I have the mother of all MIL HELL
STORIES! Ok, where to start? Since the day I got engaged
to her son, this woman has made it her mission to make my life
he!!! I swear, this woman is psycho. Anyway, let me
tell you my wedding story. About a month before my wedding,
my SIL announced that she was going to get married as well, and
that her wedding was to be two weeks after my wedding. OK,
fine, I was happy for her. But, a week before my wedding,
my MIL called and asked if my crinoline (that I was wearing with
my wedding dress) would fit in her suitcase. See, SIL was
getting married out of town. I said, "Why would my
crinoline need to fit in YOUR suitcase?" She said that
SIL needed one for her wedding. Well, then fine, go BUY
HER ONE. I was not about to give this girl my crinoline,
since she didn't even have the gall to call and ask me for it
herself. MIL didn't even ask me if she could use it, she
just assumed. Well, I told her that it would NOT fit in
her suitcase because it wasn't going with her. It would
not have fit my SIL anyway. Well, we got over that, and
on the day of the wedding she called me in the morning, two hours
before I was to get married, and said, "Well, I was going
to wear my pastel blue dress to the wedding, but I got something
on it and I HAVE to wear my red lace dress." OK, I
had a pastel wedding, and knew that she was going to stick out
like a sore thumb. And, to add insult to injury, she showed
up wearing the red dress with some WHITE, casual walking sandals
(they were HIDEOUS). I realized that she was the one who
was going to look like a jerk, so I just let it go. In all
of our wedding pictures she sticks out like a sore thumb, her
dress was made of BRIGHT RED LACE.?! She saw me before the
ceremony and started complaining about how bad she was hurting,
blah, blah, blah, and she tried to make me feel bad and bring
me down. I said to her, "Look, this is my wedding day,
and I am not going to deal with your pettiness right now."
SO, the wedding was supposed to start, and she forgot that she
was supposed to be escorted in, and she kind of caused a scene.
The first part of the wedding went pretty smoothly, and I was
sooooooooo happy that I was marrying this wonderful man.
During the unity candle ceremony she wasn't paying attention,
and the minister had to announce twice that she needed to come
up and light the taper candle. She made a "DRAMATIC"
walk up there, complaining the entire time, and brought FIL with
her (he was NOT supposed to be up there). During the receiving
line she said that she couldn't stand there anymore, and had to
make a scene to get a seat. By this time I was just ignoring
her, because I knew that she was trying to ruin our wedding day.
Right before the reception was to begin, she realized that my
BIL didn't bring his son to the wedding because the son said that
he didn't want to come, but she had to make it a big deal and
LEAVE our reception to go pick him up. SO, she wasn't there
for the introductions, the toasts, first dances, etc. When
my husband and I snuck outside to have a "quiet moment",
she came blasting in and started going off on me saying that "BIL's
son said that you didn't even tell him about the wedding, blah,
blah, blah." I said, "LOOK LADY, he DID know,
and he told his dad that he wasn't coming to the wedding or reception.
If he told his dad not to pick him up, then I have nothing to
do with it." I was so aggravated at this point that
I was about ready to tell her just to leave for good! She
did her best to ruin the entire day for us! If she is NOT
the center of attention, she is NOT happy. Oh, and during
the middle of our reception she approached my other SIL, who was
also a bridesmaid, and asked her to "get" my bouquet
for her so that she could take it and use for HER own wedding.
That was the absolute LAST STRAW! I was surprised that she
didn't ask for the underwear that I wore to MY wedding.
She wanted everything that I was using that day! HOW RUDE.
You really had to be there to see what all that this woman did
in order to totally understand. But, man, I really wish
that they would move out of the COUNTRY!
Signed - Wishing MIL
Would Move Overseas!
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Worst gift: Okay.
While leaving MIL's house on Christmas Eve, she wanted me to have
a door hanging that had been given to her. It was one of those
"Merry Christmas" types. I usually hang something
for each season, so this was not bad at all. That is, except
for the fact that she KEPT saying, "I WOULD NEVER HANG THIS!!!"
She continued to say that she had to give it to me because it was
tasteless and she KNEW that I would like it. Unfortunately,
I had not had enough drinks to deal with her and was heartbroken.
