I could go on and on, but here goes.
When we had our first child, we made our wishes clear. No
one was to go to the hospital until we called, so that we would
be ready. My mother said that the birth was for my husband
and me to experience together and alone. My MIL showed up
outside of my room while I was in labor! I guess that my FIL
knew better, because he wasn't there. We waited until we had
our daughter, visited with her, then let MIL in for a few minutes.
And, then asked her to leave. With our son's birth, they were
not called until after. Our daughter's hair grew quickly and
looked beautiful. My MIL had her for the day, and cut her
hair! She knew that it had never been cut, and that my BIL
is a barber. Holidays - where do I start? It's the same
old, "You will be there because that is our tradition."
What about my family? We have put our feet down regarding
when and where we choose to be. Of course, it is not without
the usual comments, but, oh well. The in-laws don't make time
for our children, ever, although for their saint of a son's children,
always. Therefore, I don't feel that the most important holidays
of the year should be stressful and spent with people who could
not care less otherwise. I began realizing, through therapy
(I suffered a major depression along with dysthimia) that they don't
make me mad, I allow them to. Cheers to new found control.
Of course, they were of no help to me, my husband, or my kids during
this long ordeal. I am lucky that I have such a wonderful
husband and a supportive family. They just want to play good
grandparents in front of others, but they are far from being good
grandparents. Then, there is the stopping by unannounced.
We have made it very clear from the start that we do not appreciate
this. I guess that that is why they continued to do it.
We got smart after a long time. I would make DH greet them
on the porch, and not invite them inside. That was mostly
because it usually was early on a Saturday or Sunday morning when
we like to lounge around with the kids in our PJs, and the house
was in no shape for visitors. Now, we simply don't answer
the door. One time, my husband's cousin was coming into town,
and his mother wanted to bring her by. He made it very clear
that we might stop at their house, but that we had a busy day planned
and a party to get ready for at night. Of course, she ignored
his wishes and stopped by. I didn't answer the door (I was
about ready to jump into the shower). She had the nerve to
ding-dong ding-dong incessantly, until she realized (after the dog
went nuts, also, at my double, full glass doors, slopping all over
them) that no one was answering. She walked around back to
do the same thing again!! We have tried to regain control
over mostly everything, but something always comes up. DH
has three brothers and a sister, and with the exception of one brother
and SIL (one brother and the sister live out of town), they have
found a way to make many of the issues their business. We
are always wrong along with the other brother and SIL. At
least we have company and good friends besides. Things remain
cyclic, and we don't know what to do, short of writing them off.
Signed - FED UP
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Worst gift: My new SIL
(of 1 year) gave me a clear, small bag of opened bath wash.
It was smeared inside. It was highly visible through the bag!!!
Signed - Smeared Inside
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Worst gift: It's a long-running
joke that I hate "our song". It just happened to be
the first song my then BF, now wonderful husband, asked me to dance
to. I really hate this song. It's about the end of a love
affair, and how the woman will never get over it. It is hardly
appropriate for a wedding song. Fast forward to my birthday
last week. SIL gave me a CD featuring several versions of "our
song". Disco, country, pop, etc. This is the song
that I've spent 5 years telling everyone that I hate!!! Then,
the moron grinned at me and laughed like a hyena at her clever joke.
Little does she know she's getting a well known video from an exercise
guru for Xmas. Jerk.
Signed - Tone-Deaf
RESPONSE: Tone-deaf
Lighten up! It's a j-o-k-e. You, yourself, wrote that it's a "running
joke". There is nothing insulting about it (unlike an exercise
video, which implies that the person is out of shape), so I really
don't see why your nose is out of joint over it.
RESPONSE: Tone-deaf
Why not return the favor by repackaging her gift to you and giving
it back to her? Tell her that you enjoyed it so much that she should
enjoy this music, too! Learn to think "outside the box".
RESPONSE: Tone-deaf
Maybe I need to see your SIL's face, but I actually think that this
is funny. This is something that I would do to my friends, and we
would giggle over it. She might have meant well, and thought that
you and she could share a joke like that. Then again, she might have
been catty about it. Like I said, you probably had to be there.
