My monster-in-law recently took
a picture from my husband's first wedding and taped a picture
of my face over his 1st wife's face. This picture was to
be hung in her house, where everyone could see it. We told
her that it must come down. She said, "No."
She said that she likes the picture, since it's a family picture
- and it's staying. She does not have a picture from our
wedding hung up in the house anywhere. My husband was smart
enough to take it down while everyone was out of the house, and
he brought it home. It's only a matter of time before the
monster notices that it's gone. This is not the only weird
thing she has done. There is not enough space on the internet
to list everything she has done in the past 10 years.
Signed - I've had enough!
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Worst gift: It wasn't
for a special occasion, but my MIL came back from a trip to Asia.
She handed me a plastic bag (similar to one you get from the market).
Inside I found two pairs of stocking. One was in a dark nude,
suitable for really dark skin tones (I'm very, very pale).
The other was an odd, purple sheer with wild prints. The worst
part is that they were a size XL, and I'm 5'4" and weight 105
pounds!!!
Signed - Stockings
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
According to my MIL, I
am a horrible mother. When I stick DD in time out, MIL will
follow DD to the corner and start talking to her, tickling her.
She will sit down, pull DD in her lap and start talking for DD,
saying, "I am so sorry. I will be good, mommy.
Please let me out." My daughter, in turn, sees DH and
me as the bad guys for punishing her for her misbehaviors.
Mind you, DD is 7 and should know not to hit her 2 year old brother.
And, if she does so, she should be punished. This has gone
on since we started using time out at age 3. MIL does not
like the fact that I have nursed all 3 of my kids. She has
made comments like, "OH, you are doing that nursing thing."
She insists that if I nurse, I can do it in front of everyone.
I may nurse, but I'm sure as he!! not going to do so in front of
20 year old BIL and 12 year old SIL. I nurse till about 18
month, then wean. MIL thinks that's way too long to nurse.
I am made out to be the bad guy. She tells my kids stuff like,
"ASK mom if you can come over, and if mom and dad come over
more, you can see me more." DD loves her, since she spoils
her rotten with little junky toys from the dollar store. I'm
not rich, but I feel that it's better to buy one nice big toy that
will last, instead of buying 5 cheap toys that the child plays with
once and cries cause it's broken. And, if that happens, I
am the bad guy again for throwing away the broken toy. When
DD was 3 months old, I took DD over to MIL's house without DH.
When I got there, MIL yelled at me for having DD in a blue dress.
She said that blue was a boy's color. She says that girls
should not wear "boy colors". MIL told me to go
into the back room closet and get a pink dress out. She grabbed
DD, and I went to get the dress. I heard the car, but thought
it was FIL running to the store. When I came out asking where
in the closet the dress was (there were no clothes in the closet),
I saw FIL sitting on the couch with a look of horror on his face.
It was MIL who took off with 3 month old nursing DD. MIL and
DD came back 3 hours later. MIL got out of the car, threw
a bottle on the ground, and yelled at me for making her granddaughter
not take bottles. I was greedy, she said, since I made it
so that only I could feed DD. And she wonders why I don't
come over often.
Signed - DIL Who Can't
Raise Her Kids According to MIL's Wishes
RESPONSE: DIL Who Can't Raise Her Kids According to
MIL's Wishes
SHE IS A FREAK! You should have reported her for child abduction.
RESPONSE: DIL Who Can't Raise Her Kids According to
MIL's Wishes
Someone, either you or DH, needs to tell this woman where to get
off. Don't let her interfere with your parenting!
RESPONSE: DIL Who Can't Raise Her Kids According to
MIL's Wishes
Parents should never tolerate their own parents' interference with
raising their child. You should have reported MIL for kidnapping
7 years ago. If she does not stop spoiling DD, do not let her anywhere
near her.
RESPONSE: DIL Who Can't Raise Her Kids According to
MIL's Wishes
Wow, that sound so much like my MIL. I, too, got the whole nursing
thing. She took off with my son once, too. After that, I have
never trusted her alone with my kids, and she doesn't understand
why. Gee, could it be the fear of kidnapping? Or, is it just the
lack of respect for everything I do as a parent?
RESPONSE: DIL Who Can't Raise Her Kids According to
MIL's Wishes
The only horrible thing that I can see about you mothering is that
you didn't report it to the police when your child was kidnapped.
I hope you had her arrested.
RESPONSE: DIL Who Can't Raise Her Kids According to
MIL's Wishes
How terrible that she would take a three month old baby away for
three hours! I wouldn't let her anywhere near my DD if she had
been KIDNAPPED by my MIL. Don't let her in your house, and don't
visit her. P.S. Kudos for nursing as long as you do!
RESPONSE: DIL Who Can't Raise Her Kids According to
MIL's Wishes
Are you kidding me? You are letting this woman run all over you.
