Worst gift: One of the
worst gifts that I received wasn't from my MIL, but rather my
SIL. Either way, neither one of them has any taste whatsoever.
My husband and I, who have been married for nearly 8 years, dated
for two before our marriage. The first Christmas after we
met, I was invited to come to his parent's house and celebrate
with his family. I was very excited, and looked forward
to the event. DH's sister, who is 9 years older than him,
was born on Christmas Day (of all days!). So, I got her
an expensive cartoon character watch that played the song Happy
Birthday, and I made her a little cake and tried to make it a
really nice gift. When it came time to open gifts that night,
SIL came over and handed me a little box. She said, "Merry
Christmas. This is from me, DH and the girls. We hope
you like it." Well, imagine my surprise when I opened
the box and found a pair of peacock eye feathers that looked like
they were attached to fishing lure hooks, posing as "earrings".
SIL urged me to try them on, telling me that one of her really
good friends made them especially for me. Peacock feathers
are beautiful on the actual bird, but this chic wasn't about to
have any part of it!!!! Let's just say that in the last
ten years her gift giving skills have not evolved any better.
Signed - Tactless In-Laws
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Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
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My ILs play many mind
games with me. This is one of the latest. Every time
one of my children have an event that we would like to invite them
to, I send out an invite or phone them. I then send an email
reminder, because they always claim that I never told them, or that
the invite did not arrive. Well, well, now they are claiming
that they never receive my emails. Through the advice of a
friend, I began copying my sent emails to my hubby. After
awhile I began blind copying him. They got the picture, but
then claimed that they finally found all of my emails in their "junk
mail". Oh, PLEASE, like I am stupid! Well, DH fell
for it. When visiting them one weekend without me, they showed
him that all of my emails, and of course no one else's, were in
their junk mail. So, DH showed them how to retrieve them and
get them out. My DH, to this day, claims that his parents
do not understand how they got there or how they even managed to
find them. But, they are ever so grateful that their beloved
son was able to rescue them. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!!!
Signed - Grow Up ILs!
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Okay, am I the only one
who received a "bean" jar for a wedding gift? Let
me explain to those highly educated persons who don't have time
for this cr@p (I had no idea what it was either). It's two
identical (by chance the yard sale had two) jars. One is empty
and one is full of pinto beans. Every time you "do it",
you move a bean from the full jar to the empty jar. Yeah,
whatever. This went over oh so well with my family and formal
wedding. I thought that the beans would move over faster using
the following method: 1 bean for every call on the caller
ID from my MIL. 5 beans for every call or email from her that
I'm subjected to answering or reading. 10 beans for every
time I hear through the grapevine that our marriage is on the rocks
(we will be at the 10 year mark in early 2004). 20 beans for
every minute I have to be in the same room with her. 20 beans
for each time my three year old daughter runs from my MIL (negative
because I find it amusing). 100 beans for each therapy appointment
that I have to take my child to when she has nightmares that her
stinky (smoker) grandmother caught her and is squeezing her with
"stinky/crusty love", as my princess so eloquently puts
it.
Signed - Red Neck ILs
RESPONSE: Red Neck ILs
I have never heard of that! How tacky. My goodness. Was it even
wrapped? How did she give it you? That is just brutal. Although,
I must say that I did chuckle when I read your post. I am sure
that in the first week with your new schedule of bean counting,
you must have run out of beans! If I had a bean for every time
my MIL did one of those things, I would be "bean broke"
in days. Good luck to you.
Am I overreacting?
I am 12 weeks pregnant, been feeling lousy with sickness and tired
with work (I'm a teacher). My MIL has been ringing and ringing,
saying that she wants to be "involved' with the pregnancy.
To some extent I understand that, but she knows that I'm exhausted.
I have answered the phone a few times and texted her back, but yesterday
she rang my partner and said that I hadn't, and that I'd frozen
her out. She has always put upon him, saying that he has always
listened to her problems since he was little (a fun childhood then).
She said that she has no money, even though she works, takes holidays
and owns horses. He feels like crying whenever he thinks of
her, and I think that it is very telling of how responsible for
her happiness he feels. After the phone call, he questioned
me and asked me to reply to her. He did not stick up for me
when speaking to his mother. I got upset because I'm trying
to involve her by photocopying our scan pictures and saying that
the door is always open for her. He said that I was emotional
because I was guilty, and that I was heartless and self pitying.
