Sometimes, I think that I am so paranoid
about my MIL. DH thinks that I'm mean. He gets really
funny when it comes to his parents and only brother (who NEVER left
home, and is 48 years OLD!!! - the old "starving artist"
routine). I call it, "being a big baby and letting mommy
and daddy ruin you, because they have some need to control".
Here goes - I really do like my FIL, it's my MIL who is the CONTROL
FREAK. I had twins 18 months ago - a boy and a girl.
These are her only and first grandchildren, and she refers to them
as hers!!!! "How are MY BABIES? Thank you for giving
them to me." SCARY!!! I can't stand her.
I did not give them to her. She made a WHITE dress with smocking,
and I was told that my daughter should wear it ALL the time.
A white dress???? At 4 months old? This is the thing.
She mysteriously finished it on the day of my babies' christening.
She brought the dress over for her to try on the DAY that my daughter
was to wear my gown from 1965. It was my moment, NOT hers.
I swear, she was showing off her dress in order to make my dress
from when I was a little baby look so-so. My dress was beautiful.
She wanted her to wear HER dress. She didn't fuss about my
dress. She also reminded me, over and over, how expensive
it was to get the smocking done. Thus, she wanted her to wear
this all the time. She hinted all along, in hopes that I'd
say, "The heck with my dress. Let's put yours on her."
NO WAY. I also have a 15 year old son from a previous marriage.
They have not forgotten him at Christmas or his birthday, but they
are cold to him. Thanks for listening. That is one of
many!!
Signed - A White Dress????
0
1
0
Strongly Agree
Somewhat Agree
Somewhat Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Please Seek Counseling
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My ILs moved about an hour
from us to be close to their DS. I have hated holidays since
they got here. They hate holidays, but instead of just skipping
it, they go through the motions. Try enjoying a holiday while
the people around you hate them. Last year, they said that they
would no longer be buying gifts for anyone at Christmas, since they
really don't know what anyone wants. I was thinking, "Fine.
If they don't want to put any thought into it, then I will look on
the bright side. It's less for me to do, since we won't be exchanging
gifts with them." At Halloween, she made a point to tell
me how much she hated it. This year, they made sure that they
invited us to Thanksgiving dinner long in advance, by a month or so.
We accepted not having made any other plans so soon in advance.
I got a call from MIL a few days ago. She said that she would
not be cooking a turkey since it was too much trouble, and there would
not be many dishes to go with the "chicken". She just
couldn't be bothered, in that nasty voice that seems to be more a
part of her now than ever. I was thinking, "What about
the rest of us? Who doesn't eat turkey on Thanksgiving??
Why would she host a dinner if she doesn't want to be bothered?
Isn't that what makes it "different" from all the other
days of the year?? Fine. I won't put much effort into
anything that I bring. Or maybe I just shouldn't be bothered,
either." So I went to the grocery store and purchased a
turkey. My DH and I will have our own Thanksgiving dinner on
that following Sunday. When I mentioned to my brother that my
ILs would not be eating turkey on Thanksgiving and couldn't be bothered,
he suggested that I bring the wine. He said, "Things go
well with wine, especially after a few glasses. Even rude people
go better with wine. And after half a bottle, you won't even
notice that the turkeys are in the chairs, not on the table."
Signed - All Things Go
Better With Wine
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
Worst gift: My SIL always
bought me a music CD for Christmas. I've always noticed that
they are NOT in the sealed plastic wrapper, and the tape seals are
missing, too. Finally, last year I said, "I already have
this one. I will return it for a different one, if that's OK."
She said, "They won't return it since it's been opened.
I would never spend that for a CD, when I can just copy yours"
Then, she admitted that she never gives anyone CDs without copying
them first!!! What a CHEAPO! She is the one who constantly
brags about her high paying year job! My MIL is just as bad!
She has always wanted to be "mama" to my kids. She
ignores me, and expects my kids to do the same when they are around
her. She "pretends" to be the expert when it comes
to my kids. She really puts on a big show for family and friends,
wanting them to think that she knows more about them than I do!