This is the story of the
woman who was almost my MIL. I met a very nice guy when I was
in high school, and we immediately clicked. True, I did not
marry this guy in the end, and it was probably the best decision of
my life. But the reason that I did not want to marry him was
because he let his family and friends abuse me. His mother never
liked the idea of me. She had no husband and this was her only
son. On our first big date, which was Senior Prom Night, she
called his cell phone every 15 minutes after 11:00. She knew
that we were just at my mom's house, sitting on the couch talking,
but she still called every 15 minutes, wanting to know when he would
be home. He eventually put the phone in the car so that we could
enjoy the best night of high school. I should have seen this
as a bad sign. I wanted to spend holidays with him, and he had
no problem with this, but his family did. His mother just always
said little things to me that bothered me. I am pretty sensitive
about stuff like this. She would gossip to other women in their
church about me. So, at church, when I was with BF, I would
get horrified looks from church women. She told me that it was
inappropriate to hold his hand while walking at church and during
the ceremony. After dating for 2 years, he proposed to me.
His mother had a fit! She told us that we had to change the
wedding date because her church does some outreach thing that week
that she just can't be away from it for one day. I told her
that it was her son's wedding or a charity event, make a choice.
I am a vegetarian and she very well knew this, but she put meat in
almost all of the dishes (like green beans, where it could be easily
left out). So, I would never have anything to eat when SHE was
the one to invite us to dinner. She called her son about 5 times
a day, every day. We would be on a date or in a movie, and he
would tell her that he couldn't talk then. She would just keep
right on talking about the stupidest things! This woman has
some Oedipus Rex thing going on with her son. She told me that
since he had been dating me, she was upset because he has not been
home enough to massage her neck. She just loves his neck massages!!!!
His other family members were also mean to me. At his sister's
wedding, they would not even include me in one wedding photo.
I felt, "What are our future children going to think when they
look at their aunt's wedding album and mommy is not in even one of
the pictures!" We were engaged at this point. His
dad's aunt freaked out on us one year, because at Christmas we had
4 places to visit and one of the places was 45 minutes away.
We apportioned our time so that all places could get equal time.
We were going to his GM's house at 4:00 on Christmas Eve, and were
going to stay for a couple hours. Then we were going to drive
for 45 minutes to my mom's house and have dinner there. We planned
to open presents, spend the night, and do other activities the next
day. His aunt called him up and b!tched about me for two hours.
She said that I was ruining the family, just because they wanted us
at the GM's house at 7, and that was not possible. I did not
want to drive on the interstate on Christmas Eve at midnight!
She said, "Oh, you are killing your GM!" I don't even
get to see my grandparents on holidays, since they live so far away,
and at least we would be seeing her for a few hours! It was
not like we totally blew off going there. We would just be there
a few hours earlier than everyone else, and then we would leave early.
Of course, DF hardly ever defended me to these people. His aunt
and mother would call his apartment while he was at work (they knew
I was hanging out over there). When I answered the phone and
tried to be nice to them, they would call me horrible names like,
slut, etc. I do not take this kind of abuse. So I told
my fiancé about it and he would call them and ask them what
was going on. He would end up believing them over me!
They would convince him that I was the one doing the name calling.
I would just hang up on them after they said something mean to me.
Thank God I . . .
Signed - Got Out Of That
Situation!
RESPONSE: Got Out Of That Situation!
Thank heavens you broke up with this boy!
RESPONSE: Got Out Of That Situation!
Whew! You dodged a bullet there. Smart.
RESPONSE: Got Out Of That Situation!
It reminds me of an old BF. His mommy told him to break up with me,
and he did! It was the best thing that EVER happened to me!
RESPONSE: Got Out Of That Situation!
I agree with you that she is sick, but not with the wedding photos.
You were not family, so it would have been better if you had said
at first that you would stay out, as this was a family affair. Let
yourself be invited. You did good to leave him.
RESPONSE: Got Out Of That Situation!
How I wish that I'd had the foresight that you had. I would have
saved myself 24 years of misery. DH never could stand up for himself,
let alone for me and our two children. My outlaws, too, were nicey-nice
until the children arrived. I can't begin to document the he!! that
I've gone through over the years. Even my friends can't believe all
of it! Congratulations on having the maturity, intuition and self-confidence
to recognize a potentially toxic relationship. Best wishes. Regrets
only.
RESPONSE: Got Out Of That Situation!
Good for you. You got out of it while you still could. I wonder
if she is still going on like that with any GFs he might have had
after you broke up with him. He may begin to wonder why his GF's
leave him. Do mummy's boys ever "grow a pair" to stand
up to mummy dearest? My DH is a mummy's boy who does not have the
ba11s to stand up to her. Unfortunately for me, I never found out
MIL's "true colors" until after we had children, as I would
have been tempted to leave him.
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