First, let me say that I am not
older than my DH, nor am I Jewish - not that there is anything
wrong with either of those two things. But, after my first
meeting with my MIL, she wondered why an older, Jewish girl would
be interested in her son. When we got engaged, instead of
being happy for us, she asked my DH, "Are you sure you want
to marry her? All her medical problems could be passed on
to your children."
Signed - Not Older
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1
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Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
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A story that I saw posted
here reminded me of my own IL story. I had never had a problem
with my BIL until just recently. He has always been very snobby,
ignorant and childish. It's easy for me to overlook these
things, as he is very pathetic in his own way. The problem
is that DH was granted nearly a month's leave. He called his
whole family to speak to everyone for at least 30 minutes.
When he called BIL, he wasn't home, so DH left a message and contacted
the ILs to let BIL know that he was home and trying to contact him.
DH was only home for a short period of time, and he had to go back
into a war zone, so you would think that BIL would have called sooner,
rather than later. But, no, that would mean that he would
have to have some common sense, not to mention a HEART! BIL
called 2 days before DH had to leave. He made rude comments
and spoke highly of himself, only to make DH feel bad, which didn't
work anyway. I don't speak to BIL because he is just too embarrassing.
I believe that DH is starting to feel the same way.
Signed - What A Man
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Is it normal for a MIL
to be holding hands and staring into her sons eyes at the dinner
table? My MIL doesn't acknowledge me at all, except with a
simple "Hi" when we just get there.
Signed - Bewildered
RESPONSE: Bewildered
OMG, NO!!! YUCK!! How can DH/BF have a WEIRD relationship with
MUMMY? RUN RUN RUN!! Get the heck away from her. EWWWWWWWWWW!
RESPONSE: Bewildered
OMG! Your MIL is in love with her son, and not in an emotionally
healthy way! How does your DH respond to her? If DH does put MIL
in her place and rebuffs her inappropriate conduct and/or demands,
it's a matter of always being firm with boundaries with MIL, and
perhaps limiting contact with her. If DH doesn't see anything wrong
with this, get yourself and him to a counselor, pronto!
RESPONSE: Bewildered
Ewww, creepy. No, I wouldn't call this normal. You don't say how
your DH feels about this lover-like behavior, which is the big thing.
Time for a discussion?
RESPONSE: Bewildered
He!! no, that's not normal! Nor is it normal for her son to be
doing that with her!
RESPONSE: Bewildered
No, and its not normal for an adult son to allow his mother to hold
his hands and stare into his eyes. What is wrong with the guy?
Doesn't he feel that this is out of order?
RESPONSE: Bewildered
What I find even more weird is that your DH is LETTING his mommy
hold HIS hand at dinner. And, is he staring back into her eyes?
I would worry for more than one reason. Good luck!
RESPONSE: Bewildered
No, it isn't "normal". Where is FIL? Deceased? Divorced?
And how does DH act at these times? If he eats it up, that would
worry me a lot more. If he just puts up with it, he probably doesn't
want to tell his mommy that it's just plain weird.
RESPONSE: Bewildered
No, that doesn't sound normal. It sounds incestuous.
RESPONSE: Bewildered
It sounds like your yucky MIL has a bit of an oedipal thing going
on; she is probably very insecure and jealous of you. Don't forget
that she is the one with the problem, not you.
RESPONSE: Bewildered
Why is your DH holding hands with his mother? He has to let her
hold his hand, you know.
My ILs and I do not get
along. The entire family thinks that they can say whatever
they want to me and not expect a response back. I recently
got fed up with it when I heard that my MIL was talking about me
behind my back. I spoke to her about it and she started screaming
at me. I, of course, yelled back. Now my SIL thinks
that I was being disrespectful. What I would like to know is
whether it is disrespectful to stand up for yourself. My husband
thinks that I should just keep quiet. I don't! My mom
passed away 4 years ago and my daughter was born on the 3 year anniversary
of her death. So, of course MIL had to say, "I don't
think it has anything to do with your mother." Now, that
may be her opinion, but if it makes me feel better to think it,
she should let me think it and keep her mouth shut. We just
had our daughter's first birthday party, and my MIL wanted me to
invite her mother, who has never even called us or had anything
to do with our daughter. I didn't invite her. She felt
that I should have, because it is "her mother".
Well, in my opinion, the party is about our daughter, not her.
