I think that my step-MIL has
some sort of missing connection between her brain and her mouth.
On the eve of my wedding (at which I was 7 months pregnant,
we decided to get married when we did upon realizing that in
the UK, unmarried fathers have very few rights), she asked whether
she is correct in believing that I had been at university finishing
up my bachelors degree when the baby was conceived. I
agreed that this was correct. She then said, "Well,
I know what college can be like. Are you sure it's FDH's?"
What the bleep? Is she under the impression that the final
year of college is a time of relentless orgies? Is she
mad?
Signed - Is She Mad?
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Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
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My husband has been
married before and he has two children. The youngest had
surgery, and his ex-wife and all his family (including me) were
there. The MIL was talking to the nurse, and right in front
of me, said, "As soon as my DIL gets back, we're leaving."
When my husband confronted her, all she did was giggle and say
"woops". To this day, she has never apologized
for her "woops".
Signed - I'm the DIL!
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
My MIL has been in my
life for fourteen years - seven years while dating my husband
and seven years married. She has yet to make me feel as
if I am welcome in "her" family. She constantly
compares herself to other members of my family (sister, mom) and
shares her thoughts with my husband. I feel that she is
trying to bias his opinion of my family, which is slowly resulting
in a lack of respect. This is evident in his tone when we
are having any discussions concerning them. We are expecting
a baby soon, and I can only fear the problems that she will create
out of such a special time. The constant tug of war for
affection and admiration will result in fights between my husband
and I, similar to when we were first married. I know that
it is not possible, but I just wish that she would leave us alone
and just be happy that we are happy. It really hurts to
know that the mother of the person whom you love has such jealousy
and contempt for you. And despite her recent efforts to
"get along", I will always know the truth about her
feelings towards me.
Signed - I Will Always
Know The Truth
RESPONSE: I Will Always Know The Truth
Of course it is possible to be left alone. Tell them to leave
you alone, then ignore them.
RESPONSE: I Will Always Know The Truth
I was sad to read your post. I wonder if marriage counseling
might be a good thing. Does your DH get to hear YOUR side of
the story? I feel upset with him for just buying all of what
your MIL says. Why doesn't he stick up for you? Does he have
any idea what your "take" is on what she is doing?
Do you feel like you can tell him? If you don't, does he love
you enough to go to counseling with you? It just seems like bad
news that he lets her affect him this way. She shouldn't be able
to do that. But, maybe he just doesn't realize what's happening.
He needs to WAKE UP! You say that you're happy with him. That
gives me hope that maybe you can work this out. Blessings and
good wishes.
Help!!! I'm getting
married next month and my future MIL is already demonstrating
just how CRAZY she can be! Here are some examples:
At the bridal shower that she decided to throw for me at the last
minute, she made up a questionnaire "game" for the ladies
in attendance to play. The questions included "How
many boyfriends did future DIL have before DH?", and, "How
many separations have son and future DIL had?" She
then pleaded ignorance as to why I would be upset by said questions!
Can you believe that she had that kind of audacity??? At
the same shower she also informed me that she had some great ideas
for my bachelorette party. She was NOT invited to it, but
she decided to invite herself anyway! Can you imagine your
MIL at your bachelorette party??? Another shining example
of her true glory is that she just tried to talk my future DH
into attending a meeting for a "company" that she's
involved with while we will be on our HONEYMOON. This way
he could use our honeymoon as a tax write-off!!! Like many
other NASTY MILS with too much time on their hands and no more
children living at home, she does NOT work out of the home.
She also tried to see if SIL could come fly to our honeymoon destination
and spend some time with us on our honeymoon! It should
come as no surprise that not only are future ILs not contributing
to the cost of the wedding, AT ALL, but MIL's big concern is which
ex-boy/girlfriends (and their parents) should be invited!
I love my future DH, but I'm not sure how I'm going to live with
this crazy woman as a part of my life! These are just a
couple examples as to how HORRIBLE she can be! Future FIL
is no prize, either. Future DH is not a big fan of his parents,
but they are still his parents, and I hate to talk badly about
them to him. How do I handle her at the wedding and in the
future? She's so overbearing, manipulative, and really not
that bright. Any advice?
Signed - Future Bride
Seeking MIL Advice
RESPONSE: Future Bride Seeking MIL Advice
DON'T MARRY HIM. She will be a thorn in your side for the rest
of your life. (I'm speaking from experience).
RESPONSE: Future Bride Seeking MIL Advice
Good grief. She sounds like the witch queen from he!!. My only
advice would be run away.
RESPONSE: Future Bride Seeking MIL Advice
The best way to deal with this woman is just to be oozingly sweet,
never mind that it will be phony. It is just for show. Important
tip: Practice saying "no" as sweetly and sorrowfully
as possible. This is key.
