Worst gift: Last year,
when my spouse and I were in grad school, 2000 miles from the
nearest family, making a whopping 15k a year, we were informed
that his siblings were not going to give us any Christmas gifts
at all. The reason was that we didn't send them and their
children birthday gifts (we only sent cards). This was after
I sent handmade quilts to all three sibs for Christmas.
My BIL called up on Christmas Day and said that he liked the quilt,
but he wondered if I could make it bigger, in different colors,
and in a different pattern for next year.
Signed - Totally Wanting
Reparations
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My MIL problems began
on the wedding day itself. She leaned over to MY parents and
said, "This is X, she's the one who got away." My
name is not X. Things went downhill from there. The
latest is phoning at 7:00 A.M. on a Sunday morning to ask when my
spouse is coming (60 miles each way) to mow her lawn.
Signed - Downhill
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- bag, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 22-JUL-03
I know my MIL is well intentioned, but good intentions
mixed with a certifiable case of obsessive-compulsive disorder makes
for one ordeal of a weekend. My MIL came up to stay with us
this weekend. Or, should I say "took over our house"
for the weekend? She always makes me feel so incapable of
managing my household when she comes, as she always finds one thing
after the next to obsess about as a big problem that needs immediate
attention. Sink not 100% pure white? She busts out the
bleach and spends 3 hours cleaning it. Leaves on the driveway?
She spends an hour sweeping it. A little mildew in the shower?
She climbs in and goes to town with a bottle of cleanser.
And, not just when she's got downtime - ALL the time - the whole
time she's here. This lasts from the minute she wakes up in
the morning (WAY before we do), to the wee hours of the morning.
Last night, she was doing dishes and banging around pots and pans
(and muttering to herself in her native tongue the whole time) in
the kitchen until well after midnight, at which point I kind of
flipped out on her and told her that she was keeping me awake and
was driving me crazy. I almost had to rip a pot out of her
hands because she wanted to "finish" (as if there was
an end to obsessiveness) before going to bed. And, that's
just the "helpful" side. Then there's the advice.
"You need to cut those trees down because they're so messy."
"Your stove is dangerous (just because it's a gas stove?),
you need to get a new one." Tips for energy conservation.
Cleaning advice. Oh, and the real kicker: When we bought
the house, we knew that we were moving into a transitional neighborhood
that had potential for improvement, but wasn't cost prohibitive.
But she had the gall to criticize our decision, "You buy bad
house in good neighborhood, not good house in bad neighborhood."
Of course, all this is barely comprehensible due to her seriously
broken English and heavy foreign accent, despite the fact that she's
been living in the US for 30 years. And, then there's the
ugly side. My wife is a little overweight, admittedly, but
for my MIL to tell her own daughter that she won't talk to her ever
again if she doesn't lose 50 pounds? For her to openly call
her children "b!tches" behind their backs? To make
us feel guilty for "letting" her do all that housework
and not appreciating it?
Signed - All MIL and
No Sleep Make Me An Angry Boy
RESPONSE: All MIL and No Sleep Make Me An Angry Boy
Tell your wife to keep the 50 lbs. and lose momma.
RESPONSE: All MIL and No Sleep Make Me An Angry Boy
Remind MIL that the road to he!! is paved with good intentions!
RESPONSE: All MIL and No Sleep Make Me An Angry Boy
Good grief. I would have strangled her by now. How about next
time she stays in a nice hotel and she can tell them how to clean
properly?
RESPONSE: All MIL and No Sleep Make Me An Angry Boy
Why do you let this psycho into your house?
RESPONSE: All MIL and No Sleep Make Me An Angry Boy
Why on earth do you let her come to your house? Good grief!
RESPONSE: All MIL and No Sleep Make Me An Angry Boy
I agree with you that telling anyone that you won't speak to them
unless they lose weight is an awful thing to say. But, if your
MIL followed through with the threat, would it really be such a
bad thing?
RESPONSE: All MIL and No Sleep Make Me An Angry Boy
I think that you're a pretty nice guy to think that there's good
in your MIL, and that she's well-meaning. More power to you! I
was an angry girl just READING about her!
