Frequent
Fry Her TM
- foreigntemptress/Posted: 24-NOV-03
Every Friday afternoon, DH calls home to mommy to
say hi, to let her know he's safe (on the other side of the world
in a dangerous city), whatever. This is fine by me.
BUT, it irks me, rather, that she asks him all about everything
he that he's up to, and never bloody once does she ask anything
about me. Never. Not even hi or best wishes. She
doesn't call us anymore, in case it's me who answers.
Signed - Then She'd Have
To Speak To Me
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My MIL would fix our plates
at dinner (small kitchen). She handed me my plate, and there
was a dead bug sitting on top of my green beans. I said, "Does
anyone else have a dead bug on their plate?" I have a million
other stories about her.
Signed - Anonymous
Per
the poster's request, no responses
collected.
Worst gift: My BF's
mother hates me so much! She is a complete racist, and does
not like me just because I am culturally different from her.
For my birthday, which is in the fall, she handed me a bag with two
Santa Claus Christmas candles! The day that she gave me the
candles, BF and I were supposed to leave around 10 AM to go out.
She made us go and shop for groceries for her!!!
Signed - Can Not Understand
Her
RESPONSE: Can Not Understand Her
Is that it?
RESPONSE: Can Not Understand Her
Ungrateful much?
RESPONSE: Can Not Understand Her
I cannot understand you. What is wrong with Christmas candles? Or
grocery shopping?
RESPONSE: Can Not Understand Her
I hate people who hold a gun to your head and make you do their grocery
shopping. There ought to be a law.
RESPONSE: Can Not Understand Her
Run like he!! in the opposite direction. If she hates you now, wait
to see what happens if you and BF marry.
RESPONSE: Can Not Understand Her
How did she MAKE you do this? Did she pull a gun on you? Get a backbone.
RESPONSE: Can Not Understand Her
She MADE you? I'm sorry, but did she force you at gunpoint? Maybe
next time you can be prepared with a polite refusal to her unreasonable
demands. I know that it's hard when you get caught off guard. But,
maybe you can have a tactful way up your sleeve to say "no"
next time she orders you to do something that you shouldn't have to
do!
RESPONSE: Can Not Understand Her
Are you not adults? How can she MAKE you do anything? You need to
stand up for yourselves. If you have plans to do something and she
demands that you do something else, just tell her that you have plans
and can't do it. And, if your BF continues to comply with her wishes
over yours, get a new boyfriend. Because, if you think it's bad now,
just wait till you're married.
This is very long, but you
have to read it. It IS the worst one yet! DW and I have
been together for eight years. Nonetheless, my MIL has shown
little respect to either of us since we've met. In fact, DW
and MIL had been at odds before I came onto the scene. DW was
brainwashed, physically abused, and hit on. I met her in college.
She shared a room with a person who MIL secretly organized to be her
roommate. This was strange, but later I realized that if ANYONE
knew my wife, MIL tried to find out about him or her, even old high
school buddies who my wife knew at one time. My controlling
MIL would call her five or six times a day, and if she did not get
a response back, DW would be called out of her name. This is
when I noticed all the dirt my MIL was pulling. She even told
me, behind my wife's back, that I should break things off, and not
tell her, because she needed to "concentrate" in school,
and our relationship was causing strain on her grades. MIL even
called my mom, behind my back, and told her the same thing.
My mom advised her that we were both adults, capable of making our
own decisions, and that she and MIL were both younger than we were
when they got married. MIL never called her again. DW
decided to buy a car with the money that she had saved up. MIL
got mad when she found out, and insisted on seeing the car before
it was purchased. She thought it best to have the vehicle put
into her name. I advised DW not to include her, and to buy it
anyway if she liked the car. DW went along with the purchase
without MIL, and all he!! broke loose! She demanded that the
car be parked at their house and brought to DW on the weekend.
DW was under MIL's control mentally when we met, and pretty much tried
to please her. Because of this, she dropped the car off one
weekend, against my suggestions, but later went back for it, and brought
it back on campus. They (MIL and FIL) badmouthed me to her and
other family members after that, but I didn't care. I was called
the manipulator and a con artist. The truth was that I had been
the only person who was supportive of my wife. BIL, SIL, and
FIL had all turned their backs on her. To this day, MIL does
not like the fact that I know her games, and that I ALWAYS manage
to beat her to the punch to protect DW and I. MIL insisted that
DW move back home, which was the bulk of all conversations.
