Frequent
Fry Her TM
- noruby4me /Posted: 23-OCT-03
OK, this is petty minutia, but it is a pet peeve
of mine, nonetheless. SIL called today, and I answered the
phone. She immediately said, "Hi, is DH (her brother)
home?", without another personal word to me. She used
to do this quite often in the early years of my marriage - call
my home and then dismiss me without the courtesy of a simple "how
are you?" MIL has a habit, too, of sometimes calling
and directly asking for her son, as though I were a stranger.
There has NEVER been emergency news following these thoughtless
calls. SIL and MIL just, in that moment, couldn't be bothered
with me or any courtesy that I might deserve. This phone thing
has always irked me. What does it take to say, "Hi, I
wish we could chat, but I wanted to talk to (DH) right now, and
we will talk another time." Anyway, when SIL did this
today I didn't even say, "OK," or, "hold on a sec."
I just called DH to the phone and handed it to him without a word
to SIL. It's petty, I know, to stoop to SIL's level of rudeness.
Still, it was a long time coming, and I have to say that it felt
just a little good to finally give her a dose of her own medicine!
Signed - What Am I, A
Stranger Answering Your Brother's/Son's Phone?
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Worst gift: My MIL came
to visit my new son (7 weeks old) for the first time this week.
I thought, for sure, that she would come with gifts for the baby,
since it is her first grandchild (not to mention that he is her only,
as circumstances would have it). I was right. She brought
him a pair of knitted mittens and a hat that she bought from a from
a flea market (she told me that) in an ADULT SIZE. She "figured
that he could wear them when he gets older".
Signed - When He Gets Older
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
It took my MIL 5 years to
learn when my birthday was. That doesn't sound too bad, but
it is the same day as my HUSBAND'S!!! She has been cruel to
me for nearly 20 years. For example: She says that our
children and grandchildren have nothing to do with her and her children.
My husband has cut her off now. She made a mistake. She
started being cruel to him when he decided that I was more important
to him than she was. He is sad some of the time now, but the
peace in our house is unbelievable.
Signed - Invisible Except
For Insults
I need some advice.
I am afraid that I am going to end up sounding like a "Frasier"
(TV show) type snob, but I am not. I, too, come from very humble
beginnings. My mother was abandoned by my father when I was
four, and she worked extremely hard to provide a good life for us
(and she did). I am a school teacher, and I am somewhat fastidious
when it comes to housekeeping. I am going to be a SAHM for my
son's first two years, and then I will go back to teaching.
My husband is very supportive of this, and he is supportive of me
in general. He is very loving and kind, but when it comes to
"mommy", that is another story. He is not necessarily
on "her side", but he does not support me either.
The problem is this: My MIL is a back woods, "countrified",
utter nincompoop. She can butcher the English language like
no one else. Her house is disgusting and should be condemned
as a health hazard. There are animal feces on the floor, as
well as animal hair. There is food everywhere, and her refrigerator
is terrifying. She told us how funny it was when she found a
dead mouse in her dishrag once! When she comes to our house,
she insists on washing my dishes for me, even though I have asked
her not to repeatedly, because she leaves food on them. I really
feel that she does it just to irritate me. She leaves food on
the dishes and puts them in the cupboard. When she comes to
our house, she tries to sneak sugar and fatty foods to the baby (he
is one year old). She picks her nose and farts, and she thinks
that it is hilarious. She spills food all over my house.
I could ignore all of this, except for one thing; DH worships the
ground she walks on. I DO NOT want my child to be influenced
by her. She keeps asking when she can keep the baby overnight.
NOOOOOO!!!! My husband is as unlike her as possible. He
is extremely intelligent, healthy and clean. When she is here,
however, it is almost like he does not notice her behavior.
Despite all I have just said, I have tried valiantly to be kind to
her. She, on the other hand, has tried everything that she can to
irritate me, and then she sobs to my husband that I am mean to her
when I ask her not to do something that irritates me in my own house!
She takes over my kitchen (although my husband has even told her not
to), and gets mad at me when I ask her not to do something.
Recently, she made a crack about my husband "paying all the bills",
so that I wouldn't say anything to her. It is true that he does
do so now, but I supported him before we got married. I paid
off his credit card and his student loan, and I put a huge down payment
on our home. My two major issues are: I do not want her
to have an influence on our child; and I want her to stop crying to
my husband like a baby when she doesn't get her way. If anyone
has some advice, I would appreciate it greatly. I realize that,
compared to a lot of MIL problems, mine are minor, but I would still
like some advice if anyone has some to give. Should I just stop
trying to be nice, and just get a spine and tell her off?
