My DH and I decided to attend my
MIL's graduation from college earlier this year. We were very
proud of her success, especially because of her age, and we wanted
to share in her celebration. We drove for 7 hours early Saturday
morning, after four hours of sleep, to make it the ceremony.
We made it, but we just missed hearing her name being called.
After the outdoor ceremony, in 100 degree heat, we flagged her down
to treat her to lunch and a weekend of planned activities.
She brought us to her dorm room to obtain her items, but she had
not packed anything in her room. MIL wanted us to pack everything,
from her very personal items to small furniture. We were extremely
exhausted after the long trip, and we did our best, with a lot of
attitude from MIL (not to mention, I was pregnant!). She wanted
us to go faster! We loaded our small car with her items, and
finally, after 3 1/2 hours of packing, we went to lunch. But,
she did not like the dish that she ordered, and had a sour face
for the rest of the day. We tried to go sight-seeing, but
she was in a very bad mood. DH and I decided to call it a
night and head to our hotel. MIL then told us that she had
nowhere to stay. We had given her a large sum of money as
a graduation gift, and asked her to use some of the money to pay
for her own hotel room. Of course, MIL complained about having
to use her own money. Unfortunately, she didn't want to pay
for the high priced hotel that we had paid for in advance, but she
obliged to pay for something that she could afford since we were,
"too cheap to pay for her to stay somewhere nice".
When we drove up to the hotel, MIL wanted DH to unload the entire
car so that she could repack all of her belongings. At this
point, my husband was so upset that he just drove away. The
next morning was worse. She had an attitude all day, because
no one else gave MIL anything for her graduation, including us!
She insisted on having an argument with DH, because she couldn't
locate her brush and comb, and of course it was his fault.
DH tried to change the subject and asked MIL if she wanted us to
take her to breakfast before she caught her bus to her sister's,
almost 11 hours away. She said no, and then she informed us
that she should be going home with us so that we could help her
get on her feet. My husband replied, "Not in our current
shape," and he told her that we did not have enough room in
our 1 bedroom apartment for her (as we've told her before).
She started to vent at my husband, who just tried to drive as calmly
as possible. When we reached the bus station, she jumped out
of our car. And, as my husband bee lined to the restroom,
she called ME a jerk, and told me that I had ruined her weekend.
This was all that I could take (I had basically kept a closed mouth
and a smile the entire time), and I reminded MIL of her constant
tantrums this weekend because she couldn't get her way. I
also told her that I didn't want anything else to do with her, because
no one calls me a jerk. When my husband came out, MIL told
my husband that I cussed at her, and that he should leave me.
DH looked at her, and I left. When I looked back, he was following
me, leaving a very sour MIL. She hasn't apologized to me since.
Signed - I Don't Need
An Apology!
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My MIL is a jealous, destructive,
miserable woman with no life ambition but to torment and abuse others.
DH (he is an only child) and I have been married for eight years and
four months. We have no children, yet that is mainly because
we don't want any kids while MIL is still alive. MIL has Narcissistic
Personality Disorder and Serial Bully Disorder, even though she doesn't
know it. Four years and three months into our marriage, MIL
told me that I was not family. LOL. MIL began her crusade
to break us up 6 months into our marriage. MIL runs around discrediting
me, casting doubt on my character, insinuating that I'm a bad, evil
person in the areas specified, and everyone knows that when someone
speaks of another in that manner, they are poisoning people's minds
against the target (ME). She wants to get rid of me. Also,
MIL belittles me, demeans me, criticizes me, judges me, finds-fault,
and is always negative. MIL has no friends and there's no need
to wonder why. I was always nice to her, but she has never accepted
me. I never made a stand on anything concerning her until a
year ago when I banned her from coming to our house. She hates
animals, and I don't want her near my pets. My cat hisses at
her. LOL. He can see what she truly is. MIL has
never seen our dog, and I don't want to put our dog through being
in MIL's presence. There are many reasons as to why I don't
want her here. I'll give you another reason: As soon as
she sets foot in here, she takes over, looks through things, rearranges
things, and breaks things (especially crosses). MIL told FIL
that HE was not family, and 6 months later he moved out. He
lives 2 hours away from her now. She's a mean-spirited, nasty
woman who is extremely contentious. She is a demon, possessed
from he!! all right.
