Frequent
Fry Her TM
- trapped, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 22-NOV-03
MIL loves that she lives with all three of her sons,
yet she constantly complains about everything that they do.
She treats these grown men like they are 10 year old boys.
Whilst in the kitchen, I overheard her saying to her 28 year old
son, "Jump into bed, and I'll tuck you in." Does
anyone else out there find this weird? He is almost 30!
Signed - Weird?
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Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
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I am a SAHM. My SIL
(husband's only sister) just had her 1st baby. She's 37.
She and her husband have "big money" jobs and constantly
brag about their expensive new home. My MIL constantly buys
them and the baby nice, NEW, expensive gifts. We get dirty,
torn, broken pieces of junk that she claims to have bought at garage
sales. She's so cheap. She will pick up some toy (at a
garage sale, of course), then say, "It has to stay at grandma's
house. You have enough toys already!" She NEVER gives
anything to our kids! That is fine with me! Next time
she tries to give us some of her trash, I'm going to say, "Oh!
I see you've been "dumpster diving" again!
Signed - Treated Like Trash!
RESPONSE: Treated Like Trash!
Why lower yourself to her level? Why not just let it go?
RESPONSE: Treated Like Trash!
Ugh, I feel bad for you. I hope that you can have a happy holiday,
and that maybe someday she will grow up.
RESPONSE: Treated Like Trash!
It isn't very nice of her to buy nice stuff for your SIL's kid and
cr@p for yours. I hate grandparents who favor certain grandchildren.
RESPONSE: Treated Like Trash!
As unfair as it must seem, your SIL's child is from MIL's daughter.
She undoubtedly treats her daughter better than her DIL, so it just
follows that the offspring of each would get the same treatment as
their mom. I would turn around and give the more generous grandma
the better gifts, and more time to spend with the grandchildren.
I think about this story
now and I can't help but laugh at the stupidity!! DH and I had
to be up early for work the following day. We were in bed and
asleep by 12:30. At 12:40, my psycho MIL called us. She
was freaking out because my BIL, who lives with her, wasn't home yet.
My BIL is 23 years old and certainly capable of taking care of himself.
My MIL begged DH to get out of bed, pick her up, and literally drive
around the city looking for my BIL for 2 hours!!! DH didn't
get home until 3:00 am!! DH called me at 1:30 to say that his
mom was making him drive to the police station. I told him,
"Do you realize that if you go to a police station and tell them
that your mom is worried because your 23 year old brother isn't home
at 1:30, they're just going to laugh at you?" It's not
like he had been missing for a day! I found out later that MIL
had also made DH call a bunch of our mutual friends (at 1:30 AM!!)
to see if BIL was with them. DH was extremely agitated by the
whole situation, but mommy certainly has a way of guilting him into
doing what she wants. DH called me again at about 2:45 to say
that he was on his way home, and apologized for the whole fiasco.
As soon as he did, MIL started screaming in the background about how
he shouldn't apologize to me when his "real" family needed
him. Am I alone in thinking that she totally blew this out of
proportion? BIL is a grown man, and it certainly wasn't the
first time that he came home late. BIL isn't a child, and DH
is not responsible for him. Needless to say, while DH was driving
MIL around, BIL had come home, showered, and gone to bed!!
Signed - Sleepless in T.O.
RESPONSE: Sleepless in T.O.
It's time for your DH to grow some!
RESPONSE: Sleepless in T.O.
Yeah, she totally blew it out of proportion. But, the problem is
that your DH didn't stand up to her.
RESPONSE: Sleepless in T.O.
DH is the one who's wacko in this one. He should have hung up and
disconnected the phone.
RESPONSE: Sleepless in T.O.
The thing I have the BIGGEST problem with is your MIL's misguided
statement that she, as opposed to you, is his "real family".
How wrong she is! She sounds very misguided in all ways.
RESPONSE: Sleepless in T.O.
You mean to say that when BIL came home and found that mommy was gone,
he didn't rally the Marines to search for her? LMAO! I hope that
your DH doesn't do this anymore.
RESPONSE: Sleepless in T.O.
I think that your MIL needs to be sanctioned. Your BIL is 23 years
old, not 10. Your DH should have said something to her like, "Do
you know what time it is? We have to be up early in the morning,
and my brother is capable of taking care of himself." Some "mummies"
forget that their children grow up to become independent adults.
RESPONSE: Sleepless in T.O.
She sounds like a spastic, hyper, annoying, overbearing idiot. He
is 23 years old, he was probably out getting laid. She sounds incredibly
annoying. I can't imagine how she acted when your 23 year old BIL
came home. She probably had a heart attack, which she will give herself
one day if she keeps it up.
RESPONSE: Sleepless in T.O.
Your DH needs to grow a backbone. Next time your MIL calls, he needs
to tell her that BIL is a grown man, and to calm down. He needs to
learn to say NO. If she persists, let him hang up and leave the phone
off the receiver.
RESPONSE: Sleepless in T.O.
