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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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July 19, 2003
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Worst gift: You think
that your presents from your MILs are bad? How about receiving
a bag of used underwear and bras from your MIL's friend?
I sent them right back to her. If she wanted to do something
nice, she could have bought one pair of nice undies instead!
Signed - Not That Desperate
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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Worst gift: I was married
in the fall of 2002, and my sisters gave me a beautiful bridal shower
during the summer before the wedding. I was the first person
in my family to register. It is a great idea, and people will
buy you what you really want. Well, not my dear MIL and SIL
(they couldn't afford their own gift, so they had to put their name
on hers). She decided to buy us a 7 quart mixer with a blender
attachment (mind you, so there is currently only two of us).
This thing is larger than the one they use on TV cooking shows (when
they cook for the whole audience). Mind you, I did not even
have a mixer on my registry. This thing is so tremendous,
it does not fit on a counter or in a cabinet. She was so proud
of this that she insisted I open it last. When I did, I loudly
said, "This wasn't on my registry." She replied,
"I know, but it is great. You can use it so much (that's
right, because my name is Betty Crocker), and DH can buy you all
the attachments." Yeah, like that is what I want from
DH for my birthday or Christmas. I still have it in the box,
and I am considering returning it. Needless to say, this is
the only thing that she has ever given me in the three years that
I have been with DH. I feel so loved!!!
Signed - 7 Quarts
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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Am I overreacting?
Someone let me know. My MIL is the needy type. My DH
is the type who doesn't want to piss off his mother for any reason
at all, even if she needs to hear the truth. Whenever MIL
disrespects me, he doesn't say anything to her about it. She's
self-centered. If it's not done her way, all he!! breaks loose.
DH only calls MIL when I'm not around. MIL talks to DH in
a baby voice. When DH and I were deciding on our baby's name,
I told MIL that it was going to be one name at first, but then we
decided on another name. She screamed, "Well, I like
the first name!" I wanted to choke her. Three weeks
after I had the baby, MIL told me that my cheeks were fat, in front
of DH's whole family. She said that the reason my baby had
gas in the beginning was because I didn't know how tight to place
the bottle cap on. This was all in front of my DH, and he
didn't say a word! He tried to ignore everything. In
addition to that being on my mind, my DH is different than he was
when we got married 4 years ago. He WAS very romantic, bought
me lots of things, constantly told me that he loved me, all that
good stuff. Now, there is no romance, no flowers, no cuddling,
no massages, no hugs, no nothing. DH gives me the silent treatment
sometimes, which hurts very badly. I feel like I'm losing
the love for him that I once had. I've talked to him about
it, but no changes have taken place. Although he has promised,
time and time again, that things will change. I refuse to
see MIL, or even talk to her, until she respects me. I can't
take it anymore. What should I do?
Signed - Fed Up!!!!!
RESPONSE: Fed Up!!!!!
Ask DH if he and MIL where the same size skirt.
RESPONSE: Fed Up!!!!!
Seriously, leave! You get no respect from your DH or your MIL.
RESPONSE: Fed Up!!!!!
You married a man who does not respect you or support you. Figure
out if that's the way you want to live your life.
RESPONSE: Fed Up!!!!!
Get counseling, or leave. He's not ready to cut the apron strings
from his mama. You and his child are his family and his priority,
not his mother. HIS MOTHER KNOWS THIS. I can guarantee, because
I bet that if her DH had treated her the same way, she would've
had a fit, wouldn't she?
RESPONSE: Fed Up!!!!!
You need to stress less on what is happening with your in-laws right
now, and try to get things right with DH. Sit him down and ask
him what gives??? If it is something y'all can work out, then do
so. If it is not, then you need to start making plans to move on,
as there are plenty of nontoxic relationships out there that don't
involve head games.
RESPONSE: Fed Up!!!!!
C O U N S E L I N G !!! If your DH will join you, great. But if
not, go yourself. A counselor/therapist can help you cope with
the hurt of your disappointment, the bad treatment you have gotten
from MIL and DH, and the anxiety you must have over the future of
your marriage. Something is very wrong for a person to change THAT
much - your DH really, really, really needs counseling, too, but
if he isn't willing, then focus on getting help and support for
YOURSELF. Best of luck.
RESPONSE: Fed Up!!!!!
