Frequent
Fry Her TM
- marzipan, 2 of 4 needed/Posted:
15-NOV-03
I was in the bridal suite with my mom, grandmother,
aunt and bridesmaids. SILs were not welcome in there, nor
were the little nieces because of wildness. MIL, of course,
was not either. MIL shoved her way in, dragging nieces with
her. I kicked nieces out and SIL1 was fuming because my older
niece was allowed in. Hello, she was a bridesmaid and didn't
act like a hellion. I was way too scared to stand up to MIL
at that point, and she stared at me in my dress, dumped her shoes
on my veil, and proceeded to change her clothes. I should
also add that my dress was ivory satin, not white. MIL had
asked me what color to wear, and I said that I guessed anything
that wasn't in that color family would be fine. She wore a
very pale creamy-champagne colored satin, that she still insists
was beige. So twisted. She never said a nice word to
me or anyone there. Then, she started talking about her elderly
parents and about how she had to put them in adult diapers and hoped
that they wouldn't soil themselves and embarrass her. It went
on and on. It was so embarrassing to hear her talk about my
very sweet GPIL's like this. We were all squirming, and she
finally left to go boss the caterer around. The wedding time
finally came. As I walked to my place to get ready to walk
down, I heard MIL telling the caterer (who was nice enough to sort
of referee everything, so that I didn't have to bother) to change
the order of my bridesmaids. I told him, "No way,"
and she got massive CBF. So, we walked down the aisle without
a hitch. DH was grinning from ear to ear. At Jewish
weddings, you are married under a canopy, and some people have a
tradition of the bride, MOB, and MOG walking around the groom seven
times under the canopy. We did this. MIL kept shoving
my mother during this, and then making rude comments to my mom while
I was being married to her son!!! DH, thankfully, didn't notice,
I think. We then headed to the reception after some time alone
together. The caterer later told me that MIL and SIL1 tried
to make him serve the food early, and were threatening him.
The caterer hated MIL. He did DH's bar mitzvah 12 years before,
and MIL tried to make him give us a discount on the wedding because
of it. He told me how sorry he felt for me, and so did the
DJ and the florist. Then came the toasts. MOH and best
man did theirs. Then, MIL's weasel of a friend got up and
ANNOUNCED THAT MIL WILL BE DOING THE DANCE! I felt myself
go pale and ran from the room in tears. My father never got
to toast us at our wedding because of this. I finally recovered
(friends rushed me cigarettes and whisky), and I came back down.
Everything was okay from there, except the ILs wouldn't speak a
word to me. They never congratulated me, except SIL2, who
doesn't concern herself with family politics. I later discovered
that my grandfather cornered FIL and hollered at him, and my father
pulled MIL off and told her that she was a total psycho. He
yelled at her for making me cry, and said that he expected a check
for half the wedding costs. Weasel friend jumped in and started
screaming at my father. He, and I quote, told her to "shut
her fat @ss up before he had it thrown out". She left.
This all occurred in a hallway, so no one noticed, thankfully.
Things went okay, except that in the ensuing drama my parents missed
the cake cutting and bouquet toss. We got into our limo and
headed off. PIL never said good-bye. My parents had
arranged for us to have one of the nicest suites at the new hotel
downtown that night, because our flight didn't leave until Monday
morning. We had fun in there, playing with the cool bathtub
and things. I didn't want DH to see how sad I was. After
DH fell asleep, though, I was still really shaken, and I wandered
around the hotel in my pajamas, chain smoking and feeling sorry
for myself. Some wedding night. My parents came to take
us to the airport the next morning. They took us to lunch,
and took care of our wedding clothes and everything. It was
so nice to be around them. I know that I sound like a child,
but DH wasn't very supportive at that point, and I had never been
treated in such a fashion in my whole life. I would never
have made it this far in our relationship without them. So
we left for our two week honeymoon and had a blast. We got
home, and we were feeling great. We talked about some things
there, but nothing too heavy. DH apologized profusely, all
that good stuff. When we got home, he decided that, despite
what had happened, we still had to go to SIL1's annual Hanukkah
he!!-festival. I was aghast. Here, these people had
spoiled my wedding, and now, less than a month later, I had to go
to their party. The party was miserable, and I just sulked
(wrong of me, I know) the whole time. Mercifully, we left
pretty early. It was a rough time for our relationship.
I began to almost hate him and wonder when we were going to file
for divorce. It was terrible. We started seeing a therapist,
and . . .
Signed - Things Began
To Improve Between Us
0
6
Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
Continue on Message
Board
Wrong hand! Many moons
ago, my mother's mother invested in a restaurant near where she lived.
As the restaurant grew, it got involved with a local kids' baseball
(little league, etc.). So, they made up bags for the equipment
with the restaurant's logo on it for the team and players to use.
For Christmas that year, my GM sent me the bag with a new glove in
it. The only problem with the gift was that I'm left handed,
and the glove was for a righty! In GM's infinite wisdom, she
wanted to know why I couldn't use the glove anyway! I still
have the bag, but the glove was traded with a friend who brought me
a left handed glove for the trade.
Signed - Rich in Jersey
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Shortly after my January
wedding, my MIL sent a letter (first ever from her) on her law firm's
stationary to say that she was enclosing a Christmas card from my
husband's ex-girlfriend that was sent to her house, and could I give
it to him? When her birthday rolls around, we are expected to
visit, buy expensive gifts, etc. I didn't even get a birthday
card from her. She sucks.
Signed - I Can't Believe
Her Bad Manners
RESPONSE: I Can't Believe Her Bad Manners
So, don't acknowledge her birthday. She doesn't acknowledge yours.
RESPONSE: I Can't Believe Her Bad Manners
Please say that you didn't pass the card onto the ex-girlfriend.