My husband agreed with me. So, when she called me to tell
me how she felt, I told her that I don't care about her mother and
she said, "Well, maybe I shouldn't care about your mother,
either." My mom is dead! Was that disrespectful?
My SIL doesn't believe that her mother said these things.
She thinks that I am lying! She hasn't even asked her if she
has, she just says that she doesn't need to. Whatever!
I feel that my ILs yelling at me is very disrespectful to my husband.
Not only are they making problems with me, but they are making problems
with our marriage, because they are making him unhappy by making
me unhappy! I always nag about them, and he is now in the
middle. I have felt so bad that I have even said "sorry"
to make peace, even though I have done nothing wrong. I do
it because I love him and don't want him to hurt. He won't
even say anything to them, because he doesn't want to fight with
them. What should I do?!
Signed - Wife With Serious
Problems!
RESPONSE: Wife With Serious Problems!
Quit talking to MIL and SIL.
RESPONSE: Wife With Serious Problems!
Get counseling. You are only a doormat when you allow people to
walk all over you. Your DH needs to grow a backbone and a set of
twins. Your SIL needs to mind her own business and you need to
make some decisions about how much you want to play the game.
RESPONSE: Wife With Serious Problems!
Tell him that it is either THEM or YOU. Then be prepared to accept
the consequences.
RESPONSE: Wife With Serious Problems!
You sound really rude. Why on earth would you tell your MIL that
you don't care about her mother? That's DH's grandma. Get help.
RESPONSE: Wife With Serious Problems!
DH is one big pu$$y. He is not a man. Throw his @ss out on the
street to live with mommy. When he is ready to put HIS WIFE FIRST,
then you can reconsider! The first problem lies with him.
RESPONSE: Wife With Serious Problems!
Tell him that you are sorry that he has to hear all of your complaints
about his family. And tell him that you will stop it if he will
steps up to the plate and confronts them, defends you, and generally
handles them. Tell him that you know it will be uncomfortable the
first few times, but at least he'll only have to hear it once from
you and his stress (and yours) will actually decrease.
RESPONSE: Wife With Serious Problems!
Your ILs sound horrible!! I'm so sorry that you have to put up
with their abuse regarding your poor mother. Try not to take it
personally. They are the crazy ones. I found that the less I nagged
my DH, the more he realized what his family was like and the more
he supported me in my decisions regarding them. My advice to you
would be to distance yourself (and your DD, too) from those people.
Let DH do what he needs to do as far as they are concerned. And
keep sticking up for yourself! I admire you for that.
RESPONSE: Wife With Serious Problems!
I agree with you for the most part, except for, "I told her
that I don't care about her mother and she said, "Well, maybe
I shouldn't care about your mother, either." My mom is dead!"
Even if you don't give a *fig* about her (or anyone's) mother, you
most certainly shouldn't SAY it! You are inviting trouble! Of
course, she will come back with a comment about your dear deceased
mom because she knows it will hurt you!
RESPONSE: Wife With Serious Problems!
I would sit down with DH and tell him that he is not in the middle.
You are a family, and she is his mother, but EXTENDED family within
your new FAMILY unit. Anyone outside or on the opposite side of
your front door will either respect you or not see you anymore.
How dare she comment on your dead mother. That is a total lack
of respect for you and your feelings. My MIL says things about
us, I am sure, but I have the PRIZE. She sees the grandkids whenever
WE can pull muster and see the old bag. Good luck!!
RESPONSE: Wife With Serious Problems!
Your MIL's mother is your child's great grandmother! And, she is
your husband's grandmother! You only say that she has never had
anything to do with your child, but how old is she? Is she able
to get around on her own? Is she hard of hearing? Maybe she doesn't
call because she can't hear. I bet that she is elderly and may
have health problems. Maybe she is on a fixed income and can't
afford long distance calls (if it's long distance) or presents for
her (possibly many) children, ILs, grandchildren and yes, great
grandchildren. She may be dependent on others for transportation.
Maybe you don't have contact with her because of any number of factors
that are beyond her control. Maybe your MIL has told her that you
don't want to be bothered. No, it's not only about MIL, but it's
also not all about you either. I get the distinct feeling from
your post that while your MIL and other ILs may not be the nicest
people in the world, you may have some unrealistic expectations,
and are probably adding fuel to the fire. It would not have hurt
you to invite your child's great grandmother to her party. Remember,
you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
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