Just recently, my husband and
I, along with our children, visited FIL and SMIL. We had
a very good visit. I figured that, since SIL had found
out that we were there, she would pay us a visit just so she
could tell me that she thought it was wrong that my husband
and I would not let MIL see the children. My DH and I
have been married for over 8 years, and from the very beginning
I was treated with indifference. Throughout our marriage
I have been attacked by DH's siblings and MIL. After our
2nd year of marriage I became feed up with how I was being treated.
And, after speaking with my husband at great lengths, we cut
ties with MIL, BILs, and SILs. Thank goodness I have a
husband who saw right through his family's tactics. DH
and I have not spoken to MIL, the SILs or the BILs in 8 years
due to their constant attacks and harassment. MIL, BILs,
and SILs seem to think that just because I had children, it
cleared the slate, and that I have to have a relationship with
them because of the children. After MIL and SIL threatened
me regarding my children, I refused to even have my children
in their presence. MIL has the tendency to make threats
when she cannot "bully" others into doing what she
wants them to do. DH seems to think that his own mother
is "bipolar". So, if DH thinks this way, I am
going to listen to what he has to say. Both of DH's sisters
have well documented cases of mental illness, and they have
both been treated in a hospital setting. I feel that I
would be absolutely nuts to let my children be associated with
people who cannot even deal with everyday life. MIL has
told DH, on several occasions, that she hates me. Well,
I let MIL know that if you hate me, you hate a part of my children,
because they are a part of me. MIL also let both DH and
me know that she did not give a damn about us, but she wants
us to let her see her grandchildren. DH let her know that,
since she cannot respect him or his wife, he will not bring
his children into a household of chaos. DH's husband grew
up with a lot of chaos in his home. He lived with MIL,
and when he left for college, he vowed never to return.
But, I have been made the scapegoat, because she has decided
to get a case of "selective amnesia", and she denies
that she has a part in any wrongdoing. SILs are two "old
maids" who cannot mind their own business. They have
tried to interfere in our marriage. But, my DH let them
both know that his wife is not married to them. During
my fist pregnancy, I had to endure harassing phone calls from
DH's older sister. After DH heard many of these calls,
he decided that my older SIL was no longer welcome into our
home. MIL even had the nerve to tell SMIL that she did
not care what DH or I had to say, she is going to get her grandchildren
for the entire summer. All I said to that was, "Over
my dead body!" I cannot see where MIL even got this
idea, because I haven't spoken to her in years, and I will never
trust her with the well-being of my children. This is
the same woman who did not even show up to her own grandchild's
baby shower. But, she has bent over backwards to make
sure that she is there for BIL's new wife. DH says that
I do not owe MIL anything, and that I do not have to worry about
her for any reason. This is how sick MIL is - she has
the nerve to call my mother and father to try and get them to
side with her. DH and I had to file a police report against
MIL because she was coming to our state of residence, uninvited,
and driving up and down my parent's street trying to catch us
at my parent's home. Needless to say, she did not listen
to my father when he told her not to come or call his home.
Thank goodness DH is on my side.
Signed - She's Out
of My Life!
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After seven years of
marriage, I thought that things were getting better with MIL -
until the birth of DD2. When DH and I announced our engagement,
she made me cry. For a few years it was rocky. She
used to call me "little missy" or "little sister".
But, by the time DD1 was born, things were much smoother (even
though I didn't think it was right that she decided that her grandkids
were going to call her something else besides "grandma").
Now, it's changed, and she does not want to spend time with my
DD2, even though she was very close to DD1, and used to baby-sit
her one day a week so that we could save money on daycare.
We announced our second pregnancy right before the birth of BIL's
first child, a girl, and MIL got upset that "another one"
was coming so soon. She doesn't keep my girls anymore, but
now she watches BIL's DD. When DH asked her if she would
like to keep our girls at all, she got upset and asked why my
family couldn't, and said that she felt like we were using her.
She seemed to truly enjoy her days with DD1. My family works
full time, so no one is available to baby-sit during the work
week. My BIL's wife's family is able to do a lot more for
them (BIL married "up", and DH married "down"),
so MIL feels like it's okay to do for them too. Right before
DD2 was born she tried to back out of her agreement to keep DD1
while I was in the hospital, since no one in my family wanted
to do it. Well, to be honest, my parents are divorced.
