A little background: My DH
has two parents who are still married after all these years.
He also has a DS (my SIL) who was adopted. This SIL got
pregnant at 17, and never disclosed who the father was.
The SIL was living with my PILs at the time, and for several years
after. Long story short - my SIL never really took responsibility
for my DN(eph), so my PILs are raising him. When my DH and
I got married, we went really low key - small ceremony, no photographers,
etc. We knew that MIL had a video camera, and asked if she
would mind taping everything, or letting us borrow the camera
so that someone could tape it. No problem, or so I thought.
The wedding was great, everyone had a good time. We got
home and wanted to watch our ceremony. What did we see?
About 30 minutes(!!!) of my DN and SIL hanging out (at the place
where we got married) before the ceremony, me walking down with
my father, AND NOTHING ELSE! MIL stopped the camera instead
of handing it off or making other arrangements for someone to
tape the rest! We have NO actual footage of the ceremony
or festivities afterwards! When I saw the tape, I wanted
to cry. I think that I actually did! I was so looking
forward to getting a different view of the ceremony. And,
since she agreed to do it, it was like getting stabbed!
We were so mad that we mailed the tape back to her. We never
wanted to see it again. I still get steamed about it, and
it has been nearly 4 years!
Signed - What Wedding
Video?
0
1
0
Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
Continue on Message
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- graham crackers, 1 of 4 needed/Posted:
19-SEP-03
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Obviously, not
my MIL. We were watching an episode of "Millionaire"
(we being my wife, myself, and my Live-In MIL). Regis read
the question on the screen: "Put the following Country
Artists in alphabetical order." So, as most home audience members
do, I rattled off the answer as fast as I could. The timer
ran out and Regis came back on to confirm what I'm sure everybody
got as the correct order. My MIL looked at me with great awe
and exclaimed, "How did you know that?! You aren't a
country fan!"
I just got engaged and
am entering the realm of difficult ILs. FMIL and I have had
problems getting along for years, but it's been somewhat of a silent
tension, mostly. Earlier on during our dating stage, she actually
forbade me from visiting their home for a year and a half.
Eventually, we moved in together, so she tried to accept me more.
We both "agreed" to wipe the slate clean, but it's never
been quite right. Now that we're engaged, FMIL and FFIL have
verbally told DH that they disapprove, simply because things aren't
good between me and FMIL. They've been putting little pressures
on my fiancé, telling him that I'll eventually keep him away
from his family. She's also been trying to poison other family
members against me. Lastly, any mention of our wedding is
nixed and swept under the rug, which is very cruel. I want
things to be better, but I don't know WHAT can be done at this point.
I'm very afraid of a life dealing with this. I'm even more
afraid of how my children will be received. Any advice?
Signed - Scared of Living
Life Like This
RESPONSE: Scared of Living Life Like This
Have FH call a "family meeting". Sit down with FMIL and
FFIL, and talk it out. That way, there's no "he-said, she-said"
going on. You'll all be in the same room, talking it out together!
RESPONSE: Scared of Living Life Like This
Mama's boy ALERT! He is not ready for marriage. Marriage requires
a man to PUT HIS WIFE FIRST! Do you see any evidence of this behavior,
because from what you've written, I DO NOT.
Whew. I cannot
believe that I am marrying into this family. My DF and I recently
got engaged. We had let both sides of the family know that
we planned to be married, and we were "unofficially engaged"
for about six months before the ring came. His mother took
it very badly. So, when the ring came, and DF formally proposed,
we waited a bit to tell his family, dreading a bad reaction.
We waited until we were visiting our hometowns for the fourth of
July (the first time that we had a face to face opportunity).
My family had known all along and celebrated with us. His,
on the other hand, well, here's how it went: He waited until
his mother was alone and simply told her outright that he had asked
me to marry him, and that I had said yes. FMIL immediately
began (literally) screaming at him. She said that it's a "fact"
that he is too young (3 years younger than me (23) - our marriage
won't take place for at least 2 more years) and that I (obviously!)
seduced/manipulated him into the relationship and forced him into
the proposal (it's a good thing that she can't see the gun I keep
magically trained on him at all times! I'm amazing!).
Here are some choice phrases (said by FMIL to DF), "You've
broken my heart." "You are stupid." "You
shouldn't be getting involved with a woman who has so many problems
(she has no idea of my mental health history)." When
asked, "what problems", her response was, "Whatever
problems cause a woman to go chasing after a 20 year old kid.
Why can't she find someone her own age? Obviously she is immature
and irresponsible." "You are too young to get married
(in 2 years he will be the same age as his brothers when they were
married)." "You are a liar." "You
are still in love with X and Y (friends from high school)."
"She is taking you away from your family." "You
never call anymore." Ummm, maybe that's because whenever
he calls, you say nasty things about me and this relationship.
Wait, no, you're right. It's my fault. Mind you, this
was all done in a loud, screaming fight. My darling DF, bless
his heart, was trying not to fight with her, but to still stand
his ground. This went on for three hours. At the end,
she huffed out of the room and FFIL came in. His only response
to the situation was to tell my DF "Congratulations."
Believe me, I like that man. Since then, his mother has asked,
every time he talks to them, whether he "has opened his eyes
yet". Thank goodness we live in a different city.
It really hurts him, because he used to be so close to his mother
and his family, and now it seems to be turning into a family war.
Mind you, these people don't know me, as I was banned from all family
functions and from my FIL's house just after we started dating.
Why, you may well ask? I haven't any idea. I have never
been anything but nice and polite to them. In response, I
have (behind my back, to my DF) been called crazy, mentally unbalanced,
fat, ugly, a manipulative b!tch and a whore. And, my DF has
been told by his mother that he is stupid, that he has been bewitched
and manipulated, and that he is too young and immature to make life
decisions (that his older brothers made at his age). Lovely
family, right? All of this gets better. A week ago,
after spending the weekend working, DF and I went to his apartment
to shower after a gym visit. He played his messages, and there
was one from his eldest brother which ran as follows, "Awfully
nice of you to come into town to celebrate your brothers' birthdays
(a week and a half early - did I mentions that NO ONE told my DF
that his brother would be in town?). So, uh, I heard about
your idiotic decision to get married. What the he!! is wrong
with you? What is with you chasing the chubbies? NO
FAT CHICKS, dude. NO F*CKING FAT CHICKS! You gotta draw
the line somewhere. What the f*ck were you thinking?
Dude, you better pull your head out of your @ss, get your sh!t together,
and end it. Or, the next time I see you, I'll kick your @Ss"
Isn't that lovely? My DF was furious, and not only because
I heard the message. He called home very angrily and spoke
with his mother (we heard her in the background, as well as another
of his brothers and a SIL). She made a sort of apology (unprecedented!),
and was embarrassed about it. He has also let his brothers
know how entirely unacceptable that was. If this happens again,
they will not be allowed to come to the wedding. How can we
deal with this? We want to stay in touch with those family
members who have been supportive, but how do we manage limited contact
with the rest of the bunch?
Signed - Marrying the
White Sheep of the Black Sheep Family
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