My son of 8 months has been fostered
out to my MIL grandmum since he was 3 months old. Things were
still fine, as I lowered a lot of my expectations of MIL.
I knew right from the start that she is lazy, does not keep the
house clean, loves gambling, loves uttering vulgarities, etc.
As a result, it is not surprising to see my son and various milk
bottles lying around the house after each feeding, unwashed and
even unsoaked, when we visit him in the evening. Imagine the
stink from the remaining milk in the bottles! She is possessive,
and tries ways to stop us when we get near our son. She will
say, "No carrying unless crying," when we, who have just
arrived after work, want to hug our son. Double standard!
She immediately scoops my son up when she hears her DH's bike come
riding near! When I want to put my son to sleep (extremely
cranky), she says, "Now it is play time with his granddad."
She does not cook for the family. And, to the shock of many
of you, I guess, she will say, "DISMISSED," after we have
hung around for slightly more than 1 hour. My friends thought
that I would send my son to sleep before I left at 9pm!!!
Isn't she a pain in the @ss? More. She keeps long finger
nails and wears 3 bracelets on her hands. I wonder if baby-sitters
do that? I could see nail traces and cuts on my son.
She would claim that my son did it himself. Having no proof,
I kept quiet. My son has been enjoying his bath time all along,
smiling and playing merrily in the tub. Lately, he screams,
kicks and cries very badly when I put him into the tub. Strange.
I examined him and realized that he has many "cat-claw"
scratches right on his back! These cannot be induced by my
son, right? When we asked her to check for the cause, she
brushed us aside by saying, "don't know" or, "must
be doing it himself". It makes me boil!!!! MORE
- MORE - MORE. I think she is feeling insecure. She
always wants us to predict who will my son start addressing first.
She will, as a matter of fact, ask and answer herself, "I say
surely he will call grandma first," etc. Her vulgarities
are a turn off to me, too. She would rebuke me by saying,
"All my three children grew up with my style, none speak vulgarities,
too!" ????????? What kind of argument is this?
I am getting more and more frustrated and irritated by her.
I feel like bringing back my boy, but I am a little concerned that
I am not ready to be a SAHM! Stranded with a dilemma.
Can you share your 2 cents worth? My son is 8 months old now.
Signed - Speechless
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Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
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MIL and SIL were convinced
that I was cheating on my husband with SIL's ex. Their proof?
Someone had asked him if he was "still seeing that girl with
the big boobs". They were certain it had to be me.
So, what, now I'm the only large breasted woman in the world?
Signed - Maybe I Should
Take It As A Compliment
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Thank God I'm not alone!!
I used to think MIL tales were exaggerated. But, since getting
married 3 years ago, I have found out that IT'S ALL TRUE!! MIL
is a control freak to the extreme. When DH lived at home, she
would open all his mail, claim his paychecks and dole out what she
saw fit (he was still in school), and keep his bank book and birth
certificate in her purse. Just before we got married, she ceremoniously
handed ME his bank book! I guess that she thought I was going
to be just like her, or be her dutiful servant and report to her.
Well, I am neither, and she hates it. She used to call me on
the phone to quiz me about DH's job, our finances, etc. When
I didn't play that game, she stopped wanting to speak with me.
We just had our first child and I am a SAHM. She thinks I'm
lazy. When I was 8 months pregnant, she commented to DH that
she thought I probably slept all day and did nothing around the house
(couldn't be more wrong, but what if I did?). Now, she keeps
getting little digs in that DH should have married someone else and
he wouldn't be working so hard. He has a great job and loves
his work. When MIL and FIL visit, she spends the time critiquing
my housework (literally - she will go in every room), then she ignores
me for the rest of the time that she is here. She tries to slip
in digs at every opportunity, telling me that she raised 3 kids, worked,
and had a spotless house. I really want DS to have a good relationship
with his grandparents, but they make it hard. MIL says that
she doesn't know how to be a grandmother when we live so far away
(my fault, according to her), and has stopped asking about DS or sending
him cards or gifts. DS is too little to understand, but I'm
so mad at her for that. They are coming for a visit in 3 weeks
and I have a headache already.
Signed - Tired of MIL
RESPONSE: Tired of MIL
CONTROL FREAK warning! MIL can't have it her way, so it's misery
for your little family! As long as you and DH agree on your roles,
it's none of her business. Does DH hear the cr@p that she gives you
when they visit? He should stand up for you - or you will need to
do so for yourself, and it might not be pretty. If MIL doesn't "know"
how to be a grandma, is she expecting your little son to teach her?