Signed - Annoyed in Tennessee
RESPONSE: Annoyed in Tennessee
Disgusting! You are right not to let your child ever spend the night
there. It is a health hazard.
RESPONSE: Annoyed in Tennessee
Get a spine and tell her off!
RESPONSE: Annoyed in Tennessee
You tell her that your finances are NONE OF HER BUSINESS. Tell her
that she needs to mind her own business, and that she will NOT be
keeping your baby overnight, because of the condition of her house.
RESPONSE: Annoyed in Tennessee
Everyone one this site has a problem with MILs, so don't downplay
your situation by thinking that these problems are "minor".
You have every right to vent or complain about your MIL's behavior.
When my DH tried to stay "neutral" with MIL and me, I took
matters into my own hands. I, straight out, told MIL what she was
doing to piss me off. She didn't like it, but it worked. I no longer
keep in contact with the woman, nor does DH, as he saw how horribly
she responded to me when I confronted her on matters which needed
to be solved. I find this works with a lot of DILs. Once they stand
up for their beliefs, and put their foot down, their MILs back off.
I think that you have every right to be disgusted with MIL's "habits".
Put her in her place. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Annoyed in Tennessee
First, my condolences. Your MIL sounds like a nightmare! What a
pig! She can ask to have the baby overnight until she is blue in
the face, but it is your decision, and your duty to say NO! Animal
feces and dead mice are all the excuses you need. And, if your spineless
DH doesn't like it, too damn bad! You're the mother, and you are
doing what is in the best interest of your baby. Keep setting boundaries
with MIL. And tell your DH that he needs to present a united front
with you. You will not allow MIL to take over your home. If she
wants to be a part of your lives, she needs to shape up. If she farts
and picks her nose, tell her, "MIL, it sounds like you need to
use the ladies room. Please do so, as we don't appreciate this one
bit. " Or say, "MIL, let me get you a tissue. It is really
unpleasant for the rest of us to watch you do that." Call her
on her behavior.
RESPONSE: Annoyed in Tennessee
You know, all I can say is "be selfish". It is your job
to care for your child, with its well being in mind. If you feel
that you can't leave your child alone with her, then there should
be no reason to give anyone any excuses. The thing that I found to
be the most effective is just ignoring the in-laws. Eventually, they
get the point, unless there is something wrong with them. Ignore
what they say and what they do. If they cross the line, don't be
afraid to say something. Trust me. They'll respect you more in the
long run if you put your foot down.
RESPONSE: Annoyed in Tennessee
Stop trying to be nice. Grow a spine and tell her off. MIL will
run all over you as long as you let her. After you tell MIL off,
rip DH a new one. You may not think that he has chosen MIL's side,
but by not standing up to her, he really has. DH must make it clear
that you and DS are #1 in his life, and that MIL will get along with
you or else she won't see any of you. Now go kick some @ss, and take
charge of your home before MIL turns it into a slum!
RESPONSE: Annoyed in Tennessee
Don't think that your problems are minor! If you don't solve them
now, they will become major. Tell DH that MIL must respect you in
your home, or she is not welcome. If he does not support you 100%,
he is not welcome, either. DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD NEAR THIS WOMAN'S
HOME!!
RESPONSE: Annoyed in Tennessee
Tell her off. You must teach some people how you want to be treated,
as they are not mature enough to GET IT!! Quit stressing, or she
will have control over you. It is your house and your child. STAND
your ground!!! What do you have to lose? DH needs to be a man, and
defend you!!! That's who he married, and who he chose to be with
for the rest of his life. Or send him back to his mommy
RESPONSE: Annoyed in Tennessee
First of all, she has no right to crack any comments about who pays
the bills. You and DH are married, and that makes you a team. It's
you two against the world. It doesn't matter if you take care of
the children and he is the one who leaves to go to work and pay the
bills. I am not a SAHM, but I am a full time student, and DH pays
for me to go to school. In the long run, I will make twice what he
makes. Nothing is even-steven in a relationship, so don't feel guilty
that you are not the so called "bread winner". You are
good to her son. You raise your family and you are the woman of the
home. And that is how you guys want it. It doesn't matter what she
thinks. It sounds like she doesn't know her @Ss from her elbow, and
I think that you should tell her this. My ILs also didn't like their
son supporting his wife through college, but I think that they are
simply jealous that he can afford to take care of me. FIL wouldn't
have done it for MIL. FIL would have had MIL flipping burgers before
he would have given up his hunting money to support his wife's education.
I think that it makes them green in the face to see their sons take
care of their families so well, to be men, and to be very good to
their wives. Cracks like that are out of jealousy.
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