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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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July 27, 2003
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Does anyone ever get the feeling
that many MILs might be suffering from schizophrenia? It
beats me how the same person can be so completely different under
different circumstances! How else does one explain this:
My MIL makes my life miserable. When I am alone with her,
which I try to avoid as much as possible, she barely even speaks
to me. She snubs me, hardly ever has a good word to say,
is rude, and is a mean, mean person. But, in front of relatives,
friends or other acquaintances, she is a perfect picture of politeness
and goodwill. Unbelievable!!! So, this lady DOES know
how to behave herself! Amongst friends and acquaintances,
in my presence, she's all nice and lovey dovey towards me!!
AGHHHH! Her "show" of polite behavior makes me
sick to my stomach.
Signed - Stuck With
Schizophrenic MIL?
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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While showing our wedding
photos to my new MIL, we came across the three pictures of me with
"her" family. Picture 1 problem: Her eyes
were closed. Picture 2 problem: My (the bride's) eyes
were closed. Picture 3 problem: My new nephew was smiling
funnily. Which did she choose after I pointed them out?
An 8x10 of the one with my eyes closed! I felt so hurt.
It was like she chose the picture where "her" family looked
the best.
Signed - Wedding Photos
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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Worst gift: This isn't
a traditional worst gift story. The gift was thoughtful, but
the results were tragic. My sister's MIL (passive-aggressive,
and mother to her only child - my wonderful BIL) gave her an "automatic
cat litter box" one year for Christmas. I'm sure you've
seen them. They run about $100 and have a rake that sieves
the litter about 10 minutes after the cat leaves. Great idea!
I even wanted one, until now. Sister and BIL have two cats,
so this was a great present. They put it out for the first
time. The cats hated it! But, my sister didn't notice
how much until they noticed the smell. It turned out that
one cat would use it, but the other had been "using" the
carpet behind her new couch. The litter box was packed away
(re-gifted with full knowledge to someone whose cats were fine with
it), and the old one was put out. No dice. The second
cat refused to go anywhere near it, and continued using the carpet.
The carpet and couch had to be replaced ($$$). The cat STILL
refused to use the regular box. The cat had to be given away
(the new place seemed to work, and cat is now fat, happy, and regularly
uses a regular litter-box). So, because of MIL's gift (which
really was thoughtful), my sister had to give away one of her cats,
replace a room of carpet, and buy a new couch! What a mess.
Anyway, MIL knew all about the trials of the auto litter-box.
My sister had thanked her profusely upon receiving it (which was
honestly true, since she wanted it). But, upon talking to
MIL a year later, she laughed that it was the worst present she
had ever gotten (for all the reasons stated above). You know,
"(laugh) I know I asked for it, but that litter box was the
worst present (more laughter)! I can't believe how much trouble
it caused! It was such a good idea, I just can't believe how
awful it turned out, etc., etc., etc." Well, MIL freaked,
and proceeded to scream and cry at my sister, telling her how ungrateful
she was, how horrible of a DIL she was, and how she would never
forgive her. My sister was flummoxed. She had thanked
her profusely when she received the gift. I guess the lesson
is: Never say anything negative about a gift, even in jest.
Signed - Was she overreacting?
RESPONSE: Was she overreacting?
I'm sure that the MIL felt badly enough. Your sister should have
kept her mouth shut.
RESPONSE: Was she overreacting?
Duh! Of course you shouldn't say anything like that!
RESPONSE: Was she overreacting?
Good lesson. I hope that your sister realizes her etiquette blunder.
RESPONSE: Was she overreacting?
I think that you're right about that lesson. Your sister is probably
a wonderful person, but what she said might have hurt a sensitive
person's feelings. I don't think it merited screaming and crying,
but wouldn't it hurt your feelings if someone laughed about how
you had given them "the WORST gift"? I hope that they
mended that fence. It doesn't sound like a deep grudge would need
to result.
RESPONSE: Was she overreacting?
It's not MIL's fault that the gift went wrong! If my M gives me
a car, and then someone crashes into it, does that mean that it's
a bad present? Maybe MIL was upset because she tried really hard
to please DIL, and then DIL blamed MIL for something that wasn't
her fault.
RESPONSE: Was she overreacting?
I'd say that the lesson is more "be careful of what you wish
for", or, "don't kick a gift horse in the mouth".
Who cares about how much she thanked MIL upon receipt of the gift,
when your sister wouldn't stop saying how horrible it was one year
later? The MIL spent $100 getting exactly what your sister wanted,
yet because the cat didn't take to it, your sister insulted the
MIL saying that it was the "worst present she had ever gotten".
And, you think that MIL was being too sensitive??? Maybe you should
spend $100 and then be insulted. Perhaps then you wouldn't be flummoxed
over the MIL's reaction. In addition to being ungrateful, I'd say
that your sister is spoiled and rude. Good luck to MIL!
RESPONSE: Was she overreacting?