A new baby can put a strain on even the best marriage. Unfortunately,
it is your husband (not MIL) who is your biggest problem right now,
because of his inability to set healthy boundaries with his mother,
regardless of the fallout. Your marriage sounds like it's worth
saving, but some objective, outside support is required. This, of
course, requires the cooperation of both parties. Please seek counseling.
If DH won't go with you, if he can't or won't understand that his
marriage is on the line, you may want to rethink your future.
RESPONSE: Fed Up!!!!!
Continue to avoid MIL. Why be around someone who treats you like
cr@p? You are doing the right thing. DH is a huge problem, though,
even bigger than MIL. DH should be putting you first. Right now
he is putting mommmmmyyyyyyy's feelings before yours. Get him to
counseling, ASAP! If he won't go, go for yourself. Tell DH to
shape up or ship out.
RESPONSE: Fed Up!!!!!
You and DH need counseling, and your DH needs to be present with
you. He also needs to grow a pair of balls when it comes to his
mother, because he is supposed to be a married man, and his first
priority is you and that baby, not his mommy. He shouldn't let
her walk all over you like that. He is a coward who isn't standing
up for or protecting his family when he lets his mother berate you
and act like she is in control. Why in the world do you let her
get away with it???? It's your DH's place as a man to talk to his
own parents, not you. But, it would be a cold day in he!! when
I would let MIL get away with saying something like that in front
of family. The best thing that you can ever say to someone who
insults you in front of people is to ask them what they said again,
and make them have to repeat themselves. Keep doing it until they
get your point. You don't have to bow down to his mother or keep
quiet when he isn't man enough to stand up for you. Maybe you should
point that out to her the next time he just cowers in the corner
and she starts being nasty to you. Tell her that you have no choice
but to defend yourself, because her son isn't man enough to deal
with his family. I don't doubt that your DH feels or acts the way
he does. Why would he feel good or act romantic towards the person
whom he lets his mother walk all over!!!! He's a let down, and
a failure to your marriage, until he gets his priorities straight
and becomes a man - not a scared little momma's boy. DH would physically
remove his mother from the room if she kept saying stuff like that
to me, because I'm his wife and the person with whom he chose to
live for the rest of his life. And, that calls for major respect
from his family, that's why!!!
RESPONSE: Fed Up!!!!!
Oh dear, I so feel for you! Your DH must be my DH's twin, and your
MIL is my MIL's long lost identical twin! When I was pregnant with
my first baby, I was very excited, and bought a book of baby's names
to make sure that I gave my baby a really good and meaningful name.
In the hospital, after my painful emergency C-section, DH was on
the phone with his parents, telling them the good news. I half
heard part of the conversation, but as soon as he put the phone
down, he turned to me and said, "Well, the baby's name is ABCD."
What the #$%@?????? This was my baby, wasn't it? That is how manipulating
they are, and how DH would jump when they mention the word jump.
Then, when I was pregnant with my second son, I chose the names
very early on. This time, we were living near them. My MIL was
there in the room when they wheeled me back after yet another c-section.
She brought out a piece of paper and gave it to me and said, "FIL
and I have been discussing names for the baby. Since we know it's
a boy, here's the list." I looked at the list and I hated
all of them, and I am most positive that my son would, too, once
he understands things. They were names that are so - urgh. Anyway,
this time I was not in so much pain, as I was on an epidural. I
politely told her that I've already chosen a name. She then told
me, "Oh, but we must let FIL approve this name first, for fear
it might mean something bad." What the #$#%???? I told her,
"I chose the name because of it's religious meanings. How
can that be bad?" She said that we should let FIL decide.
Gggrrrrrr. Then, when I was pregnant with my 3rd baby, a girl this
time, she was going on and on about baby's names. Once, during
a family gathering my DH's older sister's kids (a girl and a boy,
ages then 10 and 12) had gotten into it, too. They were suggesting
names, too, and discussing what I should name the baby, right in
front of everybody!!!!! I tried to ignore them. Finally, they
agreed on a name, and my DH's nephew announced that the baby's name
is DEFG. I very politely told him, and I looked only at him when
I said this, "Well, XYZ dear, the time will come for you to
name your own baby, everyone will have a chance at naming a baby.
Look, GM and GP had named all of their 4 kids on their own. Your
mom and dad named the both of you. You will have your chance.
This is my baby, and I am the mother. I am the one carrying this
baby, and I will have to look after her for the rest of my life.
And so, your uncle and I will name the baby." LOLOLOLLLLLLL!!!!!!