RESPONSE: Future Bride Seeking MIL Advice
STOP! Delay the wedding until this issue is resolved. FMIL will
continue to butt in until you and FDH tell her to stop. The longer
you keep quiet to spare his feelings, the harder it will be.
RESPONSE: Future Bride Seeking MIL Advice
My advice is that you put the breaks on the wedding until these
issues are sorted out between you and DH - to YOUR SATISFACTION.
If you think that things will get better after the wedding, think
again. They will only get worse. Do not marry into this nest
of vipers until DH grows a pair and tells his parents to back
off permanently.
RESPONSE: Future Bride Seeking MIL Advice
Please talk to DH about it. He is the one who can help you to
put her in place!! He is either the stupid one who prefers to
destroy his marriage so that he doesn't have to be honest with
his mother, or the one who puts you first and leaves the mother
out. You better find out before you get married. With your MIL
as your enemy, trust me, your life will be so miserable. Sooner
or later you will explode. There is no way to live with a woman
like that!
RESPONSE: Future Bride Seeking MIL Advice
Let me share my story of overbearing ILs. It's different, but
just the same, they are very annoying. DH and I live very far
away (with the service) from our parents. We live in a cold environment,
with next to no stores, malls, theaters or restaurants. And,
you name it, if it's something to do, they don't have it. It's
an island. It also costs an arm and a leg just to fly out of
here, so any vacation that we take is going to be wherever we
want to go - think sunny, tropical beaches. We are newlyweds,
and I couldn't wait to take our first vacation by ourselves.
We so needed to get off the island, do our own thing, and have
fun. We called our families and told them our destination so
that they would know that we didn't fall off the face of earth.
When we called his parents, they liked the destination that we
chose, and decided that they were coming. They didn't even ask
me, they just told DH. Now, I know that there are things that
I'm going to have to deal with when it comes to ILs, but going
on vacation with them is not one of them, even if we haven't seen
them in about a year. DH and I are young and just married, and
our vacation wasn't going to be G-rated. His mother doesn't like
drinking, so I don't think so!!!! What I did is what I advise
you to do. I told DH that it is his duty, as my DH, to take care
of his own parents. It is important that he learn how to do this
for you, because you are not the one who should be put in the
position to be dealing with his parents when something is not
right. Each person deals with their own parents. I would tell
your FDH to tell his mother to stay home for your bachelorette
party, because it's not for her eyes and ears. It's the night
for you and your girlfriends to get together and have a good time,
and not have to worry about what you say or talk about. Your
own mother shouldn't even be at your party. This is a good chance
to test the waters before you take the plunge, because a man who
can't stand up to his mother will let her walk all over you.
He doesn't have to be mean about it, he just needs to be honest
with her and tell her no, that it isn't appropriate. So, the
problem is whether your FDH will do his job as a husband for his
wife. Always remember that you come first to each other in a
marriage, and other family is secondary. Just make sure that
he respects you enough to tell his mother no when something bothers
you. The greatest piece of advice I'll leave you with is: Move,
and go where you want to go. Don't feel obligated to stay in
the same town or state as family. Take the road less traveled.
It's much more interesting, and it keeps the ILs from interfering.
Also, enjoy being married first, before you have children. , I
see a lot of unhappy young married couples who should be having
a romantic night out on the town, or seeing the world. Parents
who actually take time to accomplish things for themselves teach
their children not to be door mats, and to do the same.
RESPONSE: Future Bride Seeking MIL Advice
Wow. Sympathy! Your MIL sounds really insensitive. My MIL is
the same way. She just lazes around home with too much time on
her hands now that she no longer has a child to raise. She was
a real pain when we were first married, but we worked on "teaching
her how to treat us", i.e., not rewarding intrusive and rude
behavior. She has really backed off. My advice would be to always
be kind and polite, never outright rude, but don't ever be a martyr.
Don't do things that you don't want to do just to please her.
Don't let her think that you care so much about what she thinks
that you'll twist yourself into a pretzel trying to meet her demands.
Listen to yourself, and be true to yourself in what you do. If
you don't want to visit her, spend time with her, or invite her
over, DON'T. Pay attention to what you have a good feeling about.
She might eventually learn to behave better and to respect you
a little more. If she acts passive-aggressive and unpleasant
to you when you see her, avoid her for a while. When she does
something that strikes you as kind or decent, reward her with
sincere thanks and a smile. Reward her good behavior, don't reward
her bad behavior, be true to yourself, be kind and polite, but
never a doormat. That's my best advice! I look forward to reading
what other respondents have to say. Best wishes!
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