Worst gift: For my FIRST
Christmas present (after marrying my hubby), I received a set
of cocktail napkins that said "WHINING" with the circle
around it and a line through it - to mean "NO Whining"!!!
Signed - She's Just
Jealous Because I Have Him!
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A few months ago, my mother
came to "help" for 3 weeks, after I'd had an emergency
c-section. Right! My poor husband. Apparently, my mom
likes to "joke", that is, she insults, puts down, pi$$es
us off, and then says, "I was joking! Why is he so mad?
Oh, he (hubby) has a temper!!!" Gee, I don't remember
him raising his voice or even confronting her once. She couldn't
be bothered to help set the table or cook. Not to mention,
there was no thanks when we bought take-out (I was still recovering
from surgery). Okay, she did dishes. She completely
washes everything in hot, soapy water, THEN loads it in the machine.
She was even nasty to my kids. They must not have liked her,
because they did act up while she was here. She ended up leaving
a week early (darn). Now we are not speaking. Thank
God she is 3,000 miles away. She lives with my brother, and
expects one of "us" to take care of her. She's very
healthy for 70. Let me add that this is a woman who has LIFE
insurance on all her kids, probably the grandkids too (so she'll
be set if one of us croaks???)! She had helped me to get a
department store credit card. Last year we used it to buy
a furniture set, and she loaned us money to get a computer.
We paid it all back within 3 months. BTW, she's "loaned"
lot's of money to my sister, then complains how she never gets paid
back. When she came here, she kept saying that she was paying
too much rent to my brother, and how she needed to have a talk with
him about how she can't afford it. I've heard this for about
a year now. I came to find out that she doesn't pay him anything!
I was shocked. The high rent comments were always followed
by "my kids should be taking care of me now!" Whew.
I wonder how many other Ds and SILs get guilt trips like this.
Anyway, about the department store credit card - wanna know what
happened with this??? Well, I don't want to go into too many
details. I've always stuck by DH, even when some really awful
things happened to us. He bought me a beautiful diamond ring
on the card!!!!! About a week later, my mother closed the
"joint" account, even though DH had been making payments!
Come to think of it, she used to complain that she never had a diamond
wedding ring. I guess that closing the account is my punishment!
Signed - Maybe I Should
Email A Picture of My Ring To Her
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Worst gift: One Christmas
I received a book entitled "Going Nowhere Fast".
I'm not sure what it meant because it went into the trash.
Signed - Sick and Tired
of Being Sick and Tired
RESPONSE: Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired
Well, the title of the book was a self-fulfilling prophecy! It
DID go nowhere fast - right into the trash can. What does she expect?
What was she thinking?!
I don't even know where
to begin. I have tried for so long to be friends with my MIL.
It never works. I guess it was never too bad until I had my
baby! Although MIL did wear a white lace gown to my wedding
after telling me the story of how her friend's DIL was mad that
she wore white to her wedding. Anyway, it began immediately
after my daughter was born. I am breastfeeding her, and both
my MIL and SIL are not only formula feeders (fine), but are actually
offended by the very act of nourishing a baby the way nature intended.
"I don't want someone sucking on my boobs," was an early
comment. The first thing she said, upon hearing that I was
going to breastfeed, was, "Now no one else can feed her!"
When we came home from the hospital, my in-laws were at our house,
waiting for us. MIL made us dinner, which was quite nice.
But, the first thing that she said to me was, and I'm not kidding,
"My, you still have a belly. Is that going to be okay
with you?" Later, my husband said that she didn't mean
it as an insult. I guess it was meant as a compliment?
A week later we took the baby to her work place so that she could
show her friends (my idea, to be nice). I was wearing a pair
of low rider jeans and my shirt came up a little. She immediately
looked and then said, "Oh! I can see your stretch marks!
I wonder if [my daughter] has them!" She came over the
next day and again commented on them. Now there is the issue
of baby-sitting. She and my FIL are desperate to have my baby
alone. My SIL drops her two kids off at their place one night
every week to sleepover. She has a three year old and a three
month old. My daughter is four months old. I have not
yet spent the night without her (I thought that I was in the majority).
My SIL let her baby sleepover at her parents' when the baby was
two weeks old!!!!!! I was shocked, to tell the truth, but
that is none of my business. She seems to be doing a fine
job raising her kids. I am not in a particular hurry to be
separated from my baby. They often ask us when they can take
her, and I tell them, "Whenever I can get her to take a cup/bottle."
This week they came here to our home specifically to start a fight
with me. The MIL got here first and pretended to be nice (sort
of). When the FIL got here (he is normally nice), he started
with the "When are we going to get her?" whine.
I answered truthfully, "When she is able to take a cup."
He was quite angry and said, " Drop her off at our house.
I'll make her use it." I nicely said, "I can't just
leave her there without her knowing how to drink on her own."
"What! What?", he said, all combative. My
MIL now had a huge smile on her face. "I'll make her!"
