Worst gift: How about
this one? My husband and I have been married for 3 years
now, and we get nothing from his family for anniversaries, Christmas,
or birthdays. Why? Because, as they tell us, "He
is currently in prison, so it is not a REAL marriage."
Well, to us it sure feels like a real marriage! Sheesh!!!
Signed - Really Married
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Somewhat Agree
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Strongly Disagree
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My
MIL once told me that my DH told her (on Valentine's Day, no less)
that he thought that his ex was a better person than I was.
I think it's safe to say that she was trying to start a fight between
my DH and me. It didn't happen.
Signed - Not Falling
For It
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
I am losing my mind, and
it has been happening slowly. I just found this site, and
I am relieved. I will start from the beginning, sort of.
I met DH 6 years ago. We married 3 years ago, and we have
3 children together. He has one child from a previous marriage,
and I have two. Well, about 2 1/2 years ago DH and I separated.
Before this, MIL and I got along great. DH went to stay at
MIL's house during the separation, and I called him there several
times. The next thing you know, I had the police calling me,
telling me that the were going to arrest me for harassment!!
And, they did! The thing is, I never harassed her! Anyway,
two months later, DH and I got back together. The following
week, I had DYFS at my house with some bogus claim that I was beating
my then 9 month old daughter. I had to strip her down to prove
that there were no bruises. Ever since then, she has called
every agency that you can think of under the sun, and by now, I
probably have a file with the FBI that is a mile high! She
sends me "junk" mail from funeral parlors and casket companies.
You know, the kind that say "here's the info you requested".
I have had my number changed four times, and now I am at the point
where I have actually told my husband that after his son leaves
from summer vacation, I want to move - without him. I cannot
continue to live like this. I filed complaints against her
after she sent me a picture of my oldest kids cut up into little
pieces. There is a warrant out for her arrest because she
never showed up in court. She refuses to sign for the notices,
so they get sent back to the court. They won't go to her house
and serve her the papers because she lives in another state, but
we only live 10 miles away from each other. What can I do?
I feel that my only option is to take my kids and leave. My
husband wants nothing to do with her either, but she continues to
do this. If I leave, I will not tell him where I am going
for fear that she will find out. It's THAT bad! DH has
not called or seen her in 2 1/2 years. I really need some
help, but it seems like the police won't/can't do it, and I don't
know who can.
Signed - Losing My Mind
RESPONSE: Losing My Mind
Why don't you all just move and not let her know where you are living?
Don't break up your marriage, that is obviously what she wants.
RESPONSE: Losing My Mind
Please talk to a lawyer immediately. I'm concerned for you and
your children.
RESPONSE: Losing My Mind
She sounds awful, and your DH sounds pretty useless, too. You might
be better off without all of them. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Losing My Mind
File a restraining order and MOVE! Without DH. I say this because
during your entire saga you failed to mention one thing that he
has done to stop his evil mother from terrorizing you. Take your
kids, divorce DH, and move far away. MIL is deranged, and she poses
a real danger to you and your children.
RESPONSE: Losing My Mind
Well, it seems that your DH and you, now, are working together.
Sometimes, separations work. But, the MIL is criminal. Start a
file on her, and keep everything that she does. Also, try to get
a restraining order. As there is a warrant for her arrest, simply
call the local police in her area and inform them. Let them get
her. Take the offensive, legally. Get her.
RESPONSE: Losing My Mind
Maybe you can hire a detective to watch her house and follow her.
If it's a weekly thing, you'll have proof. St. Monica is the patron
saint of those with difficult in-laws. St. Monica had to live with
her MIL. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Losing My Mind
I am not trying to be mean, but I will relate what I picked up on.
Someone told your MIL something that she either absolutely abhors,
or was guilty of doing herself, way back when. And, she is still
struggling with that guilt. I know my DH let it slip to his mom
about an indiscretion on my part. Yes, it was stupid, and yes I
felt terrible afterward. However, we dealt with it, and DH has
completely forgiven me, much to the distress of MIL. Anyhow, enough
of that. Try this, if you haven't already. The police are limited
in what they can do for the most part. Phone any attorney in the
phone book, and ask for their advice. Most will give you a free
30 minute consultation. Also, phone the DA and the Clerk of Courts.
They may have suggestions of what to do. You shouldn't have to
give up your quality of life for anyone, and your DH should realize
that.
RESPONSE: Losing My Mind
DH really has no spine to just let his mom do this to you and let
you take the brunt of it. I would suggest that neither of you talk
to her. Keep things under wraps, and leave town without telling
her your whereabouts. I would show pictures of her to school officials,
telling them to keep her away from your kids. You can't do this
with DH, unless he is willing. If he is not, I suggest that you
take your babies and leave him with his oh so wonderful, precious
mommy, who loves to threaten you and your children's lives. Wake
up and get out now. You need to save the things that she sends
you, and turn it all in to the authorities. Get a restraining order
against her. Do whatever it takes. This sounds like a woman who
could take a hit out on you. Seriously, take action now!!!!
