the audacity to complain
that my FIL's recent hospitalization meant that she couldn't buy
herself a NEW luxury automobile! What a b!tch!
Signed - Sick of the
Nasty Redheaded Beast After 15 Years
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- woodmanswife, 2 of 4 needed
/Posted: 27-JUN-03
MIL frustrates me by acting like she is the perfect
grandmother to my DS. At Xmas she didn't get him any "normal"
presents - all were from the dollar store or something totally
too YOUNG for him. It is not that I am not grateful for
what he does receive, but when she DOES buy him clothes, she goes
to garage sales and buys stuff with stains and tears. I
am NOT against used clothing for kids, but for a gift from a grandmother??
And could she AT LEAST get things that are in good condition!!
These folks HAVE money too - LOTS of MONEY. Then, when I
don't IMMEDIATELY put DS into one of these stained and torn outfits,
she sulks and says, "Well, if you don't like them, you can
always donate them to a needy child." I was brought
up to sometimes be overly RESPECTFUL and POLITE to people, so
it is really HARD for me to say anything but "THANK YOU".
And I have to mention SIL - what a whacko, too. She keeps
telling us that our DS will receive his savings bond for his birthday
in the mail, but it has not come yet. I told MIL that if
she spent $ on a bond, we never got it, so she should check into
it. All I got was excuses about it, "OH, IT MUST HAVE
BEEN SENT." I think she never bought it. SIL
has too much money. She is jetting off to the Bahamas or
extravagant vacations every other week. She is a stripper,
and has LOTS of money to spend. I don't care if DS gets
expensive gifts or not, that isn't the point. Just DON'T
say that you are getting him something and NOT get him ANYTHING!
SIL has seen our DS a total of maybe 6 times in a year and a half,
and she lives close, but she will never accept an invite.
MIL told me that she is jealous of our "family" lifestyle.
My MIL also told me that the reason that our DS didn't get many
gifts for Xmas is because she thinks that MY parents BUY HIM TOO
MUCH. THEY want to teach him about the REAL meaning of Xmas
and not to be so commercial. Our DS is the ONLY grandchild
and great grandchild on BOTH sides, so, YES, my parents DO spoil
him!!! But he is a GOOD CHILD.
Signed - Garage Sale
Grandma
RESPONSE: Garage Sale Grandma
Where is your husband, hiding under the rug? What does he think
of his mother's treatment of his DD? What is it with weak-willed
men and their mothers???
RESPONSE: Garage Sale Grandma
Grandma will teach your son something else by her actions - not
to believe anything she says. Children deserve Christmas gifts.
They are too young, generally, to understand the "real meaning"
of the holiday.
RESPONSE: Garage Sale Grandma
The overall impression that your story gives is that you are a
little too concerned with other people's money. I don't believe
that the description you gave of MIL's gifts is accurate. I don't
want to go on and read too much into your story, but I think you
should step back and look at how others see you.
RESPONSE: Garage Sale Grandma
I'm sure that your DS is a good child. It sounds like he feels
loved. I think that you're right to say "thank you",
even if the gifts suck. You're not lying and saying that you
like them. You're just showing common courtesy (I loved your
"handle", too, woodmanswife!).
RESPONSE: Garage Sale Grandma
How dare she insinuate that your parents are doing your child
harm. I hope that you reached beyond your respectful, polite
upbringing and told them off. No one should disrespect your parents.
Good luck with her. What a nutcase. Stick up for yourself.
It is the only way you will feel heard, be able to move on, and
rise above her rotten behavior.
RESPONSE: Garage Sale Grandma
She is low class. But, there is nothing wrong with used clothing.
With the stained and torn part, I can see your point. But, can
they not be fixed? You sound very "high maintenance".
RESPONSE: Garage Sale Grandma
Frankly, if my child had a stripper aunt, I would be glad if she
didn't see him. A person like that has no business around my
child. I really wouldn't want a savings bond from her, knowing
that she had to bump and grind, perform lap dances or other sexual
favors to get the money. As for your MIL, she is just plain tacky!!
I would never donate torn and stained clothing to charity, let
alone gift such items! Make no mistake about it, she means that
as a slap in the face to you. And, the fact that she would use
gift giving to your son to make her dislike of you apparent, is
really low! On the plus side, you know that you don't have to
put forth a lot of time or expense when it comes time to gift
giving for her. Go to a thrift store and buy the most moth-eaten,
used up, out of date clothing you can find to give to her. Insist
that she try it on right away and model it for you!!! He, he,
he, he - this could be fun!!!
RESPONSE: Garage Sale Grandma
The only correct thing is to say thank you. Your MIL is correct.
The meaning of Christmas is not about the gifts, but about family
and gratitude. At least one person in your family is trying to
teach the truth. You seem only to teach your child to be greedy
and to insult those who do not wish to perpetuate this attitude.
The unfortunate part is that your child will grow up to resent
your MIL because of YOUR selfish, greedy attitude. Too bad your
spouse does not have the guts to tell you this (or he has been
so corrupted by you that he does not see your greed). The only
problem is that they buy used, DIRTY things. The problem has
nothing to do with how much money they have. You stated that
your ILs all have money, so what? It is their money, not yours.
