This is basically just a vent.
It's nothing big, but it irritated me. DS was 2 months old
the first time MIL saw him. I had to bring him to her house
for her to see him. Her boyfriend, of about a month, was
there at the time. She kept referring to her BF as my son's
grandpa. This was the first time that I had met this man,
and DH had never met him. She had only been with him for
a month, and she was saying that he was DS's grandpa. I
think not! I wouldn't have minded her calling him his grandpa
if he had been DH's stepfather, if he had been like a father figure
to DH, or if he had been her partner for a while. But, since
she had only known and dated this guy for a month, I had a problem
with it. The most irritating part was when she heard me
refer to her stepfather as DS's great grandpa - she didn't like
that one bit. The man was married to her mother, so he WAS
DS's great grandpa. She also didn't like it whenever DH's
father was referred to as DS's grandpa. It just made me
mad that she thought that she could just choose who MY child's
grandparents were!
Signed - Her BF Is
Not My Child's Grandfather
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My MIL is just so manipulative!
She expects my husband and I to help her financially when she needs
it (all the time). Several years ago, she decided to divorce
her husband, and asked us to pay for the divorce. I said,
"HE!! NO!" I liked her husband more than I liked
her. Her car tore up, so we had to pay because she couldn't
save up her own money, although she is constantly buying, buying
CR@P! She insists on coming to stay when my husband is off
from work (he gets seven days off every five weeks). When
she comes, she never has a dime, but she wants to go, go, go and
eat out. We can't go anywhere that we want to unless we pay
for her to go as well. My DH is even getting sick of it.
She heard that I wanted a new car, and she expected us to GIVE her
my old one. I wasn't even getting a new car, I just commented
that I liked a new model that had come out. BUT, she assumed,
and told everyone that I was getting a new car, and that we could
give her mine. My DH told her, "Don't think so!"
If she's not hinting for herself, then she's hinting about how poor
his brother or sister are, and about how many children they have.
They all assume that because we don't have children, we should sacrifice
to give them handouts all the time. Don't get me wrong, I
believe in helping family or ANYONE who needs it, but it seems selfish
when they eat out constantly, buy expensive items, and don't sacrifice,
etc. They just ask us for a handout!
Signed - Tired of Handing
OUT!
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
My MIL has a serious
problem with letting her 31 year old son get married. Every
couple of months she will start with us by commenting on anything
and everything just to make us upset. Recently, 3 week before
we move into our new home, and 10 months before the wedding, she
has started to say that she doesn't like me. This coming from
the mother who gave us a very large amount towards our home for
a wedding present. It doesn't make sense. She is so
worried about losing her son to me that she thinks that if she acts
this way, he will give in to her. We just don't know what
else to do to get her to be happy for us?
Signed - Crazed
RESPONSE: Crazed
There's nothing that you can do. You can't change her, but you
can change how you react to her. So, just forget her! Hopefully
DH never gives in to her.
RESPONSE: Crazed
Your DF needs to let her know, in no uncertain terms, that you will
be his wife and will come first in his life. If your FMIL wants
to be in your life at all, then she needs to be polite and respectful
to you, and not badmouth you behind your back. Start training her
the way you want her to behave now, or forever hold your peace!
RESPONSE: Crazed
I don't think that she could be happy for you, as she seems to be
concerned with her "happiness" first and foremost. Just
do what you feel is right. She will either accept it or decide
to be miserable (your actions do not make her that way, that is
what SHE is CHOOSING to feel like).
RESPONSE: Crazed
There is nothing that you can do to make her happy for you. She
sounds like a miserable person who wants everyone else to feel that
way, too. Does your DF stick up for you and put you first, ahead
of his mother? That is the only thing you need to worry about.
Otherwise, just love each other, have a wonderful wedding, and pay
her back any money you owe her or she will hold it over your head
forever.
RESPONSE: Crazed
I wish that she would be happy for you! Recently, when I was fretting
about an acquaintance who is very negative about me and my life,
I read this adage somewhere, "You don't go to a hardware store
to get milk." Trying to get something out of someone who just
doesn't operate that way is an exercise in futility! Your MIL sounds
difficult. What decent, mature woman would behave as she does,
and try to break you up? It may be hard for you to see this, but
maybe her opinion isn't really worth much. My advice would be to
just distance yourself from her. Keep being kind, polite, and civil.
