Frequent
Fry Her TM
- chevyjewel, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 18-NOV-03
Here is one more story that I'd like to add.
After the wedding came the thank you notes, which I completed as
quickly as possible (approximately 300 within two weeks - I think
that is pretty quick). Obviously, it was not quick enough
for MIL. After about a week, she started going down her invite
list, CALLING people to check as to whether or not they had received
a thank you from me yet! ME, not DH, because, as I've said
before, he doesn't think for himself, and I should be held accountable
for everything, in case something goes wrong. Thankfully,
many already had been sent, but what a horribly embarrassing situation.
FIL was the first to inform us. But, then, those being called
started calling US, asking what was going on and why MIL was so
angry at us. Try explaining that one over and over again.
When we confronted her, she accused me of sending thank you notes
only to my side of the family. We asked her how many in her
family didn't get theirs yet, and when she said, "Many,"
we asked for a list. I was truly starting to worry that some
had gotten lost in the mail. But, when she refused to give
us the names of those to whom she had spoken who hadn't received
a thank you, we knew that she was spinning yet another web of lies.
Signed - If I Could Only
Squish A Certain Spider With My Shoe
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When my MIL first came to
visit our new home, shortly after we were married, I had been slaving
to make everything just right (fresh baked cookies, every surface
dusted), and had absent-mindedly forgotten to put out extra hand towels
in the bathroom (while I did have some on the rack, I usually put
out a nicer set). So, on the third day of her visit, I came
home from work and found a gift from her on the table. I opened
it to find the ugliest hand towels that I've ever seen. "I
noticed that you didn't have any decent hand towels," she said,
"so I thought I'd buy you a little hostess gift."
What a shrew.
Signed - Suffering
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
I got married very young,
and while we were putting the wedding together (my mom and I), the
florist called my mom to inform her that my FMIL had stopped by to
inquire as to how much my parents owed on the florist bill, and who
was going to pay it!!! This woman constantly takes over and
never, and I mean never, thinks that she is wrong!!
Signed - She Is Wrong!!
The first time that I met
my MIL, she seemed so nice and so caring. What an act!
I had only met her and her husband one time prior to the wedding.
That was because we lived 200 miles apart! Oh, the good days!
After the wedding, we lived about 40 minutes away. I had two
kids of my own - and that was the first thing that she did not like
about me! Her dirty little digs came in sly and sneaky.
You see, she could not let anyone know her real feelings towards me.
After all, she has never missed a Sunday or Wednesday night of church!
In August, two months after the wedding, my MIL asked me what some
of my favorite foods were. I told her how I loved mashed potatoes
and turkey gravy. Well, three months later, we were over at
her house for Thanksgiving. The food was being passed around,
and I was waiting for the mashed potatoes and gravy when I noticed
that no more dishes were being passed. So, I asked if she left
them in the kitchen, she said, "Oh, no, I just did not feel like
making any this year." HELLO! HELLO! No mashed
potatoes and turkey gravy on Thanksgiving???? I asked my husband
on the way home how often his family celebrates Thanksgiving without
two of the main dishes. He thought for a moment and said, "That
was the first time." I told him how his mom asked me what
some of my favorite foods where, and low and behold, she left them
out!! He said that I must have been imagining it, for his sweet
mom never misses a Sunday of church and would never do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At Easter, we went over to their house, and I brought the mashed potatoes
that she told me to bring (Gee, I wonder why? To this day, if
I ask what to bring, it's always the mashed potatoes!). I brought
them along with a cute bunny face cake that I had made. I put
everything in the kitchen, and the day was going ok. Then, there
was dinner! After dinner, my MIL gave everyone a brownie with
a scoop of ice cream. She never offered my cake. And,
as we were leaving, she handed me my cake and said, "Here's your
cake back." OK? How rude it was of me to bring a
cake without being asked! I think not! But DH seems to
think so. Years later we were planning on going to their house
for Christmas. At this point in my life, I hated going over
there, but I did it for the kids (well, maybe for her blood grandkids
- she could not care about my other two). I had my mom for the
week of Christmas, and she so wanted me to make a dessert that she
loved. I told her that I could not, as I was not asked to bring
a dessert, and if I did, my MIL would be mad! I was told to
bring a ham and mashed potatoes! My mom said that she would
tell her that she made it. I said, "Fine," and made
the dessert. We got to my in-laws, and I put the food in the
kitchen and went to the front room. I was talking to a friend
when all of sudden my MIL called me by name in a very loud, harsh
voice. After the second time, I asked, "What?"