RESPONSE: Losing My Mind
Yes, move. But, do you want DH with you? If you both want to be
together, you should. Splitting up will just give her power, won't
it? We have nothing to do with DH's family or anyone in mine, except
my sister. It's HARD to move and have nobody find you, although
his family doesn't have our address. They got his uncle, who lives
in a state nearby, to start e-mailing us, saying how much "mom"
misses my DH. Who knows how the uncle got our e-mail, we didn't
give it to him. I'm sure distance would help, but you better get
a post office box, unlisted number, AND I think if it's that bad,
a name change! Have you spoken with a lawyer? I suppose that the
police won't do anything unless she actually physically attacks
you. What a hateful person your MIL is.
My ILs are the worst!!
I am at the end of my rope with them!!! They want to control
everything. They are mad because we live across town and not
right beside them. If I had a choice, I would live across
the country! We've been married for 2 1/2 years, and our son
is 1 year old. I'm a SAHM, and they have a big problem with
that because MIL made plans (without talking to us) to quit work
and keep the baby. That will never happen, especially now!!
Everything has been building up since before we got married, but
it has been much worse since the baby! They want to control
everything, from how long I breastfed (I nursed for 9 months - they
think that 3 is plenty) to what he eats, to which doctor he sees,
to when or where we leave him. FIL says that I spend too much
time with my family - well my family comes over to see us.
And another thing - MIL can get baby products for 25 and 50 cents
where she works, but she doesn't. So I have to pay $5 and
$6 in the store. You would think that MIL would try to help
us out a little. I'd give her the $$$ for it if she would
just get it. They have a problem with everything that I do
- but that's all it is - their problem, not mine!! We go over
there at least once a week to see them for a few hours. This
is he!! for me, because for everything I do or say, they have something
to say back. They say that we don't bring DS over enough,
but they have not been over here in over a year. And, when
DH told them that they are welcome to come see him at our home,
they said that it's not their place to have to come to our house.
Mind you, they lived with FIL's parents until my DH was 5 years
old, so they may think that it's normal for the grandkid to always
be over there - but we don't! They really cause a lot of problems
for us, because DH is one who likes to keep everyone happy.
So, he listens to them and then comes and tells me that I am wrong.
They thought that it would work, but I'm just not that easy going.
We have a happy, healthy boy, and we could have a happy marriage
if they would leave us alone. I don't know why they are not
thankful that we want to raise our kids. We are doing well
for ourselves, but they just put us down. Last summer, we
tried to have a mature talk with them. We tried to tell them
that we appreciate all the advice, but they shouldn't get mad if
we don't take it. That went well, I guess, but a few weeks
later it was the same cr@p. They were talking to my DH about
me and causing us major problems with us! This should be the
happiest time of our lives, but it's the worst because of them!
Well, it finally happened - I knew it would at some point.
We were over there for our visit (they were already mad at us because
we wouldn't let DS go out to eat with them the week earlier).
We were all in the living room and DS got a hold of a remote.
I told him no, and took it from him. He got it again, as kids
will do, so he got a swat on the hand and I told him no again.
I put the remote up and away from him. I went to the bathroom.
And when I got back, MIL had given him the remote that I had just
swatted him for having. I told her that he had just gotten
into trouble for having that, and he couldn't play with it (she
already knew - she had seen me take it away). FIL then told
MIL, "Oh, you have broken another one of her rules. You
better watch it." At this time I really didn't know what
to do, so I told DH that I was ready to go. FIL told me to
go home and stay home. I asked him why he was doing this and
he YELLED at me, saying that they never know what rules to follow.
Before I even knew it, I had yelled back and told him that he needed
to realize that he was not our son's parent, and that he didn't
make the rules. I told him that we make the rules, no matter
what. I got up and told MIL good-bye, and went to kitchen
to get the bag. I handed DS to MIL for him to tell her good-bye
FIL then came in and told me that I needed help. I told FIL
to mind his own business (and, by the way, he's on several head
meds - so obviously I'm not the one who needs help). FIL said,
"This baby is as much my business as he is yours," and
he told MIL to take the baby to the back room. By this time
I was so mad that I was about to black out, but I told him that
DS was my baby, and that he was staying with me! The crazy
FIL jumped at me and DH got up with him and told him that he had
better back up. HE did!! As we were going out of the
door, FIL yelled, "I told him that you were a b!tch, and that
he should not marry you. I just said, "OH well, not much
you can do now." FIL told us not to come back.
