I'm married and I go out with my
friends very often. My ILs always have a shocked look on their
faces, like I'm up to no good, because I have a life and career
outside of the home. I do go out with my girlfriends at least
once a week, and if the ILs don't like it, they can, and will, kiss
my ass. The situation won't be changing any time soon.
I realized that some people tend to think that when you become a
wife, everything is about your husband, and you no longer have a
life, except for wishing for children, conversing with the ILs,
or cooking dinner. Sorry, I still remained human after I said
"I do", and I still like hanging with my friends - and,
I have the best marriage yet out of anyone I know. You can't
live while worrying about what the ILs think, because they don't
know their asses from their elbows. Do what works for your
marriage. If everyone did marriage exactly the way society
thinks it should be done, I think that the marriage rate would drop
even quicker than what it has.
Signed - Do What Works
For Your Marriage
0
6
Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
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Worst gift: My grandmother
once gave my mother (her daughter-in-law) two very used, worn out
bras. No explanation, no gag gift, just used bras.
Signed - Used Bras
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
This happened to a friend
of mine. Her FMIL was really against the wedding. However,
even after a lot of interfering and stirring, the wedding went ahead.
After the wedding, as the guests were arriving at the reception, MIL
and DIL had a huge stand up argument that was started by the MIL.
In front of all the guests, MIL called DIL a dirty slut, and numerous
other vicious insults. Then, she promptly dropped dead.
Yes, MIL had a heart attack, and that was the end of that. Five
years later on, DIL and DH are still happily married (what a man,
as he never blamed his wife). They have recently just had their
first child.
Signed - How Lucky Is That?
RESPONSE: How Lucky Is That?
Karma
RESPONSE: How Lucky Is That?
Great wedding gift!
RESPONSE: How Lucky Is That?
Now she has two things to celebrate on her anniversary!
RESPONSE: How Lucky Is That?
Nobody will ever forget THAT wedding! I'm glad to hear that they're
still doing well.
RESPONSE: How Lucky Is That?
I hope that your friend says a lot of thank you prayers. If only
the rest of us could be so lucky.
RESPONSE: How Lucky Is That?
Gee, for someone who was "dead" set against the marriage,
she ended up giving her DIL the best gift ever!
RESPONSE: How Lucky Is That?
Dead on the wedding day? I guess the fight that I had with MIL on
my wedding day wasn't big enough. Maybe we should renew our vows.
RESPONSE: How Lucky Is That?
LMAO!!!! She made herself look like an @ss, then checked out. Who
knows, that may have been her ultimate revenge - ruin the wedding
day and everyone will always think of MIL when they think about the
happy couple's wedding. Can't top that for a "Everything is
always about ME" attitude. But, MIL did give the bride a great
gift!! Ding dong the witch is dead. Never another problem with that
one. If FIL remarries, let SMIL know what happened to MIL when she
was mean to DIL. Still laughing - wish my ex-MIL had done the same.
My MIL is the most miserable
person in the world. She has made my husband cry on many occasions.
She is extremely prejudiced, and believes that a woman's place is
in the home, as does my FIL. Her comments offend and enrage
me. She has done everything to destroy our marriage. She
tried to convince my husband not to marry me, and then she tried to
convince him to divorce me. We recently moved out of the city where
they reside, and ever since, they have pressured him to return.
They have told me that I have ruined their lives and destroyed their
family, as the move was because of my job, and it takes us to where
my family resides. Anyway, my husband recently left me because
of his parent's threats and pressure. He does not want me with
him, because he knows that his parents will never accept me, nor will
I accept them. I don't know what to do at this point, and how
to save my marriage.
Signed - Unjust
RESPONSE: Unjust
If DH left you because of mommy and daddy - sad to say - but he wasn't
much of a man, just a little boy.
RESPONSE: Unjust
Don't save the marriage, save yourself.
RESPONSE: Unjust
Get on with your own life. If he wises up, he will return. Otherwise,
you are better off. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Unjust
Why *would* you want a marriage to someone who cares so little about
you that he'd let these people abuse you and then abandon you? Get
some self-respect, and make sure that you get a good divorce lawyer,
one who understands about emotional abuse.
RESPONSE: Unjust
Your husband is an idiot. If he is that whipped by moooooommmy, then
let him go. He never should have left you if he loved you. What
a freak. Be thankful, and find a man who isn't a momma's boy. By
the way, what a B your MIL is.
RESPONSE: Unjust
Assuming that you'll still let him, he needs to make a choice. Give
him a time limit to return to you, and hold him to it. At this point,
you'd also be justified in declaring the marriage over.
RESPONSE: Unjust
You say that you're trying to save your marriage. WHAT marriage???
What you had with your husband was anything but. If he couldn't stand
up to his parents and protect the life that he was in the process
of creating with you, good riddance to him. You don't need such a
pantywaister (not to mention time waster) in your life. Move on from
this putz, and don't look back!
