Worst gift: Been there,
done that, and have the therapy bills to prove it! LOL.
DH and I dated for a year, lived together for a year, then got
married. This year will be our 11th anniversary. Between
the living together and getting married part, we split for a while.
I wanted to get married, and he got cold feet. But, I wouldn't
live with him with no future. My parents saw how miserable
I was, and they absolutely detested the sight of DH. When
he finally proposed again and I accepted, my parents had a rough
time with it. They were convinced that I was making a huge
mistake. And, in hopes of trying to make me change my mind,
they disowned me. It makes sense, right? LOL.
My FMIL seized the opportunity to plan another wedding.
I married the baby of 4. I explained that it was going to
be an embarrassment to have a huge wedding with none of my family
there. All I wanted to do was get married, and eloping would
be my idea of a great wedding. I thought that I was being
considerate when I offered to let them come along. Her response
to this was, "All my kids have had large weddings, and I'll
be DAMNED if my baby doesn't get one!" So, I tried
to explain to her that my parents were not going to pay for a
wedding that they weren't going to attend, and that since I had
to pay for it, it was going to have to be very, very small.
She came with me to plan everything, and of course she wanted
everything that was over budget. I tried over and over to
explain to her that I couldn't afford it. She kept saying,
"Don't worry. This is our wedding present to y'all!"
Remember this line. She said that on the candles and at
the reception, on EVERYTHING! When I ordered flowers, she
wanted me to carry a HUGE bouquet. I didn't want it.
I wanted a smaller one. I weighed 90 lbs. and was wearing
a straight dress. There was no way that anyone was going
to see me at all behind this huge bouquet. She tried and
tried to get me to order it, and I said no every time. She
also had told me that my main color needed to be mauve, rather
than peach because she had already bought her dress for the wedding
and the flowers had to match HER dress. Can you believe
that she even thought that?? So I ordered my small bouquet
with the main color being peach. The day of the wedding
there was a HUGE box in the middle of the floor. I have
a wonderful picture that the photographer took of my unveiling
my MONSTER bouquet! LOL. She took the lid off and
I saw my huge bouquet (that I did not order) in the colors that
I did not order. In the picture my mouth was open to my
knees. My MIL had her eyebrows raised and head down looking
at me with an evil glare, and my SIL hand her hands out stretched,
palms up and moth open! LMAO. I love that picture!
Anyway, I survived her huge wedding with none of my family there
and told myself not to get upset. Beggars can't be choosers,
right? When we left, I hugged and kissed her. And,
yes, I even thanked her for paying for the lovely ceremony.
She smiled and said that it was her pleasure. Eight weeks
after we were married and had moved away, I receive a bill in
the mail for the entire freakin' wedding!! The worst gift
I ever got? That would be paying for the gift that I never
wanted!
Signed - Worst Gift
I Ever Got
0
2
0
Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
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Mine is the MIL from
he!! I hardly know where to begin. I refer to her as
"Joan", as in Crawford, although that is not her name.
She is, by far, the most self-centered, selfish person whom I've
ever met. Fortunately, my wife (Joan's daughter) and I live
3 and a half hours away from her. Although completely able
to drive, she hates her own company more than the rest of us do,
so she can't stand to be in a car by herself for that long.
She most enjoys a captive audience to listen while she drones on
and on about how she's the world's biggest victim. Here's
just ONE of Joan's best maneuvers. She has always placed her
own interests ahead of those of her 2 daughters. I think that
was most aptly demonstrated about 10 years ago when my SIL found
out that her father (divorced from Joan, smart man!) had set aside
a small amount of money for a college fund for my SIL and some for
my wife. When SIL went to mommy dearest to ask "Hey,
I'm headed off to college, can I get my college fund?"
Joan's said, "Honey, that's what I used to take us on that
vacation. You remember how much you enjoyed that last year"?
Signed - Can't Stand
Joan
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Let me tell you about
our wedding that took place 15 years ago. When we decided
to "make it legal" after 3 years of living together, FDH
was afraid to tell his parents. We were in our late 20's.
