My MIL story is, unfortunately, about
my own mother. My mom is the most opinionated person in the
world, and there is no way to let her know, nicely, that you don't
want her opinion. She has an idea or advice about everything.
This past Memorial Day, she came into our home and pointed out the
amount of dust on the walls (we have a log home and it is very hard
to keep the dust down), the nasty stove, that our septic tank smelled,
and that I should have purchased a white refrigerator rather than
black, etc. My DH bit his tongue. Then, we had friends
from out of town show up to visit a local distillery. My mother
launched into one of her loud diatribes about tattoos being, "the
height ignorance". There, at the table, sat 3 of my friends
and DH, all wearing tattoos. I wanted to die. DH left
the room. I finally asked my mother to just stop. When
she did, she started to cry, and blamed my DH for hurting her feelings.
I was in misery. I love my mother dearly, but I'm afraid to
mix her with any of my friends. DH can also be less than understanding,
and I'm always caught in the middle. My parents have always
been very good to me, and I love them dearly. I can't continue
to try to avoid putting these people in the same room. I can't
always be the mediator.
Signed - Promising Myself
I Won't Become Her
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Worst gift: My MIL has
told me, on 3 separate occasions, that the gift she got me (jewelry)
was stolen on the airplane. Therefore, she had nothing to
give me. However, everyone else's gifts seem to have been
untouched. The first time, maybe, but 3 separate times?
Signed - Give Me A Break
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- sugarbear, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 25-SEP-03
I wrote in recently as "Leave my drawers alone,
MIL!" (posted July 17th). Here is a funny and recent happening:
My MIL has refused to get her hair cut at all, due to the fact that
her salon raised their price $5. This is the first price increase
in several years, but MIL is mad because she shouldn't be charged
extra because she is a "loyal customer". So, to spite
her hairdresser, she is now sporting a frizzy, floppy fright wig of
a hairstyle. Yep. That's really hurting the hairdresser.
Just pay the 20 bucks and stop looking like a crazy bag lady, MIL!!!
Signed - Sugarbear
RESPONSE: Sugarbear
Why don't you buy her an at home hair cutting tool for Christmas.
Explain that you appreciate that the cost of a haircut has gone up.
Then, check out her hairstyle the first time she tries to use it -
it could be good or it could be entertaining
My MIL rules by the "just
a little old lady" line. She goes where ever the food is
free, and agrees with whomever is at the table (even if it's negative
toward her own three children!) as long as they are giving her something.
This wouldn't be so bad, except she forms no opinion of her own, and
takes on everyone else's gossip as gospel! I'm a second wife.
My husband and I are very happy together, and he is more hurt than
I'll ever be. He's been divorced for ten years, and I've been
around for six/married four. My MIL spends holidays with his
ex because she's "asked to" and the ex is "all alone,
the poor thing". "What else could I do? We don't
want to hurt nobody (mind you, the ex left her son)." She
doesn't understand why that would bother anyone. MIL wants the
ex to be at all of the family functions (including our son's parties)
because the ex has "nowhere to go". AND THE EX SHOWS!
She makes ignorant comments about people while they are close enough
to hear, and tries to get out of every mess she makes with a "don't
pick on the sweet little old lady" line! I just can't buy
into the idea that she really doesn't mean to be manipulative, mean,
or just plan ignorant. Granted, the good side of this is that
the "Where should we spend the holidays this year??" argument
never happens in my house. I guess I should be thankful, but
instead I'm clueless as to how to deal with this "sweet little
old lady".
Signed - Killing Me With
Her Kindness
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Her Kindness
Maybe your DH should tell his mother how much this hurts him, the
thing with the ex. She seems so concerned about "hurting her
feelings". Maybe if she knew how much it hurts her own son,
she'd stop. Unlikely, but maybe.
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Her Kindness
Next time the "sweet little old lady" gets out of line,
take her by the elbow, lean over and sweetly "whisper" in
her ear (so the surrounding people can hear), "Dear MIL, it is
time to take your medication." When she reacts, look shocked
and say, "But, you asked me to remind you to take your pills!"
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Her Kindness
Don't buy the sweet little old lady routine. They are worse than
the openly hostile ones. As for the ex showing up, spines would help.
You can't help who MIL spends time with, or who she invites to her
own home, but you don't need to tolerate uninvited guests in your
own home. I am assuming that because you used "our son",
she is not the biological parent of the child whose party she is attending.
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