But, it was his mother who was self pitying, surely? I packed
my bags to leave today, but realized that I had nowhere to go.
My family doesn't live close. I think that he has invested
so much time in being her emotional safety net that he has nothing
left to give me. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to write
this. I feel a bit better.
Signed - Am I Overreacting?
RESPONSE: Am I Overreacting?
LEAVE! It only gets worse from here!
RESPONSE: Am I Overreacting?
NO, you are not wrong to be upset. Your partner seems to have no
problem sticking up for his mother, even though she is immature
and emotionally blackmailing him. He needs to decide who is more
important in his life, YOU and the new baby, or his mother. OTOH,
MIL may come in handy to sit for the baby if she needs to feel "wanted"
and "involved". So, maybe your partner can get things
on a more level playing field with his mother, and something positive
will result. She loses YOU, she loses her grandchild, too. That
is a terrible loss that she won't want to endure. I'd tell you
to try and slough it off, but it's easier said than done. Don't
let her break up your marriage if you love her son. Hang in there.
RESPONSE: Am I Overreacting?
Oh, get out! If you're that miserable, you should NOT stick around.
If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your kid. Even if your
family is not close, call your mom, your sister, or your best friend
from high school. SOMEONE will surely come and get you! Good luck!!
RESPONSE: Am I Overreacting?
No, you're not overreacting. I would be very concerned about having
a baby with your DP. You will always have somewhere to go - you
have a job, and might want to start looking in the local paper for
apartments. My god, this is YOUR pregnancy, not DP's mothers.
She had hers!! Lord help you once the baby is born and she feels
that it is her right to raise it, and DP agrees with her. Maybe
you could try to get the DP to counseling. I hope that you feel
better soon. Take care.
RESPONSE: Am I Overreacting?
You have said it all. There is no question here. Leave, and go
to your family. Or, move to your own place. It doesn't matter.
You have a little one to take care of. No one else comes before
that, not even the little one's dad. You are NOT overreacting.
RESPONSE: Am I Overreacting?
Please, please, PLEASE put the packed bags aside for a moment, and
talk to your DH about getting couples' counseling, before you endure
the stress and sorrow of leaving a marriage during your pregnancy
with no family around to help you. If DH won't go, please go by
yourself, BEFORE you leave. If you still want to leave afterwards,
at least you will have some support in place. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Am I Overreacting?
You are not overreacting. You were emotional - NOT from guilt,
but because A) You are pregnant. B) You are exhausted. C) Because
you were being harassed by his mom, and when you gently tried to
get a bit of space, HE started to harass you too. Turn around to
DH and tell him that you are carrying the child whom you both made.
If the health of this child is LESS important than his mother's
need to be involved 24/7 right now, then he has a problem. You
need to rest. You will involve his mother to the extent that you
feel comfortable, and which keeps your stress levels calm and quiet.
The more both you and he push, the less she will be involved. Else,
the more annoyed you will be, and the greater the need to avoid
her. And, if he has major issues over this, think strongly about
leaving after all. It may not be easy, but it could act as a wake
up slap to him. And, if not, it will certainly save you years of
pain and hurt. Go to the message boards. Ask people if it's going
to get better or worse when the baby arrives. Ask the poster whose
husband booked his mom a flight to be there at the time of the birth,
and lied to his wife, because "he didn't want his wife to be
upset". He allowed his mother to totally wreck the feeding
schedule and use a bottle, when the mom was exclusively breastfeeding.
Then, he suggested moving to within an hour of his mom's house.
And, he invited her back out 4 WEEKS later to stay some more. Think
about what you want in life. You will get loads of advice on the
message boards.
RESPONSE: Am I Overreacting?
You sound like you have a good grasp on what the problem is. The
solution is going to be therapy for your DH. Also, your MIL does
not need to be involved in your pregnancy. She is not your mother.
And if she were, she probably would respect your right to privacy
and your boundaries. Tell her to have her own baby. This is your
body. Just because you are pregnant, that does not mean you become
public property.
RESPONSE: Am I Overreacting?
No, you aren't overreacting! Get him to a marriage counselor, fast!
He's married to his mother!!
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