Well, the old bat better wake up and realize that the grandkids are
12 and 9! She continues to buy them very juvenile toys at Christmas,
and it embarrasses them. Nothing against those particular toys,
but I think that she needs to look for more age appropriate gifts.
Signed - Just Another Holiday!
RESPONSE: Just Another Holiday!
Report SIL to the RIAA.
My MIL and I used to get
along great, and we were friends. That was until my 11 month
old baby girl came along. Now, my MIL acts like I don't do enough.
She has stomped on me so many times. She decorated the nursery
to her liking. She buys her so many clothes that she can't wear
them all before I have to sell them or give them away. She bought
my daughter not one, but two Christmas dresses. DH and I thought
that it would have been nice if we could have done that on our own.
You try to talk to her, and she doesn't listen. She doesn't
get it. It's like talking to a brick wall. We told her
and my father-in-law that they have to tell us what they got her for
Christmas so that we don't duplicate it. She said, "I'm
not telling you two what I buy her." How childish is that?
She told us that we needed to buy a house because my daughter needed
the space. We don't like living here, working for my FIL, having
my MIL take care of DD all day, and we didn't really want a house.
We try to explain this to them. We didn't want to be tied down
to staying here much longer. When we tried to explain this,
they thought that we were just worried about the money and they said
that they'd help! The way I look at it is that they bought DH's
and DD's love. The other day DD was sick, and my MIL called
10 minutes after I called the doctor. Mom said that she was
sleeping, but that she'll wake her up to give her medicine.
She wanted to make sure that I had called the doctor first thing that
day. I told my FIL that it feels like he and MIL are telling
me that I am a bad mom. He said, "Don't think that at all."
Sorry, I am not buying it. DH was a pediatric nurse in the army.
I was a nanny for years. I baby-sat when I was a kid, and helped
raise my sister. I do know a few things about kids. How
do we get her to back off? She sits down, listens, and says,
"I understand," but then she goes back to pissing me off.
If anyone can help, I would be grateful. She's . . .
Signed - Making My Life
Miserable
RESPONSE: Making My Life Miserable
Move out, and have DH stop working for his father.
RESPONSE: Making My Life Miserable
Your child will never know if she gets duplicate gifts, so what if
you have to return one or two things? Just let that part go. You
are getting upset about it because you are too close to the situation.
RESPONSE: Making My Life Miserable
The root of your problem is that there is waaaaaay too much enmeshment
between your family and the ILs (working for them, MIL being the child-minder,
etc.). If she decorated the nursery to HER liking, does this mean
that she has the keys to your house as well? In a nutshell, it's
time for DH to cut the cord and stand on his own two feet professionally
AND personally. Without his support and some positive action on his
part, you will never have a life of your own free of IL interference.
RESPONSE: Making My Life Miserable
You need to cut this woman off, because she thinks that she's EVERYONE's
mommy. The first thing to do is stop accepting all the clothing she
buys for your daughter. Tell her to stop buying it, and if she does
it anyway, refuse it. When it comes to gifts, if she refuses to tell
you what she purchased, refuse the gifts. And, for heaven's sake,
find other childcare arrangements. I know it's going to cost more,
but you need to cut her involvement down. And, in the end, it will
be worth the money. Jeez, this would drive me absolutely nuts.
RESPONSE: Making My Life Miserable
You made a really big mistake by thinking that it's a "swift"
idea to live with, or very close to, your parents. WRONG. Every
marriage needs space from outside family, and it needs a lot. You
need to MOVE!!!!! I would never move so close to family after getting
married or having a child because of the suffocation and them wanting
you to do things their way. He!! no! The idea of living near family
just because you got married or had a baby is so overrated, and boring.
You gave your MIL too much power by letting her baby-sit all day.
You should have given yourselves breathing room and maybe you just
need to be a little more forward with her.
RESPONSE: Making My Life Miserable
Grow up and pay for real child care. And, don't expect your MIL to
do it for free. Then she won't have such control over your child.
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