Still, she pestered me about what name had I chosen, BUT I wouldn't
tell. Right after the birth, she again wanted the name to be approved
by FIL. I politely told her that I have had the name approved by
the religious department, and that it is a good name and it means
well. Ha ha! Still, they needed to have the upper hand. MY FIL
changed the spelling of my daughter's name. And my DH, being the
filial son that he is, followed that spelling. Oh, have I also
told you that my eldest son's spelling was wrong? And, that it
wasn't spelled as in one of the prophet's name. I did point it
out when he was filling out the register, but he disagreed, and
told me that was just the way his grandfather's name was spelled.
Okay, now a fourth child. I was, by this time, a little bit amazed,
and I wondered, "Wasn't my DH interested in naming his own
babies?" He was never interested in the names that I considered,
and didn't even look at the 2 baby names books that I bought. So,
this time I asked my eldest son to choose a name for the baby.
This time, she didn't come to the hospital to visit. On the afternoon
that I was discharged, while I was at the hospital, she called and
asked where DH was, because she had cooked up a storm, and expected
him and my kids to eat lunch there. I reminded her that I was about
to be discharged, and would not like to wait in the hospital lobby
for 3 hrs. while they have lunch. She wanted us all to go there.
Gggrggrgrgrrrrrrr, no way. I put my foot down this time. I just
had my c-section, I had 3 other little kids, and I was going back
to my own house and with no help. It wasn't going to be added to
with more headaches. Hmph. And, what did they say about my latest
daughter's name????? STRANGE. Strange my @ss!!!!!!!! I have lots
of stories, and this is just the "naming" part. My MIL
and FIL can't leave my DH alone and they treat him like their little
kid. They order him to bring them here and there and everything.
Shrugged.
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I thought that my MIL
had gotten the message after months of us not showing up at her
door. I should have known better!!! I gave birth 2 months
ago to a healthy baby girl, and I was having problems walking (and
all sorts of other things) due to DD being overdue. It made
it even more difficult to have to chase after my 1 year old son
at the same time. We gave her everything from stupid excuses
to downright truthful answers as to why we didn't want to come down
or have her and her friends show up at our home. When my daughter
was born, nobody called her or gave her a hint that I'd had her
till my DH accidentally let it slip at her home one day while visiting
his dad. We love FIL, just not MIL. I would have let
her come down here to let her see her new grandchild, since I wasn't
going to be alone with her. I had back pains and other problems
after the birth, and I had a friend there to help me during the
day with my son. She never called or showed up at all till
Easter weekend. They called then to say that they got a video
camera and were going to come down. We had just gotten the
internet and didn't want her to know that we had it, so we raced
up with the kids to see her (by this time I was able to care for
both kids on my own). If she knew, she would bother me constantly
and send me stupid emails, trying to get me into her religion again.
When we got there, she did her best to love up my kids (they wanted
nothing to do with her). We have not been up since that day.
While I was breastfeeding my daughter (yes, my DH and relatives
support me in this!!!) in MIL's deep seated futon, I was unable
to get out of it to reach my son who was reaching for her scissors.
She took him over her knee and spanked him so hard that his little
body actually jumped. I was steaming and gave her a look that
made her put my son back down, and she wouldn't look me in the eye
afterward. I told my DH later, since he was at the car with
his father when it happened. We have not been there as a family
since. Just recently, my DH went up to ask his father for
a few extra bucks for gas, since he had a lousy workweek the week
before. Her doctor wanted to have her committed, since she
was saying that she was suicidal. She has been saying this,
since I met her, just to get attention. She asked DH if he
could bring the kids and me up to her home to spend the day with
her so that we could chat like we used to when we lived with her.
The only reason we did chat was BECAUSE we lived with her, and she
would follow me all around the house. Or, she would get on
the Internet when I was on it, and we chatted back and forth.
Someone called Children's Services on me recently, and they respond
not too kindly to anyone taking their kids to see unstable relatives.
So, she won't get to see them anyway before she gets committed to
a hospital. My DH supports me in this, so if she refuses to
get help, the longer it will be. I hope that, once she does
this, maybe she will finally get the idea as to why I can't stand
her. Comments and suggestions are welcome.
Signed - MIL Finally
May Be Committed!!!
RESPONSE: MIL Finally May Be Committed!!!
You MIL sounds sad and lonely. Do you only care about yourself?
RESPONSE: MIL Finally May Be Committed!!!
