We were at a family funeral (DF's
side) a couple of years ago. A bunch of us were outside
chatting in the parking lot before the funeral. FNMIL decided
to do introductions, so FBIL was introduced and then my DF was
introduced. I was standing in-between both of them, and
she blatantly skipped right past me! Gee, DF and I had only
been together for 7 years at that point!!! Some elderly
lady had to ask who I was. And, then FMIL just kind of chuckled,
as if she just hadn't seen me standing there, right in front of
her face. My DF did my introduction and gave his mom a dirty
look. What a b!tch!
Signed - Trying to
Cope
0
1
0
Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
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I love my MIL dearly,
but she needs to learn to keep her nose out of our business.
DH makes the mistake of telling me what his mother has said, and
it drives me insane. Last Monday, I was outside mowing the
yard, which I wanted to do. MIL and SIL had our 22 month old,
and drove up to bring her home. MIL saw me mowing the yard.
She didn't say anything at that moment. However, DH said that
she jumped all over him later. WTH. I told him to tell
her that she needs to stay out of our affairs. If I want to
mow the farking yard, that should be between DH and me, NOT HER.
She has asthma, so she can't mow their yard. Well, I don't
have asthma, and I am fully capable of mowing my own freaking yard.
Personally, I like doing yard work. I HATE HOUSE CLEANING.
DH helps out with the housecleaning, so what rule says that I can't
mow the freaking yard?
Signed - Frustrated with
MIL
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
I am currently engaged
to be married, and my FMIL absolutely hates me. It has been
so bad at times that she has threatened to cut him off, and she
did. She wants nothing to do with me, or our relationship.
I know that he loves me and wants to spend his life with me, but
what about her? I was just wondering how some of you survived,
and if your situations have been similar.
Signed - I Was Just Wondering
RESPONSE: I Was Just Wondering
Cut him off? From what? If he's financially dependent on her,
there's no way that he should be getting married!
RESPONSE: I Was Just Wondering
Don't worry about her. She has had her day, and now must step aside.
FDH is your priority, and you are his. He is your immediate family,
and the MIL is peripheral - if not irrelevant.
RESPONSE: I Was Just Wondering
We survived by living a long way away, by not seeing her often,
and by eventually (when those visits became too ugly) not seeing
her or speaking to her at all. That last one was a decision that
I left entirely up to DH, but it has been a good one - even more
so for him than for me.
RESPONSE: I Was Just Wondering
I was recently reading the archives of this site, and I ran across
a Dr. Phil story that may help you and your DF clarify the relationship
with his parents. It seems that a young man and woman were engaged,
and his parents actively disliked the girl. They had threatened
to cut off their son, to skip the wedding, and even to commit suicide
if their son went through with his plans to marry the girl, whom
they disapproved of so terribly. Dr. Phil told the couple that
they were not responsible for anyone's actions but their own. Then,
he pointed out that if they gave into emotional blackmail now, they'd
be doing it for the rest of their lives. Finally, he said that
the next time the man's parents threatened to kill themselves or
to avoid the wedding ceremony, all the son and FDIL had to say was,
"Well, we'll miss you," in a neutral tone. And, then
they should move the conversation along to a new topic. I love
Dr. Phil.
My girlfriend's mother
is one of those passive-aggressive people who makes little "digs"
and then passes it off. Here are a few examples: Knowing
I'm agnostic, she tells her sister, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, "I
just hope God has mercy on the souls of agnostic people."
When my girlfriend (who wasn't there at the time) demanded an explanation
later, it was "Oh, I forgot she was agnostic." She's
also not a cat person, which is fine, not everyone is. But
I do work in animal rescue, and had been fostering some sick kittens
(they had simple eye infections at the time). What did she
say? "Poor things, why don't you just put them to sleep?"
Okay, I'll remember that next time YOU have an eye infection.
These are just a few gems, and I hear it almost EVERY DAY.
If I didn't love my girlfriend so much, I would have been out ages
ago, just cause...
Signed - I Can't Stand
Her Mother
RESPONSE: I Can't Stand Her Mother
Humans are more valuable than animals. Don't put kittens above
your MIL.
RESPONSE: I Can't Stand Her Mother
Learn fancy comebacks! To the mercy comment: "(yawn) I doubt
it. I'm actually looking forward to he!!. Great suntans, you know."
For the ill cat: "But, I've already shelled out $500 for the
witch doctor! Maybe I can borrow some of your cooking to speed
her death along?" If you can't say them out loud, just thinking
them may help. Good luck!
RESPONSE: I Can't Stand Her Mother
The trick with these passive-aggressive types is to call them out
on the spot. They do their passive-aggressive thing because honesty
and direct confrontation make them squirm. You have to say, right
then and there, "Are you suggesting that you feel I am a sinner?"
If she denies it, then say, "It is hard to imagine any other
meaning, and you might want to choose your words with more respect."
With the kitty eye-infections, again, why not come right out and
say what you were thinking, that no one would put an innocent child
down due to an eye infection, and you hope that she will be more
considerate of your special concern for animals in the future.
Say it all with dignity and without anger, but DON'T let her pass
it off! I think that once she realizes that you are willing to
risk her comfort by confronting her in front of others, she will
have to back off!
RESPONSE: I Can't Stand Her Mother
Yup, my MIL makes little digs like your GF's mom. These types of
people have VERY little compassion for other people and living creatures.
My dad had to have major surgery a few years ago. My MIL really
tried to downplay it, and was upset that he was getting so much
attention. Heaven knows that if my MIL was the one having that
surgery, she would expect the whole world to stop what they were
doing to be at her beck and call. She said many hurtful things,
and I was sooo tempted to say, "Well, just wait until you have
to have this kind of surgery later on. You wouldn't be saying these
type of things now." Some people just really do NOT think
before they open their mouths.
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