Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Not a Peach Toaster-Cozy Fan, 4 of 4 needed/Posted:
20-JUL-03
The story of when my evil MIL tried to hold us
hostage: My DH and I were visiting over New Year's for about
a week. We were unable to borrow my parents' car over that
time period, as my (high school age) sister was working every
day over Christmas break. So, instead, we got a ride with
BIL, and were suppose to get one back with him Saturday morning.
MIL had already yelled at me earlier in the week for not cleaning
her kitchen well enough, because the dishwasher wasn't locked
closed and dust got in (even though it was DH, but I wasn't going
to tell her that). Dust in the dishwasher!! Isn't
that insane? So, I REALLY wanted to leave. BIL told
us on the Friday afternoon that he wanted to go skiing on the
weekend, and could we drive the car to his place and he'd hitch
a ride with a friend on Sunday. This sounded like somewhat
of a doofusy plan to me, as we had to get someone else to pick
us up at BIL's and then do a car key switch later. But,
anyway, DH told MIL on Saturday morning that we wanted to get
going back to my parents' place. MIL flipped out, and started
yelling at DH because she didn't think we should leave, and she
actually told him that he "wasn't allowed to go".
Then, she drove off in BIL's car on her errands instead of using
the van that she usually drives. I refused to play along
with this sick little game, so I called my nice parents to come
and pick us up, and we left. MIL played this same control
game on DH while we were dating. I would get a call on Friday
evening from DH saying that he wasn't allowed to come, because
he didn't ask for the car soon enough. This is the 12-year-old
former family car that DH drove to his job at the time (and it
is BIL's to drive now, but it is still the IL's car, legally).
She would rather have it sit in the driveway overnight and not
be used in order to teach DH a lesson. She's a sick b!tch.
I guess that my FIL just goes along with this cr@p, as he is soooo
whipped. They are really pathetic.
Signed - They Are Really
Pathetic
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Worst gift: My shower
presents were towels that fell apart in the box. She told
about how I needed to learn to be frugal and start to shop at outlets.
The towels were from an outlet store. I love outlets, but
those looked worn out from her bathroom. Very embarrassing.
The gift for our first anniversary was an organizer that my hubby
had forgotten to take when he had moved out. It was wrapped
in newspaper. She drove it over to me at work, and while I
was working, she told me she that wouldn't leave until I opened
it. My boss was not thrilled. She didn't remember our
anniversary for another six years. I prefer this. DH
got a hair brush for Christmas one year, the man is balding.
Another gift that she got him was a bumper sticker that advertised
something from where she lives. She really does have money,
she spends on her other children and grandchildren. The baby
gift that she got for my daughter, her first grandchild - the only
girl born in family in many years, was green bib overalls and a
black pants outfit. The clothing that she bought me for gifts
were size large, and they were ugly. She gave me a nightgown
once 3XXX large, an awful looking thing. I only weighed 100
pounds. She bought my kids balloons for every special occasion
till they were six years old. She gave my son a heavy bat
when he was two. He, of course, accidentally hit his sister
within seconds of receiving it. My daughter was given wonderful
toys for Christmas one year, and she was told that she must leave
them at grandma's house so that she would have something to play
with when she came over (once a year). Other grandchildren,
who lived locally and came frequently, were given nice things and
allowed to take them home. When she cried upon leaving, grandma
got angry. Explain that to a four year old. My DD was
given thumb tacks, staples, paper clips, a staple remover, and rubber
bands for her fourth birthday. One posting I read here mentions
a sympathy card for a miscarriage in a Christmas card. After
my miscarriage, she came to tell me that God has a reason for everything,
and his reason for this was that when we divorce, he won't have
to support that one. The baby would be 15 now, and we are
still together. These are just the gifts that she gave that
come to mind. The behavior my family and I have been subjected
to would require a day to type here. I have learned recently
from this site that the best revenge is to live well.
Signed - Living Well
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If you get a bad feeling
in the pit of your stomach at the thought of entertaining your MIL,
or inviting her over, what should you do? Just never invite
her? My MIL, and we have a rather unpleasant time whenever
we visit, just told me that she wants to see me this summer - she
wants to come over. I know that it's not too much for her
to ask, but it is miserable being around her. Our get-togethers
always leave me with a new crop of hard feelings. I want to
be fair, and I want to be sincere. Any suggestions?
