Worst gift: My MIL couldn't
believe that I had purchased a male dog (her son liked the female
version). And so, on our anniversary, she agreed to watch
him overnight while we stayed at a romantic hotel. When
we got back, she had him neutered as a "gift"!
Signed - The Woman
is Insane
0
3
0
Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
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Whenever my MIL comes
over to our house, she often comments on how messy our house is.
Why can't she understand that I have to look after my baby and catch
up on sleep besides doing household chores? I find her house
messy too, but I don't go to her house and tell her, "Oh gosh,
your house badly needs some cleaning up!" Another thing
that irks me is that, if MIL and SIL come to my house with the intention
of playing with the baby and find that the baby is asleep, they
just wake him up by switching on the lights or rousing him awake!
She raised 3 kids! Doesn't she know how important sleep is
to a baby and to his mother?! When my husband and I told her
not to do that, she was quite unhappy about it. Sigh!
I rest my case.
Signed - MIL Gives Me
Headache
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
When my son was born,
MIL gave him a pair of sandals. The price tag was still on
them (which is required by everyone in the family, as she sometimes
shops in dumpsters). The sandals were marked down from an
original $5 to $1. So, they were clearance (i.e., not returnable).
And, when I looked at the sandals, I noticed that they were a size
5 for toddlers, and were covered in pink daisies. While I
have no problem with putting my son in pink or orange or yellow,
I do have big problems with pink flowers.
Signed - Pair Of Sandals
RESPONSE: Pair Of Sandals
Your MIL is a NUT!!!
RESPONSE: Pair Of Sandals
Give them to charity. Someone's little girl will have a use for
them. Oh, and your MIL is a flake, but, then, you already knew
that.
RESPONSE: Pair Of Sandals
I can understand your not wanting your child to wear the sandals
on stylistic grounds, but requiring a price tag because MIL dumpster
dives and bargain shops? I'm sorry, that marks you as greedy and
tacky in my book. Assuming the gift was A) clean and B) appropriate,
how much it cost your MIL is none of your damned business. You
have *no right* to expect her to spend a certain amount of money
on your or your child, ever. Some people (I'm one of them) get
a kick out of bargain hunting. Who are you to look down your nose?
I never knew that something
like this existed - this is awesome. I've been having troubles
with my MIL/FIL since the day after our wedding (literally).
I was married once before, and have a son from my previous marriage.
I never realized that people could be SO mentally cruel to children.
I love my husband very much. We now have a child between us
as well - so we've been blessed with 2 wonderful children.
Just last night, we were talking with my FIL about what's been going
on and how we have been feeling. He had the audacity to say,
"Well, you know, YOUR SON really isn't our grandchild, so what
are we suppose to do?" How about just treating him the
way you would treat a kid off the street, and not like some 2nd
class citizen. I'm so frustrated, hurt and angry that I'm
so ready to bail. I'm willing to put my love for my husband
aside and walk. I don't want to go down this road again.
I made a life for myself before, and I will just do it again.
My husband is totally on my side, but he does nothing. I could
spit nails. Yet when she stops over, I act as though nothing
is wrong. It is to the point that when something is going
on, or we are going somewhere, my son will ask if she'll be there.
If she is there, he's upset because he knows that he'll get yelled
at, but the "true" grandson who's doing the same thing
will not. Anyone have any suggestions????
Signed - Ready to Bail
RESPONSE: Ready to Bail
Tell DH, in no uncertain terms, that you and your children (BOTH
of them) will have nothing to do with his parents until they correct
their behavior. He had better do something, and fast. He sounds
like a woos, and you would be better off without him if he can't
change his ways.
RESPONSE: Ready to Bail
I feel for you, and want you to know that I am totally in the same
spot as you. My FIL told my DH that he did not agree with our marriage,
because I came with too much baggage (2 kids). Almost 3 months
ago, I had my third baby (DH's first). DH accepted my kids as his,
and has been their sole support for almost 5 years now. FIL would
not allow "my" kids to call him grandpa. He is "too
young". DH and I enjoyed watching him squirm whenever DS &
DD called him grandpa. Now that his biological grandchild is here,
I tell DH, in no uncertain terms, that I consider my children all
or nothing. In other words, FIL can treat them all as his beloved
grandchildren, or he can have no contact with any of them. PERIOD!
Good luck, and HTH.
RESPONSE: Ready to Bail
I am one of those kids from a first marriage who was not a real
grandchild to my step-dad's parents. My mom and step-dad never
stood up for me with them, and I have always felt betrayed by them
for that. Stand up to your in-laws, and don't let them come over
if they hurt your child's feelings! If DH doesn't like it, tough.