MIL had all my wife's family in on it, saying that she should move
back just to appease her. She could not even go to FIL, because
MIL had manipulated her way with him, and had him hating us.
MIL even went to the extent of calling a distant relative of hers
and telling him negative things about me, and advised him to come
by when we were in town. The relative greeted us at the door
when we went to visit MIL. He said, "I had to meet you.
I have heard so many (negative) things about you that I was curious
who you were." FIL, of course, was not home at the time.
The relative and I talked, and I gave him the low-down on what was
going on. I advised him that I was raised totally differently
than my wife, and that I didn't stand to be tossed around at the sake
of the saying, "blood is thicker than water." I advised
him further that being "family" didn't give anyone the right
to be abusive. For obvious reasons, my wife did not want to
move back home to continue being emotionally abused by MIL.
To avoid this, my wife took a summer job on campus, and the school
provided campus housing for the summer. After that, my wife
moved into an apartment with a foreign exchange student. This
was short lived, and after the student moved, we moved in together
and started working on building a life together. We were getting
married, and were pregnant with our first child. We told MIL
and FIL, that we were having a baby, during our fourth month of pregnancy.
MIL's first words were, "Well, I guess it's too late for an abortion."
Then, she "cried" for sympathy. FIL was calm, and
didn't play into MIL's behavior, so she stopped crying. MIL
never even offered her daughter a baby shower because as she put it,
"No one is going to be happy." So, my mom threw a
huge bash. And, out of kindness, she invited MIL and FIL.
It was hard trying to survive at times, and when we didn't have a
phone, my wife would call MIL on a pay phone, sometimes in the rain.
And, each time she would come back in tears. I told her not
to deal with it, and to stop calling and taking emotional abuse.
FIL would not see this, and would only get MIL's side of the story:
that my wife was a troublemaker who neglected her mother and emotionally
abused her when FIL was not around. MIL would even have a surgery
(upwards of 10 surgeries on different parts of the body) and then
demand my wife spend a week or two with her and tend to her.
This was just another tactic used to separate us so that she could
coerce my wife into breaking off our relationship. MIL knew
what strings to pull, and used every tactic to pull them. She
constantly told us that we didn't know how to raise a child, and that
my wife needed to live with them so that she could oversee the well-being
of the child. I, of course, wasn't invited to those afterbirth
arrangements. I would have to "come over whenever I wanted".
I told MIL and FIL that this was not an option, and encouraged MIL
to come over to OUR house after the birth to help out. MIL never
took me up on that offer. During the pregnancy, whenever we
saw my MIL, she'd constantly reminded my wife that their back room
was being fixed up for her. One day, I finally lost my temper
and lashed out at MIL. I advised her that this was our child,
and that we had a home that this baby was going home to! She
yelled back, "I was only trying to help!" Of course,
she began to "cry", and asked us to leave. I immediately
drove 20 minutes out of our way to BIL's house. I figured that
MIL would call him, and no doubt he'd be upset when MIL gave him the
bad news. We pulled up to the house and I could sense BIL's
tension. I explained that MIL and I just had words. He
invited us in. MIL had already called him (as I suspected) and
continued to do so during our entire stay. MIL hated the fact
that I was sitting at BIL's house and was able to share what really
happened. FIL was at work. MIL described our altercation
as me "jumping in her face", which was far from the truth.
We received the typical phone calls after that: what we were
doing, and how we were affecting the family. We decided on a
hospital to deliver. Of course, we were looked at funny, because
we didn't pick the same hospital that MIL picked out. Our baby
was born, and MIL and FIL came up to the hospital. They had
already made plans to take the child. My FIL put on a surgical
outfit identical to mine, and proceeded to the room where the baby
was (in retrospect, what was he doing with the outfit on?) My
wife was still recuperating from the c-section, so I was going back
and forth, making sure that they were all right. They made a
big scene in the hospital, and my wife was in no position to go through
this mess. I withdrew, and allowed my wife and the baby to go
home with MIL and FIL that day. I was upset, and decided to
go over to their house the next day. I arrived with my brother
and uncle, and we picked up my wife and the baby. MIL and FIL
were livid, insisting that my wife chose me over them. I blamed
my wife for giving into them, but I had to realize that she was getting
over years of brainwashing and manipulation, and she would eventually
see it for herself. Needless to say, we did not let the in-laws
know that our second child was born until after we were home and settled
for a week. The cr@p kept coming, though, and has still been
going on to this day. And, remember that I mentioned that MIL
was manipulative? Well, she even has SIL playing the games.
