MY husband and I have been married
3 years. One of the times that we separated, only a week
had passed, and he got put in jail. My MIL took his lover
(whom I later found out about) to go see him in jail.
Signed - Took His
Lover
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I met DP in the winter
of 2001. Things moved very quickly, and in August 2002 we
moved in together and decided to start a family. All was
well. DP's family made me welcome. However, I was
aware that there was a problem with DP's elder brother.
He was isolated from the family, as no one liked his wife.
In Feb 2002 we moved from our rented house, and bought a house
that was about a 15 minute walk from MIL. We also found
out that we were expecting a baby in October 2002. MIL visited
about once a week, helped us to get organized in the home, and
was really useful when we were decorating the living room, etc.
DP would speak to his mum once a day, and if we were going anywhere
in the car, we would invite her along (she doesn't drive) if we
felt that she would like to go. The arrangements were that
she would look after the baby once I returned to work. So,
all was well. Then, one day we got her a flat packed desk
and delivered it for her. DP said that he'd put it up for
her, and we went round to do the honors. By this time I
was 6 months pregnant. I helped DP (he was never very good
at DIY), but I had cramps and noticed that I was bleeding.
I'd had previous bleeds in the pregnancy. I knew that I
needed to go into hospital, where I would be admitted and monitored.
DP told his mum that we'd have to leave the desk for now.
He told her the reasons why, and she went ballistic - moaning
about how her bedroom was going to be untidy for ages now, and
how she needed this desk asap. She even suggested that I
go to hospital while DP finish the desk. That was when I
realized how selfish she is. DP's father became ill (his
mother and father were long divorced, but still remained in contact)
and we used to visit him in the hospital most evenings.
He had lung cancer, and we knew it wouldn't be long before he'd
pass away. The MIL came with us one evening at about 6pm
(visiting was 6-9) and she started moaning at 7pm that she needed
to get home to see her TV programs, and caused us to cut short
the visit. This happened several times. I gave birth
in October, and DP's father died on the day that our son was born.
Obviously, it was a tough time for everyone - but even tougher,
as we had a new baby. Once we got home, DP's mum visited.
And, when I was being examined by a midwife, she decided to rearrange
all my kitchen cupboards. We were very stressed out, and
had had very little sleep, so we asked her if she could come back
another time. I think that this was the last time she visited
when DP and I were home together. Because we had a new baby,
we didn't have time to organize flowers for the funeral.
We also knew that FIL wouldn't have wanted us to buy flowers.
Instead, we made a donation to lung cancer research for the same
amount that we would have spent on flowers. MIL said that
we'd taken the "cheap way out". Four weeks before
I was due to go back to work MIL rung and said that she'd decided
that she couldn't look after DS after all. This left us
desperately trying to organize childcare. And, in the end,
I had to postpone my return to work. I now work Mon-Thursday
and DP works Fri-Sun so that we can share childcare between us,
as we can't afford to pay for a minder. MIL did offer to
do it for 3 pounds an hour, but we politely declined. MIL
very rarely visits, despite being a very active 62 year old (who
walks miles round the shopping center most days) and only living
15 minutes away. Whenever she sees our DS, it is because
we have gone to her house. However, she smokes in her house
(like a chimney). And, despite being asked not to smoke
when DS is there, she continues to do so. She has minded
our DS once when I had a job interview, and he came home stinking
of cigarettes. Recently there was a family BBQ with MIL,
SIL and her DH. This was on a Saturday, so my DP couldn't
go. But, I didn't get an invite (previously, I had been
invited alone to family get-togethers). I spend most of
my weekends being bored, as I'm living in an unfamiliar area away
from my family and friends. My DP's family know this, but
they are still cold towards me. At his father's funeral,
my DP decided to start speaking to his brother again. MIL
went ballistic, accusing my DP of taking "his side",
etc. Obviously, my DP isn't entitled to an opinion of his
own. This row continues to be raised frequently, as my DP
now has fairly regular contact with his brother. Our DS
recently did a sponsored splash, and we asked MIL to sponsor -
thinking that she'd say 5 pounds or so. She said that she'd
sponsor him 2 pounds 50 pence, and moaned about how, as a pensioner,
she couldn't afford it, etc. She smokes a pack and half
of cigarettes a day. Cigarettes cost 5 pounds a pack.
She's not like a real GM to our DS - she rarely bothers with him
(she does see all her other GC regularly, and invites them to
stay, buys gifts, etc.). She never buys him little gifts,
as you'd expect from a GM. Most times when she calls DP,
she never asks about DS or me. I feel a lot better now that
I've got that all off of my chest. I know that my DS will
virtually grow up without a GM (my mother is in Canada, and we
are in the UK). But, he has me and my DP, and we love him
to pieces! Thanks for listening to my ramble.
Signed - We Love Him
To Pieces!
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
When I was expecting,
my DH's aunt was visiting us. She kept running around behind
me, demanding that I take a nap, as that is what pregnant women
do. She was a little shocked when I said, "I'm 36,
and can do whatever I damn well want." My DH was a
little mad, but he knew that crossing my line was not a good idea.
