Worst gift: I had a
very formal wedding. My MIL wore a hideous dress and refused
to allow her husband to wear the tuxedo. She gave us no
wedding gift at the time. Several months later, she wanted
to get rid of an old huge desk, and asked my husband if he would
like to have it. He looked at me, not knowing what to say.
Then, she spoke up and said, "Just consider this your wedding
gift." We ended up giving it to charity. She
probably purchased it at a garage sale. She never buys gifts
for me or the kids, not even a card. She is so rude, and
I can't stand her.
Signed - Evil MIL
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My MIL is a strange one.
She is a widow who acts helpless and thinks that my husband is the
man of her house (her own words). My mother is a widow, too,
but she learned how to do things for herself, like change light
bulbs and stuff. Seriously, when a light bulb goes out, my
MIL will call my husband to come over and change it. She never
calls for us to visit. She only calls him to fix something,
put something together, or turn on the DVD player so that she can
watch a movie. We live thirty minutes away, so it is a hassle
to go out of our way just to turn on a DVD player. The worst
thing that she has done so far was directed towards my husband,
really. After my husband and I graduated college, his family
celebrated his grandfather's 80th birthday. They all wanted
us to be there, and because it was in a different state, they bought
our plane tickets and paid for our hotel room. Of course,
we didn't mind because DH's family, with the exception of MIL, is
rich. My husband and I had struggled getting through college,
and both of us paid for it ourselves by working and taking student
loans (we are still paying for it). We were very proud of
our accomplishments. However, we were in extreme credit card
debt at the time, because we had to buy all of our gas, groceries
and other expenses for the last few years on credit cards.
We barely could pay the rent most months, and we lived with my own
mother for 2 1/2 years because we were so broke. We were at
the "party" for grandpa when my MIL and her brother were
sitting at a table behind me talking. They were both quite
tipsy. Her brother, DH's uncle, started talking about how
they were so shocked to see that DH would actually graduate college.
Hello? He was the first one to do so. Most of his cousins
are older and are college dropouts. MIL went on to tell him
"thank-you" for all the money that he had sent her to
help DH get through school. I was shocked. I found out
later from my SIL (whom I love) that DH's uncle was sending MIL
money every month (like $500) to give to DH to help him through
school. In fact, she was mad that we would supposedly get
this money and complain about being broke. We never got one
cent of that money, ever. Even though MIL knew that we were
struggling, and knew how hard it was to pay our bills, she could
not have cared less, and kept all the money to herself. To
this day, DH won't confront her, because he is just happy that we
have come so far on our own without help from his family, and thinks
that a confrontation would destroy their relationship. Now,
three years later, we are about to move into a brand new house,
closer to my family and his, and we are expecting our first baby.
I refuse to talk to my MIL anymore, because she wouldn't stop telling
me how she was going to do a nursery for our baby at her house,
and how she wants me to drop the baby off every weekend, starting
when it is 2 weeks old. I felt like a surrogate mother for
her baby. She even was talking about buying formula, diapers,
clothes, bottles, and whatever else for her baby. She actually
got mad because we want the sex of the baby to be a surprise, and
she demands that I get another ultrasound to find out. Of
course, she never says this in front of DH, it is just directed
at me. I couldn't handle it, so I made DH talk to her.
She denied everything, that she told me about the baby, but DH was
still mad, and I think that it scared her that DH confronted her
about it. What's even weirder is that the minute she found
out that I was pregnant, she offered to help us with the down payment
on the house. She didn't offer it when we started to build
the house, or when we were struggling through school, only when
she found out that I was pregnant. I made DH tell her "no"
because I was afraid that if she gave us any money, she would make
us feel obligated to let her watch the baby whenever she wanted,
and she would always have something to throw in our face.
I am glad that DH is starting to support me before the baby is born.
I think it is because he doesn't want me to refuse to let her see
the baby. There have been many other things, and I am sure
that there will be more in the future. I just needed to get
this off of my chest. Thanks for listening.
Signed - Uncertain of
Future
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
My DH and I have only
been married for six months, and my FMIL had to move in with us,
because they think that they are unable to take care of themselves.
My DH does not want to put them in any kind of assisted living or
nursing home, so they moved in with us. My MIL has a way of
doing things that make me feel like she is using me. Recently,
since she does not drive, she asked me to take her to the store.
When we got there, she started putting a lot of things into the
shopping cart, saying how nice they look. Well, when we got
to the register, it rang up at $110. She handed me $20 and
told me that that was all she had, and asked me to please help her
pay the rest. I ended up paying $90 for all of it. To
make it even worse, after that store she wanted to go to the grocery
store. And, when I asked her if she had any more money, she
said that she just wanted to look. Anyhow, to make the story
short, when we were at the grocery store, she took out another $30
to buy some other things. I thought that she had no money
to pay at the first store. I felt so used. Am I wrong
to feel this way? And, what can I do to make sure that this
doesn't happen in the future? I'm scared to take her to the
store.