She said, "YOU WILL BE IN CHARGE OF SERVING DESSERT AFTER DINNER."
I said, "Why me?" "BECAUSE I SAID SO," was
the answer. Then, it hit me. She had seen the dessert!
I told my mom, "That is fine. I'll serve dessert.
I just won't offer mine." After dinner was done, my mom popped
up and asked everyone what they would like for dessert! EVERYONE
picked my dessert! My birthday is often overlooked. I
mean, she knows that my family is 200 miles away, but she has never
had us over for dinner. That does not bother me. I'm not
her child (thank the Lord). I used to get gifts from her that
were thoughtless (like dish rags, hand towels, and items for a person
who is 4 sizes too big for me)! The gifts had no heart behind
the giving. Today, we are going over there for DH's birthday.
We always go over for a nice dinner for DH! It's OK, it's his
mom! I told her how I had passed the city bus driving test in
my hometown (that's because my FIL used to drive a bus). She
said to me, "OH, the test must not be as hard as they are here"
She sent me a letter, one day, asking what was wrong, and whether
I was mad at them. I replied back and told her about how she
had done things to me, how she ignored her grandkids, never gave us
a break - a weekend alone (but, she is always cleaning the church,
or park, or answering the phone at the homeless shelter). I
mentioned that they pay the airfare for their 1st grandchild to come
up and stay a week. They take her everywhere, but do nothing
with our kids! I waited for an answer, but got nothing.
After a month, I asked my husband why she would not reply after asking
my feelings. He said, "OH, yeah, she called me and said
that they disagree with everything you had to say,"!!!!!
I just kept them away. Every time we were around them we fought!
Years went by, and I thought that, for my hubby and kids, I would
make an effort. I told her, "Hey, whatever I did that upset
you and made you not like me, I'm sorry." She hugged me
and said, "Forgiveness has always been there." AHHHHHHH!!!
I tried. I did. I bit my tongue for three months, and
then it happened! She emailed me, wanting to know if it would
be OK if they came over on a Saturday night. I said, "Yes,
it works out fine, because I have an eye appointment on Sunday after
church!" Guess what happened????? She called my hubby
and said that they would be over after church on Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I screamed and yelled and told her, "That was it!"
They could not come over here ever again! Well, after a couple
of months, my computer would not start. So, I went down to DH's
and rebooted his. I was watching (I don't get computers).
I clicked on the internet on his to see if it would work. Somehow,
an email account came up, and I was thinking, "We don't have
that kind of email." So I clicked on it and it was from
her!!!!!!!!!!!! She was telling him about me, how they don't
like me, and that I am trying to keep the kids away (yeah, like that's
hard to do - she doesn't spend time with us anyway!). I was
so mad! I called DH at work and told him that I had found the
email, and asked what was going on. He told me that his mom
had asked if there was a way that she could email him in private to
talk about me, so that I would not be able to read it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This woman has been audited by the IRS for giving above the national
contribution level to charity!!! Now, we have four kids, and
in all my married life, this woman has never called to see if we needed
help with school supplies, clothes, nothing! Thanks for letting
me vent here. I'm glad that I found this site and am able to
see that I'm not the only one with a witch for a MIL! I did
win $25 because of her wicked ways to me! The paper here was
asking (at Thanksgiving time) who the biggest turkey in your life
was. I wrote in about my MIL and what she did to me that first
Thanksgiving.
