Worst gift: My fiancé
and I were moving into a new place, and we badly needed a bed.
Now, some background information for you to consider is that my
MIL is the kind of woman who has to have control of every situation,
and she craves to get credit for everything that she does.
She said that she would buy us a bed, and she made a big fuss
about how wonderful she was for doing it. I was, quite frankly,
amazed, because, although she holds herself up to be a great and
giving mother, she never really has been. She picked us
up one day, and we were both quite excited at the prospect of
getting a new bed. We all agreed that she would spend anywhere
up to $500, and it will be part of our wedding present.
We were driving happily along when she directed us to the parking
lot of the SALVATION ARMY. We went in and we were horrified.
We had believed that we would be getting a brand new bed.
At the prospect of receiving the stain covered bed that she was
pointing at, I told her that we appreciated the offer, but we
would buy our own bed. She became angry at us and said that
we thought we were too good for her gift. And then she stormed
out of the store. Thankfully, I was able to tactfully convince
her to forgo the used bed, and I offered to pay for half of the
new mattress that we wanted. Luckily, we did get it.
Although, to this day she is still singing her own praises.
Signed - She Is Still
Singing Her Own Praises
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Worst gift: My MIL has
told me, on 3 separate occasions, that the gift she got me (jewelry)
was stolen on the airplane. Therefore, she had nothing to
give me. However, everyone else's gifts seem to have been
untouched. The first time, maybe; but 3 separate times?
Give me a break.
Signed - I Looked Better
Than She Did
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
My husband was out of
work for 1 ½ years. His parents helped us out financially.
I was told that there wouldn't be any gifts for Christmas, or birthday
gifts, since we owe so much money. I was told to go back to
work full time (I'm a SAHM). Also, I was told that our children
shouldn't ask for expensive presents, either. I'm appalled
by all of my in-laws' behavior. They say that they are tired
of being used.
Signed - I Don't Know
What To Do
RESPONSE: I Don't Know What To Do
Tell them that it is you who is being used!!!
RESPONSE: I Don't Know What To Do
Sit down and talk with your ILs. Ask to see their assets. They
may think that they have paid enough to support the two of you,
but they are probably wrong. They could probably sell a car or
their house to help you out further. I'll bet they still have some
retirement funds that will keep you on your @ss for another 1 and
1/2 years.
RESPONSE: I Don't Know What To Do
I don't blame them. If DH is not working, why aren't you? I certainly
wouldn't expect expensive gifts for myself or my kids if the ILs
were supporting me every day. Get it together and make a life for
yourself and your family. You can't live off of others forever!
RESPONSE: I Don't Know What To Do
What are you complaining about? It is your and DH's responsibility
to care for your family unit, not the ILs. If they've been supporting
your family for a year now, while they see that two able bodied
people are not working, one of whom is not even looking for a job,
then, yeah, they might feel used.
RESPONSE: I Don't Know What To Do
I can't say that I blame them. If you were able to get a job, DH
should have stayed home with the kids. Why were you both home?
Having someone depend on you for their finances is draining - emotionally
and financially. When DH gets a job - support the in-laws for 1
1/2 years and you will see why they are cranky.
RESPONSE: I Don't Know What To Do
My DH is currently out of work. He's retrenched, and his industry
is doing poorly, so he's likely to find it extremely difficult to
get another job. Certainly, it's possible to have to accept one
with lower pay. In the meantime, I have returned to work (I was
a SAHM, too) to keep the money rolling in (although I don't earn
what my DH did, at least it's flowing out slower). I don't take
offense at this. My DH is at home until he finds something, and
our child is enjoying getting to know his father better. And, he
is seeing how daddy can also do housework (which is good for children
to see). This is working for us - one parent is still working,
and one is still home, so that the kids are fine. I don't see,
really, how anyone could take offense at the suggestion to return
to the workforce while DH is out of work for 18 months. Certainly,
it would help, and it wouldn't have to be forever. Your ILs might
not be tactful, but they aren't monsters. Want to swap?