Signed - Used by MIL
RESPONSE: Used by MIL
You feel that you are used BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING USED! Tell her
Merry Christmas, as that was her present. And, make that the end
of it.
RESPONSE: Used by MIL
Don't take her anywhere.
RESPONSE: Used by MIL
Don't take your wallet next time, only bring your driver's license.
Then, when she asks you to pay, smile sweetly and tell her that
you left your wallet at home.
RESPONSE: Used by MIL
When you take her shopping, leave all money, checks and credit cards
home.
RESPONSE: Used by MIL
I can understand that you would feel used. Next time, take her
to the store, but just don't take any money/checks/credit cards
with you! She'll soon get the hint.
RESPONSE: Used by MIL
She only uses you because you let her. Next time, leave her at
the checkout with the cart full of her stuff.
RESPONSE: Used by MIL
The next time she does this, tell her that her purchases are not
in your budget. Make her put back what she cannot pay for!!!
RESPONSE: Used by MIL
Now that she's got your number, so to speak, she will do this again.
Next time you take her to the store, tell her that you'll wait in
the car. Or, go shop around and meet her at the car. My MIL is
the same way. This is a trait that I dislike in any human being,
but with a MIL it just makes it worse.
RESPONSE: Used by MIL
When she asks you to drive her to the store, don't bring anything
with you but your driver's license. When everything is rung up
and she asks you to pay, tell her very clearly (so the clerk can
hear you) that this was her shopping trip and these are her purchases,
so you didn't bring any money with you. It shouldn't take too many
embarrassing moments at the cash register for her to stop trying
to make you pay for her purchases.
RESPONSE: Used by MIL
You fell for her "I don't have any more money " once,
don't let it happen again. If you take her to the store and she
doesn't have enough to pay for what she selected, then she has to
put things back. DON'T PAY THE DIFFERENCE. Every time you pay
her way, you tell her that she can use you. Do you have senior
citizen transportation in your town? If so, encourage her to use
it. Get the schedule, and all other info, and give it to her.
If she refuses to use it, only take her to the store when you are
already going, AND DON'T PAY FOR HER STUFF. Let her know that she
has to be somewhat independent, not a burden. If she is a burden,
you will resent her. Set and keep boundaries of acceptable behavior.
Over Christmas, I thought
it would be a nice idea to invite my ILs, parents, brothers, and
2 best friends over for Christmas dinner. Since our 2 friends
are more like family, I thought it would be a nice way to have everyone
whom we care about together. I know that my MIL and BIL hate
my guts for "breaking apart their family", but I had no
idea how much. First of all, my BIL didn't even show up.
MIL showed up, but barely looked at me, let alone spoke to me.
After a lovely dinner (which I slaved over), I left the kitchen
to have a long talk with one of my brothers. MIL stayed in
the kitchen with my 2 friends and bashed me for an hour! She
went on and on to my best friends about how I manipulate my husband
(??) and how I maliciously destructed her family!! My FIL
(who was the only one who actually liked me) passed away 2 years
prior. One of my friends (he was our best man) got so upset
at the way that she was talking about me in my own home that he
actually had to get up and leave. My other friend (his fiancée),
stayed behind and defended me, which just pissed MIL off even more!
What kind of woman would do that? She came into my house,
stuffed her face with the food I made, then completely badmouthed
me to my best friends as soon as I left the room. Either she's
completely irrational, or she wanted it to get back to me, because
why in the he!! would she bash me to my best friends? Needless
to say, that was the last straw for me and we haven't really spoken
to her again since then. THANK GOD!
Signed - Merry Christmas
To Me!
RESPONSE: Merry Christmas To Me!
I hate your MIL!
RESPONSE: Merry Christmas To Me!
WHERE IS YOUR HUSBAND?!!! Is he afraid of his mother, or just living
with blinders on?!!! Tell him to speak up, or he'll be back living
with his no-good mama!!!!!!!!
RESPONSE: Merry Christmas To Me!
Does DH know this? If not, you need these 2 friends to bring it
up again in front of DH so that he can understand that his mom was
VERY disrespectful to you and to him in your house. Assuming that
he does know, keep it in mind EVERY major and minor holiday. I
know that family gets a lot of leeway that you'd never give a stranger,
but that doesn't mean that you have to be a doormat either. If
she'll say such ugly things in your home to your friends, then you
can safely extrapolate that she does and says similar things on
her own turf with a sympathetic audience. Why would you spend your
valuable time and energy with such a person? And, when the inevitable
plaintive whining starts up about how she never sees her FAAAMILY,
DH should be the one to point out how her disrespectful words and
actions toward you both have resulted in her being left alone.
Her actions, her choice, and her consequences. If she'd like to
see more of you, then her attitude needs to show marked improvement.
Deep in your heart, you may want to say a big thank you, because
now you know exactly what you're dealing with, and you don't have
to waste precious years trying to win her over.
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