Signed - Wondering if MIL
Will Ever Grow-Up and Let Go
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
My MIL called my husband
on his birthday this year to tell him that his father has cancer.
He was devastated. That's typical of her. No couth, no
tact. It never occurred to her to wait a day or two to announce
the news, and spare his feelings. Instead, he spent his birthday
severely depressed. They didn't buy him a gift, either.
Signed - Not Surprised
Anymore
RESPONSE: Not Surprised Anymore
This is selfish. A birthday is nothing. If my father were ill, I
would want to know right away so that I could help in any way that
I could. There are a lot more important things in life than your
birthday. You expect his parents to deliver a birthday gift in the
middle of what they are going through? Me thinks you need a maturity
check. SHEESH!
RESPONSE: Not Surprised Anymore
They didn't buy him a gift during the time that they were going through
tests for cancer? They forgot about a birthday when one of them just
found out that he was about to die. How freakin' unforgivable. Greedy
b!tch.
RESPONSE: Not Surprised Anymore
The woman's DH had just been diagnosed with CANCER, and you are pissy
that she didn't buy your DH a birthday present, and she made HIM depressed?
Does she get to be depressed, or is that something that evil MILs
aren't allowed (and, no, I am NOT a MIL - just someone with compassion).
Grow up!
RESPONSE: Not Surprised Anymore
Gee, what selfish in-laws you have. Imagine, they didn't even buy
your DH a birthday gift. It's not like one of them was busy being
tested and diagnosed with a life-threatening illness or something.
I mean, really, what's a little cancer when your adult, married son's
birthday rolls around? How do you deal with their self-absorption?
I just hope FIL doesn't commit the ultimate faux pas and pass away
on YOUR birthday! The nerve!
RESPONSE: Not Surprised Anymore
OH, please. How old is your DH? If he is old enough to be married,
then he is old enough to hear unhappy news on his birthday. I'm sure
that finding out that her DH has cancer was pretty devastating to
your MIL as well. Expecting her to keep that info to herself so that
your DH could have a perfect birthday is pretty unreasonable. My
father lay dying of cancer on Christmas. No one gave a rat's @ss
about our holiday being ruined. My mother's birthday was spent caring
for my father with the help of hospice. My father's cancer was ABOUT
HIM! Please don't use your FIL's illness to find petty gripes with
your MIL. Think about the big picture. YOUR FIL HAS CANCER! His
life (and your MIL's) will never be the same. Grow UP!
RESPONSE: Not Surprised Anymore
I think that your FIL having cancer is a valid thing to bring up on
your DH's birthday. This is probably an extremely difficult time
for your MIL and FIL, and they need your DH at the moment - even if
it was his birthday. You get a birthday every year, but cancer is
a life changing/devastating event.
RESPONSE: Not Surprised Anymore
My DH's family pretend to be really close and loving, but seem pretty
much like your DH's in reality. When my DH's grandfather died, my
MIL tore a bit of card from her cigarette packet, wrote "Granddad
is dead", and posted it through our letterbox. Lovely!
RESPONSE: Not Surprised Anymore
I couldn't believe it when I read your story. Three years ago, for
my DH's birthday, his parents rang up to say happy birthday. Then,
they promptly told him that his grandmother was dead!!!!!!! I don't
know why they did it then (actually I do, because I'm sure that his
mother wanted him to cry so that she could comfort him) and in such
a rude manner. Two months later, it was my birthday, and my mother
waited till 3 days after my birthday before she told me that my dog
had died (because she didn't want to upset me on my birthday!!!).
It's amazing what a difference some commonsense makes. My mother
didn't want to upset me because my DOG had died, but, yet, my DH's
mother thought nothing of saying, "Happy birthday son. Grandma's
dead"!!!!
I am getting married this
Saturday (in 3 days) to a wonderful man. We are paying for our
wedding ourselves. Although my family has helped with all the
planning, we have not asked his family to do anything, except to tell
us where they wanted their family members to sit, and at which table.
We told them that it was 10 to a table. They blew up, saying
that they had 12 in their immediate family, and could not cut anyone.
When my FH told them that we were under contract with the caterers
for 10 to a table, and that 12 would not even fit, they told us that
they would not be coming to the wedding then. Yesterday, his
mother left me a message telling me that I am a whore and a slut,
and that the baby that I am carrying is not even her son's.