Stop trying to take it away from them. Who cares what your SIL
does to earn her money or what she does with it. It is legal
and it is her choice. She does not owe you or anyone else an
explanation as to what she does with her money. She should not
have said that she bought something if she did not. But, you
seemed so caught up in making sure that you get a cut of the money
that you seem to be brushing aside the fact that it is very possible
that she did purchase what she said, and that it was lost, or
the institution that issued the bond just has not sent it yet.
As for your SIL not accepting your invites, it is probably because
you do not make her feel welcome and she does not want to have
to deal with your greed and attitude. My thought is that you
are jealous of the money that they all have.
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I married my husband
about 16 months ago (I've known him for about seven years).
I have also known my MIL for seven years. Prior to about,
oh, nine months ago, I really liked her. But, not now.
We moved back to our home state nine months ago, and that's when
she started acting like a complete jerk. I am having a hard
time understanding what appears to me as a very abrupt change.
One of the first things that has started happening is that she
has started making comments about money. For example, we
both ride horses, and just before we moved back I had to sell
my horse. I was very sad about it and I cried for a very
long time. She told me that she would find me a horse when
we moved back, and she seemed really sympathetic. Once we
moved back, I started looking for another horse and found one
that I was interested in. I told her about it, and explained
that my husband and I made plans to buy it. I didn't want
her to feel that she had to buy me a horse just because she made
the offer before. One day, I invited her to come with me
to look at the horse, and I once again explained our plans to
purchase the horse if I like it. Out of nowhere, she started
yelling about how we didn't have the money, and how my husband
was only agreeing to buy it to make me happy! I just changed
the subject, but I felt really confused and angry. The next
day, for my daughter's birthday, she started telling my husband's
cousin, "If you don't have any money, the last thing you
should be doing is buying a horse." Then, literally
two days later, she bought two horses and claimed that one of
them was for my one year old daughter. She even put a picture
of the horse in my daughter's birthday card! It was like
she was rubbing it in my face! Since then, she has made
other really rude comments. Once, we were at a nursery getting
plants, and when I went to pay for them she shoved her credit
card in front of the cashier and said that she was going to take
care of it. When I told her that I was paying for my own
stuff and that my husband wasn't going to be happy about this,
she said, "He's not going to be happy if you spend money
on plants." She will also call my daughter over to
her if I've just called her. And, if she goes to my MIL,
my MIL will say things like, "I'm her favorite, see?"
My husband always takes her side, and makes me feel like I'm completely
unreasonable. I just feel really confused. Recently,
for Easter, she wanted my daughter and me to go over to her house
for an aster egg hunt and lunch (my husband was working).
We went over there, and she hung around for maybe an hour.
Then, she started doing yard work, and didn't speak to anyone
for the rest of the day. There were other people there,
but I felt really uncomfortable. She just seems really passive
aggressive, and I feel really confused, because I never noticed
this type of behavior before.
Signed - Confused and
Hurt
RESPONSE: Confused and Hurt
Moving back = mistake.
RESPONSE: Confused and Hurt
Don't be confused. Your MIL is whacked. That is all I can say.
DH needs to wake up and smell the coffee here. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Confused and Hurt
I had a similar experience with my MIL. She really seemed to
be "acting out" toward me after years of being pleasant.
I don't know why that is, and it just made me want to stay away
from her. She really was asserting herself, acting unpleasant,
and making "pronouncements" about what we should and
shouldn't do - very intrusive ones, too. If it's any comfort
to you, I just stayed away from her as much as I could for a while.
And, the last time that I saw her, we had a really nice time.
Maybe she will resolve whatever issues she's dealing with (and
they very likely have a lot more to do with her than you) and
things will get better again. But, with me, it seemed that not
rewarding her behavior - the worse she acted, and the more I distanced
myself - helped. I think so, anyway.
RESPONSE: Confused and Hurt
I hate your MIL!! Her behavior is both incredibly rude and puzzling.
I'll be interested to see how other people respond to your post.
There's definitely a problem. She's being aggressive in a really
unpleasant way. I'm offended on many levels by her behavior.
For one thing, she's out of line making comments about your private
finances (yours and DH's). That's none of her business, and she
needs to BACK OFF. Maybe she's jealous of you, or resentful,
or selfish. Or, somehow she's not getting what she wants out
of the situation - WHATEVER. It sounds like it's HER problem.
I read a lot of these posts, and am often sad about what seems
like unreasonableness on the part of the DIL. But, in your case
it just sounds like your MIL is being unpleasant. The only thing
that I can think of is to distance yourself from her emotionally.
Don't tell her what you want to spend money on. And, if you can,
spend less time with her. I know that you want a child to have
a good relationship with its grandparents, but it might help to
back off a little and spend less time with her. Don't go shopping
with her, don't tell her your plans, etc. It doesn't sound like
she's your true friend. And, there's a saying, "Don't give
ammunition to your enemy." In other words, don't tell your
MIL any more of your business than you have to. She'll just use
it against you.
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received will be posted as early as our resources will allow.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives