Worst gift: This one
came from my DH. We had been living together for about a year.
I was never comfortable with the arrangement. I felt that
after a certain amount of time, you decide to get married or split
up. Anyway, we had discussed marriage and (I thought) it was
a do. That spring, he started staying out "with the boys"
a lot, and one night (when he came home drunk) I brought up the
M subject. He told me that he just wasn't ready for marriage.
I need to mention that he had been engaged to a girl before I came
along. In fact, she was dating his best friend, and therefore,
she was in our social lives. She was still wearing the diamond
ring that my DH had bought for her, and she waved it under my nose
often. Diamonds weren't my thing, so it was kind of amusing.
So, when he said that he never wanted to get married, I foolishly
said, "But, you did before," meaning to me. He said,
"Yeah, I was sure about her. But not you."
I was too hurt to reply or at least smack the drunken fool.
Fast forward to Xmas of that year. He was very antsy for a
couple of days. He kept saying, "I just can't wait until
Xmas. This is too exciting. I want you to open a gift.
Just one." He sounded like a child. I finally agreed
to open one gift. He returned to the room with one of those
little jewelry boxes. You know, the kind that they put rings
in. He just couldn't stand still. He held it out at
arms length to me. "Here, I just couldn't hold this any
longer!" Inside was a pair of pearl earrings. So,
the gift itself couldn't qualify as crummy, but the presentation
was nothing short of . . .
Signed - Cruel
0
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Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
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Before my second child was
born, my MIL (and believe me the M=MONSTER) wanted to come and stay
with us for 6 weeks!!!! My pregnancy was very difficult, and
I was quite ill and unable to entertain her. My DH called her
and told her that she could come from this date to this date, or this
date to that date, and she got very angry and offended. She
had all of his siblings call our house and chew us out because *we*
didn't want her to come blah, blah, blah. The truth is that
my DH didn't want her to come at all, and I was being gracious to
allow her here for 4 days!!!! She called our house and cussed
my DH out. And I do mean cussed. She screamed and yelled,
and of course she blamed none other but me for the entire thing.
She can go on blaming me, for all I care. When the baby was
born about 2 months later, DH called her to let her know that she
was here. Well, she was angry (with all her heart) because *I'd*
let her be born on her X-DH's, whom she despises, birthday.
Like I could really help what day she was born! She ignored
DD for 2 years, and now she wants *ME* to drive 400 miles, alone,
to bring her to see her. Ha! RIGHT!!! She did mean
things, like sending my son 2 Christmas gifts, and sending DD nothing.
She did the same thing with birthdays, and now she wants to see her?!
I don't think so!
Signed - She's So E-Vile
That I Don't Think He!! Will Take Her!
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
My SIL (DH's sister) has
not spoken to us in two years (hurray!). At Christmas, she totally
ignored her only nephews (our 3 children), and didn't get them gifts
or cards. This is the first year that she has done this.
She had always been a loving aunt, up until the fight we had with
her. So, she took it out on the kids? We were all at the
MIL's for Christmas together. Did she think that everyone wouldn't
notice? Maybe it was her plan that everyone did notice, but
it made her look bad - not the kids!
Signed - You're The One
Looking Bad
RESPONSE: You're The One Looking Bad
My SIL did the exact same thing, except she was never a loving aunt.
The first time I met her was the day before my wedding and she told
me that my very soon to be MIL didn't like me because I was stealing
her son!!! My DD is the only child born to our families. However,
my DH's sister seemed to "forget" about her only niece as
she was too far away. We live in Australia, they live in America.
And, therefore, it didn't really matter. But, she only does this
because she knows that I can't stand her. Somehow, she always manages
to send my DH a birthday gift. His birthday is only 6 weeks before
my DD's, but she can't be bothered to remember my DD. Luckily, my
DH doesn't care about his sister at all, so we have cut her out of
our lives. No one who acts like that, who takes out a fight with
a parent on the children, deserves to have anything to do with a family
such as yours.
I am so glad that I found
this site! I had dreamed about just such a web site, feeling
as though I was the only person with an evil MIL. Hello, all
you fellow MIL sufferers! Perhaps we should have the Surgeon
General put out a warning about MIL/FMILs! Who's with me?
My MIL has done and said so much. I feel I must present everything
in bullet form. This will definitely be a four parter, maybe
even longer. So, pour yourselves the drink of your choice, and
sit back.
1) MIL was great when DH and I merely dated. When we moved
in together, she accused me of using him to escape my hometown.
Not true, but I let it go. When we married, she told DH's family
that I was pregnant. Not true, and when no baby appeared on
the scene, she told them all that I'd miscarried. I was furious,
but at the time DH kowtowed to mummy dearest, and the result was a
huge fight between us. MIL figured out that this was good, and
she was off like a shot!
2) Even though I had a job and I paid for the wedding, she groused
about the cost to DH! As I worked for a jeweler, I got a discount
on the rings. The cake and flowers were wedding gifts.
We married in my church, and the reception was held at my mother's,
so I never did see the sense in this one. 3) Two years
after our marriage, DH's SF died of brain cancer. When he did,
BIL was at sea, as a Merchant Marine. It was up to me to go
to BIL's wife to tell her about SFIL passing on. She fell into
my arms in hysterics. Through the carrying on, I managed to
realize that she and SFIL had been having an absolutely torrid affair!
I hushed her up, helped get the two boys right, and we went to MIL's.
I told DH the moment I could about BIL's wife and SFIL. We never
let it go beyond us. To this day, I very seriously doubt that
BIL's wife remembers what she told me all those years ago. MIL
needed someone to cling to, and it happened to be DH. He took
bereavement leave from the Navy to help her out, and she used it to
her advantage. At the same time, I'd started a new job, and
as we only had one car, it was hard to work out a schedule sometimes.