When we were pregnant with the first child, SIL got pregnant.
They took a name off of a list that we provided MIL for OUR CHILD,
and gave their child that name. They have never acknowledged
that, though. When they found out that child #4 was a boy (after
6 granddaughters), there was more than celebration in the air.
SIL got pregnant again 6 months later. And, the comparing of
OUR children to THEIR children has become a regular practice.
It's ridiculous! As mentioned, MIL uses many tools to get sympathy.
One very touchy subject that she uses is funerals. For example,
a sibling of MIL's lost a child, and, at the sibling's house after
the funeral, MIL was "so distraught". So distraught
that she passed out, was placed in bed by some relatives, pampered
by having HER hair cut and styled, and was continually asked if SHE
was all right, while her sibling grieved over the loss of HER child
in another room. Everyone has pacified this behavior, except
me. I won't tolerate it! I will not tolerate someone telling
my wife that she should leave me without me being aware. We
have been told that we need to have our tubes tied because we don't
need any more children (we have four). She said, "I love
the younger two kids and all, but you really should have stopped at
the first two." My wife has since gotten tougher on her
stance with the way she is treated. We, now, as a family unit,
unite against such abuse from anyone. She no longer allows MIL
to manipulate, although she feels guilty at times. My wife and
I have decided to concentrate on our family, despite the silly threats.
I was recently threatened with a letter that said, "I have grandparent
rights, and I'll take action. I promise that!" Well,
one call to my attorney, and we both laughed. He said "not
to worry". We don't return phone calls so as not to open
the door to abusive behavior. We have moved, and not given an
address, so as not to have constant harassing. We choose to
write MIL and the family, but we have very limited contact with them
now. What do you think? Are we being irrational?
Signed - Oh, What A World,
What A World
RESPONSE: Oh, What A World, What A World
You're NOT being irrational. Cutting off almost all ties is the only
thing that will keep these wackos from taking over your life!
RESPONSE: Oh, What A World, What A World
No, you are not irrational. But, what took you so long to truly assert
your authority as man of the house and father of your children? Stay
away from these people, and do not let them touch your kids. And,
for goodness' sake, get some counseling for your poor wife. She has
been brutally abused, and will not just get over it on her own. I
have been there, done that. Protect yourselves!
RESPONSE: Oh, What A World, What A World
No, you are not irrational. You are totally sane, and it sounds like
you are a blessing for your DW! Stay the course and help her become
more self-respecting and self-aware!
RESPONSE: Oh, What A World, What A World
Wow, that is pretty bad. I would definitely limit all contact with
the ILs and make sure that your children are never alone with them.
RESPONSE: Oh, What A World, What A World
Not only are you being rational, you have supported your DW and family
by putting them first. Moving was an inspiration! I wish you well.
RESPONSE: Oh, What A World, What A World
Bottom line _ I am a Christian, and we are taught to leave mother
and father, and cleave unto your spouse. Bottom line, you do what
you have to do in order to keep your family peaceful and united.
If they are creating stress and problems, they have no right to be
involved in your or your children's lives. Good for you for protecting
your wife and her well being! Don't ever give up.
RESPONSE: Oh, What A World, What A World
Do you really have to ask??? Thank you for rescuing your wife from
what amounts to HE!! ON EARTH. Do not feel guilty, you have your
kids to look out for and they would thank you if they knew.
RESPONSE: Oh, What A World, What A World
What an evil woman. You are 100% in the right!!! Continue to see
through your MIL and stand by your wife. I can not imagine how she
grew up, and I pray that your love and support are the source of her
found inner strength. You two deserve to be very far away from that
"person".
RESPONSE: Oh, What A World, What A World
I do not blame you at all for moving and not giving them your address.
Very, very scary people! You've done the right thing. And no, you
are not irrational. I would say that it's the most rational thing
that you have done.
RESPONSE: Oh, What A World, What A World
Congratulations on being a man!! I have been married for 24 years
to a man who could not stand up to his mommy. His mother and your
mil (notice the lower case letters!) could start their own coven.
