Worst gift: My MIL gave
me a mixing bowl set. She made it for me herself.
One day, while she was visiting our home, my sister came over
to visit also. My older sister, who is very selfish, greeted
MIL and commented on how much she liked my mixing bowl set.
My MIL was flattered. My sister said, "I'd like to
have it and you could make my sister another set."
My MIL agreed. IN MY OWN HOME MY MIL GAVE MY MIXING BOWL
SET TO MY SISTER. Oh, and if you would like to know why
I was so hurt, MIL rarely gives me anything, especially without
justification. An important point, I might add, is how she
made my set. She (YOU CAN TOO - she does not have a patent
on it, YET) took four empty bleach bottles and cut off the handles
and tops all the way around. She rinsed them, and presto!
A brand new four piece mixing bowl set. I think she rinsed
them.
Signed - AM I LOVED,
OR WHAT?!
0
1
0
Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
Continue on Message
Board
My wife and I have been
married for almost 10 years, and my MIL still tries to control our
lives and our children. Just recently, we announced that we
would be buying our first home. It was no surprise that she
told the parents of the children who attend her home daycare (she
does daycare with her mother) that she will be keeping those children
that she has room for after we move our daycare to our new home.
Her assertion is that if the child started in her home, she gets
first dibs. What she does not know is that her lying and manipulation
of us, as well as the daycare parents, has resulted in almost all
of the parents wanting to move to our house when we buy. To
top it all off, my BIL is moving his son to our house as well.
She is one of those mothers who offers to do stuff "out of
the goodness of her heart", and then throws it back in our
faces when we do something to interrupt her little black and white
world.
Signed - My MIL Is Such
A Deer I Can't Wait For The Season To Open
0
1
0
Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
Continue on Message
Board
I am engaged to be married
in 2 months. In the beginning, his family seemed very happy
with the engagement. But, they recently have made my life
he!!. They say that their son is not visiting them enough
because of me. We both work, and he works shifts that change
frequently. So we have very little free time to see each other.
The final straw was today when I called the reception location to
confirm a few items and found out that his grandmother had called
and canceled the reception. My fiancé is upset, but
he does not want to confront his family. He says, "His
grandmother is just eccentric." He is presently renting
an apartment from his grandmother, and after everything that has
happened, I can't live there. He is not supporting me in this.
Should I call it off?
Signed - Call It Off?
RESPONSE: Call It Off?
Don't do it. Keep up the good fight. I do, and confrontation helps.
RESPONSE: Call It Off?
You are ASKING if you should call it off?
RESPONSE: Call It Off?
Yes.
RESPONSE: Call It Off?
Yes, you should call it off. It won't get better. If he doesn't
value you above them, you're marrying his family, not him.
RESPONSE: Call It Off?
You might, at least, postpone the wedding until he grows a spine.
Now is when you may see what he is really looking for in a wife,
too. If he is looking for a doormat, kick him back to his "eccentric"
GM.
RESPONSE: Call It Off?
Before you get in a bad scene, you might want to have a talk with
him and find out who is more important. The actions you describe
are pushing the bounds of bad taste. He needs to confront them,
and you need to confront him. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Call It Off?
Absolutely call it off, or at least delay it indefinitely. You're
not only marrying him, you're marrying his family and all their
issues. If DH is spineless in something like this (from the very
get-go), he will be that way when you get married. You can't change
that. Only he can.
RESPONSE: Call It Off?
You need to confront the GM about canceling the reception. Talk
to the reception coordinator, they should have called you to confirm
that it was really canceled. If you decide to go through, let them
know that you, and only you, are the person who is authorized to
make changes. This sounds like a woman who knows what she is doing,
so hold her accountable for her actions. Your fiancé should
be a bit concerned that his grandmother is trying to wreck his wedding.
If he is not, that says a lot.
RESPONSE: Call It Off?
This will be your future. If he can't stand up for himself now,
it is going to be a long (if ever) time before he does. I can't
believe that a reception hall would cancel an event without hearing
it from the person who rented it in the first place. It seems like
that should be illegal. Read the message boards, I am sure you
will see yourself and the "new" family. What makes you
think that your life will be any different? Good luck.
RESPONSE: Call It Off?
