Grandma and grandpa have both died,
so MIL was giving out the inheritance. DH and I got a mounted
fish, a box of poker chips, and an ice fishing pole (we don't
fish or play cards). I was told that they didn't want the
good stuff leaving the "real family". So, what
does that make her son? Is he not "real family"?
He is the first born son, and the only one to pass on the family
name through our son. The worst past of all is that, at
the funeral, all of these women, who were friends of grandma,
came up to me and asked me about my quilts. What quilts?
Grandma had been making quilts as wedding gifts and birth gifts
for her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. MIL kept
them for herself or gave them to her daughter.
Signed - Big Fat Liar
(At Least That's What MIL Says About Me)
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Worst gift: My ILs have
completely ignored my birthday for at least 5 out of the last 10
years. At Christmas I get discount department store vouchers
because they don't have the courage to give me nothing in front
of everyone. When MIL did buy a gift, it was always something
for the house. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I felt
that the thought was lacking: I got moss green towels for
my blue bathroom (and she's the one who quoted to me that blue and
green should never be seen), sheets patterned with gigantic blue
dolphins all over them, and tea towels. Meanwhile, she's in
competition with me over my children's gifts. We got DS a
slot car set for his birthday one year. We told her what we
had gotten him, so she went out and got him the same set.
She asked me what to get the kids, then she went and bought the
opposite. Or, she tries to get what I have already gotten.
So, I don't tell her what I am getting them anymore. When
she went overseas, she asked what DD needed. I said that she
needed clothes, mainly (DD was 6 months old and a spring baby) for
next summer. She asked, "What size?" I said,
"Size 1 (for a 1 year old)." She got DD a pair of
awful (even DH cringed when he saw them, and he's not known for
having taste in clothing) winter overalls in fake red velvet and
blue and yellow tartan. They had white lace on the edges and
flower buttons. She must have gotten them at a factory shop,
as they were obviously not size 1 as labeled. DD is 2, and
they are too big for her still, not that I'd let her wear them.
I boxed them up recently for charity.
Signed - No Gift is Better
Than A Thoughtless One
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Worst gift: For Christmas
a couple years ago, MIL had paid someone to make me one of those
"dish soap ladies" that covers your dish liquid bottle.
Specifically, it is a doll that you put over your bottle of dish
detergent liquid and it has a rubber doll head of an old woman that
covers the spout of the container. Attached is a cute little
saying about promptly washing your dishes and keeping your kitchen
clean or the dish lady will be after you. Ha, ha. I
know what you are all thinking, "What was wrong with that gift?"
Well, I will tell you - it looked identical to MIL. So every
day I would see her face sitting on my kitchen counter, staring
at me. Imagine it looking like your MIL. That creeps
you out, doesn't it? LOL!
Signed - Creeped Out
RESPONSE: Creeped Out
Throw it away.
RESPONSE: Creeped Out
That's hysterical. Thanks for sharing.
RESPONSE: Creeped Out
Good grief, definitely creepy. Can you not accidentally lose it?
RESPONSE: Creeped Out
LOL!!! It's like that Seinfeld episode with the Estelle doll!!
LOL!!
RESPONSE: Creeped Out
Get the type of pen that will write on just about anything (can
be found in photo stores)!
RESPONSE: Creeped Out
That's funny! To be honest, I thought that it was a bad enough
gift before you mentioned that it looks like your MIL!! Did you
ever watch "Seinfeld"? Do you remember that doll that
looked exactly like George's mother?
Not to sound ungrateful,
but there is a limit on what is considered "helpful".
About two years after my husband's accident, my MIL succeeded in
moving in with us. At first we flat out said no, and that
it would not be a good idea. Then, she made it so that we
felt obligated to give in, since she had left her job in the city
where she lived, etc., with the understanding that she would be
our "neighbor" downstairs. Now she has been with
us for over a year, and the whole idea of a neighbor does not even
remotely exist. The woman has no clue about boundaries, personal
space, and about privacy. We can't do or say anything upstairs
without her being in the know. And, consequently, SIL and
a bunch of people I do not know will also hear about it (of course,
it will be her interpretation of whatever it is, even the smallest
details). We have heard from SIL and from friends about all
kinds of things, and she is the only one who would have shared such
stories. I asked her to respect our personal space, so she
started waiting till I left for work before immediately coming upstairs.
