I want to vent about FIL, somewhat
different than most problems. He wants to hug me all the time,
and he wants to hug every woman whom he comes in contact with.
He does not give me polite, nice, FIL type hugs. Instead,
he pulls me up tight against him, and I get the feeling that I have
been groped! He touches me at every chance he gets.
He even hit me on the behind once. I finally told DH.
He talked to him, and he does behave better now. But, he still
finds ways to come up behind and touch me, and I just want to scream!
Signed - Hugged To Death
0
5
Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
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Worst gift: My GMIL
gave presents to all the family (small family). Everyone received
a nice gift from her, except me. I got one pair of pantyhose
in a package that said three for a dollar. The package was already
opened, and there was only one pair inside. I had always been
nice to this woman, and had bought a robe and house shoes for her
for Christmas. I was new to the family, and she just did not
care about me. This was years ago, and this woman and her daughter,
my MIL, treated me so badly. I finally divorced DH and got away
from the entire selfish family.
Signed - Glad To Be Away
From 'em
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Where to begin? I
thought that I'd married into a "normal" family. DH
and I moved from the west to east coast when we found out that we
were pregnant. When we told my SIL, she screamed for hours that
we were pregnant, and she wasn't. There has been a huge sibling
rivalry that she has not stopped. She ended up pregnant three
months later. My mom wanted to have a baby shower for me, but
since we were in a different state, she left it up to my MIL.
The only thing that she asked is that it not be on Thanksgiving weekend.
She planned it for Thanksgiving weekend. My mom could not go,
and neither could my friends. It was a surprise party, so I
did not know until afterwards that only 3 people were there from DH's
family. When we moved to the same city as the ILs, we had to
live with my MIL and GMIL for 6 months, while I was pregnant.
Needless to say, this was an extremely difficult time already, but
the interference in our marriage took a toll. MIL was upset
that we did not spend every free moment with her. She said that
she was "jealous" of my relationship with her son, and that
I was going to "leave him, take the baby, and move back to the
west coast". I needed a break living there, so I went to
a hotel for a few nights, and she freaked out to my husband.
It consisted mostly of manipulations and guilt laying to make him
feel bad for her, which usually works. We finally found a place,
and moved out. After the baby, she showed up unannounced, and
I told her that we were not expecting guests. She ran away crying,
and said to family that she, "hoped she died in an accident on
the way home so that we would feel guilty forever". She
said that she only wanted to see her grandson, not us, and that she
hated us. I tried to discuss it with her, and I apologized for
the miscommunication, but it is extremely hard to keep her on topic.
She is NEVER direct, and very flighty when she talks. DH compares
talking to her with riding a bucking bronco. So, now my SIL
has a baby girl, and the race is on. My MIL compares the two
all the time ("She sleeps through the night," and, "She
is more social."), and now I feel like I will explode.
They are babies!!! I refuse to let my son cry it out, and now
I am a bad mother?! There is so much anxiety when we have to
see them. My FIL calls my son by the wrong name. I feel
like his family is from outer space, and they lack the communication
skills to tackle issues. Their tactic is to run and hide, or
gossip. In order to survive, we are moving back to the west
coast next year, which I am sure will spark the guilt laying on my
husband. She also wants to see our son every weekend, and if
she does not, she will say stuff like, "I just want to see him
before I die." Please help. I have tried talking
to them, but it gets me nowhere. DH tries the best he can, but
I also feel that he is not as direct as he should be.
Signed - Am I Crazy, Or
Are They?
RESPONSE: Am I Crazy, Or Are They?
Your story made me anxious just reading it. The only thing that I
can tell you is "hang on until you move, and then cut ties with
the freaks"!
RESPONSE: Am I Crazy, Or Are They?
Those people sound insane! Get your family away from them immediately!
RESPONSE: Am I Crazy, Or Are They?
No wonder. Where do you think that DH learned his communication skills?
RESPONSE: Am I Crazy, Or Are They?
Omigosh. As long as you two give her the power, she will be able
to inflict guilt upon you. It seems like you have it more together
than your DH. Hopefully, soon both of you will be strong enough to
not even care about their stupidity. Believe - it can happen.
RESPONSE: Am I Crazy, Or Are They?
DH is NOT doing the best that he can. Tell MIL that the suicidal
and dying comments smack of a mentally ill person. Tell her to either
shape up and quit comparing the babies, or she will NOT be seeing
DS. You are the mother, and you have control.
RESPONSE: Am I Crazy, Or Are They?
My thought is NEVER argue with crazy people! What is it that you
want your DH to do, exactly? How can you be more forceful and direct
with gelatin? Save yourselves and move (and maybe wait until the
truck is packed and pulling out of the driveway before you tell them
you are leaving).
RESPONSE: Am I Crazy, Or Are They?
If you are miserable because of MIL's actions then, no, DH is not
doing the best that he can. Stop seeing MIL altogether. Don't let
her have any contact with DS until she stops acting like such a witch,
and move far, far away as soon as possible. MIL's conversation tactics
are not "flighty", they are well-designed strategies meant
to keep you on the defensive and make it nearly impossible for you
to call her on her actions. Take charge of this situation, and get
the he!! away from your ILs.
RESPONSE: Am I Crazy, Or Are They?