One sister and her DD live with my mother, and another sister
lives with my father. My family is just too mixed up, so
I wasn't comfortable having DD1 stay with them while I was doing
something as stressful as giving birth. So, MIL and FIL
kept DD1 for the 2 days that I was in the hospital, but they dropped
her off within 30 minutes of when we got home, and then left.
We didn't see them for a week. That's when things changed
with MIL and my kids. She said that she wanted to be the
special grandma, not the one whom the kids see all the time.
Well, to me, my special grandma is the one I saw all the time!
And, now we live down the street from them, and they come by for
about 20 minutes, once or twice a month. I understand that
some favoritism is expected in families. When BIL's DD was
born, MIL and FIL were in the hospital waiting room. They
were so worried about them, because SIL was being induced (and
she was fine). When I was induced 2 years earlier, they
didn't come until the next day (fine by me, but ). Neither
did they come during my labor with DD2 (not that I wanted them
to, but). I had suffered a hemorrhage with DD1, and no one
was worried! When BIL's wife went back to work part time
after her maternity leave, everyone thought it was wonderful.
Her family is well to do, and they take care of them too.
BIL and SIL have no daycare expenses because SIL's family is able
to help. And, MIL helps. When I got the opportunity
to work part time and attend graduate school after DD2 was born,
we had to learn how to get by. This stressed DH out for
a while, and once he mentioned it to MIL. She went off on
him, and said that I needed to forget about graduate school and
go back to work full time (also incurring full time daycare costs,
since we have no family to help us out). DH finally straightened
her out about that, I think. It was the first time that
he's actually done that. Now, I feel like keeping her grandkids
away from her, but I know that it is wrong, and I haven't been
doing that. To make matters worse, I've got this bugging
me from a year ago when MIL and FIL offered us (and BIL's family)
money for a down payment on a house/land. FIL told us that
we could have it if we promised buy/build in a certain area.
FIL knew that I really liked a piece of land in an another area,
and he specifically said that it could not be in that area.
DH and I fought over that one, but I ended up giving in, because
I thought that it might lead us to divorce. Now, we live
in a house that we bought from MIL and FIL! Why, why, why?
And, I regret not passing up that money and moving where I wanted
to (and, now DH tells me that he wouldn't have divorced me).
I'm coming to the conclusion that MIL and FIL are somewhat controlling!
I've promised myself and both of my DDs that I'm going to embrace
their children, and not try to set up some scheme like my MIL.
Signed - Frustrated
Momma
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Worst gift: For the
1st Christmas that we were married, one of the gifts MIL and FIL
gave me was a sexy red teddy and a pair of red thong underwear.
Even DH was creeped out by it, especially when MIL said that FIL
had helped pick it out.
Signed - Grossed Out
DIL
RESPONSE: Grossed Out DIL
Urrgghhh. That is SICK, SICK, SICK!
RESPONSE: Grossed Out DIL
That is one sick family. I hope that DH said something to them,
and that you returned it.
RESPONSE: Grossed Out DIL
LOL! I am sorry, but when I read this I could just imagine the
look on your faces! What did you say?? "Thanks for the
gift, you bunch of pervs." Wierdos.
RESPONSE: Grossed Out DIL
Oh, Lord. You poor thing! How many times on this site have we
heard posts like this? Yuck, yuck, yuck! What is it with ALL
the MILs who have given us this kind of thing? My MIL totally
turned me off by not only giving me lingerie, but giving me HER
OLD lingerie, with a coy wink and a nudge (so to speak). She
told me how sexy she used to be in it, but how, because (coyly)
she was very slim, it might not fit ME. Wow, THANKS. Well, I
kept it and treasure it to this day (NOT!!!!). I can't believe
how many DILs have posted very similar stories. Well, one thing
is for sure - I bet NONE of us who read this will EVER give our
DILs lingerie - new or used!
My husband of 7 years
confessed to me, one day, that he had been visiting prostitutes
for years. For the last few years we have been struggling
with our marriage and finances (do you know how much hookers cost
on a regular basis? And I was clipping coupons for groceries
like mad!), and I had been investing a huge amount of energy and
time trying to hold things together. We were in counseling,
and I was reading books and really just bending over backwards
(because it was, of course, according to him and his family, all
my fault and responsibility that things weren't going well and
he was unhappy), only to find out that he was holding back this
major bit of information for years. I felt completely betrayed
and angry, and I was worried about my health as a result of his
activities. Luckily, I was fine, and I immediately divorced
him. During the divorce, his mother called me to check on
how I was doing, to be supportive, and to tell me how embarrassed
and upset she was and so on. All really nice stuff.
