Today, at the visitation exchange
location (I have to transport there due to a mental condition
that my ex claims to have, and conveniently collects SSI for),
I was waiting and waiting for Hagatha. Finally, I called
my ex to find out where she was (I had an appointment at 5:30
back home - we live in different towns), and she was nowhere
to be found! She had forgotten!!!!! My ex abused
me during our relationship, and he is not allowed (by court
order) to do the visitation. Very few people are allowed
to transport (also by court order) due, in part, to the quality
of people (crack-heads, etc.) that my ex associates with.
My ex wanted to send his current, non-exclusive doormat (a.k.a.
girlfriend), and I did not want to have her come, as she is
not one of the transport people appointed by the court.
You have to understand that if you give an inch, they take a
mile. My ex then told me that I was mentally ill a few
times (now, remember, this problem runs in HIS family, and he
himself claims to have a MENTAL CONDITION, which is why I was
in that situation - TRANSPORTING - in the first place!!!!!!!).
So, my husband was pissed, and he called my ex to tell him that
he was not to talk to me like that. He ended up at my
husband's workplace, threatening him, and he almost got himself
thrown back in jail (he has done prison time in the past).
ALTHOUGH I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THE MOTHER IS ALWAYS TO BLAME,
HE IS THE RESULT OF HAGATHA'S UPBRINGING.
Signed - THANKS HAGATHA!
MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN SPAYED!!!!
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Please Seek Counseling
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Oh my goodness, this
is such a great site. I have needed a place to vent!!
My MIL has always disliked me, saying in so many words that I
took her son away from her. And, she says that I'll see
what she means when I get older (I have a son). She sends
me a birthday check (hey, not so bad), but she makes it obviously
less than my DH's. She talks badly about me with my SIL
- all kinds of stuff. My DH once wanted me to make him lasagna
for his birthday supper, and my MIL just HAD to prove that her
recipe was better, and she started fixing the whole thing.
When we told her that we were going to eat what I fixed, well,
you can imagine that there were tears and anger (over a birthday
supper, mind you). She said, "Well, I'm just not selfish
like everyone else!" I almost fell off my chair!
I was sort of laughing inside thinking about what kind of person
could actually say that they are "never" selfish.
Well, at least she's never called me derogatory names to my face,
yet! Oh, did I mention that she nags the he!! out of me
and my DH to move back "home" (of course, that's where
SHE lives, not where WE live). ARGGGGHHH. I never
guessed that this relationship would cause so much stress.
I guess that's why there is a site like this one.
Signed - Just Venting.
AAAHHHH.
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
I hope that this is
the last time that I need to release my feelings here. My
DH and I finally reached the breaking point over his parent's
treatment of us. They have been disrespectful and emotionally
abusive to us for years. We have now ceased visiting them
on their terms, and only meet on neutral territory. We had
a two hour discussion with them covering everything that has upset
us, and we have set new rules for all of our future interactions
with them. It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to
do, as I am not the confrontational type. I see now that
not confronting a painful issue does not make it go away.
It only delays the inevitable. In the end, my DH and I had
no choice but to confront our problem - his parents behavior around
us and our passiveness. I see now that it was selfish of
us not to make our feelings clear to them. The air has been
cleared between us, and I feel free to go about my business with
self-respect, knowing that I will expect nothing less from others.
If you make your feelings clear to others and they disrespect
what you have said, then you must keep trying with them.
Keep explaining how you feel about their behavior until they understand.
Sometimes, our own subtle signals of dissatisfaction do not register
on others, and one needs to be less subtle and more straight forward.
MY in-laws definitely appreciate us telling them what has upset
us, rather than just walking out of their lives. I have
had to change who I am in order to deal with my in-laws, but at
least they are still in our lives. I usually sign myself
"giving up", but I have come up with a new one.
Signed - Break Through
For All Of Us!
RESPONSE: Break Through For All Of Us!
You're one of the lucky ones - your MIL appreciates you telling
her how you feel. If many, MANY, of us were to do that, our MILs
would say that it was our fault, and the problems would be even
worse. I should know. DH tried this, and now my MIL talks extremely
bad about us. We have nothing to do with each other. It is kind
of nice, in a roundabout way, except for the lies that she spreads
about us.
My relationship with
my MIL has gone through many phases: Great, good, fair,
bad, really bad, rock bottom! We are at the point now, though,
where things seem to be getting better. I still have those
moments where she drives me crazy. She always asks for the
most expensive things for her birthday and Mother's Day.
And, she expects that each of her children and her spouse will
get her their own gift. DH has a sibling, and we often go
halves on gifts if they're pricey. Everything that MIL asked
for as a Mother's Day gift is over $100. FIL just started
working again after about 10 months of being laid off, so he doesn't
plan on pitching in any money! It drives me crazy - DH too!
My mom doesn't want us spending a lot of $$$. She'd rather
that we just come and see her and hang out a while. She
wants some things for her garden - that's it. DH is in the
culinary industry, and has to work on Mother's Day. I'm
waiting for the tantrum when she realizes that she won't see her
"baby" on Mother's Day!! Thank God that DH sees
how she is, and is always ready and willing to take a stand!!!
Signed - Need 2nd Job
to Buy MIL Gifts!
RESPONSE: Need 2nd Job to Buy MIL Gifts!
OMG!! Your situation is the mirror image of mine - down to the
fact that my DH is in the culinary industry. I have also gone
through several levels in my relationship with MIL, and she always
asks for pricey things for birthdays and holidays. DH didn't
stop by to see the queen almighty on Mother's Day because he got
out of work late. We celebrated with her a few days later, and,
needless to say, she was not happy!! Hang in there!!
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