Maybe be on the quiet side when you're around her. Something you
might want to consider, too, is whether you WANT to have a big wedding
if there are people like her making trouble? That would give me
gray hairs! I highly recommend eloping. But, that's just my two
cents, and it's a lot more advice than you asked for! You have
to do it your own way. I wish you well. I hope that your fiancé
is worth it, if his mother is THAT difficult. Please only go through
with it if he is such a decent guy, and you KNOW that he's the only
one in the world for you! If you aren't sure, remember the saying,
"Guys are like trains, another one will be along in 20 minutes!"
Throughout our engagement,
my MIL tried her best to talk my husband out of marrying me, because
she didn't want him to leave her. She was in denial of our
upcoming wedding until the very day. She bought her dress
the week of the wedding, and insisted on wearing BLACK because she
was "in mourning". I think that it finally sank
in on the night of our rehearsal dinner. While my husband
and I were standing at the alter, I glanced back at her and noticed
that she was bawling her eyes out. At first, I was touched,
because I thought that she was finally coming around. The
next day, I spoke to one of my bridesmaids who mentioned that MIL
was sobbing the whole time because she couldn't believe that her
DS was actually going through with this marriage. Then, to
top it off, she spent the entire night before our wedding trying
to convince her DS to call the whole thing off. The day of
our wedding, she wore her horrible black dress, didn't get her hair
done, wore no-make-up, and sat stone-faced throughout the entire
ceremony and reception. When she danced with my husband, she
gripped him as though he was her own husband, and looked over in
my direction with complete contempt. I don't think that she
looked in my eyes or said 10 words to me all day long.
Signed - This Isn't Even
The Worst Of It
RESPONSE: This Isn't Even The Worst Of It
Your MIL obviously needs psychiatric help!
RESPONSE: This Isn't Even The Worst Of It
I can just imagine her cold stare. Why can't she just get a life
of her own and stop poking her nose into yours! Hopefully, her
black dress can be worn at her own funeral. And, for your sake,
I hope it's not too far off!!
RESPONSE: This Isn't Even The Worst Of It
If my FMIL were to be invited to my wedding (which she is not),
I would certainly expect something like that from her, too. Isn't
it sad how immature some MILs act? Hindsight is 20/20, but either
you or your husband should have just told that old b!tch to leave
the wedding if she couldn't find fit to act decently.
RESPONSE: This Isn't Even The Worst Of It
Your MIL is a pathetic cow.
RESPONSE: This Isn't Even The Worst Of It
Don't let the old bat railroad you. You are number one in DH's
life now, and make sure HE reminds her that that's his job.
RESPONSE: This Isn't Even The Worst Of It
Well, when she looks at wedding pictures and sees how horrible she
looks, she'll hopefully see what a total idiot she was behaving
like!
RESPONSE: This Isn't Even The Worst Of It
It is stunning to me that she could have been so utterly selfish!
She behaved like a three year old.
RESPONSE: This Isn't Even The Worst Of It
I thought that I was reading my own wedding story - until the BLACK
dress. My MIL wore a PINK dress. My mom wrote to her, telling
MIL that she was planning to wear a pink suit. MIL did not reply,
but wore the ugliest PINK knit dress. It was three sizes too small.
It looked all pilled, dirty, and out of style. The thin, matching
belt was invisible between the sausage like bulges. I have seen
her wear nicer things to work. My mother looked like a queen.
SIL was invited to stand up to the wedding. I chose a fancy fabric,
and a friend was making dresses in various styles to flatter each
woman. SIL refused to play along. She wore her 10 year old prom
dress, instead. Everyone cried and tried to talk DH out of it.
No one spoke to me or my family at all. Oh yeah, they left early
the next morning, missing out on the brunch that my folks gave.
Sheesh! Still can't look at the photos 10 years later.
RESPONSE: This Isn't Even The Worst Of It
Wow! Your MIL sounds like she could be my MIL's best friend. It
sounds like they traded notes on how to be a witch at their son's
weddings!!! Several months after my wedding, I found out that my
MIL would not even get out of bed the morning of my wedding. She
had a house full of out of town guests, and insisted that she was
too sick to get up! My SIL said that she could not believe the
way my MIL was acting, like it was the end of the world because
her baby boy was getting married. To make matters worse, during
the 8 years that DH and I dated, MIL tried to set him up with other
girls, knowing full well that we were serious and were considering
marriage after finishing our college educations! My MIL also wanted
to wear black to our wedding! I flat out told her that it was inappropriate.
