My MIL was very happy and supportive
of me marrying her son. She wanted that very much. He
also wanted me to become the mother of his two children. But,
ever since, she has yet to take any of the kids, except for her
daughter's child. She definitely won't take any of mine.
She's even lied to my oldest, making plans and then canceling.
She told her biological grandson that she changed her mind because
my daughter gets enough from her real father. I asked her
about that, and she accused my son of lying and making that up!
I can't believe that she said that to a 9 year old! I am very
disappointed with the fact that she wanted so badly for me to be
a mother to my husband's kids, yet she won't include mine into the
family, nor will any of my in-laws. They all leave out and
forget about MY kids. Yet, they're glad that the kids finally
have a good mother. She only wants my youngest to be around
so that her daughter's child (that she has all day, every day) has
a playmate, and learns to associate with other kids. I can't
believe that she is playing favorites and neglecting to be a grandma
to our kids! Then, after two years of this, she told me that
she used to be involved with the kids until I came around, and that
I got in the way! I have tried so many times to get her to
have the kids over to visit, either one or two at a time, or whatever.
She has always refused, and/or made plans and canceled them, dogging
her grandchildren! How LOW of her! She would say how
relieved she was that she didn't HAVE to watch them anymore now
that I'm here, that the youngest was a difficult "daddy's girl",
and the other one was a liar. I can't believe that she would
do this to her own grandchildren, especially her biological ones
(the ones who have been abandoned by their own mother!). I
understand that my MIL had a terrible example, while she was growing
up, of what a mother and grandmother should be, but she knows what
she missed out on and says that she could NEVER do that. Yet,
she is carrying on the cycle and doing it to our kids, not her daughter's
child.
Signed - What Happened
To Sweet, Loving Grandmas?????
0
1
0
Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
Continue on Message
Board
Q. What should you do if
you see your Mother-In-Law rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot her again.
Signed - Annie Oakley
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Worst gift: My MIL gave
me a bookmark for my birthday a few years back. That's bad enough,
but there was a note on the back to her from her SIL! I sent
the bookmark back to her with a note saying that the bookmark must
have gotten into my gift bag my mistake. I received no response.
Along with the bookmark came a Christmas candle that was obviously
scavenged from the bottom of a bargain bin. My birthday is in
September. Nice.
Signed - The Gift Says
It All
RESPONSE: The Gift Says It All
Good for you. I'm laughing myself silly over that one. What an excellent
way of dealing with her. I bet she was mortified.
I had a particularly obnoxious
time with my MIL and SIL during my pregnancy. Since they live
in another country, my MIL, SIL and FIL came over to stay with us
for 5 months, three months before I was to deliver. Mine was
a very high risk pregnancy, and, since I am diabetic, had to eat often,
exercise 2 times a day, and have rigid timings. As a result
of my sickness, my MIL and SIL had to cook and clean to some extent,
and I helped them out as much as I could. Things started getting
sour after the first 3 weeks. MY MIL/SIL stopped talking to
me, and would sulk the whole day. They would quote me out of
context to my DH, and try to create a rift. My MIL would stare
at me every time I drank a glass of milk, and immediately filled another
glass of milk and give to her 26 YEAR old daughter. BUT, the
height of obscenity began once I gave birth. My breasts were
so engorged that the milk would not come out. We asked for her
help, as she claims to have breast-fed her 4 kids and had recently
helped her 2 daughters through their pregnancies. SHE LIED and
said that the baby was not getting milk because I didn't have ANY.
She lied that the milk should start flowing in 36 hours, and then
lied again to her other daughter that she said it would take at least
48 hours for the milk to come. When I was bedridden in the hospital
after 18 hrs of labor followed by a C-section, my sugar running in
200's, struggling to breast-feed my 20 hour old baby, my MIL and SIL
were sitting across on the sofa and chatting about how my other SIL
had milk dripping from her breasts by this time. Eleven days
after my DD was born, they could not take it anymore, and started
telling my DH how I misbehave, don't help with cooking, don't serve
them, and that my MIL was CRYING because I did not say bye to her
while leaving the house for an hour to do a chore. My DH was
so taken aback seeing his mother cry that he started yelling at me.
I was begging apologies 11 days after giving birth to my DD (and it
was a very difficult pregnancy). When I and my DH would leave
house to do a chore for an hour, maximum, she would forcefully shove
a formula bottle to my DD, in spite of me telling her that I had just
fed my DD. After every BREASTFEEDING SESSION, she would ask
me, "Did the milk come?" After 5 minutes she would
hold my newborn and say, "Are you hungry? Are you hungry?"