It sounds like you are overreacting. By the way, if you can not
afford gas, perhaps you should give up the Internet
RESPONSE: MIL Finally May Be Committed!!!
OOh boy, where to begin. C-O-U-N-S-E-L-I-N-G. Not just you guys,
but the whole lot of you.
RESPONSE: MIL Finally May Be Committed!!!
Why do you want her to get the idea that you can't stand her? How
will that help anything? It seems that, in my experience, the more
my MIL feels that I can't stand her, the worse she acts. Wouldn't
it be better not to try to make her feel bad about herself, but
to just try to move in a constructive direction yourself?
RESPONSE: MIL Finally May Be Committed!!!
OMG - are you and your DH nuts? There is no way in he!! that I
would let my ILs lay a hand on my children. You and your DH should
have screamed at her. There is no way that I would have anything
to do with someone who spanked my children.
RESPONSE: MIL Finally May Be Committed!!!
Well, she should not have spanked your child like that, and she
may be annoying, but threats of suicide should never be ignored,
no matter how frivolous they seem. No one can read minds, and you
can't be sure what's going on in hers. The reason that she may
have followed you around was because she was lonely. And, apparently,
she doesn't see her son much anymore. How would you feel if your
children grew up and started to avoid you? You say that once she
found out about your daughter, she never called till Easter. She
was probably hurt that your DH never told her about her granddaughter.
And, as for trying to get you into her religion, I know it's annoying
(I've been there myself), but it's a sign that she cares about you
and is trying to "save your soul" or something along that
line. Just be kind to her.
RESPONSE: MIL Finally May Be Committed!!!
I don't think that MIL is the only one in the situation who is a
bit "off" in their thinking. First, when a person talks
of suicide, it is a RED FLAG that the person is in a serious state
of poor mental health. Even if she is seeking attention, don't
you realize that she was in pretty bad shape if she was talking
of taking her own life? MIL's doctor seems to take it seriously
- do you think that you're smarter about these things than her doctor?
The woman is ill and in pain - have a heart. Second, you don't
tell the woman when your daughter is born, you avoid visiting with
her for months, and then you expect her to come running out to see
you before Easter or at whatever time you finally do feel like letting
her visit? She may be a pain, but she must have feelings! Third,
she may be wrong and interfering to impose her religion on you,
but most people do that out of love and concern - they think they
are saving your soul or something. You can TELL her how you feel,
instead of hiding your computer! Anyway, you can block her from
sending you unwanted e-mails. You don't have to bar her from your
home to hide your PC. Finally, and most importantly, I'm not surprised
that Child Protective Services have been to see you. You think
that giving your MIL a dirty look is an adequate response to having
her whoop your child? You watched your son reach for scissors,
and then watched your MIL beat him, and all you did was throw her
a look? NO chair is too deep to protect your own little, helpless
child!!!! Was the chair so deep that you could only throw a look,
and couldn't open your mouth to tell her to stop hitting your son?
The chair thing is an excuse for laziness or stupidity (or both)
on your part, and if you think otherwise, you are only fooling yourself.
Maybe it would be more productive for you to focus on how to be
a better parent and person yourself, instead of dwelling on what's
wrong with your MIL, playing these stupid games with her, and looking
forward to the possibility of her being committed.
RESPONSE: MIL Finally May Be Committed!!!
Oh no, that woman would have flown across the room if she laid hands
on my baby. She better be religious, because I would have sent
her out of this world back to the one that she came from. Stay
away from people like that. You don't have to subject yourself
to people just because they are ILs. If you don't like her religion,
maybe you should just tell her so, instead of hiding your Internet
like a fool from her. That is just pathetic, and it sounds like
you need to be a little more forward with her. Sometimes you've
got to say, "Look lady, I don't like what you are selling,
so get lost. And, if you touch my kid again, I'm going to give
you cement shoes." That will get the point across. If your
husband doesn't like it, tell him that he can join his mother.
RESPONSE: MIL Finally May Be Committed!!!
You are doing the right thing by keeping your children away from
your MIL, especially if she refuses to get herself help. I can't
believe how she treated your little boy. If she could do that IN
FRONT OF YOU, imagine what she would do to him if she got him alone.
My only advice to you is to be more direct with your MIL. If anyone
had done that to my child, I would have been screaming bloody murder.
A "look" isn't going to send her the message that she
should never lay her hands on your children. You have to tell her,
in no uncertain terms!
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
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Working Women Don't Have Wives