Yes, you are wrong It is DH's fault for going and then continuing
to call and wake you up all hours of the night. Your MIL is a drama/control
queen and your DH is her audience and enabler! Don't you long for
a real man from time to time?
It's been a long time since
I've written, although this site was my daily therapy for years.
I didn't need to write, simply because I peacefully stayed away from
my MIL all summer. I wasn't all upset about her, simply because
I didn't deal with her. DH and I took our dog to visit her in
June, and she behaved well. She didn't "act out" as
much as usual, maybe because we visited her without my FIL being there.
She probably senses that I trust him more than I trust her, even though
I try not to make this obvious. That's just a guess - she can
be pretty awful when she's just by herself with me, though, so I may
be wrong. Some background: She only lives about 10 minutes
away. We don't have any children (or she would NOT settle for
seeing us that infrequently!!). My husband goes and visits his
parents about once a week. I completely support this.
I felt really peaceful toward her, if not estranged, and I just didn't
feel upset or in need of support, since I had nothing to do with her.
It helped that our visit in June went well enough, fairly friendly
and positive, and everything seemed peaceful and smoothed over.
We didn't invite them here at all this year for summer barbecues or
anything because we're incredibly busy. And, frankly, they act
like such jerks when they come here. They used to tell us that
they were coming over, and then they would just show up, but they
have stopped doing that. In October, some out-of-town relatives
were visiting, and they came here with my ILs. We love those
relatives, and it was great to see them. It even seemed like
things were going ok with my ILs during that visit, until everyone
else went upstairs. I was at the bottom of the stairs with my
MIL and our dog, and as soon as everyone else went out of earshot,
my MIL turned to our DOG and said, with great anger and indignation,
"YOU don't COME OVER to MY HOUSE NEARLY often ENOUGH!!!!"
This is exactly the same as what she did on our last horrible Christmas
dinner with them. With their permission, we brought our dog
over to their house, and almost as soon as we got in the door, she
looked down at our DOG and said, in that extremely angry, indignant,
fussing tone, "I don't see you NEARLY OFTEN ENOUGH!!!!!!"
Some of you might remember a post of mine some months ago, where I
described how she and FIL kept their own dog in a cage in their bedroom
for years, without ever taking it outside. Some of you told
me, and you were right, and I regret not considering this at the time,
that I should have reported them to the authorities for animal abuse.
That dog was getting up in years when I first met my FDH, and it passed
away during that time. So, unfortunately, it's too late now.
But, you had some good points about how I should have dealt with that.
When my MIL started gushing over our DOG (and ignoring me, of course),
I was tempted to say, "We're a bit afraid to bring her over to
your house, for fear she'll get locked in a cage in your bedroom 24
hours a day, and never get to see the light of day again!"
It just seems so insane that she treated her own dog so badly, but
treats ours like royalty, better than the people! They also
practically have our dog eating off the table, like a person, during
meals. But, I hope that I never say anything like that.
Then, my DH was showing the relatives his workshop. It was nice,
except my MIL kept screaming out gushing compliments. My DH
has some deliberately humorous, ugly sculptures around, and she gushed
on and on about how "cute" they were (my DH is 37 years
old). Everything was "cute" and "WONNNNNNDERFUL!"
"That's so WONNNNDERFUL that HE HAS so MANY CDs. That's
just so WONNNNNNDERFUL!!!!" She couldn't shut up, and her
loud, childish voice kept going on about how "organized"
he was, and how "cute" everything was. Now that they
have gone, I'm stewing about my MIL again, and dreading Thanksgiving
and Christmas with them. I don't mind my FIL. He has a
good heart. And, although he is obnoxious and blustery, he is,
deep down, a goodhearted, harmless person. But, she's gossipy
and petty and negative about everyone except herself (she's even been
weird to me about DH, criticizing him behind his back when she's not
gushing over him like a little boy). I think that our relationship
would only get worse if anything were forced between us. I feel
that the most kind and most sincere way to deal with her is to just
peacefully avoid her as much as possible, but to always support my
DH's support of her. When she gets older, I will do anything
I can to help my DH help her (that is, in regard to what she really
needs to thrive, not unreasonable, petty demands). But, I will
stay away from her as much as possible for the rest of our lives.
When I'm with her, I will try to be a "nurse" - kind and
helpful, but detached and not vulnerable to her acting out behavior,
her silliness, and her demands. It seems healthier for me just
to avoid her. I certainly feel a lot more kindly toward her
the less I see her. Thanks for the forum to "vent".
I wish my MIL well, but I can't be a doormat for her or let her get
her way at my expense. She's a big fan of Dr. Phil, and I am
teaching her how to treat me (as he says to do), I hope. Best
wishes to all of you, and thanks for everything. Will probably
be "talking" with you all a lot more with the holidays coming.
I never understood why the holidays were such a hard time of year
until I had in-laws.
Signed - Will She Take
Me to Court for "Grandparents' Rights" to Our DOG?
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