She's the adult and should take the lead!
RESPONSE: Tired of MIL
Call her on the behavior. Do not allow her to be so nasty to you.
Tell her that this is YOUR home and YOUR life. If you want to stay
home and raise your kids, rather than having a daycare raise them,
you will. And, if she doesn't like the condition of your house, then
too dang bad! Tell her that she can leave if she doesn't like it.
When she starts in with the, "I worked and my house was spotless,"
cr@p, ask her, "Why do you keep saying that? I heard it the
first 40 times already. We know that you were Mrs. Perfect, so shut
up about it." Or, you could ask her what it is like to walk
on water. Your DH should be handling his mother, and you need to
tell him that he better, or you will. You are pregnant and you do
NOT need this cr@p. When she starts inspecting each room, tell her
that this is YOUR home, and to stop or she can leave.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- kamilfh/Posted: 12-OCT-03
I have a story for you. My MIL is a witch.
It all started when I came out of the hospital after having my first
child. DH had asked his mother to clean up for him before I
came home with our baby. But, as she is a house work "fanatic",
she went around the house with a fine tooth comb. She moved
beds and found a bit of dust underneath. She later said to me,
the minute I came into the house with my new baby, that my house was
"mucky". There was a bit of dust under the bed, but
it was a bit much to refer to it as "muck". Was she
forgetting something: I was working full-time, and I was also
pregnant, so how was I supposed to move a bed to clean under it?
She later said that she was not sorry that she said it, but she admitted
that her timing was wrong. How I run my home is non of her business.
It was not as if I had left spillage on the floor, or let my dog do
her business over my living room floor. That's what I call "muck".
But, coming on a bit of dust is not going to do any harm. I
later had another child. This time, I asked my mother to clean
up for me before I came out of hospital, as my mother, like me, is
not housework "fanatic". The most recent incident
occurred 18 months ago. MIL and FIL insisted on doing our decorating
for us. I said no, but DH said that he did not have time, and
as I could not do it myself, I very reluctantly agreed. She
took over my house. My mother had been looking after my daughter
that week, and she offered to look after her for an extra day.
I said to my MIL that my mother was looking after her an extra day
this week. As she was only supposed to have her for two days
instead of three, she jumped the gun and later said to DH that I was
implying that she was not doing her fair share of childcare.
DH and I had a blazing row over this, where we were on the verge of
filing for divorce. I later left a message on her voicemail
saying that I was not implying what she thought I was, and if she
has anything to say to me, she should say it to my face, not to DH.
This made her see red. She came around to my house with the
key that she had while she and FIL were decorating. She started
shouting and screaming at me with a voice that sounded like Satan.
She said to me, "Don't you tell me what not to say to my son.
He is my son." I said, "Yes, he is your son, not your
messenger boy." Then she started going on, saying that
I think more of my mother than I do of her. Of course, who would
not think more of their own mother than they do of their MIL?
After all, which one brought you up? And, she said that, after
all she has done and bought for us, I do not appreciate it.
She said that she does more for me than my mother does, and that my
mom does not buy us as many things as she does. My parents don't
have as much money as she does. She says that I do not keep
my house "clean", which is none of her business. I
told her to, "Get out," and she later told DH that she was
upset because I told her that. It's a shame that I live in England
where the law does not allow you to kill an intruder in your own home
like you can in other areas. I would have been tempted to do
that. Why did I not have the right to tell her to "get
out"? I mean, come on, who is going to put up with that
kind of abuse in their own home? I did not speak to her again
until FIL died. She wanted me to go around to her house again.
I said to DH that FIL's death does not make those words that were
said to me disappear. I did (reluctantly) go around, but I made
it clear to DH that I was doing it for him, NOT for her.
Signed - MIL IS A WITCH
RESPONSE: MIL IS A WITCH
I hope you got your key back or changed the locks. The ILs NEVER
need keys to the house. My parents have keys to our house, but they
kindly look in on the dog and get our mail when we are out of town.
Other than that, they stay away unless asked over. The ILs are the
nosiest people on the planet. Whenever they come over, I have to
make sure that all the mail and paperwork is put away, because MIL
will think nothing of opening our charge bills or bank statements
if they are on the counter. And, then the minute she's out the door,
she'd be on the phone with all her witchy sisters and daughters telling
them our business. Yuk. What a freak!
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