If you did, then you're a fool.
RESPONSE: I Can't Believe Her Bad Manners
If you want to be a b!tch, complain to her employer that you are receiving
personal mail on company stationery. Big no-no. I work for a law
firm, and it is strictly prohibited.
RESPONSE: I Can't Believe Her Bad Manners
You should have sent the card back to her with a short note: "No."
Don't buy gifts for them. If DH wants to, let him do it. They don't
think of you, why should you think of them?
RESPONSE: I Can't Believe Her Bad Manners
Yup. Believe it. I, too, have experienced the "me, me, me"
mentality of the out-laws. I endured it for over twenty years before
finally getting a backbone. I REFUSE to purchase any more presents
for these people. I am in my early forties and have endured this
nonsense for twenty-four years of marriage. I have now made DH responsible
for his family affairs, including gift giving. It is such a release.
I can't describe the feeling of not having to deal with trying to
please people who only care about what's in it for them. I do not
need cheap, insensitive presents that are a glaring reminder of how
much they do not value me. DH can now deal with their cr@p instead
of being sheltered in his self-protectionist shell. It isn't worth
it to cater to these shallow people. And, start now, not later.
Best wishes. I wish that I had started sooner!
My FMIL is absolutely the
weirdest person whom I have ever met. She is extremely abnormal,
and my BF, who I intend to marry, is completely blind to all of her
actions. She holds his hand in the car. She rubs his legs
all the time. She insists that he sit beside her, and not me.
She says that he is sooooo sexy. She, literally, is fascinated
with him, and it is disgusting to watch. He is 23 years old,
and she stills calls him her "little moma's boy", which
really upsets me. She walks into the bathroom when he is on
the pot. When he had surgery and was under anesthesia, she raised
up the sheet until I pulled the sheet back down. She has no
boundaries. At times, I feel like she is trying to replace her
husband with her son. She does all of these things in front
of me, almost as to show off in front of me. She is extremely
jealous of the time my BF spends with me, and tells him that he should
spend more time with her. At one family get-together, she announced
to all of her friends and in-laws that her son was such a moma's boy
and he would never, never replace her with a wife. I was sitting
in the room, and huge tears came to my eyes. She honestly believes
that my BF will never leave her. She expects to be his No. 1
priority. She tries to manipulate him by placing guilt trips
on him when he has not paid enough attention to her. He falls
for it every time. I have spoken with BF several times about
how badly she hurts my feelings, and he seems to think that I imagine
all of this. But, I do not. It is very obvious.
My future MIL makes my life miserable. She has brainwashed her
son into believing that everything that she says is right. I
am having great difficulty trying to put these feelings in the past.
She refers to my BF and herself as "we". They are
not a "we" in my eyes. BF and I are supposed to be
the "we". This is an ongoing battle every time I have
to see her. I don't want to be his mother, I want to be his
lover, companion, best friend, and No. 1 priority. She acts
as though I am taking her baby away from her. However, BF is
23 and I feel it is time for him to stand up to her, but he would
never hurt her feelings. If you have any suggestions on how
I should handle this situation, please respond. I am beyond
the point of understanding. Any suggestions or advice will be
greatly appreciated.
Signed - Sincerely, Not
Good Enough
RESPONSE: Sincerely, Not Good Enough
RUN!
RESPONSE: Sincerely, Not Good Enough
Run as fast as you can!
RESPONSE: Sincerely, Not Good Enough
He won't change unless he wants to. Find a MAN, not a baby boy.
RESPONSE: Sincerely, Not Good Enough
Scary! If I were you, I would run as fast as my little legs could
carry me. Seriously, if things are so bad before you marry, it can
only get worse if you marry and start a family. Run, RUN, RUNNNNN!!!!!
RESPONSE: Sincerely, Not Good Enough
You have two choices: 1) Get used to it. 2) Dump him. It will
continue to be this way for the rest of your lives. You know what
you're getting in to. Are you sure that you want it?
RESPONSE: Sincerely, Not Good Enough
My suggestions is: RUN. He does not stick up for you. Now he's
too attached to his mommy's breast. He wont stick up for you if you
get married. His mom sounds like she wants her son to be her boyfriend.
That's sick! Get out while you can.
RESPONSE: Sincerely, Not Good Enough
Personally, I say, "Run for it." Until he's straightened
up and gotten out of that house for awhile, away from her, it will
be he!! on you. Not to mention that it's creepy on her part. Eeeeww.
RESPONSE: Sincerely, Not Good Enough
If you think you're miserable now, just wait until after the wedding.
Do NOT marry this man without couple's counseling that results in
him realizing that his mother is totally nuts.
RESPONSE: Sincerely, Not Good Enough
Try talking to him again about your feelings. I know that it's redundant,
but sometimes talking to a man is like going through concrete with
a straight pin. Find a quiet time when you will not be distracted
or interrupted, and explain to him, very calmly, about how his mom
makes you feel. Explain that you know that he can't change her actions,
but he can change the way he behaves towards you. No name calling.
No incestuous accusations. That will only piss him off. Ask him
to be more supportive of you, to put you first. If he refuses, and
does not change his behavior over the next month, run like your hair
is on fire, because this situation WILL NEVER CHANGE. Good luck,
and keep us posted.
RESPONSE: Sincerely, Not Good Enough
You know that you can't marry this man, right? You absolutely can't.
Anyone will tell you that marriage is very difficult work, but you're
starting at a major disadvantage right off the bat. I'm sure that
you know in your heart that this is sick and wrong. The fact that
your BF is blind to what's going on tells you something, doesn't it?
If he's only 23 (and, I'm assuming that you're around the same age),
then there is no reason for you to waste any more time around this
boy and his psychotic, abusive, twisted mother. Whatever you have
to do, just get out!!!
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