You should have stopped all contact with her when she took off with
your baby without your permission. I probably would have called
the police.
RESPONSE: DIL Who Can't Raise Her Kids According to
MIL's Wishes
No, no, no, you don't go there often??? Surely you mean NEVER???????
If my MIL had kidnapped my baby, she would not walk on this planet
ever again. Trust me, I'm a whimp and I pussyfooted round my MIL
and let my XDH walk all over me, but there is no way on this earth
that if my MIL had touched my baby and taken him anywhere without
my permission, that I would ever allow myself or my child to be
in her company ever again. Your MIL sounds like an emotional deviant,
made from the same mold as mine, and as I hate my XMIL, I hate yours,
too. What does your DH say about this? It's all just so totally
diabolical that my blood pressure is rising and I may explode!
RESPONSE: DIL Who Can't Raise Her Kids According to
MIL's Wishes
SHE is the one who is greedy, selfish, and manipulative. Avoid
contact with her as much as possible. My MIL is the same way, playing
the big gift giver with toys and money. I have tried my best to
not influence them against her, because I figure that they should
still respect their grandma, no matter how much of a bag she is.
But, they figured out that they were being manipulated. Now, they
don't even like visiting her anymore. And, when they do, it is
obvious that the only reason they are there is for the money or
gift. What goes around comes around!
RESPONSE: DIL Who Can't Raise Her Kids According to
MIL's Wishes
I would have stopped any contact at all with a woman who takes off
with my 3 month old child and does not tell me about it. This woman
is obviously crazy, but if you truly want to be a good mother, then
you need to put your foot down. Limit contact between your children
and your MIL until MIL learns that it is you who is the mother of
those children, and you are a force to be reckoned with. Don't
let her undermine your authority in front of the children. As seen
in other posts here, it always gets worse unless you do something
when the children are young. Do it and do it quickly.
Where to start.
First, let's explain the madness that was our courtship. After
23 days of dating, my husband and I were engaged. After 7
months of engagement, we were married. After 7 months of marriage,
we were pregnant. Now our daughter is 7 months old.
When we were first engaged, my then fiancé and I were in
his room in his parents' house (he still lived with his parents
because he was planning on building a house). The door was
closed and we were just in there talking. She stormed in and
started yelling at me for "corrupting" her son.
Those were the exact words that she used. At this time DS
was 20 years old. A side note: When her 15 year old
daughter invited her 18 year old Internet boyfriend over from a
different state, MIL did not object. In fact, she let the
15 year old be in her room with the 18 year old, with the door shut
and locked. Hypocritical much? Another incident:
One night, we were watching movies at his parents' house.
We started to get sleepy. We were on the floor in the living
room. We fell asleep. When we woke up in the morning,
his mother was standing over us saying, "Shouldn't GF have
gone home by now?" She was very pissed off. We
hadn't done anything wrong. There were other people in the
room. It was like a giant slumber party. In fact, when
my mother came to pick up my sister, who was a friend of one of
his seven sisters (yes seven, he also has one brother), she thought
it was cute, and even took pictures. We finally got married.
When we got home from our honeymoon, we were staying in an apartment.
When our lease was up, he decided that, to save money for our house,
we should live with his mother. I was not very happy, but
to save our marriage from fights and the such, I agreed. We've
been there for over a year now. I hate it. The house
won't be done for another 4-5 months. We are building as we
get money, so that we don't owe any money to banks. But, that
just means that we have to borrow money from HER. I hate it.
Not only did she give us property for a wedding gift (to which there
are strings attached), now we owe her a lot of money. And,
the amount grows each day as she pressures us into doing thing for
the house that we can't afford yet. She says, "Oh, you
can do it. I'll just pay for it." Don't get me
wrong, I am grateful for the loans and the property. But,
I wish that there weren't so many strings attached to it.
I feel like my children and I owe her our lives, and we have to
work on her farm until she dies. I don't want to. I
want to be able to enjoy my life without HAVING to work on the farm.
I am most willing to work on the farm if I have a choice.
But, not if it is a requirement. She also is always telling
me how to cook this or that. My mom taught me how to cook.
I know how to cook. I don't cook very often at her house because
I feel uncomfortable with someone hanging over my shoulder and saying,
"You should do this," or, "You should do it this
way," or, "You should use this ingredient because it's
organic." I don't have anything against organic food.
I love some of the organic foods that she buys. But, I don't
want it shoved down my throat, and I don't want to be told how to
cook something if I already know how. With the house, she
is constantly saying things like, "Oh, you don't want that.
I've had that and I didn't like it." Yeah, so?
I may like it. I am not you, you b!tch. She also says
that we shouldn't go fancy on anything in the house because we'll
either never use it or we won't have money for anything else.