Twenty seven years ago, at the age of 36, momster-in-law (I have young
in-laws, married at 16 & 19, you get the picture) had her heart
valve scraped because it wasn't functioning properly. Well, from
that day on, any time she didn't get her own way, she was DYING.
I said DYING!!! She manipulated her DH and children into caring for
her as an invalid (Drs. all disagreed, last one sent her to a shrink
and refused to admit her to hospital - when she absolutely insisted,
he admitted her to the psych ward, and boy, was she furious!!) and
she refused to believe that it is now a minor procedure as far as
heart surgery goes. You can bet I did the research! I recently met
the man who had the first heart valve surgery in England 50 years
ago, and he had just come in from playing tennis at the ripe old age
of 66!! I fell into the trap of believing the death and dying hype
when I first married her son. But, soon after, I began noticing that
anything she wanted to do, she could. And, if there was anything
that she didn't want to do, she would play "sick" and get
her own way. I think that in the manipulation stakes, she could give
your momster-in-law a run for her money. If I can also make an observation,
it is when there is an emotional event such as birth, marriage, death
etc. These people must manipulate the event so as to have the focus
put on their needs and wants. When my second son was born, he had
to return to the hospital the day of his release due to fever, vomiting,
and turning blue and not breathing. We had just moved into a new
city three weeks prior, knew no one and had no one to sit with our
two year old. We called our in-laws, who live 1 1/2 hrs away (my
parents were 5 hours away and my mother had just gone home that afternoon!),
and asked if they could come and sit with our two year old so that
we could be with the baby at the hospital. The Drs. had diagnosed
pneumonia and double ear infections that hadn't been found in the
exit exam earlier that day when I took him home for the first time
(Canada isn't always better in terms of health care!). My in-law's
response was, "No, we have to work in the morning!" My
FIL owned his own business, and his oldest son worked for him!!!
That night I sat with my critically ill baby, who was hooked up to
multiple monitors in an incubator. He stopped breathing again. It
was a nightmare, as the staff had difficulty getting him to breathe.
The sad part was that DH could not be there with us, and we were very
lucky not to have lost DS. The baby was in the hospital for two more
weeks and there was not one visit by the in-laws (not even after his
birth!). After all these years, I still can't find it in my heart
to forgive their behavior. Ten years later, DH had life saving, emergency
surgery. My ILs did not visit him the entire ten days that he was
in hospital. They said that they would come and drive his car home
from the hospital, as it had been parked in the hospital lot. And,
they said that they would be at our house by 10 a.m. to go with us
to the hospital. I waited until 12 p.m., and then left to pick DH
up at the hospital. At the hospital, DH insisted on driving home
by himself (not a smart move, as he had had major emergency abdominal
surgery). And, he proceeded to argue until I caved in, due to fear
of upsetting him. He drove home on Canada's busiest highway, with
me following in our second car with the two kids. I got him upstairs
to bed. An hour and a half later, the in-laws waltzed in, insisted
on waking hubby up to "see how he was", and then had the
nerve to ask me to make them lunch, as they hadn't eaten yet!!!!!!
I have been married for 24 years, and to this day these people have
never bought so much as coffee, a meal, a burger, candy etc., for
me, the kids, or their son - cheap, cheap, ultimate cheap! That day
the worm turned. I told them that I thought it best that they leave,
and no, I wouldn't make them lunch. They actually had the nerve to
take fruit from the kitchen before they left!!!!!!!! It was at this
point that I began to realize that not caring for me or my children
(their son's children) was one thing. But, if they could abuse their
son in this way, there was no hope for a relationship with them that
would be healthy for me and the children. It is unfortunate that
these women can influence family to the extent that it breaks up relationships
and interferes with family life. At the ripe old age of 43, I realize
that DH can never separate himself, and I am now in the process of
re-claiming my life and refusing to cater to these selfish, manipulative,
codependent people. Your wife should cherish you and know how much
strength you have in order to have withstood these negative influences
upon your life. I wish that my DH could have had such a good example.
Sometimes, life is not what you wish it could be, but what you make
it. And, even if it isn't perfect, you have to learn that you have
only so much energy, and that your children and partner must come
first. My only regret is wasting 24 years on people who do not value
family in the true sense of the word. And, my hope is that my two
sons will have wives who are strong enough to put them first, and
vice-versa. Sorry to rant, but I wanted to applaud you for standing
up for your family. Rebel with a cause!
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