We had talked about marrying at Lake Tahoe, just the two of us,
at sunset, etc. When he did tell them, they insisted that
we put on a "real wedding". We told them that we
didn't want to spend a lot, and they replied that they would help
out all the way. Great! He didn't tell them that we
wanted to do something else, and I was trying to fit in back in
those days. Since his younger sister had married the year
before. They had lots of decorations, tablecloths, plates
and such in the garage that they insisted on using. Most of
which were either broken, water-stained or chewed by mice.
This, by the way, was their total contribution. No problem!
I just ran around town matching what was salvageable, and repaired/remade
everything else. The highlights include: FMIL kept asking
my husband, "Are you sure that she's not pregnant? People
are going to ask." Huh? FMIL hounded me for weeks,
wanting me to wear her daughter's wedding dress from the year before,
rather than "waste money on a new dress". I ended
up buying a cocktail dress off of a clearance rack and altered it
myself just to brag to FMIL about how little it cost. So,
she moved on to trying to talk me into making our cake (for 100
people at this point) rather than "waste money on one".
Since my hair was falling out by then, I didn't see any reason to
take on the chore. Trust me, I got the best deal in town for
the cake, too. At one point FMIL asked how far along we were
on the "to do" list. I told her that we still had
to get rings. She actually started screaming at FDH and me,
"Listen to me! Don't go spending money on rings.
You don't need anything like that! It's a waste of money!"
She was actually screaming! FDH said not a word (he probably
wet his pants). I finally raised my voice and told her that
rings are actually used as part of the ceremony, and that I had
cheap gold bands in mind (total $40 for the pair). During
the reception his drunken sisters decorated our vehicle with obscenities
and "silly string" sprayed all over the interior.
We never could get it out of the upholstery and our clothes were
a loss. They then proceeded up the street to our home, opened
every food container and dumped the contents all over our house.
We're talking spices, flour, cereal, everywhere. My mother
and sister were in tears as they explained that they had tried to
stop the harpies and finally gave up and attempted to clean up as
much as possible before we arrived. The honeymoon was a 2-week
motor home trip with his parents to his sister's house, where the
highlight was BIL taking DH to a strip club. I found out about
the strip club years later. Apparently I was the only one
who did not know about it beforehand.
Signed - Inconsiderate
BIL
RESPONSE: Inconsiderate BIL
Please tell me you are now divorced from mama's boy and his family.
RESPONSE: Inconsiderate BIL
If I went back into my house and saw that it had been vandalized
in that way, I would have called the police, family "tradition"
or not.
RESPONSE: Inconsiderate BIL
After all that, you sign yourself just as "inconsiderate BIL"?
It sounds like you married into an insane asylum. Are you still
married to this mama's boy?
RESPONSE: Inconsiderate BIL
OMG!! I don't know where to start. It was not only your BIL who
was inconsiderate, it was DH. He should have said something to
your horrible in-laws, but didn't. He should have said something
to you about the strip club, but he didn't. And, if your in-laws
were trashing your house, the police should have been called on
them for destruction of property. I don't understand people who
let other people treat them like doormats just to keep peace in
the "family". I hope that in the last 15 years you've
worked these issues out.
RESPONSE: Inconsiderate BIL
The problem is not so much your ILs, it is DH!!! Where's his backbone?!!!
He is supposed to stand up to them!!
RESPONSE: Inconsiderate BIL
I am sorry if you get offended, BUT why did you marry someone who
does not have the balls to stand up for you? In the LATE 20s and
afraid to tell mommy that he wants to be married?? If you were
teens, I could understand that. But, there is something wrong with
his behavior!
RESPONSE: Inconsiderate BIL
I've heard horror stories about what family members can do to your
house the day of your wedding, but what happened to you is horrible!
When I got married, DH told everyone in our family. Most thought
that he was being funny, but anyone who knows him knew that he was
NOT kidding; that if anyone even entered our home, did anything
to the outside of our house, or did anything to our cars, we would
not hesitate to call the police. I would have called the police
the second that I found out. As DH says, "I burn bridges to
light the way for others."