He can deal with it. He is a grown up, your son isn't. Most people
won't change until forced to do so, and that is what you will need
to do. They are disrespecting you and your son in your own home,
that is not right. Now, I am grown with a family of my own, and
I refuse to allow my step-grandparents into my home. And, I will
not attend a family function that they are at. I do not need my
feelings hurt at the holidays just to make others happy. And, never
should one child be yelled at and another not, when they both are
doing the same thing. Honestly, I feel that your husband is a wimp
when it comes to his parents, and he will not do anything until
you make him. Good luck!
RESPONSE: Ready to Bail
I honestly would not tolerate their behavior. If they can't accept
my son as part of their family, then I will not have anything to
do with them. If your FIL said it himself - that your son is not
their grandchild, then why are they yelling at him??? Why are you
letting them??? Do they yell at kids who don't belong to their
family? I don't think so, because they will have that child's parents
on their @sses. I'm sorry, but I hate to hear stories when it involves
an innocent child. Good luck!!!
RESPONSE: Ready to Bail
I don't think it's fair to your husband or your children to just
bail. If you don't love DH anymore, and are unhappy, that's different.
Wouldn't it make more sense to refuse to see his parents and "bail"
on your relationship with them? Trust me, you can cut ties with
your in-laws and go on with your life. Yes, you are in a tough
situation, but there are other ways to handle this. You can't be
irresponsible and run away from problems your whole life. Be responsible
- what good are you going to accomplish by taking your child and
cutting him off from another father figure? It makes more sense
to cut him off from grandma and grandpa, right? Don't confuse the
kid more than he probably already is.
RESPONSE: Ready to Bail
Yes, I have a suggestion. When she yells at DS1, yell back at her.
If you're not going to stand up to her for your kids, who will?
When she stops over, stop being nice to her. Make her feel as unwelcome
in YOUR home as your DS1 feels in HER home. Your DH is obviously
not going to do anything about this situation, so you have to.
Bottom line: How is your firstborn going to respect you if you
don't protect him, and you continue being a doormat? The fact that
he doesn't want to be anywhere where she will be speaks volumes
to me. I hope that you will post on the message board. It's a
great place to get advice on how to stand up to bullies (i.e., ILs).
I wish you strength and fortitude in your plight, and I pray that
your marriage can be salvaged.
RESPONSE: Ready to Bail
Bail, especially if DH does nothing to support your first son.
At this point, it's beyond trying to keep the marriage together.
Your obligation as a parent is to make sure that no harm, physically
or mentally, comes to your children. And, it sure sounds like your
first son is being harmed mentally. At the very least, you need
family counseling together with DH and your two sons.
RESPONSE: Ready to Bail
How sad that your in-laws are so petty as to treat your child that
way. My kids mean everything to me, so I can see why you wouldn't
tolerate it. If you're going to put the marriage on the line, it's
better if you try one last ditch effort to keep it together. Have
a talk with your in-laws. Tell them that you expect your child
to be treated equally, and that just because he/she is a step-grandchild,
the keyword is grandchild. Just be completely honest about it.
What have you got to lose at this point? They sound like real jerks.
My mother never once made reference to my stepdaughter as being
"step", it's just the classy thing to do when the child
is trying to fit in.
RESPONSE: Ready to Bail
Deepest sympathies; your ILs are very immature. When DH fell in
love with you, he obviously understood that you and your son were
a package deal. I'm sure that you would not have married a man
who did not respect your prior obligation and commitment to your
child. Instead of bailing on your marriage, can you talk to DH
and get him to commit to setting boundaries for his parents, such
as, "Until you GROW UP and accept your son, you are not to
be around the other children. WE are their parents, and want to
teach ALL our children to respect and value others. YOU are not
doing that by teaching your grandchildren that it is acceptable
to treat my son with disrespect." The answer to your problems
is definitely in getting DH to place his wife, and all his children,
ahead of his parents. Good luck!
RESPONSE: Ready to Bail
You have not, for whatever reason, confronted your ILs with the
fact that you have very serious bad feelings over this situation.
You say that DH is on your side, but because he hasn't taken a stand,
you are prepared to leave him. You don't say that you've come out
and asked DH to do anything, but you are prepared to leave him (even
though you say you love him), which would cause your first son to
lose two live-at-home dads and your second son to lose one. If
breaking up a family seems easier than talking to your ILs and your
DH about your feelings, you will always find yourself walking away.
Please consider counseling - it seems clear that you have some very
serious issues that prevent you from being able to invest yourself
in the hard work that is sometimes required to work out marital
issues, even those concerning ILs. Best of luck.
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