She would make her cry and then say that she looks hungry and needs
formula. I have seen her wake up my DD on the pretext that she
was already awake and that she should get a massage. Life was
he!! for those 5 months. I visited their place again 10 months
later for my SIL's wedding, and within first 12 hours my MIL commented
that my DD's nose (then only 11 months) is kinda "flat".
I lost my temper and started yelling at her about how she made my
life miserable during pregnancy. That time, my FIL and SIL started
yelling at me, and my FIL actually said abusive things about my dad
(how he didn't bring me up right). I hate them, and I want to
break all contact with them. I wanted to know if people think
that I am overreacting. I want to know if helping me with my
household chores while they stayed at my place justified them treating
me like this?
Signed - Angry and Resentful
RESPONSE: Angry and Resentful
You have serious issues, and you need a counselor. Your ILs were
abusive, your DH blames you, and then you ask IF you should feel angry?
If you won't do this for yourself, do it for your child. She does
not deserve to grow up in this environment.
RESPONSE: Angry and Resentful
They are jerks, and so is your DH.
RESPONSE: Angry and Resentful
You are not overreacting. I would have cut contact after the birth
of your child. I hope that your DH is more supportive of you now.
But, if he's not, I would definitely drag him into counseling, also.
RESPONSE: Angry and Resentful
NOTHING justifies treating anyone like cr@p. It doesn't matter if
they're paying for all your bills, bought you a house, etc., etc.
Nothing justifies behavior like that. I'd say that you should break
all contact with them. I don't think that I'd want my children around
that family.
RESPONSE: Angry and Resentful
You are not overreacting. What they did to you was horrible. And,
all the breastfeeding stuff is so funny - your MIL knows nothing about
it. My milk always took 4 days to come in (I have 3 kids). And,
if you were engorged, then you had milk. Stupid MIL. I would not
let them visit your home again. Tell your DH to get some balls and
stand up for his wife. I would not go visit them again.
RESPONSE: Angry and Resentful
Where was your husband during all of this? It's his place to put
his family in THEIR place!!! You are not wrong.
RESPONSE: Angry and Resentful
Certainly not. I would've chucked them out after five minutes, never
mind five months. If someone is staying in your house for so long,
they should certainly help out, and that is without considering your
condition during pregnancy. What extremely evil ILs you have. Five
months with my ILs - I would rather stick hot needles in every part
of my body!! Cut them off, I say.
RESPONSE: Angry and Resentful
"My DH was so taken aback seeing his mother cry that he started
yelling at me. I was begging apologies 11 days after giving birth
to my DD (and it was a very difficult pregnancy)." Hello - you
just had a difficult birth (the birth of HIS child), and your "D"H
was yelling at YOU because mommy was upset? I would cut off all ties
with his family, and if he had a problem with that, cut him off too!
You are not a doormat!
RESPONSE: Angry and Resentful
Stand up for yourself, and stop taking cr@p from people, ILs or not.
First of all, having anyone stay with you at your house for 5 freaking
months is very stressful. Doing it while you are preparing to give
birth is really crazy, and you should have addressed that with your
DH prior to their arrival. Secondly, no offense, but MIL is not a
lactation specialist. There are other and better ways to obtain help
with the breastfeeding. She didn't lie about how many hours it takes
for the milk to come in, she probably had no clue. I would have a
serious discussion with DH about the idea that, while family is obviously
very important, a wife should not have to be a doormat so that his
mother will be happy.
RESPONSE: Angry and Resentful
Put the shoe on the other foot. Let's say that your brother's wife
had a high risk pregnancy, and you went to live with them for the
third trimester and the first 2 months following the birth. Now,
why would you be there? To help out, right? Would you expect her
to wait on you as though you were a guest? No! You would be there
as family to help. That attitude would be maintained through the
birth and throughout the entire time of your stay. If you were REALLY
thoughtful, you would ask her to explain her cleaning schedules and
closet/cabinet arrangements so that you could follow them as much
as possible - since you are there to help - and not to disrupt. When
you saw that your SIL was having trouble breastfeeding after a difficult
birth, what would you have done? Ridicule her? Oh no! You would
have encouraged her, and maybe asked if she wanted you to call the
La Leche league. But, again, you were there to help, not to disrupt.
Show this to your spineless DH and ask him if he thinks that his mother
and sister were helpful or hurtful to you, the baby, the birth, and
your marriage. Then, tell him that you will not accept this type
of behavior from them in the future (or from him, for that matter).
You and his child are his first priorities now. Period. If he cannot
be a man and step up for his wife and child, then maybe he SHOULD
go back home to mama.
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