My MIL owns a restaurant, and the
people who work there are always asking her how her son is doing.
Well, she told me the other day that some customers were asking
if her son and I were still together, and how long we had been
married. She told them, "Yeah, they are still together,
and they have been together for 4 years. But they are just
in lust, not in love." Can you believe that?
I think that 4 years should account for something, not just lust.
And, why would she tell me this story to my face? UGggh!
Signed - In Lust, Not
In Love?
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Worst gift: My MIL always
gives me a magazine subscription for my birthday - her choice.
When we moved into a new home, I got a fancy shelter magazine.
When I was first pregnant, I got a mother's magazine. Thoughtful
and appropriate. This last year - out of the blue - I received
a "famous-named bird watcher's /nature" magazine.
I, like many members of my extended family, have a preternatural
fear of birds. This is such a regular part of our lives.
I can't imagine that she "forgot". I thanked her
anyway, and never mentioned that I drop the copies at the doctor's
office every month, turned upside down, so that I don't have to
see the heron (or whatever) on the cover. When the telemarketer
called to renew the subscription/membership, I told him that MIL
had sent it, and that I have a fear of birds. He burst out
laughing. "Sorry," he said. " She shouldn't
have done that to you. But that's the funniest thing I've
heard all day." This year, I got a renewal for the shelter
magazine. Phew!
Signed - Alfred Hitchcock
Ruined My Birthday Gift
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Worst gift: MIL gave
me a used makeup bag and an old stationary set for my birthday.
She told me that she had received them from someone, didn't like
them, and decided to give them to me. They are many years
old (70's). Then, they gave their son an old/used book for
his birthday. They keep giving him books on how to be a better
"Christian" man for his birthdays.
Signed - Annoyed DIL
RESPONSE: Annoyed DIL
Very annoying. It sounds like the ILs simply have no couth.
RESPONSE: Annoyed DIL
I come from a family that gave used gifts, too. DH had to clue
me in that most people aren't really thrilled to receive gifts like
that! I hope I've gotten better.
RESPONSE: Annoyed DIL
At least your MIL is consistent in her bad gift giving, in that
she treats her own S the same way. Try not to be too annoyed about
this, and throw or give away the gifts if the reminder is too much
to bear.
Ah, my MIL. I'm
perfectly willing and able to overlook quirks and weirdness in the
behavior of others (my own family is pretty strange), unless that
behavior is belittling or disrespectful (or could land someone in
jail) of anyone else. She just kills me. Past behavior
includes MIL being upset that my husband and I were having a dry
reception (I come from a religion that frowns on alcohol), so she
served hard drinks out of the trunk of her car in the parking lot.
The reception venue was at a county park and it is illegal to have
alcohol on site. We signed a contract with the venue that
stipulated that serving alcohol could result in a $5000 fine and
up to 30 days in jail, and she knew that. All of the bridesmaids
and my stepmother approached her about it, and she said that she
knew about the contract, but didn't care. When my husband
confronted her about it, she denied that she'd been doing anything
of the sort and blamed her nephew. She always insists on "helping"
us with stuff, i.e., taking over whatever project we're working
on. We had a new floor put down in the kitchen of the first
house that we lived in, and she just HAD to be there when we were
talking to the contractor. She let herself in with her own
key (my husband got it back from her after this incident) and then
dominated the conversation, asking questions that either had nothing
to do with the project at hand or were none of her business (cost,
his advice on how soon we should replace the carpeting in the dining
room, etc.). Her justification for all of this was that hubby
and I were "too young" to know how to handle these people.
At the same house she destroyed our rhododendron bush by pruning
it back too far (without our knowledge) and she pulled out all of
the wildflowers that I'd planted from seed because she thought that
they were weeds and she said "the grass looks nicer, anyway."
Let's not even discuss the meals that she's ruined by taking over
the cooking. When I was pregnant, she knew that the baby's
middle name was going to be my mother's middle name, to honor her
(my mother died when I was an infant). But she insisted on
telling people that we were naming our daughter after her.
How sad is it to be competitive with a dead woman? She also
kept insisting, no matter how many times I told her no, that we
pierce the baby's ears because she wanted to buy her diamond earrings.
Her justification was that "people of nationality do that",
and she has hinted that it might get done sometime when we leave
her alone with the baby (she's never been alone with the baby).
She was just a weirdo when I was in the hospital to have the baby
last year. I went in and was induced on a Sunday. And
when I still hadn't delivered on Tuesday morning, my OBGYN said
that we might have to consider a c-section. She said that
she'd "try to make it", but she had to get her brakes
fixed. And then she called FIL to have him fix them for her.