He said that I was not welcome. I said, "Fine, but take
a good look at DS, because he won't be back either."
WE LEFT! FIL wants control over everyone! He's an only
child, controls MIL, and now he wants to control us. I think
that I'm the first one to stand up to him!! I felt relief
after that night. Even though it was bad, it had to be said!
For the next 6 weeks we didn't go over there. They threatened
to come get him. I'd like to see that!! DH finally went
out there and told them that it had to stop or we would not be over
again. I told him that he had to make a choice - either DS
and me, or them. I was not going to live this way for my entire
life. SO, DH finally acted like a man and not a little boy!
I think that FIL saw that I was standing my ground, and we were
not going to be controlled by them and FIL. He saw that he
was about to lose his son, also. So, FIL told DH that if we
would come out, they would be nice, and they would apologize to
me. We went out last weekend and they were nice. But
I'm not letting my guard down. And if they think that they
are keeping my son now, I'm sorry, but I will never leave my kid
with someone who talks to me like that. Things have been much
better at home. DH sees that I am not the bad one that they
were making me out to be. MIL has not said much, but I'm still
watching her, too! Just because they missed the chance to
raise their own kids, doesn't mean that they are gonna raise mine.
And, my BIL can do no wrong. They adore his girl friend!
I hope that she sees how they are - she was there that night.
I don't care what happens to them. I am gonna be happy with
my son and DH, no matter what they say or do. They need to
learn their place in our life or they will be out of it, because
I have had enough!!!
Signed - STANDING MY
GROUND
RESPONSE: STANDING MY GROUND
Right on!!!!!!!!!!
RESPONSE: STANDING MY GROUND
Good for you!!!
RESPONSE: STANDING MY GROUND
You go! Keep standing your ground. It sounds like your DH will
stand with you, as he should. I think that you summed it up when
you said that they missed out on the chance to raise their child,
and now they want to raise yours. So sorry, they missed their chance.
Don't let them have a "do-over" with your child!
RESPONSE: STANDING MY GROUND
Go for it! I had to stand up to my in-laws, too, when it came to
my kids, and now they don't come see us (and I am happy about it).
But, our lives are much more peaceful. If you can get DH to agree
with it, cut them out. They sound toxic.
RESPONSE: STANDING MY GROUND
Please don't take this as a slam, but swatting a 1 year old's hand
is completely inappropriate, especially when you knew that he wanted
the remote and failed to put it out of his reach the first time.
One year is much too young to understand a swat on the hand, your
best bet for controlling his behavior is removal of things that
he cannot have, and redirection. Please, don't hit your baby.
RESPONSE: STANDING MY GROUND
Good for you. I was afraid that I was going to read another story
about some poor person who thought that it was wrong for her to
say boo to a fly, never mind her ILs. Thank god you didn't turn
out to be one of those. Instead, you are a woman who knows that
she doesn't have to be polite at the expense of her and her child's
mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Also, you know that
you don't have to suck up what the ILs dish out due to issues that
they have with your God-given authority as the mother of that child.
Bravo. More women on this site need to stop being submissive doormats,
and become "women of the adult world". We all have the
right to belong to that world. Belonging to that adult world means
that you get to tell people, "No."! And to f*&% off,
even when it hurt their feelings, because they don't mind hurting
yours. It's the only way to live.
RESPONSE: STANDING MY GROUND
Good for you, and for DH for standing up for you. But, you should
not be going over there. Insist that they have to come to your
home if they want to see DS, and then ONLY when DH is home. Then,
it is on your turf and you can throw them out if needed. If they
ever do what they did last time, NEVER, EVER see them again.
RESPONSE: STANDING MY GROUND
Good for you and your DH for standing up to your nightmare ILs.
Don't let your guard slip.
RESPONSE: STANDING MY GROUND
Your in-laws told you that it wasn't their PLACE to HAVE to come
to your house? What the *#$%? Your in-laws are a primary reason
that we are NOT going to have kids. I can so easily imagine my
own in-laws acting exactly like that. And, isn't it interesting
that the people who are always talking about how everyone else "needs
help" and is "psycho" are the ones who are the most
off-kilter themselves? Not that there's anything wrong with needing
help, but it's rude and cruel to scream at someone, "You need
help!" How helpful is that? Your FIL is a perfect example
of a mean headcase putting out his toxic vibes and thinking that
everyone ELSE "needs help". I swear, the nuttiest people
I know are the people who are ALWAYS accusing lots of other people
of being nutty. Best wishes to you. I'm so glad that your DH is
sticking up for you - that will make a HUGE difference. I hate
your ILs!
RESPONSE: STANDING MY GROUND
Personally, I would have never gone over there again. It sounds
like your FIL needs some professional help. I'm glad that your
DH is supportive of your family.
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