So, now my husband asks that I leave quietly, because he really
does not want to deal with her. We pay her for her help, but
she does not contribute a cent to her living expenses. She
also has another part time job, and is very well off. Whenever
I go on a work trip and come home, everything is reorganized, even
some of my personal things. DH cherishes the time when she
leaves town, as I do. Of course, we will have to take care
of her cat during that time (we are both allergic), but it is worth
having our home back to ourselves, even for a week. Now my
husband and I are trying to figure out how to tell her that she
needs to move out. He wants to do it himself, which is great,
but it appears that he has not figured out how to do so without
hurting her feelings (although, some days that is not even remotely
a factor). Any suggestions?
Signed - Frustrated
RESPONSE: Frustrated
Any suggestions???? Tell your DH to open his mouth and be a man,
for goodness sake.
RESPONSE: Frustrated
You should have stuck to your "flat out no". Face it,
you let her move in and therefore sealed your fate.
RESPONSE: Frustrated
Uhh, sorry to tell you this, but any way he says it, it's going
to hurt her feelings for the simple fact that she wants it to.
Do you think that she wants to leave? No. So she will play every
card she can to stay. You shouldn't have let her move in.
RESPONSE: Frustrated
I don't think that he'll be able to not "hurt her feelings".
She will probably feign hurt at whatever attempt he tries. He probably
should just come out and tell her that he's all better, thank you,
and we don't want to keep you from experiencing the rest of your
life, mommy dearest.
RESPONSE: Frustrated
I wouldn't feel guilt. I would give her 2 options. I would tell
her that she may move out, since she feels that you are such a horrible
neighbor. Get your house key back or change the locks (we are changing
ours tonight!). OR, if she refuses, let her know that you found
a great rest home for her to live in, and you will help her pack
her things. Those are her two options. And, if neither of them
suit her, then her son may choose the one that suits him! AHAHHAHHAH.
RESPONSE: Frustrated
DH needs to just bite the bullet and do it. And, give her a deadline
for leaving. Just because she quit her job to move in (uninvited,
no less) didn't mean that you were obligated to let her move in.
And, stop worrying about "hurting her feelings" - it's
clear that she's not concerned about your feelings, or even her
own son's. And, you only owe her the same amount of consideration
that she gives the two of you.
RESPONSE: Frustrated
If you think that her feelings will be hurt, gently tell her that
she needs to stop rearranging your things. You appreciate her help,
but you want to do it yourself. You need to sit down with her and
let her know that it's just not working out for you. Tell her that
you know that she's spreading your personal business, even after
being asked not to, and she has 2 months to find another place.
Even if you have to pay the deposit, move her out. After she's
out, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, under ANY circumstances, give her a key
to your place.
RESPONSE: Frustrated
Yes. Go out and rent an apartment for her that takes cats. Pay
the deposit, first month's rent, etc. Set up the utilities, and
then let her know that you are going to help her move into her own
place. That way, when you pack up her stuff and set it out, she
cannot claim that she is homeless. You have provided a place for
her. It just won't be close to you two. Don't back down. Don't
get into the guilt game, and don't stop moving her stuff out. Change
the locks. Go on vacation.
RESPONSE: Frustrated
"DW and I love you very much, and appreciate you helping us
out (note: It's okay to tell white lies). We no longer need your
help, though, and it's time for us to be on our own and concentrate
on our marriage. If you'd like it, we'll help you look for a new
house/townhouse/apartment/condo/etc. We do expect you to leave
by [insert such and such date or time frame]. Thanks for all you've
done, Mom. You'll never know what it meant to us." I know
that it sounds false, but that's because it is. If you sound sincere
and reasonable, you should be met by sincerity and reason on her
part. Always try to let her make a classy exit. She may surprise
you. If not, fight fire with fire. Tell her what day she needs
to be out, and call the police if she hasn't left.
RESPONSE: Frustrated
There is probably no way to avoid hurt feelings in this case. You
and DH simply have to do what you have to do. DH can acknowledge
that he realizes that this is hurtful, and that he wouldn't do so
if the issue of needing personal marital space were not so important.
If she throws up all she thinks that she has done for him/you, he
(and you) have to keep your cool, and just keep saying that you
sincerely appreciate all her help, but that you deserve your privacy
as a couple, and hope she will come to understand and respect that
in time. DH can offer to help her find another place, but don't
be surprised if she refuses and heaps on the guilt. She will get
past her hurt feelings if she has a truly unselfish heart towards
her son. If not, then your DH doesn't have much to lose.
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