If you truly love this man and he loves you, why would you want
to call it off? Why not, instead, do this: For anything related
to the wedding (catering, rentals, etc.), use passwords. Make it
a password that only the two of you know, and tell the services
you use that unless one of you calls with the password, they are
NOT to change a thing. Make sure that you get them to put that
in writing. As for renting an apartment from his GM, I would say
that it is best to start looking for a new place. It is better
to pay a bit more or get a little less space than to have to put
up with her intrusive behavior, which is bound to get worse once
you move in together.
I just recently had a
blowout with my MIL. I am not married, but I have lived with
my boyfriend for over two years. We have a baby together who
is 8 months old, and he has two other children (8 and 12) who live
with us, too. My MIL comes up to stay with us for a week every
4-6 weeks. Way too much! She and her son are very close.
Before I moved in with my boyfriend, she had been living with him
and taking care of his two children while he worked. When
I came along, she ended up going back home to her place (she lives
5 hours away). I think that she has always resented me for
coming into her son's life. Anyway, she is single, does not
work, lives on a fixed income, does not drive, and does not have
any friends with whom she does anything. The only time that
she gets out of the house is if her family visits her. It
seems like anything that I say to her gets taken the wrong way.
She is very easily offended, and is constantly watching every move
I make with my stepchildren and my own child. If she ever
does have a problem with me, she does not talk to me about it.
She goes to her son and tells him, and that puts him in the middle.
But, his mom can do no wrong in his eyes, so he always accuses me
of doing something wrong and needing to make up with his mom.
This last weekend, she let everything build up, and she went off
on me. She told me that she has never been able to stand me,
and that it is not his fault that he ended up with someone like
me. I love my boyfriend and all of our kids very much, but
I can't take anymore! I wrote a letter to her trying to explain
how I feel and trying to make peace, but I don't know if it will
help. I don't want to see our relationship break up over this,
but I am at my wit's end! I can't take her coming to visit
too much! I know that she wants to be close with her grandchildren,
but where do I draw the line? Someone please give me some
advice, because I am afraid that if this situation is not resolved,
our family will be torn apart! Please help!
Signed - At My Wit's
End!
RESPONSE: At My Wit's End!
Have you thought about secretly videotaping your home while she
is there?
RESPONSE: At My Wit's End!
You say that you love your BF. It's obvious that he loves his mother
more than you. See a lawyer to arrange child support, and move
on.
RESPONSE: At My Wit's End!
First of all, letter writing is a bad idea. A letter is something
that she can show the whole family, and save forever. She can take
it out time and time again to get mad at you all over again. How
do I know? My MIL sent me hate mail a few years ago (I call it
hate mail, she believes it to be her "feelings" - gag
me). I still have the letters. I can take them out and hate her
all over anytime I want. I can prove to my friends and family,
if I like, what kind of person she is. Something in writing can
be misunderstood and taken out of context depending on the mood
of the reader. Be careful! I tactfully and honestly responded
to her letters - in writing. Guess what? She showed the whole
family what a "b!tch" I am by writing these things. She
neglected to tell that she threw the first stone, and that I was
just responding Confront her face to face. It may be hard, but
it's worth it.
RESPONSE: At My Wit's End!
Your issue is really not about your MIL. It's about your BF. You
say that his mother puts him in the middle, but he willingly lets
her do so. Why is he not with his older children's mother? I would
bet that she had very similar problems to what you are having.
If this is correct, I doubt that he or his mother will change.
In order to make a relationship work, both partners need to work
on it. And, that means that you both need to support each other.
You need to talk with him about this issue, and counseling may even
be a good idea. Good luck.
RESPONSE: At My Wit's End!
Ok, look, your BF needs to just go ahead and marry his mother, because
she obviously is the woman in his life, which is super pathetic.
You need to bring certain things to light with your BF, like the
fact that he's a big momma's boy, and that he needs to realize the
strain that he puts on you when he lets his mother stay for a week,
about every month and a 1/2, so that she can stand over you nit-picking
at your way of parenting. Even if those kids are her grandkids,
she does not belong in that house that much, nor should she be making
comments to you where he then asks you to kiss his mother's @ss
for forgiveness. I would have broken my foot off in your BF's @Ss
a long time ago if he ever told me that. How in the he!! did you
get that far with a guy who lived with mom and acts as though she
is the GF. You need counseling, and you need to tell the counselor
everything that you said in your entry. Your BF needs to be woken
up because he is a no balls, momma's boy. If he lets his mother
call and say nasty things to you, and he doesn't stand up for you,
and yet you stay with him, then I think you deserve each other.