Your last line, "Never say anything negative about a gift,
even in jest," comes across to me like you can't believe anyone
would have a problem with having their thoughtful gift denigrated
and joked about. While the MIL may have overreacted a little bit
(re: the screaming and saying that she would never forgive the
DIL), it was almost equally as bad for the DIL to complain about
the gift to the person who gave it (especially when it was acknowledged
as a thoughtful gift at the time). It doesn't matter that the giver
was thanked at the time of the gift - it was rude to tell the giver
that it was the worst gift that she ever got. She should have just
regifted it, and then explained politely that it just didn't work
out. Any complaining should have been reserved for someone else.
RESPONSE: Was she overreacting?
Yeah, the MIL was overreacting. I hate people who can't laugh at
themselves or at the situations in their lives. Sometimes, the
worst things that happen in a day are quite funny, if you can step
back and look at them (like my kid dropping a 5 lb. bag of flour
on the floor).
RESPONSE: Was she overreacting?
I do hope your sister took her cat to the vet to be checked before
giving the cat to another home. Most times, when cats suddenly
refuse to use the box, it can be related to a health problem. I
have had a cat suddenly refuse the litter box due to a UTI. Once
treated, the cat was fine. Another time, with a different cat,
the refusal to use the litter box was behavioral. I took the cat
to the vet, utilized the methods and ideas the vet gave me, and
the cat did start using the box again (still using it 4 years later).
What I'm trying to say is that it's up to the owner to work with
the animal and to try to figure out what's going on, and to fix
the problem before simply giving the animal away. So, I disagree
with your sister even laughingly blaming her MIL on having to get
rid of her cat because of the self cleaning litter box. It was
not MIL's fault. Perhaps your MIL's reaction was too dramatic,
but I certainly wouldn't want someone to blame me in such a manner
for their own inability to properly take care of their pet.
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My DH and I got together
in the late summer of 2001. Christmas morning, we had just
moved into our new house, and he surprised me with an engagement
ring. I said, "Yes (as did my daughter)", and we
immediately told our families. My parents were thrilled for
us. Then we called his folks. He told them the good
news, and his mom handed the phone to his dad, not speaking to him
for the rest of the call. In February, a week after DH's birthday,
he received a card in the mail from his mother. It was a birthday
card with pictures of the family who'd recently celebrated his grandmother's
90th birthday. Inside the card was a letter reading, "I
wasn't sure if I should send you these pictures, now that you have
a NEW family." Among other things, she accused me of
brainwashing him, and blackmailing him into staying in the Midwest,
rather than moving back east to be with his family. She never
called him for his birthday. In June, his father surprised
us by calling and letting us know that they were coming to visit
for a week in the middle of July. Needless to say, I was stressed.
I cleaned the house for a week to make sure it was spotless.
They arrived on Friday night, and brought my DH's furniture and
other personal items that they'd had in their home. We had
a nice breakfast and tour of our city on Saturday morning.
But, by Saturday afternoon, (F)MIL had locked herself in the guest
room, crying. She refused to come out for dinner with my parents.
(F)FIL had to make lame excuses for her. Sunday morning at
7am, as I was fixing breakfast, and FIL and DH were at the table
with their coffee, MIL packed her bags, left the house without a
word to anyone, and proceeded to sit in the car. FIL realized
that she was there and went out there. He returned a few minutes
later, talked to DH for a second or two, and then took his bags
to their car. She refused to talk to DH, and I didn't even
go out there. They were gone before 8am. FIL came down
for the wedding, but MIL refused. DH called her the night
before and she ranted at him that he was still insisting on going
through with the marriage without receiving her blessing.
Fortunately, I have a wonderful DH, and he stands by me against
his mother. I still can't believe that she won't talk to me.
Signed - I Doubt That
She Ever Will
RESPONSE: I Doubt That She Ever Will
Count your blessings that she doesn't talk to you!
RESPONSE: I Doubt That She Ever Will
What a horrible woman. I hope that your little family is happy,
despite having a whacko MIL.
RESPONSE: I Doubt That She Ever Will
You are better off for not having MIL around! Can you imagine if
she lived closer, or if DH still wanted to please mooooommmmy?
I envy you!
RESPONSE: I Doubt That She Ever Will
It's probably better that you don't have to talk to her. Hopefully,
your DH won't talk to her either.
RESPONSE: I Doubt That She Ever Will
What a whack-job. I'm just so glad that DH stands by you!
RESPONSE: I Doubt That She Ever Will
You are so lucky! Live far away and do not deal with the b!tch,
AND your DH and FIL support you. Count your blessings!
RESPONSE: I Doubt That She Ever Will
This MIL is mentally ill. I would guess that she has manipulated
her family for decades with emotional blackmail such as this. Please
don't take it personally. Just be grateful that DH is such a support
to you, and doesn't seem to take after his mother!
RESPONSE: I Doubt That She Ever Will
With all the stories going back and forth on this web site, and
from what you just said about your MIL, maybe you should consider
it a blessing that she doesn't speak to you. HA, HA. I know that
life has been much easier since I don't speak to my MIL. Oh boy,
wait till you have her grandchildren!!
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
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Working Women Don't Have Wives