I have a dangerous MIL. I am
terrified of her harming my little 5 year old son, and I don't know
what to do. She neglects to supervise him when he is with
her. She doesn't care if he plays near a hot stove or if he
plays around her hot drink, and so forth. She offers him big
bars of chocolate and cakes when he is hungry at meal times.
She has always been very hostile around me. I hope that she
doesn't take out her revenge or anger on my son. I am divorced,
and so I am not around to protect my son when he is with my ex (the
father) and my ex-MIL. Please, can anyone help or advise?
I don't want to lose my only child. What is a mom to do?
I just don't want to see my son harmed in any way. I don't
trust my the ex MIL at all.
Signed - Very Worried
Mother
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Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
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Worst gift: Our DD turned
2 last month, and MIL didn't even call or send a gift. She completely
forgot. She also forgot our son's first birthday this year.
While we were visiting her, DH and I went to a grocery store and bought
a cake. She said, "Oh, thank you for buying a cake"
for her son-in-law, whose 30th birthday was the next day. DH
was so mad, but politely said that this was for our son. "Really?",
she said with a big smile. This is all because they are my children,
and not her daughter's. I'm just waiting to see how long DH
will tolerate her treating the kids like she has always treated me.
A 2 year old doesn't even know what a birthday is, but a 5 year old
does!
Signed - Thank G-d We Live
5,000 Miles Away!
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
When my DH and I were first
married many years ago, we were visiting MIL and she asked DH to go
get her some cigarettes. DH asked me, "Do you have any
money (it was the day before payday)?" I said, "Yeah,
I've got a few dollars for a pack." My MIL burst out laughing
and said "A PACK??!! Oh, no, honey, I need a CARTON!"
I told her that it was a pack or nothing. It was my first encounter
with CBF (editor's note - believe CBF stands for "calm becomes
furious").
Signed - I Don't Even Smoke
RESPONSE: I Don't Even Smoke
I don't understand why you would even buy her one pack!
RESPONSE: I Don't Even Smoke
CBF stands for "cat butt face". It's an annoyed facial
expression with pursed lips like a cats butt. It's commonly used
on the message boards for this site.
(editor's note - thanks, we stand corrected - the help page has been
updated to reflect this)
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- thorn in MIL's side DIL, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 13-OCT-03
As I've stated before, we've not spoken to DH's family
in seventeen months. While we are not in counseling, we are
dealing with it by discussing it on a weekly basis. When I first
met DH, he was very much a milquetoast where MIL was concerned.
Now, however, he has changed, and for the most part it is for the
better. MIL once asked me what I did to make him so angry all
the time. I told her that he is not angry all the time, and
that when she sees his anger, it is because she has triggered it more
often than not. I used to have a lot of anger towards MIL, but
since I've been visiting this site and writing about it, a lot of
that anger seems to have dissipated. I feel good about that,
but I am still wary. Wary of letting MIL back into my life,
and weary of the battle with her over DH. I've told DH that
he can contact her at any time, but he states very firmly that, until
MIL apologizes to me for all the things that she has done and said
over the years, he will not phone her. Knowing MIL, that will
be a cold day in he!!. But, hey, the Eagles said the very same
thing, and they got back together, right? So, stranger things
have happened. But, I am not holding my breath. Even if
MIL did come to her senses, get counseling or whatever, I don't know
that I could forgive her. It isn't the way that my religion
teaches me to think, but I just honestly do not know whether I could
trust her. Is this a normal way of thinking? I mean, I
am talking about survival here, and self respect. On the other
hand, how can you treat someone the way MIL did me, and have any self
respect? A good dose of self denial goes a long way towards
that last line of reasoning, I suppose. I do hope and pray that
MIL will see the error of her ways. I am not asking for forgiveness,
though. That would be too much to hope for. As for my
husband, the difference in him is apparent to our friends and my family
members. While he and I both acknowledge that he is better off,
I still think that it is a crying shame. I've said the same
thing that many others who post on this site have said; I was
never in a battle for DH's affections with MIL. She is his mother,
and I can't and wouldn't change that for all the world. However,
I am his wife. I fill a spot in his life that she can't.
But, sometimes some of the remarks that she has made over the years
will come to me in the dead of night, and I wonder. I wonder
if she still carried a torch for DH's natural father, whom she divorced
when DH was a babe, and of whom DH is the perfect carbon copy.
I just wonder. I hope this helps someone, somewhere.
Signed - Peace
RESPONSE: Peace
If you want to retain your sanity, DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THIS WOMAN AT
ANY COST. Encourage your DH to visit, phone, or do lunch with his
mother when you are not in the picture. There is no other way to
deal with such a toxic person. Unfortunately, I, too, have toxic
in-laws who give new meaning to the words self-absorbed, selfish,
controlling and evil!!! By not cutting DH out of their lives entirely,
you will look better to outsiders and DH. Be secure in the knowledge
that you truly did try to foster better relations between a child
and parents. There never was and never will be room for you in their
relationship. Better to recognize this now and not waste any more
valuable emotion on them. Believe you me, this is not a triangle
that you wish to be part of. Been there, now there, straight as an
arrow!
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