Then, she told me that she knew I would stop the divorce proceedings
because I'm a Christian woman, and I must forgive DH. I
told her that I wasn't stopping anything, and maybe some day I'd
deal with forgiveness, but right then I was just concentrating
on myself and moving forward with my life. She then raged
on and on about how I must forgive DH, and how I'm ruining the
family by causing the first divorce in it, and how I must have
"made" him go see hookers by being a bad wife, blah,
blah, blah. I listened for a bit, and then told her that
if she wanted to blame someone for her son's bad life choices,
she should look to him and not at me. Or, better yet, she
should look at herself, since she raised the big, lying pervert.
I told her I was counting myself lucky, and moving on. She
told me that I was being selfish. And, then I hung up.
I haven't really spoken with her or any of that family since.
I did move on with my life - things are good, I'm happy, and it
was the best thing that I ever did.
Signed - Living Well
Is The Best Revenge
RESPONSE: Living Well Is The Best Revenge
I TOTALLY agree with you. Your MIL was way out of line. Good
thing you used your own head.
RESPONSE: Living Well Is The Best Revenge
I hope that everything works out for you. I'm very happy with
the ending. Good luck!!!
RESPONSE: Living Well Is The Best Revenge
Good for you! What a refreshing story - one with a happy ending!
I would not forgive the loser, either. Cut your losses and move
on - you go girl!
RESPONSE: Living Well Is The Best Revenge
Good for you! That must have been scary wondering if you had
caught something. I am glad that you did not bow down to your
ex-MIL's evil guilt trips. Sheesh!
RESPONSE: Living Well Is The Best Revenge
My response would have been, "If you were a Christian woman,
you would have read the part where adultery is grounds for divorce,
even in God's eyes." Is she better than God? I think not.
Good for you!
RESPONSE: Living Well Is The Best Revenge
Reading your story put a big smile on my face. I hope that you
can inspire a few of the other women here who are finding themselves
in horrible marriages that cannot be fixed. Life does go on and
it is often better. Good for you!
RESPONSE: Living Well Is The Best Revenge
You did the right thing! Your former partner was the individual
in the wrong. No one can "make" anyone do anything
(in response to why he chose, "chose" being the operative
word here, to go to hookers). As far as the comment from your
MIL about your being "a good Christian woman" and, therefore,
would not go through with a divorce, well, had she raised "a
good Christian man" as a son, none of this would have happened,
now would it? You did the right thing!
RESPONSE: Living Well Is The Best Revenge
Does this woman know that repentance and forgiveness go hand in
hand? A person has to truly want to change and be forgiven.
That comment about being a bad wife (that you made her son go
to prostitutes) is totally rude. A man can be married to a total
hottie celebrity, and still stray. Glad things are going better
for you now.
RESPONSE: Living Well Is The Best Revenge
Wow, good for you!! Not only for getting rid of a man who doesn't
respect you, but moving forward and bettering yourself. If your
horrible MIL ever contacts you again, be sure to tell her that
it was her own son who was performing unchristian acts, including
committing adultery. The sanctity of marriage was ruined the
moment that he took his first prostitute. Divorce must have been
a very hard decision, but I applaud you!
RESPONSE: Living Well Is The Best Revenge
Hooray for you!! It must have been a shattering experience finding
out that while you were scrimping and saving, your ex was blowing
it all on, well, you know. Many congratulations for taking control
of your own life and throwing the pathetic lowlife out on his
ear. He can live with his precious moommmeee, instead.
RESPONSE: Living Well Is The Best Revenge
Good for you. This same scenario happened to my aunt after 12
years of marriage. Her DH had been seeing the same prostitute
for a period of years. He never confessed, but my aunt found
out. My aunt's MIL and SILs did the same thing that your MIL
is doing to you. My aunt's MIL preached forgiveness, and love
and all this crappola. Just brutal. Unfortunately, there were
more betrayals that my aunt found out about even after the divorce.
If someone can be deceitful for 7 or 12 years of marriage about
one thing, then you can best be sure that it is happening about
a lot of things. Good for you for moving on. That pervert could
have given you a disease. I hope that there were no kids involved,
only because this makes even a cleaner break for you. Thank you
for leaving him. We need more women like you to stand up for
what marriage should be - one of complete honesty and total respect.
Good luck, and tell MIL to go fly a kite.
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