What makes me think that you are crazy is that you moved to an area
that you didn't want to go to just so that you could be close to those
nut cases. If life was suitable for you on the west coast, you should
have stayed there. If I found out that I was pregnant at his very
moment, he!! would have to freeze over before I uprooted to go live
with DH's mother "while pregnant". I would hate to think
that once I became pregnant I would have to go live with DH's needy
mother. And, I would never marry a man who would have thought that
it was a swift idea to go live with his mommy, as if we needed her
help to manage our lives. For god's sakes, didn't you have any idea
as to what you were doing? Women don't need to go live with their
own mothers, never mind their husband's mothers, to get through a
pregnancy. You are an adult. You can stay in one place and live
where you choose, even if you have a baby. Everyone seems to run
home to some cr@ppy home town (where they never wished to go back
to) to live with their ILs, who are overbearing, make their lives
miserable, and think they have the right to intrude. Sorry, I'm breaking
with that tradition and staying right where we have chosen to raise
our family.
After putting up with 15
years of passive aggressive jabs, outright rudeness, and obnoxious
behavior, I finally let my MIL know that I'd had enough. I realize
that she's nuts, but I never could have predicted how she'd react.
DH and I have recently been seeing a family counselor to help us deal
with the stress and to plan a way to let her know that things must
change. I now regret that I let her walk all over me for years.
I always kept my mouth shut, because I didn't want to damage her relationship
with DH. She'd usually attack me while DH wasn't in the room,
and he was in denial about the severity of the situation. Well,
on her recent visit, she managed to top herself in the mean-spirited
department and made quite the public display. We were both appalled,
and we decided that enough is enough; this awful woman is not going
to ruin our marriage. So, I called her, and in accordance with
our therapist's advice, my husband was on the phone too, concurring
with what I said. In the most non-threatening way possible,
I told her that certain things made me uncomfortable in her presence.
These include little things like making ethnic slurs in public, gossiping
endlessly about cheating husbands of people I don't even know (she's
extremely bitter about her own divorce, which happened 35 years ago),
cornering me on visits to commit to spending holidays with her and
SIL, and constant negative talk. She listened, pathetically
denied a few things, and then didn't understand when I told her that
the guilt trips about not visiting often enough made us feel unappreciated
when we do visit. She and SIL live in another state, a treacherous
three hour drive away. I also explained that it's difficult
to spend time with SIL, because she talks incessantly about her numerous
health problems, that she hates her job, and has no friends (gee,
I wonder why). This is compounded by the fact that, like my
MIL, she has NEVER shown interest in any aspect of my life that doesn't
involve my husband. And, after 15 years, she knows next to nothing
about me. Adding salt to the wound, SIL blew up at me last year,
for trying to help her deal with depression, and never apologized.
On the phone, MIL actually then tried to manipulate us into spending
Christmas with them. You can imagine how I felt about that.
I pointed out that the last time we did (years ago), SIL was alternately
angry and depressed, taking it out on everyone. And, as a result,
DH and I had a miserable time. We have no desire to repeat that
scenario. We made it clear to MIL that we were not telling any
of this to SIL because she's so emotionally fragile. She indicated
that she would tell SIL that we wouldn't be visiting until after the
holidays. So, what did she do? She apparently relayed
EVERY WORD that we said to SIL. This is a woman whom MIL knows
is taking the highest legal dosage of antidepressants, and falls to
pieces over every little thing. On our answering machine, the
next day, was SIL, in a meek, slightly slurred voice (due to tranquilizers,
I'm sure) saying, "DH, I'm sorry I have too many problems.
I'm sorry I ruined the last Christmas you spent here. I'm sorry
I'm an embarrassment," yada, yada. She ended with, "I
hope you and DW have a good life together. I love you, good-bye."
I was livid, both with MIL for taking out her anger with us at her
unstable daughter's expense, AND at SIL for playing the victim.
No one in that family takes responsibility for their actions.
To top it off, when DH tried to call his mother, to talk to her about
why on earth she did this, he learned that SHE'D HAD HER PHONE DISCONNECTED.
I've given her way too much credit. I had no idea that she was
this immature and vindictive. I thought that she was capable
of being discreet, especially when her daughter's health is at stake.
I also thought that she cared about her relationship with her son,
but it's clear that she doesn't. I'm worried about SIL, who
won't talk to us. But, right now I'm just hoping that I never
have to see that horrible b!tch MIL ever again. Any advice?
Signed - OUTRAGED
RESPONSE: OUTRAGED
Someone needed to tell SIL that how she acts is deplorable. I wouldn't
worry about it ever again.
RESPONSE: OUTRAGED
Never see the horrible b!tch again. MIL and SIL will never change,
no matter what you or DH do/say to them. The sooner you accept this
fact, the better off you will be. You can't change them. You can
only change how you and DH react to them.
RESPONSE: OUTRAGED
Stay away from her. Obviously, she is so self-centered that she puts
her anger before her children's health and happiness. What a sorry
excuse for a mother.
RESPONSE: OUTRAGED
Yeah, cut them out already. Why be with people who are mean? Life
is too short to be miserable. If you can't cut them out, then you
and DH are going to have to learn to NOT CARE. Then, you'll feel
free - you won't care about their tantrums. You just won't care.
It's more important to focus on the most important things in life
- your little family.
RESPONSE: OUTRAGED
If there's one pattern in this whole web site, it's MILs who act their
worst behind their son's back, when just their DIL is there. Mine
has saved up things to tell me when DH isn't there. I just avoid
being alone with her now. Your situation sounds like a headache.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with it. I almost needed a drink
after reading it!
RESPONSE: OUTRAGED
Kick her out of your life for good. Place a restraining order on
her. She'll then reconnect that phone, and when she calls you, curse
her out and tell her to have a nice life w/o you or DH! I've been
through it! You know that you are not alone! My IL's thought that
they were going to TAKE our first child! We don't call or visit them
anymore! It has been 4 months! Ha!
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