RESPONSE: Unjust
I am so sorry to hear that your husband left you. His parents need
to stop interfering and get their own life. Well, if your husband
left just because mommy and daddy didn't approve, then you don't need
to be married to a baby. Please get some counseling to help you through
this hard time in your life and MOVE ON. Without your in-laws on
your @Ss, life will be much more peaceful. Good luck!!!!
RESPONSE: Unjust
Do you really want to save your marriage and remain with a man who
has not got the ba!!s to stand up to his parents? What is he, a man
or a mouse? I think that you would be better off without him. It
is her son's life that she is going to ruin, not yours. You could
move on and find someone who is not a wimp with his parents. His
parents are likely to ruin every relationship that he has with women.
He might realize that through time, but it will be too late. Your
story reminds me of a cousin of mine. Her BF's mother knows how to
"press his buttons" to get him to come running, and off
he goes. He had previously been married, and we think that the marriage
broke up as a result of his mother, as she used to go into their home,
when they were out at work, and snoop around. And, she also used
to spy on her XDIL with binoculars. My cousin has given her boyfriend
an ultimatum, he has six months to "sort his mother out"
or it's over. Get yourself a new life, and move on. Its his loss,
not yours.
RESPONSE: Unjust
My situation is EXACTLY like yours. My MIL is very abusive and manipulative,
and has tried to break up my relationship with my wife. They have
done evil things to us, and have spoken so badly of us. We have severed
ties once or twice. My wife wasn't always willing, though. It's
called brainwashing. It takes time to deprogram the mess that your
MIL has placed in your DH's head. My wife has given in way too much
in the past. I put my foot down on the situation, and remained firm.
I advised my wife that breaking up was around the corner if she did
not stand up for herself. If DH does not respect you enough, there
is nothing that you can do. The bible clearly states that when a
husband and wife marry, they are one unit! They are joined, and the
in-laws take the back burner. Your DH needs help. You cannot fight
this alone. Here is my story: It's lengthy, but maybe it will help
you. God bless! MY STORY: My wife and I have been together for
eight years. Nonetheless, my MIL has shown little respect to either
of us since we've met. In fact, my wife and my MIL were at odds before
I came onto the scene. DW went through the brainwashing and physical
abuse, and she was hit on. I met DW in college. She shared a room
with a person that MIL secretly organized to be my wife's roommate.
This was strange, but later I realized that if ANYONE knew my wife,
MIL would try to find out about him or her (even old high school buddies
who my wife knew at one time). My controlling MIL would call her
five or six times a day, and if she did not get a response back, she
would have my wife paged. This is when I noticed all the dirt that
my MIL was pulling. She even told me, behind my wife's back, that
I should break things off and not tell my wife, because she needed
to "concentrate" in school and our relationship was causing
strain on my wife's grades. MIL even called my mom, behind my back,
and told her the same thing. My mom advised her that we were both
adults, capable of making our own decisions, and that she and MIL
were both younger than we were when they got married. MIL never called
her again. DW decided to buy a car with the money that she had saved
up. MIL got mad when she found out and insisted on seeing the car
before it was purchased, and she thought it best to have the vehicle
put into her name. I advised DW not to include her, and to buy it
anyway if she liked the car. DW went along with the purchase without
MIL, and all he!! broke loose! She demanded that the car be parked
at their house and brought to my wife on the weekend. My wife was
under MIL's control mentally when we met, and she pretty much tried
to please her. Because of this, she dropped the car off one weekend
against my suggestions, but later went back for it and brought it
back on campus. They (MIL and FIL) badmouthed me to her and other
family members after that, but I didn't care. I was called "the
manipulator" and "a con artist". The truth was that
I had been the only person who was supportive of my wife. BIL, SIL,
and FIL had all turned their backs on her. To this day, MIL does
not like the fact that I know her games, and ALWAYS manage to beat
her to the punch to protect my wife and myself. MIL insisted on my
wife moving back home, which was the bulk of all conversations. MIL
had all my wife's family in on it, saying that she should move back
just to appease her. She could not even go to FIL, because MIL had
manipulated her way with him, and had him hating us. MIL even went
to the extent of calling a distant relative of hers, and telling him
negative things about me, and she advised him to come by when we were
in town. The relative greeted us at the door when we went to visit
MIL. He said, "I had to meet you. I heard so many (negative)
things about you that I was curious who you were." FIL, of course,
was not home at the time. The relative and I talked, and I gave him
the low down of what was going on. I advised him that I was raised
totally different than my wife, and that I didn't stand to be tossed
around at the sake of the saying "blood is thicker than water".
