There are so many horror stories,
it's hard to know where to begin. I'll start with the one
that left my mouth gaping open and my SIL cursing for the first
time. DH's brother and SIL have a daughter, age 2, who has
been the object of my control-freak MIL's obsession since the day
she was born. MIL is a teacher, and spends every holiday break
and all summer visiting BIL and SIL out of state. I don't
know my niece at all, because MIL is constantly in physical possession
of the child for every waking moment. I haven't held or hugged
her since the day she was born. My FIL was diagnosed with
cancer for the third time this spring, and his doctor recommended
that FIL start radiation treatment the first week of the next month.
While shopping in the mall one day, MIL told SIL and me that she
asked him to postpone his radiation treatment until the summer was
over so that it didn't interfere with her trip!!! My chin
hit the floor, and SIL, who NEVER curses, asked, "What in the
he!! is wrong with you?" MIL tried to pass it off as
a joke, but we saw the look in her eye. She was for real.
As much as I dislike my FIL, it breaks my heart to think that she
puts her own selfishness before a life-threatening illness.
I thank God each day that I don't have a child, and am not planning
to ever have one. I refuse to be the mother of HER grandchild!!!
Signed - Cancer? Yeah,
I Think That's Serious
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Somewhat Agree
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Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- trapped, 1 of 4 needed/Posted:
09-OCT-03
MIL thinks that every one needs her, yet, sadly, no
one does anymore. She attempts to manipulate family members
into believing that they do need her by putting them down, attacking
their self esteem and telling them that they do a hopeless job and
that she does the job so much better. This way they need to
get her to do it. It's a joke.
Signed - Trapped
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- kamilfh/Posted: 9-OCT-03
My MIL once accused me of ignoring her in the local
supermarket, (I never saw her). She, later, told my husband
that I had deliberately ignored her. When I called her to say
that I must have missed her, she said, "Well, you looked over
as if you saw me." Then she said, "I said that you
would deny it." Just who does she think she is? Does
she not know what the benefit of the doubt means?
Signed - Just Who Does
She Think She Is?
RESPONSE: Just Who Does She Think She
Is?
She's a stirrer - an "I want to cause trouble between my son
and his wife" type. Avoid!
RESPONSE: Just Who Does She Think She Is?
Since she obviously saw you, why didn't SHE say hello?
RESPONSE: Just Who Does She Think She Is?
She shouldn't judge others compared to herself. My MIL is like this
all the time - suspicious and mistrusting, but the irony is that she
herself is the proven liar and snake-in-the-grass.
RESPONSE: Just Who Does She Think She Is?
MIL starts cr@p like this because she knows that it will upset you.
Refuse to play her childish games. The next time this happens, ask
her why she didn't come over to say hello to you. Communication works
both ways. Call MIL on her cr@p.
RESPONSE: Just Who Does She Think She Is?
She's just reaching for anything to prove that she's right about you.
She's just going to try and make something out of nothing.
RESPONSE: Just Who Does She Think She Is?
Um. If she saw you, why didn't she say anything? She said that she
saw you, and she therefore is saying right out loud that she snubbed
you. Funny, that.
RESPONSE: Just Who Does She Think She Is?
I would say, "I didn't ignore you that time, but I certainly
will from now on." What a witch!
RESPONSE: Just Who Does She Think She Is?
Why didn't she say hello to you? She can be accused of ignoring you,
too. Since when is it the DIL's job to say hello first? I must have
missed that in the MIL rule book!
RESPONSE: Just Who Does She Think She Is?
Somebody said the exact same thing about me some time back. Geez.
My response to that person was, "Well, if you definitely saw
me, and then didn't say hi, what does that make you?" *Sigh*.
Some people will just say anything to make others look bad.
I will be celebrating my
10th wedding anniversary with my husband next month. We are
both 45. I was previously married, and have a 19 year old daughter.
At the beginning, I got along very well with my in-laws. The
only complaint would be that they go overboard on everything.
Christmas is ridiculous. Not one, but 20 gifts. They remember
every occasion. They used to stop in two to three times a week,
and we would just sit at the kitchen table and talk. Then, my
BIL died. He was 36 years old, and we were all shocked.
The BIL had made DH the beneficiary of his 401K. My ILs are
more than financially set. I told my husband that I did not
feel comfortable about the money. His brother probably left
it to him, thinking that he would outlive his parents. Since
he lived with his parents, and his parents paid for all the funeral
expenses, I suggested that he give it to them. I am not sure
if this is what started the whole thing, but it is the only thing
that I can think of. Their whole attitude changed. They
exclude me from any family get-togethers, except holidays. They
stopped coming over. They never talk to me when I answer the
phone, they just ask for DH. On the rare occasions (my husband's
birthday) when we are together, they make low jabs at me. They
say things that hurt my feelings. They praise my husband's ex
constantly, "Her house is spotless." "She
is an aerobics instructor, and looks great after the baby."