I also had gestational diabetes, which causes a lot of foods to
be crossed off the list. My DH's aunt could not begin to
comprehend a pregnant woman not eating for two, and started piling
food on my plate. I let the food sit on my plate until my
SIL picked it up and threw it into the trash. SIL is a nice
person, and she tried her best to tell aunt that I could not eat
the food on the plate. I don't think that the aunt ever
go it.
Signed - Not All Pregnant
Women Get To Eat For Two
RESPONSE: Not All Pregnant Women Get To Eat For Two
You sound very rude.
RESPONSE: Not All Pregnant Women Get To Eat For Two
If that's the worst treatment that you get, consider yourself
extremely lucky.
RESPONSE: Not All Pregnant Women Get To Eat For Two
Actually, NO pregnant woman should eat for two. A pregnant woman
only needs something like 300 extra calories a day. It is not
good to gain too much weight when one is pregnant.
RESPONSE: Not All Pregnant Women Get To Eat For Two
I can empathize with you! Though others mean well, the constant
nagging can be unbearable, especially to a pregnant woman. UGH!
I also had gestational diabetes. But, of course, I was blamed
completely for that, because I supposedly didn't take proper care
of myself. GRRRR! Sometimes it just happens!!!
Worst gift: I wish that
my MIL would stop bringing household things. I would like
to decorate my own house. First of all, I do not wish to
decorate anything in the house with PINK or bright green.
All she brings are some cheap, sloppy things that are not even
my taste. THANKS, but NO THANK YOU! How do you tell
a person that you have a totally different taste from her???
Don't they realize after not seeing their gifts out on the bathroom
counter, that I did not like them?? Also, what kind of a
person gives 3 different bathroom sets within 6 months (they totally
do not match one another), when there is only 1 bathroom to be
decorated?? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
Signed - Totally Different
Taste From Her
RESPONSE: Totally Different Taste From Her
Say thank you, and give the stuff away.
RESPONSE: Totally Different Taste From Her
Some people are not good at gifts, but you are not good at being
gracious. She is trying to share her taste with you, and you
are taking it the wrong way. Accept the gifts. They are not
mean or hateful. Simply box them up to donate later.
RESPONSE: Totally Different Taste From Her
Could you just be gracious about it and say,"Thanks"?
She's not HURTING you by giving you those things, is she? You
don't have to use them, or tell her what you did with them, but
you could be a kind, polite receiver when people give you gifts.
There's no law that says you have to keep and use them.
RESPONSE: Totally Different Taste From Her
You don't tell them. I am sure that your nearest charity shop
would be delighted to receive a constant flow of brand-new bathroom
items. My MIL's taste is nothing like mine either, but any revolting
ornaments or home adornments that she gives us go straight to
the church Christmas fair.
RESPONSE: Totally Different Taste From Her
I know just what you mean. My ILs keep bringing us presents of
pictures and wall hangings from THEIR holidays. Call me mad,
but why do I want a picture to remind me of their holiday? I
do have these kind of souvenirs on my walls, but from holidays
that my DH and I have taken together. In the past eight years,
they have taken 16 holidays, and we have received one of these
types of gifts from each holiday. Can you imagine how much wall
space that would take up? You'd think that they would have noticed
by now that we never put any of them up. I have tried hinting
that they could get DD a t-shirt, or something like that, instead!
No advice, but plenty of sympathy!!!
RESPONSE: Totally Different Taste From Her
My mother is the same way. Thank her for the gifts, but just
don't use them in your bathroom. She'll get the message. Also,
remember that you can use those items not only in the bathroom,
but in other areas of the home. A toothbrush holder can be used
as a flower vase (unless it's just a stand). Use the soap dish
in your laundry room at the laundry sink, in the kitchen, or outside
near a faucet - if you garden or have pets. Just think of creative
ways to use them anywhere but your bathroom. You can also change
the way they look by using decoupage. Remember, make lemonade
when given lemons!
RESPONSE: Totally Different Taste From Her
I do understand!!! I am recently married. DH and I moved across
the country with the service. I, prior to this, had a lot of
my own decor and furniture from my previous apartment. It's nice
stuff, too, not cr@p. MIL sent "him" an entire batch
of towels and kitchen accessories (farm chickens) that matched
hers, with a card that said, "Now you have a little bit of
home." He started hanging them up while I was biting my
tongue, but I did not do it for long. I have to say that I was
a little forward and blunt, but I wasn't having it. Farm chickens
are ludicrous to my taste, and it was stepping on my right as
the woman of that house to decorate our kitchen. I just grabbed
his hand and told him, "No," and that I had bought stuff
for our kitchen already, and that it didn't match his mother's
chickens. I told him straight out, but nicely, that it really
isn't cool to me that he is hanging up decor of his mother's kitchen
when she is not the woman in the house anymore, and that that
is my territory now. He didn't understand this. So, I told him
that I personally thought that they were tacky and not for our
age group, and if he wasn't ready to cut his apron strings with
mommy's kitchen and stop insulting me, I had no problem letting
my mother pick out our bedroom decor. I crushed him for a few
minutes, till he saw my point, and then he took them down. Sometimes,
you've got to be forward to save someone from bad taste (both
materialistically and mentally).
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