I am 4 months pregnant, we have been engaged for 6 months - it was
not planned, but I have never cheated on him. She then called
me a home wrecker, and she told me that she hopes that I have a miserable
life, and that she canceled our wedding cake. Now, during the
table fiasco I did not even talk to them. I let my fiancé
take care of everything. Do I deserve this from someone whom
I have never been anything but nice to? Now, FH wants to get
a restraining order against her. I do not want to break up his
family, but I also do not want to have to take any sort of abuse from
someone. And, now, on top of everything, we are afraid that
she will show up at our wedding and ruin everything.
Signed - Miserable and
Tired
RESPONSE: Miserable and Tired
Get the restraining order. If she shows up at the wedding, have her
arrested.
RESPONSE: Miserable and Tired
You are not breaking up the family, they have seen to that. Don't
worry. Your FH has said that he wants a restraining order. Let him
get one. If they turn up at your wedding, call the police!
RESPONSE: Miserable and Tired
GET THE restraining order. YOU ARE GOING TO NEED IT.
RESPONSE: Miserable and Tired
Cut her off, and make sure that he is a good man to you, and that
he defends you. As long as you make sure that he respects you as
his wife and #1, I think that you guys will make it. But, he needs
to cut her out, or you need to move far away. Let him deal with his
mother. That is his job, not yours. You would do the same for him
if it was your mom. If he lets his mother walk all over you, then
that is a problem. Honestly, if my MIL ever said that to me, my DH
would have knocked her on her @Ss, and that is what a good marriage
is about. It sounds crude, but you have to stick together when it
comes to each other.
RESPONSE: Miserable and Tired
Your fiancé WANTS to get a restraining order against his family,
and you have a problem with it? I understand that you have an idea
of what family should be like, but I would suggest that your fiancé
knows his family a lot better than you do. And, he knows that a restraining
order is the only way that the two of you have an attempt at anything
like a normal life. He is putting you first and you should be grateful.
There are too many stories on this site from women whose husbands
continue to prioritize demented mothers and other family members over
their own wives and children.
RESPONSE: Miserable and Tired
Listen to FH. He's talking a lot of sense here. You are not breaking
up his family - you and the baby are his family. If finding a way
around seating at a wedding caused that many problems for them, trust
me, nothing that you say or do will make a difference. One of the
happiest married couples I know (over thirty-five years, five children)
say that one of the best things that ever happened to them occurred
in the back seat of his car when they were both sixteen! They had
to work their way through high school and college! They stuck it
out together, and say they doubt they would have been mature enough
to see that they were perfect for each other, if it were not for being
pregnant at sixteen!
RESPONSE: Miserable and Tired
Your MIL is a horrible, selfish b!tch!!! You are not breaking up
the family, she is! No decent mother would ever treat their son in
such a disgusting manner, and ruin what is supposed to be the happiest
day of his life. Get that restraining order. Contact all of your
vendors and warn them that your MIL may try to cancel your orders.
Hire a bodyguard to keep MIL away if she shows up to the wedding.
Don't let her ruin things for you! She is the home wrecking cow here!
Good luck and best wishes!
RESPONSE: Miserable and Tired
Let DH get the restraining order. Don't place yourself as middleman
or peacemaker between them. DH knows her better than you do, and
just because you have a normal relationship with your parents, it
does not mean that he does or even can with his. Your place is to
create a new family/bond/home with him. Make it a strong one. That
means that he comes first for you, and you should come first for him.
Your parents and his parents now come second.
RESPONSE: Miserable and Tired
Your MIL has behaved in a despicable way, but there are probably things
that your fiancé could have done to prevent this situation
from ever happening. First of all, making her part of your wedding
preparations, and making her feel important or as if she is a key
player would have given her a positive role, something to talk about
to her friends, and something to be proud of. Why did you not plan
a get-together to explain all of your wishes for the wedding, and
to give them as much information as possible on the order of the day
and the family's involvement in the event? Twelve people and tables
of 10 don't mix, but why not make up two tables of 6? Caterers are
used to this sort of thing and will be flexible if asked. Weddings
are very emotional times, and unfortunately this means that people
behave in strange ways. I should know. My DH's son's wedding was
a disaster because of a lack of communication and childish behavior
by the married couple, and we're only just recovering from the emotional
trauma. Good luck. I hope that this one major problem won't spoil
everything for you.
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