Signed - I Did Win $25
RESPONSE: I Did Win $25
I dunno. I think you give as good as you get here. Compare your
story to some of the others here, and I think you'll find you don't
have it that bad.
RESPONSE: I Did Win $25
I think that your marriage has some serious problems if DH thinks
that it's okay to have a secret email address so he and his parents
can complain about you without your knowing. That blows my mind!
RESPONSE: I Did Win $25
The problem is that DH that sits on the sidelines like an idiot twiddling
his thumbs. It's his responsibility to stand by you and deal with
his mother, not you.
RESPONSE: I Did Win $25
Maybe it's the way you wrote it - your MIL seems relatively okay,
and you seem to have a huge sense of entitlement. It's obvious that
she's gotten her digs in, but some of the stuff that you report seems
presumptuous on your part. Details are missing, perhaps?
RESPONSE: I Did Win $25
Yeah, your MIL is a witch and a big problem, but your biggest problem
is your so called DH. If my MIL asked my DH for a private way to
email so that they could talk about me, and he actually did it, that
would be the end of my marriage.
RESPONSE: I Did Win $25
Congratulations on winning $25! I think that it's so wrong of her
to e-mail about you to DH behind your back. I have a lot of problems
with how my SIL is. I totally disagree with her outlook on people.
But I would never dream of talking to my brother about it. They are
each other's primary family now, as are you and your DH. Your MIL
has no right. She is making herself too important in your relationship.
The only thing that I really disagree with that you did was to fuss
for potatoes and gravy on Thanksgiving. It's only food! That might
have been something to just let go. But, the same could be said for
your MIL, who sounds anal-retentive about food - almost ridiculously
controlling. It's not that big of a deal!
RESPONSE: I Did Win $25
First of all, I fail to understand why, after the way you and your
kids were treated, you have ANYTHING to do with MIL, and WHY you would
even WANT her to have anything to do with your kids. Why should she
pay for your kid's school supplies? And, she is not obligated to
baby-sit. Again, I cannot understand why you would even want her
to. Tell DH that if MIL cannot treat all the kids equally, there
will NOT be any visits with the other kids. The fact that you and
DH have allowed her to treat your kids this way for so long boggles
the mind. That is child abuse.
RESPONSE: I Did Win $25
Sorry about your MIL. She sounds
purely petty. I can totally sympathize and empathize with you. But,
the
big problem here is your DH. Why doesn't he stand up to you? Why
does he allow someone to talk to him about you so badly? Why does
he let you, his wife and number one priority, be trampled on? That's
your real problem. You two need marriage counseling. And, by the
way, your MIL is not obligated to help pay for your children's school
bills (nor should she be expected to do so). In fact, it would be
better if she never pays, since she would probably just say that she
should be allowed to make decisions on their academic life.
RESPONSE: I Did Win $25
DH has kept a secret email account from you that he communicates with
his mommy on? No wonder your MIL undermines you. Sorry, but I think
that the problem is with DH, not your MIL. She's just the symptom
of the underlying sickness that DH has. He, apparently, doesn't have
enough testicular fortitude to demand that others respect you, and
he doesn't seem to have a problem with keeping secrets from you and
talking about you behind your back. Good grief. Have you ever wondered
what else he has lied about or kept secret? I'd start gathering information
if I were you (a private investigator would be a good investment,
my gut feeling is that he is a big liar, and you're going to find
dirt on him). And, then I'd consult with a good, aggressive attorney.
What a jerk DH sounds like. You'd be better off without him. Good
luck to you, and I hope that you are able to set yourself free from
those nasty people.
RESPONSE: I Did Win $25
Um, MIL is not obligated to give you, or your children, any money.
Ever. I do agree that MIL is a horrible witch. But I will also put
some of the blame of this situation on you. You seem to enjoy being
the victim! Stop taking abuse from MIL, and stop letting DH be such
a wimpy jack@ss! Either take control of your life, or stop whining
about it.
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