My BIL and SIL just filed for divorce. The ILs bought the soon
to be ex-wife a new car because she needs safe transportation for
the baby. I mentioned to my husband how distant I feel, and
he said, "They don't mean anything by it." He also
told me not to say anything to them, because they are very fragile
since the death of their son (3 years ago, now). My husband
feels torn between making them happy and making me happy. We
used to all get together. Now they ask him out to dinner without
me. I have asked my MIL why things are different, and she said
that she doesn't understand what I mean. Did I insult them by
giving them the money? My husband told them that we both made
the decision. I can't go on ignoring the fact that something
is really wrong. I know something is, but no one will tell me.
Signed - Any Ideas?
RESPONSE: Any Ideas?
There is a problem. It is DH. He shouldn't feel torn. He should
be clearly on your side. Marriage counseling can help. If he is
willing, it is not hopeless.
RESPONSE: Any Ideas?
I hope that your DH doesn't go to the dinners that you aren't invited
to. If he does, then he is part of the problem. He should say, "If
DW isn't invited, then I am not coming." I hope he does. I
cannot understand why giving them money would have turned them against
you. However, ILs can be odd, so it probably is the reason.
RESPONSE: Any Ideas?
You've asked them, in an attempt to solve the problem, and they acted
like nothing was wrong. There's nothing more that you can do, except
make sure that your DH stands by you, no matter what. It actually
should be he who asks what their problem is. Otherwise, forget them.
There's nothing more that you can do. You can't force them to tell
you or to behave differently.
RESPONSE: Any Ideas?
This problem isn't yours, it is your husband's. Your happiness should
come first. Right now, DH is putting his parent's issues above your
happiness. And, he is continuing a relationship with them that does
not involve you. This is unacceptable. Confront MIL/FIL and demand
an answer. If they are upset about $$, then they need to get over
it, because you were not trying to hurt anyone. DH needs to grow
a spine, and tell the ILs to treat you with respect. If they can't
be nice, then DH should not have anything to do with them. Good luck!
RESPONSE: Any Ideas?
First of all, your husband needs to stick up for you. They have each
other to lean on. You're supposed to have DH's support (recite wedding
vows if you have to). It is up to him to tell them that, even if
they don't mean anything by it, they are treating you badly and he
won't stand for it.
RESPONSE: Any Ideas?
If the ILs are financially set, why did you give them the money?
RESPONSE: Any Ideas?
"He also told me not to say anything to them, because they are
very fragile since the death of their son (3 years ago, now)."
Sorry, but three years should have eased some of the pain - how long
are you supposed to walk on eggshells around them? They, apparently,
have no concern for your feelings! "My husband feels torn between
making them happy and making me happy." YOU are his family.
He should be on your side. If the in-laws were upset about the $$
from the inheritance, why didn't they just give it back to your DH
and you? They kept it, but they now have a problem with you, and
your DH doesn't support you? I'd be tempted to ask if he wants to
move back with mommy and daddy, or live as an adult married man with
you.
RESPONSE: Any Ideas?
It's hard to say why your ILs are being the way that they are. I
do have to say, however, that it was not your position to pass judgment
on how BIL should have left his money. Maybe they resent you for
second guessing him. He was 36 years old, and capable of making his
own decisions. Who are you to say that he was wrong and to tell your
DH not to accept the money? Who are you to imply that your ILs needed
it more? If you felt uncomfortable with it and were concerned about
the ILs, you could have put it into a savings account so that it would
always be there in case the ILs needed financial help at some point
in the future.
RESPONSE: Any Ideas?
My word!! Your DH must have ROSE colored glasses. They included
you before the death of his brother when this money was not an issue.
Now they snub you by inviting your DH and not you?? What is he, BLIND?
Tell him to get a "clue by four" and not attend any more
outings with his parents unless both of you attend. And, when you
do go TOGETHER, make him stay by your side at all times, not go "wandering"
to other rooms where she might get a chance to be alone with you.
This behavior is outright RUDE, and he is giving them the message
that you are not a couple/team.
RESPONSE: Any Ideas?
Ok, this cr@p HAS TO STOP, NOW! Your DH should not feel "torn".
YOU are the top priority, or, you should be. The fact that he is
actually attending things, when you are so blatantly NOT invited,
is wrong. I would sit your DH down and tell him it is like this:
You are NOT taking it wrong. They are being jerks. And, if he does
NOT confront them and tell them to knock it off, PRONTO, you will.
If they are so "fragile" that they cannot be told anything,
then they obviously need some help. And, if you have kids, they will
NOT see your kids unless they can be civil. I personally would confront
them myself, with DH present, and ask them exactly what the HE!! is
wrong with them!
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