My MIL is a so self-centered.
I am to the point where I am going to blow up like a bomb.
But I really don't want this to happen. I have known her for
6 years, and during all of the 6 years I have been biting my tongue.
But now I am fed up! First, after I had my son, she basically
told me that I am a bad mother because I "spoil" my DS.
I feel that I do not. We are talking about a woman who made
her son give her his paper route money for a sandwich. She
is very tight with money, but when it comes to herself, she is not.
She is a compulsive shopper. She only thinks of herself.
Every time that I have spoken to her in a positive way, she has
always responded to me negatively. I wanted to go to college.
"You are a mother and a housewife, and you work part-time.
You can't do that." Or, when I discussed a field that
I might want to go into, she has said, "Oh, you don't need
a degree for that." She has NO CLUE! This weekend
she crossed the line. She is getting married to her longtime
boyfriend, whom she does not love. She is doing it for medical
insurance. She said, "It's like having a hysterectomy.
You have to have it done, but you don't want to." She
wants no one to know that they will be married. They are going
to do it on vacation. They are leaving on the 15th and coming
back the 21. She said that she might need me to pick her animals
up from the kennel the Saturday before they come home. She
said that she wasn't sure though. That, or I could stay at
her house and watch them. I saw her this weekend and was telling
her that we are going on a camping trip the 20-22 with a bunch of
friends. She said, "You are supposed to pick the dogs
up the 21." So, I offered to stay at her house the whole
week and bring them to the kennel on the 20th. They would
be home on the night of the 21 and pick them up. She said,
"Oh no, I want them home when I walk in." She said
that they would be traumatized if they weren't there when she got
there. So I said, "Instead of 7 days, if I stay there,
they will only be in the damn kennel for 2 days." She
said, "You are really trying to get out of this. I am
not about to cut my vacation short so that you can go on a stupid
camping trip. One that has no importance. After all,
this is my honeymoon." GIVE ME A BREAK. SO, my
DH said, "OK, the campground isn't that far. I will drive
from there, get the dogs, and go back." He was not around
when she said that the camping trip was stupid. I said, "Fine.
Do what you want. I am not doing it." If she can't
compromise, then screw her. When we got home, I told him about
her comments and he didn't believe me at first. Then he said
that he was not going to do it. Should I leave it in his hands??
I am actually to the point where I hate talking to this woman.
How should I handle this?? THANK YOU FOR LISTENING.
Signed - A BOMB READY
TO BLOW
RESPONSE: A BOMB READY TO BLOW
Hey, it's his mom, let him deal with her.
RESPONSE: A BOMB READY TO BLOW
Leave it in his hands - his mother = his problem!
RESPONSE: A BOMB READY TO BLOW
Leave it to him. From now on, MIL should be on a need-to-know basis.
Get caller ID and an answering machine, and screen your calls.
YOU no longer deal with her on any level. HIS mommy, HIS problem.
RESPONSE: A BOMB READY TO BLOW
Someone so rude does not deserve any help at all. I cannot believe
that you were willing to stay in her house and help out with these
dogs. I cannot believe that your DH was willing to change your
plans to pick up the dogs, so they were waiting in the house. You
both need to start saying NO! And, if you have to be rude, then
be rude.
RESPONSE: A BOMB READY TO BLOW
Let DH do it. It's his mother. If your MIL is like mine, nothing
you do will be right anyway. At least if she gets mad at you, you
didn't have to waste any effort.
RESPONSE: A BOMB READY TO BLOW
Tell the tightwad to pay the kennel for the extra day. Dogs have
no sense of time! They are happy to see you no matter how long
you've been gone. Maybe the dogs aren't happy to see MIL, but,
again, another day isn't going to make a difference.
RESPONSE: A BOMB READY TO BLOW
Yes, I think that you should leave it in his hands. After all,
he is the son, and it is his responsibility (if it is anyone's)
to comply with her unreasonable demands. Let him make the decision,
and not do it for her. After all, her comments were ridiculous.
And, after someone speaks to you like that, why should you do anything
for her? Why the he!! do these MILs have to be so damn b!tchy???
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