RESPONSE: Inconsiderate BIL
I don't know about you, but I didn't marry my DH because I didn't
trust him, so the strip club wouldn't bother me. It doesn't bother
me, because he's just not the type who's highlight in life is to
go to the strip club. But I don't understand why it is that you
decided to go on a honeymoon with your ILs. I would be very annoyed
if everyone knew about the strip club plans, but were hiding it
from me as if I'm some jealous wife who would flip out. Your BIL
isn't the inconsiderate one. It's DH for allowing you to stay in
the dark, and not being man enough to say, "Hey, do you mind
if I go to the club with my brother? "You can trust me not
to act like a fool, and I'll keep my hands to myself." Also,
I don't know what DH is like, but you should never marry the type
that gets too excited over a strip club. They tend to be the guys
with not much going and no really good social skills. And, if you
look really hard at their forehead, you can see an L shape. Really,
I'm not just saying this. Like I said, I don't have a problem with
my DH, because he doesn't go out of his way to go to one, and if
he ever did, he would ask if it was ok, or he actually would take
me with him to hang out and have fun. I don't understand the girls
who marry these guys that they have to keep on a leash or they will
wander too far. Why would you marry someone like that in the first
place? You should trust each other enough. And, on top of that,
it's perfectly healthy to occasionally let each other go out to
the club and look but not touch. You're only human. But, I will
admit that it sounds really tacky to go to a strip joint on a honeymoon
without letting you in on what everyone else knew.
I am at my wit's end,
and I don't know what to do with my MIL. She was so nice when
I was dating my DH, but the minute we got engaged things began to
change. My DH is her youngest "baby" and she babies
him at every opportunity she gets. My parents passed away,
and left me with a little money that I used to buy a condo.
I sold it before the wedding. I used some of the money to
pay off student loans and credit card debt, but I still have a good
sum left. However, my MIL decided that I must be rich, and
should start buying everything for everyone. At first, she
offered to pay for the flowers for our wedding, but then she decided
to cover only half of the flowers ($400) because I have money.
Of course, my MIL tried to help herself to all of the wedding arrangements
after our reception. She was walking around from table to
table picking them up. I took them from her and said, "No,
you only get one." She even swiped my parent's memory
flowers that I had put up near their photo at my wedding.
I presented her with a bouquet of 2 dozen roses at the anniversary
dance at our wedding, and she never even said thank you. Prior
to the wedding, I asked her if she would like a wedding album from
the photographer. She got very agitated and said no, she would
put our wedding pictures in an album that she had been saving.
I would like to point out that this "saved album" was
one of a set of five. The first four are filled with pictures
from my BIL's wedding seven years ago. Nice, huh? I
explained to her that it was less expensive to order the album from
the photographer ahead of time, and that she would be able to pick
out the photos that she wanted after the wedding. "No,"
she said, "I just want a few pictures for the saved album".
After the wedding she demanded that I buy her over 50 photos (over
250 dollars worth). The album would have cost 100 dollars
had I ordered it before the wedding. Anyway, I refused to
pay for more that just a few photos, and a big rift ensued.
My husband took his mother's side, and said that I should buy them
because I have the money. Eventually, I ordered the photos,
but I told DH that he would have to pay for the pictures.
He paid, but he wasn't happy about it. Initially, my DH was
supposed to spilt the cost of our wedding, but he decided not to
because his mother reminded him of all the money that she thinks
I have. Our wedding was fairly simple (total cost $6,000).
My DH, listening to my MIL, never split the cost of the wedding
with me. His excuse was that he spent five thousand dollars
on my engagement ring, so why should he? We were even.
Then, he was planning to pay for our honeymoon.. My MIL talked
him out of that. We ended up splitting the cost of the honeymoon.
Now, she has convinced my DH that I should pay for the majority
of our household items, and for our new home. I am putting
half of the money, that I received from the sale of my condo, towards
our new home, and saving the other half to go back to graduate school
for two years. My MIL told my DH that I was using him, and
that he shouldn't have to take care of me while I am a professional
student. But, he was fine with this arrangement before the
wedding. Right now we split expenses, but my MIL's ideas are
getting to my husband, so much so that he recently suggested that
I pay more of our rent, and that I buy him some really expensive
gifts (over $1,500 worth of stuff). He was never like this
when we were dating. I can't help but blame my MIL for putting
this entitled attitude into my DH's head. She spoils him,
and expects me to do so too. She is always commenting on how
expensive my taste is, and how much I must have paid for this or
that. She has even asked me to buy her things. At first,
I did because they were small things. But, then her demands
increased, and I had to put my foot down. When I told my DH,
he confronted her, and she denied ever asking for anything (sound
familiar?). He was upset with me for "making it all up".