He laughed and came to the hospital. On Monday, while I was
still in the early stages of labor, she was upset that we might
have the baby on Tuesday because it was the anniversary of the death
of one of her cousins. She was pulling for a c-section on
Monday, even though THAT was the anniversary of the day MY adoptive
mother was buried. I don't actually buy into all that death
anniversary bad mojo crap, but it just seemed insensitive to me
that the death of her cousin was considered worse than the death
of the woman who raised me. And, anyway, trying to tell a
laboring woman what day she can have her baby for whatever reason
should be a jailable offense. She was also upset that I chose
to breastfeed, because that meant that she couldn't give the baby
a bottle. Our first night home from the hospital was a bad
one, with both the baby and I being new to nursing. And more
than once MIL came out of her room (she was staying with us) and
tried to take the baby from me. She told my husband that I
was just being cruel by not giving the baby a bottle. He told
her that any more interference and she'd need to find a hotel for
her final night in town. She is very jealous of the relationship
that my daughter has with my step-MIL. MIL lives several hours
away and visits once a month or so (thankfully, she stays with her
brother), but she seems to expect that we limit the amount of time
that the baby spends with FIL and step-MIL. She feels that,
"If baby's always with her, then she won't know that I'm her
grandmother." She constantly reminds us that SHE is the
baby's only grandmother (a nice little reminder for me in there,
too, lest I forget that my birth and adoptive mothers are both dead).
And, as far as she's concerned, that gives her special rights.
Uh, no. The last time she was here - unexpectedly - she tried
to veto a trip to an amusement park that we'd been planning with
FIL and step-MIL. IIRC, her exact words were, "I'm the
grandmother and I came all this way to spend time with MY baby."
We told her that she should maybe call before she comes up again,
but that we weren't going to break our plans. She just kept
repeating, "I'm the grandmother, her ONLY grandmother,"
until I finally snapped, and told her that she is one of four grandmothers,
actually, one of two living ones. And, step-MIL is the grandmother
who's around. Furthermore, if she seriously thought that guilt
was going to work with me, she was smoking crack. DD's first
birthday is coming up soon. She told me the other night on
the phone that she bought all the paper products and decorations,
and was ordering the cake. I told that her she'd have to take
it all back because I already bought that stuff and I'm baking the
cake myself. She sighed loudly and said that she couldn't
believe that I was depriving her of the joy of planning her granddaughter's
first birthday. I told her that she already had a first birthday
to plan thirty-four years ago, and that this one was mine.
She said that we'd "discuss it" (i.e., she'd call my DH
and whine about how unreasonable I'm being). I told her that
there would be no discussion, and if she insisted on trying to take
over this event, I would have absolutely no problem embarrassing
her in front of everyone. It should be fun!
Signed - Not Taking It
Anymore
RESPONSE: Not Taking It Anymore
You go, girl!
RESPONSE: Not Taking It Anymore
YOU ARE AWESOME!!! Keep handling her the way you are!
RESPONSE: Not Taking It Anymore
You're right, she is a piece of work. Thank goodness you have the
common sense to stand up for yourself and your baby. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Not Taking It Anymore
This lady needs to grow up. Don't invite her to your DD's birthday
party. Good luck!!!
RESPONSE: Not Taking It Anymore
I'm glad that you stood up to her! I was getting really mad at
her while reading your post. I'm glad the story ended on a happy
note.
RESPONSE: Not Taking It Anymore
Woah, she sounds truly awful and annoying. However, you and your
DH are doing a GREAT job of standing up to her. Well done! I must
learn to deal with my MIL like that!
RESPONSE: Not Taking It Anymore
Wow! Even when confronted, she keeps on going. Just like the Energizer
Bunny, LOL. Keep it up! You're doing great.
RESPONSE: Not Taking It Anymore
Your MIL sounds like a nut job. My FMIL also tries to play the
"family card", which irritates me to no end. I hope FH's
whole family disappears into the earth, never to be found again.
I know where you're coming from. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Not Taking It Anymore
You are in a good position. Your DH backs you, you keep her at
a distance, and you do not buy into her crud. She is a pain, but
you seem to be doing ok. The fight for the baby will go on forever,
but she needs to be reminded, every time, that she is one of many
grandmas. So, you are doing it fine. And, thumbs up to your DH
for backing you all the way.
RESPONSE: Not Taking It Anymore
Good for you. I wish that I had your nerve. I'm currently 8 1/2
months pregnant with our first, and MIL believes that the baby is
hers, too. She actually said that what my DH and I didn't understand
was that when we have a baby, it will be like it was HER baby.
She doesn't approve of my feeding choice, either. She is jealous
of my mother, because she is going to be taking care of my baby
once I'm back at work (my mother lives 10 minutes away, MIL lives
3 hours away!). MIL actually ruined my baby shower by deciding
to "confront" my mother about the baby-sitting arrangements,
and then proceeded to ask me, at least six times, about when I was
going to call her from the hospital. None of her DILs have ever
invited her to wait in the hospital during delivery, and she insists
that she will be there with me. I don't think so! She aggravates
me too much when I'm not in labor. I don't even want to consider
what I'd do if she was around at such an intimate and vulnerable
time, trying to take my baby from me. Of course, you have a different
situation because your mother and stepmother have passed. But I
can feel your pain, to a degree. What makes MIL's think that they
have the right to raise your child for you, anyway?
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