RESPONSE: I Don't Know What To Do
My DH was out of work for almost a year as well, and his parents
helped us out. I also went back to work, and earned as much money
as I could, to make sure at least most of our bills were getting
paid. My two small children were either home with daddy or in daycare
part time. I didn't expect his parents to bail us out or shower
us with presents. You should go back to work to support your family
and be grateful for the help that you receive. I understand how
rough this time can be for you, but please, be grateful that you
have family to help, and don't expect anything from them above that!!
RESPONSE: I Don't Know What To Do
Well, why SHOULD your children ask for expensive presents? That,
in itself, is just plain bad mannered. However, your IL's attitude
just stinks. I would tell them that neither you nor your children
expect anything in the way of gifts from them, and you and DH will
be paying them back what you owe them at a reasonable rate. Once
the "debt" is paid off, you won't be having any more to
do with them, except for weddings and funerals
RESPONSE: I Don't Know What To Do
You and DH should work. Your in-laws have every right to be mad
and feel used. But, I think that they should be mad at both of
you, not just you. If DH couldn't go to work, how come you didn't
get up and look for a job??? This is not 1960 where the DH provides
everything. I'm sorry to be a little harsh, but I just don't get
lazy people, and then you have the nerve to complain.
RESPONSE: I Don't Know What To Do
Your a SAHM????? Well, that doesn't seem to be working out right
know. You are not going to have a home (if you are not already
living with the ILs) if someone doesn't get out of the home and
into a job. And, other people are supporting you on top of children
and a DH who can't find work. You have got to be kidding me. If
I were your ILs, I would tell you to get your @Ss out of the home
and make some money for your family, too, because I'm sure that
they are not thrilled to be taking care of two adults and the children
whom they can't support. I think that if you're going to be a SAHM,
you need something else, like an education, to fall back on, in
case something happens to your DH, his job, or you get divorced.
You might not want to flip burgers, but you should have thought
about that before you bought children into the world whom "YOU",
NOT YOUR ILs, ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR!!!!! YOU, not just your husband,
have the responsibility to provide for your kids when needed. And,
it is not like you are setting a bad example by showing them that
mommy can do more than fold laundry, cook, clean, and live off the
ILs and not do anything about it. Step up to bat, quit complaining,
and when you are financially stable to take care of your own, that
is when you can afford to be a SAHM.
My MIL ruined our engagement.
How? FDH and I had just returned from a trip. We stopped
by her house to tell her about the trip, etc. MIL asked DH
if he wanted "it". He didn't understand and she
said, "You know - ", and then motioned like she was putting
a ring on her left ring finger. DH said, "No, not now!!!"
And, I quickly pretended that I hadn't heard a word. DH proposed
a week later. The ring had been his grandma's ring.
DH was having it resized for me while we were away, and MIL had
picked it up. When DH called MIL to tell her that we were
getting married, she got on the phone with me and told me that if
anything happened to our marriage, the ring was to be returned to
HER. It was a family "heirloom". No, the ring
is not expensive, but it does have sentimental value. Four
years later, we had a huge blowup with MIL. DH gathered up
everything that we had that was associated with MIL and took it
back to her, including the engagement ring! I didn't say anything,
but I was pretty upset about that. MIL never mentioned the
ring at all. I just wore my plain gold wedding band.
About 1 1/2 years later, DH gave me a new wedding set. It
is unique and very pretty. When I got the opportunity to show
it to MIL, she almost choked. But she finally said that it
was pretty.
Signed - The Rock Isn't
Big, But It's Precious to Me!!
RESPONSE: The Rock Isn't Big, But It's Precious to
Me!!
Good for your DH for cutting the apron strings and showing that
you come first (by returning all of MILs things). I'm sorry that
you lost the ring associated with the proposal, but now you and
DH have a set that is truly your own.
RESPONSE: The Rock Isn't Big, But It's Precious to
Me!!
You are definitely better off without the family ring if MIL is
going to hold it over your head that way. How could you possibly
enjoy a possession that wasn't truly yours? Even if it was, she
made you feel like it wasn't. DH was smart to give it back to her,
and the two of you had good instincts to just start over with your
own ring.
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