She laughed, and said that I was being superstitious (this comes
from a woman who routinely consults with a fortune teller via phone).
She actually said that the reason she wanted to wear black was because
it made her look nice and classy. Fortunately, when she was stupid
enough to brag to her coworkers about wearing a black dress to her
own son's wedding, they berated her for it, and she felt so guilty
that she ended up with a navy blue dress instead. She actually
had the nerve to complain to me that she did not understand why
her coworkers were so upset when they heard about her plans!!!
I just shook my head. If she would have listened to me, she wouldn't
have made a fool of herself at work. But, that was her choice!
The day of the wedding my MIL proceeded to make a fool of herself,
again. We had our pictures taken before the ceremony. While the
groomsmen were getting their photos taken, the rest of the bridal
party, including my mother and MIL, stood to the side. MIL started
commenting about how I was not wearing enough lipstick. My mom
and the bridesmaids looked at me and said that my makeup looked
fine (my MIL likes to wear a LOT of makeup). My MIL insisted that
it did not look good, and she proceeded to pull out HER tube of
lipstick (yuck!!!!) and move toward me. She was actually trying
to apply HER lipstick on me! I kept backing away. I'm surprised
I did not trip, because the sidewalk was brick. And, trust me,
I would have KILLED her on the spot if she had gotten lipstick on
my wedding gown, as we had not even had the ceremony yet! I finally
told one of my bridesmaids to get my purse and she *pretended* to
touch up my lipstick. When she stepped back, my psycho MIL said,
"See, I told you, you weren't wearing enough lipstick. It
looks SOOOO much better now!" She said this with a look of
triumph while everyone else stood around with a look of disbelief
on their faces at her behavior. My bridesmaids and mom had heard
me complain about my MIL before, but you should have seen their
faces when they saw my MIL act like this in real life. MIL made
a total fool of herself and felt proud, like she deserved a damn
cookie or something. MIL had a stone face during the wedding, yet,
being her typical, superficial self, she managed to paste on a fake
smile for the photos (heaven forbid she didn't look good in pictures).
What's funny is that she looked so stiff in my pictures. One of
my bridesmaids saw my wedding photos with DH's family and ask why
my MIL looked so "weird". I think it was because she
looked so fake. At the reception, MIL sent FIL over to our sweetheart
table to send me the message NOT to eat too much because she was
afraid that I would burst out of my gown!!! OK, I was really mad.
MIL has always made digs about my weight. Granted, I am not a size
6, but I am not a cow. I was in no way even CLOSE to busting out
of my dress. In fact, I still had some extra room in the torso.
And, because I was so busy making rounds during the wedding, I only
took about 3 bites of food. So, it wasn't like I was sitting there
stuffing my face! I found out (a year later), from my SIL, that
the day of the wedding, MIL was the one who could NOT fit into her
dress!!! She insisted on buying a dress that was tight to begin
with (even though I had told her that she should go with the bigger
size, just in case) and I guess she really had to suck it in to
squeeze herself into her dress! I was livid when I found out this
information! Here she was, nit-picking ME, when SHE was the one
busting out of her stupid dress! She even had the nerve to criticize
my mother's gown. We had two receptions. My MIL wore the same
dress to both receptions, but my mom had two different gowns. My
MIL actually pulled me aside after our second reception (which was
more informal), and told me that she did not like my mom's dress.
She felt that she should have worn the other dress - the one that
she had worn on the day of my wedding (at my first reception)!!!
I thought that my mom looked beautiful and elegant. I think that
my MIL was jealous!!! My MIL did the same thing with the mother-son
dance. She clung to my DH, as if SHE were the bride. Then, when
it came time for us to go back to our rightful partners, she threw
a scene and refused to dance with my FIL (her marriage to my FIL
is a sham, she hates him). My poor FIL reached out for her arm
and she kept pulling away, scowling at him. By the time she finally
agreed to dance with him, the song was over and the rest of the
guests were invited onto the dance floor. Meanwhile, a LOT of the
guests had seen the scene between my MIL and FIL! Once again, she
made herself look like a fool!!! My wedding day was literally perfect.
The only bad memories that I have ALL involve my MIL and her antics.
I still find it hard to believe that my evil MIL gave birth to my
wonderful DH. Maybe he was switched at birth!
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