In reality, I am a bargain shopper. I buy most of my clothes
on sale, and drive a 5 year old mid-priced sedan. I have never
asked my DH for any extravagant gifts, and I do not have flashy
expensive items around the house. I am certainly not made
of money, like my MIL suggests. I put myself through college
while working full time and taking classes part time at night.
I moved two hours away from my friends, and my parents are gone,
so I feel like no one is able to support me or listen to my side.
I want to feel that I am part of the family, but I feel like I am
just seen as a cash station. I have tried repeatedly to talk
to my DH about the money issue, but my MIL has totally poisoned
his mind with respect to money. For the record, I have never
asked my ILs for anything. Any advice before I go broke .
. .
Signed - Trying To Be
Part Of This Family
RESPONSE: Trying To Be Part Of This Family
Hate to say it, but DH does not respect you it. I would not tell
him how much you have. Stash it, because your relationship will
likely fail and he will try to get all of your liquid assets. He
also needs to take your advice or his mother's. He most likely
will take hers. I have never said this on any other response, but,
run.
RESPONSE: Trying To Be Part Of This Family
You are married, correct? So then why are you splitting bills?
That is what roommates do. You are now one, not two. Get a life.
RESPONSE: Trying To Be Part Of This Family
Get rid of him.
RESPONSE: Trying To Be Part Of This Family
Yeah. Move the money to another bank in an account that is only
in your name. Tell them that they won, and that you're broke.
Start using DH's money to pay yourself back what he has taken from
you, and leave him the moment you are paid back.
RESPONSE: Trying To Be Part Of This Family
Oh my god, are you insane?? Stop deluding yourself right now that
this is somehow your MIL screwing with your DH. If he's worth being
with, then he would have some sense. You're being taken for a ride,
my dear. And if I were you, I'd hold my DH accountable more than
the stupid MIL.
RESPONSE: Trying To Be Part Of This Family
My advice is to get away from a guy who is trying to bleed you dry
on behalf of his mother. It sounds like money is a bigger issue
in your marriage than love!
RESPONSE: Trying To Be Part Of This Family
Seek counseling immediately, and do not pay a single cent more,
for anything besides the bill, than you need to pay. DH is not
entitled to a d@mn thing, except your love and devotion. And, he
is certainly not showing any to you! DH is becoming a mooch and
a freeloader. Seek counseling before your divorce leaves you paying
alimony!!! And, why doesn't DH know about the money that you have?
It's not really his business, but he agreed to the financial plan
in the beginning. Too bad if he wants to change it now! Good luck,
and seriously consider counseling. My sympathies are with you.
RESPONSE: Trying To Be Part Of This Family
Oh my God, what are you doing with this man? How can you possibly
love someone who treats you like this? I am sorry, but I can only
see heartbreak. From what you have said, they are two peas in a
pod, and probably always have been. I truly believe that you are
being used by both of them. Think about moving on and finding a
real man who loves you for you and not your wallet. You can do
so much better. Best of luck.
RESPONSE: Trying To Be Part Of This Family
Sorry, but I think that you've got yourself a doosey. DH is an
@ss. I'm sorry, but I would have left him a long time ago. You've
got way more than MIL problems. You and DH need to see a counselor
about his horrid behavior.
RESPONSE: Trying To Be Part Of This Family
Wow, your story has major red flags all over it. You and DH need
to see a counselor as soon as possible. If he refuses to go, go
by yourself. Above all, PROTECT YOURSELF FINANCIALLY!!!! I apologize
for suggesting the worst case scenario, but if your marriage doesn't
work out, you don't want to be left drained financially because
you tried to accommodate DH's demands/expectations to make it work.
And, while your MIL certainly isn't helping anything, DH is a grown
man who should know better than to act the way he does. Would his/her
attitude be the same if he had more money than you? I doubt it.
And, just because you may have more savings is absolutely no reason
for you to contribute more than your fair share to the household
expenses/marriage. For anyone to suggest otherwise is just ridiculous.
And, don't let them make you feel otherwise. Good luck.
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