My grandmother, my mother's MIL,
ruined a lot of weddings and funerals. I remember my aunt's
wedding. My grandparents used to fight like cats and dogs
and everyone was hoping that they could contain themselves.
Well, to make a long story short, my GF must have said something
that my GM didn't like. This happened all the time, and
usually was over nothing offensive - but my GM felt the need to
blow it up. Trust me, I've seen her get mad over GF telling
her that she looked nice. At my aunt's wedding, GM and GF
had it out on the dance floor, and it ended with GM walking around
from table to table asking guest to take sides and asking some
people to leave with her from her own daughter's wedding.
It was awful, and my aunt had to ask her own mother to leave.
They really don't need to be together, but they've been together
so long - what's the point? Then there was my wedding.
You see, we had a last minute wedding. We were already engaged,
but my DH went into the service and got stationed very far away.
We went ahead and threw together a very nice wedding about 3 months
sooner than originally planned. This way, we could have
our families with us, and no one would have to take plane trips
back and forth to get married and not have the ones we loved with
us. My wedding was medium sized but sophisticated, and we
both enjoyed it until my GM pulled DH and me into the bathroom
to tell us that we needed to thank my aunt for helping us throw
this together at the last minute and making it look nice.
Now, I thanked my aunt privately many times, but I really didn't
feel like ruining the moment, as we'd had many uncertainties leading
up to that day. Either way it all worked out, but sometimes
wedding are when some family members tend to lose their grip.
Signed - It All Worked
Out
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Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
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My SIL has sold or regifted
every gift that I have given her, my brother, and her daughters,
with few exceptions. I always pay attention to what the girls
like to wear and what they enjoy playing with, but I never see my
gifts at the house. I am not sure that this is as bad as some
of these other things that I have read, but she has given me some
stinkers over the years and I always keep them around the house,
as much as I would love to regift them. I couldn't live with
myself if I sold the gifts at a yard sale, unless they were actually
used by the owner or didn't fit and couldn't be returned.
I do love my SIL and I wish I could come up with something that
she would like. My brother and I were close as kids, so I
know that he must like some of the stuff that I have given him,
but I never see it.
Signed - Confused
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
My MIL ignored my 2 year
old daughter on her birthday until about 8:30 PM. She called
just as I was putting DD to bed after our family party. On
our voicemail she said, "I almost forgot. Happy birthday,
anyway." I'm glad that my daughter is too young to listen
to the voicemail and too young to wonder why she never gets cards
or presents from grandma. She also ignores her on Christmas,
too.
Signed - She's Already
Got Enough Grandkids
RESPONSE: She's Already Got Enough Grandkids
My MIL doesn't even call. DD is her ONLY grandchild.
RESPONSE: She's Already Got Enough Grandkids
Your DD will soon learn what her GM is like, and will accept it.
Unfortunately, your MIL will never know the love and respect of
your precious DD. You will, though, and that's all that matters.
Don't let her get to you.
RESPONSE: She's Already Got Enough Grandkids
I sure hope that you and your DH don't acknowledge GRANNY'S birthdays!!
I guess if it's not important enough that she acknowledge your child's
birthday, then you don't have to acknowledge HERS!!! That's
one less person who YOU and DH have to worry about now!!
RESPONSE: She's Already Got Enough Grandkids
Does she pay a lot of attention to the other grandkids on their
birthdays, or does she just not put too much stock in fussing over
birthdays? The former would be hurtful, but the latter just might
be her own individual way of dealing with holidays/birthdays. Maybe
she just isn't one to make a big fuss or want a big fuss made over
her, either. People are different. But, you probably have more
to the story. It might not be what I say at all.
What a wonderful support
group. Like many of you, I can't even "go into it all".
But here is the most recent snippet. DH and I are going to
another state for his birthday for a vacation. DH loves that
state, and I thought that he would LOVE to spend his birthday there.
He agreed. He was talking to his mom a couple of nights ago
and the conversation went: MIL: "What is DIL getting
you for your birthday?" DH: "Our vacation."
MIL: "Is the vacation her birthday present to you?"
DH: "No." MIL: "Then why is she
going with you? Or why isn't this her birthday present?"
I don't know what DH said after that. He has learned to just
laugh at her because she has a "Shoulda, coulda, woulda"
about everything. So she thinks that my birthday present should
be going to a place that DH likes, to spend the week with DH's grandparents?
I told DH, "Like it's any of her business what I get you?"
Oh, I'm so sick of her little opinions that everyone should live
by. She, of course, never says anything like that in front
of me, because she knows that I'll tell her where to shove it.
So, she says it to DH - he has to listen to all of her cr@p.
Signed - DIL Who is Such
a Horrid Wife
RESPONSE: DIL Who is Such a Horrid Wife
She sounds like a jealous horse's @ss.
RESPONSE: DIL Who is Such a Horrid Wife
No, your DH doesn't have to listen to her cr@p. He just needs to
learn to NOT TELL HER EVERYTHING!! Yes, even little things, like
his birthday plans! It doesn't matter WHAT he says or does, it
sounds like your MIL always wants to be first in his life as his
MOMMY. So, the less she knows, the less cr@p he and you will have
to hear!!
RESPONSE: DIL Who is Such a Horrid Wife
I think that is a lovely way to spend any birthday. She was obviously
trying to say that you were dragging him to his favorite state for
your benefit. And, even if you were, it doesn't matter, because
you are married adults, and the best way to celebrate each other's
birthday is for both to have fun and not be so one sided (like her
suggestion that he take you to spend time at his GP home. Yuck!!!!)
Remember, she is on the outside looking in, and she doesn't know
what floats your relationship's boat or what's good for you, so
just tell her to flake off.
RESPONSE: DIL Who is Such a Horrid Wife
Oh, CAN WE TALK?! I hate your MIL! That's what I can't stand about
my MIL - all those unfair opinions about what everyone else "should"
be doing. But, your MIL sounds very immature. Who would ever THINK
that to really give your DH a nice gift, you should just send him
on the trip by himself and not go along with him (maybe she wishes
that you'd pay for her and your DH to go together, without you -
now, THAT would be a REAL present!)? Your MIL has some unusual
opinions, that's for sure. Is she a little jealous of you? I think
that your DH could help by not listening to her go on like that.
My MIL is much more likely to say things like that to me than to
my DH, because I think she senses that any inkling he gets that
they have a bad attitude about me will spoil their relationship
with him (their much-fussed-over only child). But, your MIL is
being completely ridiculous, and your idea of a present for your
DH sounds perfect. So, what your MIL is saying is, first of all,
if you want to give someone the gift of, say, taking them out to
dinner, you need to give them the money and send them by themselves.
You can't go with them, or else it isn't really a present for THEM?
Also, it sounds like her TRUE agenda is to get your DH to do something
with her (MIL's) family for his birthday. That would be the only
truly acceptable present? Is this some kind of power struggle?
I am forever scratching my head over my IL's attitudes and behavior.
We aren't kindred spirits. But, your MIL gives me a headache!
Best wishes.
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