Signed - Not Looking
Forward To It!
RESPONSE: Not Looking Forward To It!
I have the same problem! The conclusion that I came to is that
nobody expects us to live our lives like martyrs to our MILs. Therefore,
I feel no obligation to keep having mine over. This was a hard
decision to come to - but I couldn't stand the tormenting. I'm
a good person, as I am sure you are too. You don't have to put
up with her.
RESPONSE: Not Looking Forward To It!
I feel the same way about my MIL! But, I think that there comes
a time when (as long as she is not a total MONSTER) you have to
throw "sincere" out the window. Just fake it, and pretend
that you enjoy her company; and pray that she doesn't stay too long.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
RESPONSE: Not Looking Forward To It!
If it's only once in a while that she visits, try to forget your
hard feelings. If she's asked to see you, it's probably because
she'd like to - or at least she'd like to see her son. Ask her
what she'd like to do (go shopping? sightseeing?) when she's over.
Try to arrange meetings with other people present so it does not
feel too overbearing to have to make conversation to the one person
whom you don't really feel like seeing. Ask yourself why you have
those feelings. Is it because you are afraid of rejection or have
felt rejected before? Is it because she is nasty about you to your
face? And, if that's the case, how can you defuse the situation?
You may find that she's more frightened of you than you of her,
and she's afraid to "do the wrong thing". But, she somehow
fails to "do the right thing" in your presence. Good
luck!
RESPONSE: Not Looking Forward To It!
You have a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach for a reason.
If you were being treated with dignity and respect, that feeling
wouldn't be there. Why should you have to put up with that kind
of behavior? I've been there, and take it from someone who has
been around that block more than once - for the most part it doesn't
get better, as you can see from this web site. I will tell you
what I did. No one can tell you what to do, but other people's
situations can help you not feel alone. My MIL and FIL exhibited
very bad behavior. I had finally had enough. I now limit the time
that I see them. I decide when and where I "put up with their
behavior". You have a right to protect yourself from rude,
uncaring people, no matter whether your husband shares microscopic
DNA with these people or not. The day that I started limiting my
involvement with them, their behavior got a little better. They
realized that they couldn't treat me that way anymore. The best
part is that I never said a word to them. My behavior and response
spoke for me. Good luck.
My ILs have been living
with me for 4 years. I don't know what I've done to deserve
this fate, but it was very, very bad. My MIL is your typical
meddling, overbearing, not-the-brightest-bulb, inconsiderate, self-centered,
thoughtless person that I have ever come across. As tradeoff
for her living with us, she looks after my children while I work.
First off, she plays blatant favorites with kids, obviously preferring
my son. This hurts me deeply, and we have told her to be considerate
towards our daughter. She is good for a couple of days, then
she reverts back to her old ways. However, this wonderful
tidbit occurred just a few days ago. I was at work and I had
an important meeting. My phone rang and it was her.
Now, when she starts talking, it's impossible to shut her up.
I told her that I was busy and that if it wasn't important, I would
call her back in a few minutes. She declared that it is very
important. I asked her what it was and she asked if she could
use some meat from the fridge to make lunch for my kids. I
informed her that it was not that important, and that I would call
her back in a few minutes. She then said, and I quote, "What
could possibly be more important than your child?". At
that point I hung up on her and resumed my meeting. I called
her in a few minutes.
Signed - Exasperated
RESPONSE: Exasperated
Good for you! I see what you mean by "not the brightest bulb".
What a stupid question.
RESPONSE: Exasperated
Move house. Move to a tiny apartment that doesn't have space for
her. You will be stifled by her until she dies.
RESPONSE: Exasperated
I don't understand. Surely you could just have said, "Yes,
use whatever for the kid's lunch." And she's right, "Nothing
is more important than your children."
RESPONSE: Exasperated
I think that many of the posters here whose MILs redecorate the
house, when they are at work, would love to be consulted on such
minor maters. You do need to be firm with her about treating the
children equally.
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