Signed - More Where This
Came From
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Worst gift: It was not
my MIL, but for Christmas this year my friend's mom got a cemetery
plot from her MIL for Christmas. What is that supposed to
mean?!?!?
Signed - What Is That
Supposed To Mean?!?!?
RESPONSE: What Is That Supposed To Mean?!?!?
She might want to "regift" her with the plot, explaining
to her MIL that she (the MIL) would most likely have opportunity
to use it a long time before she would!
RESPONSE: What Is That Supposed To Mean?!?!?
Actually, a cemetery plot is a very common gift in some families.
Essentially, this MIL was offering a final resting place for her
DIL in their family plot, acceptance into her family for all eternity.
Insulting would have been to offer only her son and not DIL a cemetery
plot, separating the couple in death. While it's not a common gift
in my family (and I don't want it to be, since both DH and I want
to be cremated), it's not necessarily an insult.
Are any of you shy people
who need a certain amount of privacy, and yet you have in-laws who
always seem angry with you for not doing more to meet their needs?
I've become very depressed by that. I would love to be supportive
of my in-laws, but their demands (social and otherwise) seem far
beyond what I can sincerely meet. Have any of you managed
to deal with this without either totally selling out, or becoming
really depressed? It's gotten to the point where I literally
can't get enough of not seeing these people, and I've totally given
up on meeting ANY of their needs. I feel sad, sorry, threatened,
and guilty. Have any of you been in this position and found
a workable solution that minimizes bad feelings and resentment?
Signed - Sad DIL
RESPONSE: Sad DIL
Yes. Grow a spine and refuse to see them on any terms but your
own.
RESPONSE: Sad DIL
Come up with a visitation schedule that would be comfortable for
you, and then work towards meeting it. My MIL used to come over
every week until we started slowly whittling it down. She now visits
every 6 weeks, and it's much better for me. Don't drive yourself
crazy - do something!!
RESPONSE: Sad DIL
You are not obligated in ANY way to meet their needs, regardless
of what those needs are! You only need to meet the needs of yourself,
your spouse, and your children (if you have any). Participate in
things that you enjoy, but don't allow pushy people to run your
life. You only have control over what you do! It might be hard
to refuse, but you can't control their reactions to your refusal,
and you need to consider your needs before theirs. God bless you,
and good luck!
RESPONSE: Sad DIL
It's hard to know exactly what needs you are referring to, but I
think that you should just be yourself. I am a shy, private person
who can entertain herself with books, cleaning, cooking, etc. My
ILs, however, have no hobbies and cannot get through a day without
hanging around other people, or having someone do something for
them. The only needs that you have to meet are your own and your
DH's. The others can just adjust to that.
RESPONSE: Sad DIL
I have been in the same situation with my ILs. I got to the point
where I had to put a stop to the demands of my time. They tried
the guilt trip and a whole list of other things. None of which
worked. My advice to you is to not feel guilty about getting your
needs met, even if it means seeing less of your in-laws. Bottom
line - they don't respect your needs. Why should you respect theirs?
It sounds harsh, but if you do what you need to do for yourself,
you will feel better. You can't make others happy, and the more
demands they place on you, the more they expect. Personally, I
see my in-laws very seldom and only when I have to. And, I am much
happier now.
RESPONSE: Sad DIL
Look, tell your DH that you are not comfortable going to all these
events and that they end up making you feel stressed, wrung out,
whatever. Point out to him that when you get all stressed, he ends
up catching the results of your bad mood, and that you really hate
to do that to him. So to keep your own sanity and good feelings,
and so that you can be the lovely, warm, caring and supportive woman
whom he married, he is just going to have to attend some of these
events alone. Tell him to tell you which events are most important
(Christmas, Easter, etc.), and that you'll be there (try to be specific).
But he's just going to have to attend without you and he will have
to deal with his parents (explain why you're not there). Point
out that he should give them a nice, positive excuse for you, because,
otherwise, they're going to be upset with you, and that's just going
to add to your stress. That, in turn, will just decrease the number
of "family" outings you'll be able to attend the next
year. Be nice. Be direct. And don't apologize. This is something
that you need. Would you apologize for needing air or food? And
most of all - BE the happy, loving, supportive woman, whom he married,
when he gets home.
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