Frequent
Fry Her TM
- foreigntemptress, 1 of 4 needed/Posted:
5-AUG-03
The wedding is coming up, and we're still trying
to keep it small, forty guests. We suggested to FMIL that
she may invite twenty (generous by anyone's count, since she's
not paying for anything). She insisted on 67, no fewer.
I politely and firmly refused to comply with this. FU(uncle)IL
told me, "It is the right thing to do (to do what she wants)".
I refused, politely. Next, I heard that she was on the blower
to all of those 67 friends, telling them that I'm a "manipulative
b!tch". "How dare she tell me who I can and can't
invite to my son's wedding", said she. Er, because
it's MY wedding, not HERS?
Signed - I'm Not A
Manipulative B!tch!
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Worst gift: My MIL had
a garage sale and didn't sell her computer desk, so she asked if
we'd like it. I said, "OK." She then told
me that it was a birthday present for DH and me!!!!!!! It
was sitting in the rain waiting for someone to take it, so I had
to say "thanks" for our birthday garbage!!!! This
was at the beginning of May; my birthday is the end of the month
and my DH's isn't until July!!!
Signed - A Desk
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
My FMIL is a bag.
She has always gotten her way, and now, with our wedding rapidly
approaching, she is trying to get her way again. She is planning
the rehearsal dinner to her liking, without asking my FDH and I
who we want or need to invite. She is also furious with me,
because I do not want kids at my wedding. I am pretty sure
that she went behind my back and told everyone to just bring their
kids. Her husband just lets her walk all over him, and gets
frustrated only when she really ticks him off. My fiancé
has had it with her and with my reactions. I am getting better,
but she REALLY gets to me! What do I do?
Signed - FMIL Is A Bag
RESPONSE: FMIL Is A Bag
Tell her to butt out!
RESPONSE: FMIL Is A Bag
If she's paying for the rehearsal dinner, she can arrange it however
she wants and invite whomever she wants.
RESPONSE: FMIL Is A Bag
Well, first of all, don't marry the guy until he comes down firmly
on *your* side.
RESPONSE: FMIL Is A Bag
Why not just ask her to provide free baby-sitting at the wedding
for everyone under a certain age? Like 35?
RESPONSE: FMIL Is A Bag
Inform FDH that if there is even one child present, the marriage
will not take place. It is good that he is fed up with FMIL's actions,
but it's a dangerous sign that he is also tired of your reactions.
You will not have a happy marriage if you conceal your feelings
about FMIL in order to keep the peace.
RESPONSE: FMIL Is A Bag
No kids at the wedding? Kids are so much fun at weddings! You
are making a mistake. I would not go somewhere if my kids were
not welcome, and I would be quite insulted by it, also. Weddings
are a family affair, kids are part of that.
RESPONSE: FMIL Is A Bag
You and DF should attend premarital counseling together. You stated,
"My fiancé has had it with her and with my reactions."
It's good that your DF is aware of what his mom is doing. However,
DF should be on your side and supporting you, not getting upset
at your reactions.
RESPONSE: FMIL Is A Bag
Your FDH has had it with her and your reactions?!?!? Tell him to
get up off his butt and take control of HIS mother!! Put him on
a high calcium diet. He needs to grow a backbone!
RESPONSE: FMIL Is A Bag
I wouldn't worry about the rehearsal dinner (if she is paying).
If you really think that she was calling people and telling them
to bring their kids, why not hire a few baby-sitters (3-5 responsible
teenagers) and tell everyone that you are providing childcare.
You might want to have the kids at a nearby house (a few miles from
the site of the ceremony) so that you can't hear crying babies and
you don't have baby-sitters running around trying to find parents.
Maybe even suggest that your FMIL pays.
RESPONSE: FMIL Is A Bag
Stop including her in the wedding plans. DF needs to call all families
with children to see if MIL is telling them to disregard the "no
children" policy. Correct that ASAP, or you will have 30 unwanted
kids running around at your reception.
RESPONSE: FMIL Is A Bag
I had the same problem with the "no kids" rule at my wedding.
Not from my MIL, though, who's always been very sweet and wonderful
to me, but from some family members who are too used to getting
their way. A few of them were saying, "Oh, it's nice that
you're doing that, but my precious (insert little hellion's name
here) is very well behaved and won't make a peep." So, my
family hired three baby-sitters to operate the church nursery during
the ceremony, and at least one would stand at the door like a bouncer
on the way into the sanctuary. When a family came in, my mother
and MIL would welcome them to the wedding and TELL them that the
baby-sitter would escort their children to the nursery. If a mother
raised a fuss, mom or MIL would tell them very sweetly, but firmly,
that if they liked they could go to the nursery and sit with them
during the ceremony. It worked really well, and no one could overcome
the combined will of my MIL/mom. The ceremony was quiet and beautiful.