FIL said, "I'm ready to fight about it!" He was
so nasty! Then my MIL chimed in, b!tchy as all get out, "I
thought that you weren't going to be like X (X is a friend who is
considered by them to be an overprotective mother). It was
awful. My dear husband, sitting there the whole time, said
nothing in my defense. I have too much respect for him to
fight with his parents, so I simply said, "I didn't know that
I was going to feel this way. I am not doing this to be mean
to you." I really was wishing that I could throw hot
water on them and order their overbearing butts out of my home.
So, the room got really quiet and no one was talking. They
made a comment about how quiet I was, and my husband just said,
"She's mad at you." "I know," my FIL said,
"She'll get over it." I got mad at my husband for
not sticking up for me, and he said that they weren't being rude,
"just communicating!" Then, he admitted that they
were being insensitive to me. He said that all he really cared
about were me and the baby, and that we would just tell them what
they wanted to hear. But, we didn't have to act on it.
He said that parents were not very important! It's obvious
that he is not very close to his parents, and it is no wonder.
They get so angry if someone loves their baby too much. It
makes me sick. They (my MIL, SIL, and family) are always complaining
about someone's kid being "too clingy", or complaining
that someone "breastfeeds too long". The last time
that I was over there, the women went on about a breastfeeding mother
just whipping it out, and how a woman used her breast to pacify
a crying baby. I mentioned that it was very natural, and that
men were the ones to make breasts sexual. I told them that
I often nursed my baby to sleep, and my weird MIL said, "Oh
god! [her son, my husband] probably uses it as a pacifier!",
very weird. Sorry to go on, but they are monsters!!!!!
It makes me want to move far away, or at least not have any more
kids with my husband. I almost wish that I had cheated on
my husband so that they would not bother me about this baby.
It's nice that they want to spend time with her, but I wish they
would respectfully wait till everyone is ready!
Signed - Wait Till Everyone
Is Ready
RESPONSE: Wait Till Everyone Is Ready
Stick to your guns. You are doing the right things for your baby.
Good luck.
RESPONSE: Wait Till Everyone Is Ready
Tell them that the longer they WHINE about having your daughter
go over there, the longer it will take for you to let her go - and
stick by it!
RESPONSE: Wait Till Everyone Is Ready
Tell your DH to grow a spine and stick up for you. If you are feeling
hurt or upset at his parents, he should take YOUR side, not theirs.
Part of being a married adult is understanding that your DW/DH comes
first.
RESPONSE: Wait Till Everyone Is Ready
I am curious how a eunuch like your DH managed to sire a child.
He needs to grow a set and tell his parents off. If I were you,
I would not only cut these freaks out of my life, but my child's
life as well.
RESPONSE: Wait Till Everyone Is Ready
PLEASE do not let these people alone with your baby! They sound
unbalanced. Why are they so desperate to have her ALONE? What
are they going to do that they can't do with you standing there?
Methinks they are pushing a bit too hard, and I find that truly
alarming.
RESPONSE: Wait Till Everyone Is Ready
Your fault. You have married a mouse. Even if your "DH"
didn't agree with you, he should have sided with you and defended
you against the terrible ILs. You two should discuss your next
move in private, so you can put up a UNITED FRONT upon their next
visit. Yes, your ILs are pushy and your DH is not yet a Jedi.
RESPONSE: Wait Till Everyone Is Ready
Why wait until you are ready, when they can be mean and bully you
now? Please stand up for yourself with these monsters. You have
respect for DH, so you don't fight with the ILs? Why? DH has NO
respect for you. Tell DH to grow a pair and stand up for his wife
and child. And you need to stand up for yourself. Cut these monsters
off and leave DH. Stop taking the abuse.
RESPONSE: Wait Till Everyone Is Ready
DO NOT worry about ILs. I was constantly harassed about nursing
my children, but they were, and still are, healthier than any of
my ILs' children. As far as ILs wanting to keep your daughter,
start out small. Let them take her for an hour while you run to
the store or to a dentist appointment. Although it is difficult
to leave your 1st child, even with family, you need time to be alone,
too! They only want to keep her because they love her. Be grateful
that you have a family member to watch your children. My ILs, 58
and 60 years old, say that they are too old for babies!
RESPONSE: Wait Till Everyone Is Ready
Oh my God, I can't believe that they tried to bully you into letting
them take your child. Next time, "communicate" with them
as they did with you. And tell them, in no uncertain terms, that
no way will your child spend time with them alone. And, if they
don't like it, then tough t!tty (excuse the pun!). And, DH needs
a good telling off for letting them verbally abuse you and sitting
and saying nothing. Good for you for standing your ground for your
child's sake.
RESPONSE: Wait Till Everyone Is Ready
Kudos to you on breastfeeding - it really is the best for your baby,
and so much harder to do when you don't get the proper support.
I would not leave my child with them, even if she could drink on
her own. There is no reason you have to just because your SIL does.
I have an 18 month old, and we have just spent our first night apart
(with her at MY parent's). I think that the real problem is DH
not standing up for you. I don't care whether he is close to his
parents or not! He is married to you, and that is where his loyalties
should lie.
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