I advised him further that being "family" didn't give anyone
the right to be abusive. For obvious reasons, my wife did not want
to move back home to continue being emotionally abused by MIL. To
avert this, my wife took a summer job on campus, and the school provided
campus housing for the summer. After that, my wife moved into an
apartment with a foreign exchange student. This was short lived,
and after the student moved, we moved in together and started working
on building a life together. We were getting married and then we
were pregnant with our first child. We told MIL and FIL that we were
having a baby during our fourth month of pregnancy. MIL's first words
were, "Well, I guess it's too late for an abortion." Then,
she "cried" for sympathy. FIL was calm, and didn't play
into MIL's behavior, so she stopped crying. MIL never even offered
her daughter a baby shower because, as she put it, "No one is
going to be happy." So, my mom threw a huge bash, and out of
kindness she invited MIL and FIL. It was hard trying to survive at
times, and when we didn't have a phone, my wife would call MIL on
a pay phone, sometimes in the rain. And, each time she would come
back in tears. I told her not to deal with it, and to stop calling
and taking emotional abuse. FIL would not see this, and would only
get MIL's side of the story: He heard that my wife was a troublemaker
who neglected her mother, and emotionally abused her when FIL was
not around. MIL would even have a surgery (upwards of 10 surgeries
on different parts of the body) and demand that my wife spend a week
or two tending to her. This was just another tactic used to separate
us so that she could coerce my wife into breaking off our relationship.
MIL knew what strings to pull and used every tactic to pull them.
She constantly told us that we didn't know how to raise a child, and
that my wife needed to live with them so that she could oversee the
well being of the child. I, of course, wasn't invited to those after
birth arrangements. I would have to "come over whenever I wanted".
I told MIL and FIL that this was not an option, and encouraged MIL
to come over to OUR house, after the birth, to help out. MIL never
took me up on that offer. During the pregnancy, whenever we saw my
MIL she constantly reminded my wife that their back room was being
fixed up for her. One day, I finally lost my temper and lashed out
at MIL and advised her that this was our child and that we had a home
that this baby was going home to! She yelled back, "I was only
trying to help!" Of course, she began to "cry" and
asked us to leave. I immediately drove 20 minutes out of our way
to BIL's house. I figured that MIL would call him, and no doubt he'd
be upset when MIL gave him the bad news. We pulled up to the house
and I could sense BIL's tension. I explained that MIL and I just
had words. He invited us in. MIL had already called him (as I suspected)
and continued to do so during our entire stay. MIL hated the fact
that I was sitting at BIL's house and was able to share what really
happened. FIL was at work. MIL described our altercation as me "jumping
in her face", which was far from the truth. We received the
typical phone calls after that, telling what we were doing and how
we were affecting the family. Our baby was born, and MIL and FIL
came up to the hospital. They had already made plans to take the
child. They made a big scene in the hospital, and my wife was in
no position to go through this mess. I withdrew, and allowed my wife
and the baby to go home with MIL and FIL that day. I was upset, and
decided to go over to their house the next day. I arrived with my
brother and uncle, and we picked up my wife and the baby. MIL and
FIL were livid, insisting that my wife chose me over them. I blamed
my wife for giving into them, but I had to realize that she was getting
over years of brainwashing and manipulation, and she would eventually
see it for herself. The cr@p kept coming, though, and has still been
going on to this day. And, remember that I mentioned MIL being manipulative?
Well, she even has SIL playing the games. When we were pregnant with
the first child, SIL got pregnant. They took a name off of a list
that we provided MIL for OUR CHILD, and gave their child that name.
They have never acknowledged that, though. When they found out child
#4 was a boy (after 6 granddaughters), there was more than celebration
in the air. SIL got pregnant again 6 months later. And their comparing
OUR children to THEIR children has become a regular practice. It's
ridiculous! As mentioned, MIL uses many tools to get sympathy. One
very touchy subject that she uses is funerals. For example, a sibling
of MIL's lost a child, and at the sibling's house after the funeral
MIL was "so distraught". She was so distraught that she
passed out, was placed in bed by some relatives, was pampered by having
HER hair cut and styled, and was continually asked if SHE was all
right, while her sibling grieved over the loss of HER child in another
room. Everyone has pacified this behavior, but me. I won't tolerate
it! I will not tolerate someone telling my wife that she should leave
me without me being aware or that we need to have our tubes tied because
we don't need any more children (we have four). She has said, "I
love the younger two kids and all, but you really should have stopped
at the first two." My wife has since gotten tougher on her stance
with the way she is treated. We now, as a family unit, unite against
such abuse from anyone. She no longer allows MIL to manipulate, although
she feels guilty at times. DW and I have decided to concentrate on
our family, despite the silly threats. We don't return phone calls
so as not to open the door for abusive behavior. We have moved and
not given an address, so as not to have constant harassing. We choose
to write MIL and the family, but we have very limited contact with
them now. We have not seen them in 3 months.
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