I know that sometimes it's difficult to deal with in-laws, but keep
your chin up. The main point of your wedding is that, when you
exit the church, you'll be Mr. and Mrs. X. No one can change that.
Not even a demon MIL. Good luck.
My past MIL was a real
b!tch when my wife and I were together. She would walk right
up to me and take my child from my arms without asking. I
asked my wife to tell her about this in private. Her mother
sneered at her. The next time she tried it, I asked her to
let go of my 8 month old daughter's leg and arm. She said,
"Stop being a jerk. Give me her!" I warned
her a few times and she began to pull harder. The former Marine
in me came out, and I began screaming at her like my old Marine
Corps Drill Instructor. She never flinched. I had to
pry her grip off of my child. I lost my temper and began a
diatribe that was laced with such venom and vitriol that she went
into the room and stayed there until I left. I knew that I
had a serious problem, and that I had years of misery ahead of me.
I will write about my divorce and custody battle later on.
Signed - Drill Instructor
RESPONSE: Drill Instructor
I think that I would have lost my temper, too. It's obvious that
your former hag-in-law had no respect for you as a father.
RESPONSE: Drill Instructor
Yikes! I am so sorry for you and your little girl. Sheesh. Boundary
issues, anyone? Seriously, do you think that your wife won't learn
that you have your own family, and that it's not like "Queen
Mum" is meant to rule all? I'll be watching for more of your
story.
RESPONSE: Drill Instructor
I am so sorry about your MIL experience. I'm glad that I can at
least say that my MIL asks before taking my kids. Ugh! I'm sorry
that there is more to the custody story. I feel for your kids.
RESPONSE: Drill Instructor
You need to offer classes to DILs on how to deal with their MILs.
You did the right thing, and you did ask your wife to deal with
it privately. It is sad to think that the child will once again
be being pulled in two directions. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Drill Instructor
Hey, it sounds good to me. Don't let anyone on this site tell you
that you were out of line! We tell each other all the time to take
matters into our own hands if we need to. Your wife didn't make
her mother behave (don't tell me that she couldn't, she could have
had your mother leave the house and never come back!). Good for
you!
RESPONSE: Drill Instructor
Although you had every right to tell your MIL to let go of your
daughter, you should not have screamed at her.
RESPONSE: Drill Instructor
I wish that I could speak to my MIL like that on the many occasions
when she is out of line! Thanks for your story, it gave me a laugh.
I have had a few giggles while reading this site - sometimes out
of a familiar empathy, and other times out of a respect for the
confidence with which people are able to handle their awful MILs.
RESPONSE: Drill Instructor
You know, if you were a woman and had started yelling at her, it
wouldn't be that big of a deal. It might get chalked up to PMS.
I say that you did the right thing. Yelling at her is the least
of what she deserved for trying to pull your baby out of your arms.
Shame on your wife for not standing up to her on your behalf.
RESPONSE: Drill Instructor
OMG, I just had to write back to this one. Your X-MIL sounds a
lot like mine. But, for a woman to actually just stand there and
take that kind of yelling at without even flinching, it says a heck
of a lot about your MIL. My own experience is that if someone,
especially a bigger male, were to yell or threaten me, I'd be gone
in a second. And, for her not to take her hand off the child?
My MIL does the same thing to me, and I'm the child's mother. When
my DD was a baby, my MIL would just come up and grab her out of
my arms without even asking me, or she'd come into the room when
there were others there and say, in a really pissy, loud voice,
"Let me have my granddaughter," and she'd snatch her away
from me. It was as if she was trying to tell everyone that I was
keeping her away from her grandchild, even though I had just come
over and was standing around in the kitchen or living room with
everyone else. To my happiness, though, my DD would scream and
cry when she held her, and my DH would say, "Give her back
to mommy or give her to me." Grrrr. I feel as if I'll be
getting a divorce soon, too, all because of my MIL. Please write
and tell us what happened. It's pretty unusual to have to divorce
your spouse because of the ILs. Usually, there's something else
involved, and they are the icing on the cake. That's pretty much
where I am.
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