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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
June 7, 2004
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MIL has a really annoying
habit. I know, I know, I need to get on line. I swear, it is like
nails on a chalkboard to me when she does this, and she does it
all the time. Many of her sentences sound similar to this, "Guess
where we are going tomorrow?" In my head, the obvious answer
is, "To have your lips sewn shut (I could never be that lucky)."
Her next sentence might be something like, "Guess who called
us yesterday?" My thought on this one is usually, "Who
the he!! cares?" Am I really supposed to guess? I am tempted
to just start making up names just to see that confused look on
her face. Well, you get the gist of it. It drives me insane.
Thanks for listening.
Signed - Drives Me Insane
( here is my story )
Per
the poster's request, no response necessary.
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I have been dating my
BF for two years now. When we first started dating, everything
was great. Everyone was happy with our relationship. After we
were together for a while, I shared some personal details that have
had a profound impact on my life with my BF. I told him that I
was molested when I was a little girl, and it affected our relationship
for the better, because it brought us much closer together. He
was the first person whom I had ever told, and we were doing great.
Then, he told his mom one night, and they freaked out. After I
talked with them about how I was seeing a counselor to get some
help, everything went back to being ok. We all went on 2 different
vacations, and they treated me great. I ended up moving in with
his aunt (his mom's sister), because I had nowhere to stay. Then,
we went out of town for BF's brother's wedding, and we had a blast.
When we got back, everything went crazy! I left a pair of dirty
clothes on the floor because I didn't want to pack it in with my
clean clothes to take with me, and they were my work clothes. When
we got back, my employer asked me to work that night, so that I
couldn't wash my clothes. Then, she started saying I didn't know
how to clean my clothes, or to take a shower, and that I had a disease
that I wasn't telling them about. I had a stomach bacteria that
I had been fighting for a year and a half, and suddenly I was faking
it. She made him get a blood test to see if he was clean from me.
THEN, she told me to get one. Since he came out clean, I needed
to get a test! I got so mad, but out of respect for my BF, I didn't
say anything. Now she won't speak to me unless it is something
rude or hurtful, and won't even come into the same room as me.
I don't know what happened to make her hate me so much, and neither
does my BF. I don't know what to do to make her happy. No matter
how much I change, it's always going to be something else that I
need to improve on. And, now she told him that if he marries me,
she "will lose a son". Now, she sits at home all day,
and has someone clean for her. She never cooks dinner. I think
that she just needs to get a life and stop trying to cause trouble
for everyone else! Help me, and give me some advice on what to
do!
Signed - Confused and
Hurt
( respond to this story )
( here is my story )
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Lots of these stories
sound very familiar. My MIL is very needy, but not insane. It
took many years to figure out a plan of attack that wouldn't break
DH's heart. I've learned that the best thing is not to necessary
spell out grievances to MIL, because she usually responds with the
martyr routine. Instead, we set boundaries. In private, we discussed
what they were, and then we came up with predetermined solutions.
It felt pretty unnatural at first. But, after we began to behave
consistently, MIL soon got the message. Example: Any time MIL
calls unexpectedly, I immediately (but politely) ask if I can call
her back, and then do so on my own time. I determined a consistent
time delay - usually 8 hours, but it can be as long as 2 days.
Out of respect, I still call her back, but the conversation is on
my terms. And, low and behold, she has stopped calling me every
single time a thought or anxiety enters her head. Because we paced
her, she began pacing herself. Any time she makes plans or decisions
for the two of us (w/out consulting us first), it drives me crazy.
Now, when she does it, we tell her right away, "We're not sure,
but we'll get back to you," and then we discuss it with each
other. Parents have a bad habit of trying to orchestrate their
children's lives, even when they're grown, and they may not have
adequate respect for their children's busy schedules. Any couple
reserves the right to decline offers from parents or ILs, however
tempting. You can always reschedule with MIL, preferably on your
own terms. You have to become a united front. Brief talking points
are a must. They limit the potential for drawn out discussions
or debates, and help reinforce the idea that your decision-making
process is often independent from your parents. MIL has a tendency
to meddle, so key phrases, if repeated often and politely, are quite
effective. "We have _____ under control. But, thanks anyway!
We've handled _____ already, but thanks anyway! I hear what you're
saying, and it makes sense, but _____ is working very well for us
right now. Thanks anyway!" And, then we change the subject
ASAP. But, I made very clear to DH that I do not want him ever
to speak on my behalf, unless I've "approved the message".
MIL is not good about keeping any secrets, and I wouldn't want any
of mine in her hands. I learned the hard way that if MIL gets any
mixed messages from the two of us, it only comes back to bite us,
or worse, gets between us.
Signed - Getting the
Hang of It (I Think)
( respond to this story )
( here is my story )
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Working Women Don't Have Wives