She says that she never had any money for anything nice in her old
house. This may be because she had 9 kids, all of them were
2 or less years apart. I am not her. I wish that she
would stop trying to make me "her". Recently, she
found one of my romance novels in her car. My SIL had borrowed
it. She threw it away! I couldn't believe it.
She then told my husband that books like that will give me ideas!
Ideas of what? Romance? She said that she didn't approve
of it. I felt like going and getting one of her organic or
religious (which she doesn't follow) books and throwing it away
and saying that I didn't think she should read it because I thought
it gave her ideas. Ideas that I didn't agree with. Whenever
my husband gets in a fight, she has to intervene. As newlyweds,
we are still getting used to each other. Sure, we've been
married for almost 2 years, but we've only known each other for
almost 2 1/2 years. So we are still getting used to each other.
And, you all know that as newlyweds, you tend to fight over THE
stupidest things. She must get involved each time. I
hate it. I feel like sometimes my husband is HER son and not
MY husband. Sometimes he sticks up for me, and he has gotten
better, but there are those few times were it seems that he picks
her over me. My advice to all newlyweds: DON'T LIVE
WITH YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW if you can help it. That goes for
your own parents as well. I know that I wouldn't live with
my own parents, either. I love my mom, but I know she would
drive my husband and me up the wall, just as my mother-in-law does
now. I used to like my mother-in-law. But then I lived
with her. Now, I can't wait till I move into my house and
can lock my doors and shut my blinds. Does anyone have any
advice on how to diplomatically deal with my MIL? I don't
want to be rude, but I am sick of just being quiet and taking all
her cr@p. Advice is most welcome. I don't mind advice
when I ask for it. I just hate it when I don't ask for it
and its shoved down my throat.
Signed - End of My Rope
RESPONSE: End of My Rope
Move out, and quit taking her money.
RESPONSE: End of My Rope
MOVE! Her house; her rules, unfortunately.
RESPONSE: End of My Rope
Get out!! Get the he!! out now!! Live in a tent. Do anything
you can to get away.
RESPONSE: End of My Rope
Get a home loan from a bank, and pay your MIL back every cent.
Use the rest for the house. Better to owe a bank than a woman who
is holding it over your head.
RESPONSE: End of My Rope
You won't be able to handle her the way YOU want to until you're
out of her house and out of her debt. The way things are going,
you have a really long way to go.
RESPONSE: End of My Rope
Sorry to be blunt, but move out or grab some balls! I never understand
why people let others talk to them the way they do - MIL or not.
MIL WILL NOT talk to me in a disrespectful tone. I don't allow
her to. Speak up - it's your marriage - and move out ASAP!
RESPONSE: End of My Rope
You need to just shut up and take it. She is doing you the favor.
Be happy that you can live somewhere rent free and only have to
put up with her. Think of that as your "job". It is
her house, and you are the guest. Try and be more gracious about
that. I wouldn't like someone moving into my house, and maybe you
bug her, too.
RESPONSE: End of My Rope
Sometimes, there is a thin line between love and hate. Perhaps
there is something about you that either reminds her of herself
when she was your age, or perhaps you have a quality in your personality
that she envies. Whatever the case, try to charm and disarm her.
If she says something cr@ppy to you, tell her how much you adore,
love, and respect her. If you must say something nasty back, tell
her it as a compliment. "Oh, Jane, I hope that one day when
I am real old, like you are, I will know all of the things that
you do!!!" And smile sweetly, even hug her. It will kill
her!!! Hang in there!!!!
RESPONSE: End of My Rope
I think that you may have to ask your DH a very pointed question
like, "Do you want a house or a marriage?" And, then,
point out that a marriage is made up of two people, and that having
his family around to referee your VERY NORMAL adjustment fights
is making it a marriage of 3 or more, which is an unhealthy dynamic.
NEVER point the finger at your MIL. Point out that plenty of married
couples manage their finances and purchase homes under their own
steam. Remind him that the early struggle is a gift that helps
couples learn to lean on and trust each other. That's my long-winded
way of saying - GET OUT OF MIL'S HOUSE AND WALLET.
RESPONSE: End of My Rope
Do you really believe that locking the doors and shutting the blinds
are going to keep her out after you move? She has a lot of control
over you and your DH. And, it seems obvious that, as the matriarch
of the family, she wields a lot of control. When DH married you,
she made financial investments to assure that she'd not have to
hand control (as the woman of the house) over to you. Also, it
guarantees workers for the farm. As long as you keep accepting
things from her, you will continue to be indebted to her. That's
probably how she likes it. My first MIL always used to tell me,
"There's no such thing as a free lunch." She was right,
so get used to her interference. I feel bad for you, because you
have started out so very young and naive, and you are still quite
immature.
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