During the time that DH had leave, I was stranded several times at
home or work. I was late for work, or I had to walk home through
a rough neighborhood, at night. One day, DH and I'd made plans
to have a nice little lunch, just the two of us. He didn't show.
At quitting time, I had to walk home, only to find out that I'd left
my keys in the apartment. The apartment manager was unavailable.
After an hour of waiting in the cold, while starving, DH pulled up.
It seems that MIL had wanted to go to the next town over to look at
some land that SFIL had left her. She convinced DH that they
would only be a minute. Of course it was all day, as she saw
a few shops that she wanted to hit. DH LEFT THE DOG GONE CAR
AT HER HOUSE! I asked him if he couldn't have brought it to
me, as THEY DROVE RIGHT PAST MY JOB ON THEIR WAY OUT OF TOWN!
That did it. DH grabbed a few things, and with BIL's wife's
help, moved back in with MIL. The next day we met and talked
everything out. I told him that I'd married him, not MIL.
Also, I'd done my share of yard work while growing up in the country
(we were expected to go to her house every weekend DH had off, and
help her do the lawns, etc.). As for the apron strings that
seemed to run from her backside to his genitals, I could and would
sever them with my scissors, rendering him a eunuch. DH got
the hint. He started putting me first, to a degree.
4) When the Navy shipped us overseas, I was ready to go!
Of course, MIL pestered us with vile letters about me and my spending
habits. DH was just as bad. We both learned a very valuable
lesson the hard way. But, when we returned to the states, we
lived in the midwest for nine months. Things were great!
MIL was too busy trying to divorce her fourth (or fifth) husband,
whom she'd wed after SFIL's death. It seems that he had a mental
problem. After nine months, we moved back overseas for one year.
MIL left us alone there, as she was still tangled up with her divorce.
While there, DH found a lump in his testes. ***LADIES, PLEASE
HAVE YOUR HUSBAND EXAMINE HIMSELF MONTHLY.*** We flew to the
states for medical attention. It was cancer, and surgery was
done at once. During the operation, MIL asked me if I was going
to leave DH, as most wives leave their DHs when they got sick.
She didn't ditch SFIL when he was ill, and GMIL stuck by GFIL when
he was ill. I told her that she was crazy. When the surgeon
came out to tell us that DH was in recovery, MIL asked him how his
sex drive would be afterwards. I am STILL in shock over that
one, let me tell you. As the Navy does things their way, DH
was sent to a naval hospital for radiation treatments. I returned
to europe to pack all of our belongings, and to ship the car and the
pets. This took three weeks. During that time, I phoned
MIL, and she didn't tell me that she'd not heard from DH, and that
she had no number to call him at. As I was six hours ahead,
it was not quite possible for me to call DH myself. I flew home,
and MIL met me at the airport. While I was trying to get news
of DH, and when he was due in, MIL blathered on about BILs wife, who'd
just had surgery and almost bled to death. Oh, what a time they'd
had with her. She was still recuperating from the surgery.
I finally snarled that I didn't give a flying fig about SIL, and found
out that DH was due in two days later. The morning that he was
due in, I called MIL just in time to find out when his plane was landing.
I got to the airport in time to greet my husband. MIL was royally
peeved. The Navy wanted DH stateside for two years, on limited
duty. So, we moved to the south. FANTASTIC! Not
only did we love it there, we made lifelong friends, and we were able
to get our footing where our marriage is concerned. No matter
what MIL did or said, and during that time there were no problems
from her at all, we had an understanding. DH knew that I would
fight tooth and nail for him, and defy the Navy if need be.
I had a major fit when I felt that we were being jerked around by
the Navy doctors. More of that another time. MIL got the
drift as well, and even gave me a set of beautiful porcelain dolls
that she'd hand made at a doll class. For a while there, I was
golden. Not that I let my guard down, though. I hadn't
counted on BIL's wife, a competitive woman if ever there was one.
I will leave her for a different page. SIL didn't like the fact
that DH got all the attention due to his illness, and started claiming
that she had a debilitating disease. We never did find out what
it was supposed to be. This set the tone for SIL to claim that
she had every new illness that hit the news, as in MS or IBS.
The MS went away, so now she only has the IBS and Parkinson's disease.
She diagnoses herself, based on the celebrity who has a particular
illness. You get the drift. There is just so much more,
but I will leave it for another day.
Signed - Thanks For The
Support!
RESPONSE: Thanks For The Support!
I think that you should ditch this loser and his whole family! Has
he shown any improvement lately?
RESPONSE: Thanks For The Support!
It sounds like you and DH have pulled through a lot. Don't let the
ILs cause new (or revive old) problems.
RESPONSE: Thanks For The Support!
It just amazes me how much some people have to cause problems. I
agree that getting your husband to learn that it is now about you,
him and the family that you have started together is crucial. Getting
along with ILs, who think dysfunction should be a way of life, is
difficult. It may be all they know. Forgiving them is key, but forgiving
yourself is the most important. Forgiving yourself of what, you might
ask? Well, for all the negative feelings that their actions have
produced. It produces guilt that you could honestly feel this way
about someone, or have been forced at times to their level of thinking.
People, as a whole, are sometimes crazy, strong emotions drive us
there, and we do crazy, stupid, mean things. Keep strong. And, above
all, love DH and your family. Nothing gets a MIL worse than realizing
that you all love each other, and she can't manipulate any of you
easily anymore. Sometimes, DH will eventually pick up on what is
going on, and may learn how to brush it off for you (not all the time,
once is enough). Take care.
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