This guy doesn't even sound like he had the balls to marry you and
put you first. I wonder what happened with the first mother of
the other two children.
RESPONSE: At My Wit's End!
I can relate to your story - here is mine. I have been married
for 8 years. We moved to another state to get away from our families.
His mother ended up living with us, because she wanted out of the
city that we were living in, and I guess she is scared to live back
in her old home town. She was supposed to only stay with us until
she could get on her feet. That was 1 1/2 years ago. I am going
crazy. DH's job has him out of town a lot. When he does come into
town, we have no "alone" time, because she is there in
our faces! I planned a couple of romantic evenings for us, and
she ruined them by coming home to see him, because she heard that
he was coming to town. We don't have any type of normal marriage.
She has us crowded in our apartment. I have told DH to ask her
to move out, and that she was driving me crazy. He makes no comments
at all. I refuse to have her run me out of my own place. I don't
know how to make her leave. She doesn't pay rent or help with any
bills, and it is financially straining us. She doesn't realize
it. I would love to know a good way to get her out. This is just
the half of it. She complains about my cat all the time. I allowed
her cat in my home, and her cat always was harassing my cat. She
claimed that she was allergic to MY cat (one cat). She said that
I needed to find a home for my cat, and that my cat was sick. I
paid someone $50 to take her cat off. I told her that I found a
home for her cat, since there was never a deposit paid for her cat
at the apartment, and it had not had it's shots. Then, she kept
hinting about my cat. I told her that my cat was there to stay.
But she has been making comments about how she will be staying with
us for 2 1/2 more years until she can pay off her car - so she can
get out of debt. Lately, I've had to restrain myself from hitting
her with a skillet! I am losing it! How do I get her to move out?
Hubby isn't helping. It is not my place to kick her out. What
am I to do? Losing it!
RESPONSE: At My Wit's End!
First, let me tell you that life is too short, OK? If your boyfriend
doesn't stick up for you, and MIL is so nasty and has never liked
you from the beginning, then quit while you are ahead. I would
be placing some ultimatums here. I have a feeling that you have
become your BF's new baby-sitter for his two kids. Challenge him,
or leave him. Good luck.
RESPONSE: At My Wit's End!
Why would you agree to the situation with his mother in the first
place? If your relationship breaks up now, everyone loses. You,
him, and particularly the children who had no say in these arrangements
at all. You and your boyfriend should go to counseling to deal
with the problem of his mother, and also figure out where your relationship
is going.
RESPONSE: At My Wit's End!
Your problems with MIL are only part of the problem. The main issues
are with your BF. You have a child together? Have the two of you
discussed marriage? To be absolutely blunt, you have no power here,
except to leave. MIL resents you, BF doesn't back you, and you
don't have the ring - you don't really have a leg here. I'm sorry,
but the only thing you can do is tell him that he either needs to
put you and his child FIRST, or you are not going to play second
banana any longer, and you will leave. Mean it, and do it if you
have to. Evil MILs live forever, and if you don't get the upper
hand now, you'll have a long life of her meddling to look forward
to.
RESPONSE: At My Wit's End!
Ask your BF to attending counseling with you. I think that it's
unreasonable for her to visit so often and to stay with you for
a week. Maybe you can get it cut down to one week per quarter.
I couldn't live like that, but I understand that you love him and
all the children. Good luck.
Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
DISCLAIMER: All advice on this website is for informational
and entertainment purposes only. All responses are from reader submissions
unless specifically noted otherwise (such as Dr. Terri Apter advice page).
We do not endorse any of the advice. We provide it to you as a service.
We can neither guarantee the soundness of the advice, nor make any claims
as to the outcome of following this advice. We provide it for your
entertainment only. Should you choose to follow any of the advice,
it is solely at your own risk. This is not intended to substitute
for obtaining advice from appropriate sources and/or professional counseling.
We recommend you consult an appropriate professional, counselor, and/or
a trusted advisor before taking any action based on this advice.
B A Squared, LLC and www.motherinlawstories.com make no representations or
guarantees regarding any information dispensed on this site.
Your privacy is important to us. Click here to view our
Privacy Policy.
