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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
June 28, 2004
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My foolish DH let his
mother into the labor ward during the birth of our first child (I
have two children from a previous marriage). She talked incessantly
about how SHE didn't take pain medication when she had her 6 children,
and she even told the midwives of a friend of hers who delivered
a stillborn baby, and of another whose baby was born with part of
its face missing. Not really what you want to hear when you are
in the middle of labor. There were no words of support or encouragement
whatsoever. When 11 lb. 13 oz. DS was born 9 agonizing hours later,
she tried to lift him off my stomach, where the midwife had placed
him, and then proceeded to tell me how I'd need to run my fingers
down the sides of his nose, "because it is rather flat".
Funny, that, given that DH is a Pacific Islander with a flat nose.
Thirty seconds old, and having criticism thrown at him. Looking
back, I wish I had called hospital security and had her thrown out.
Signed - Uninvited MIL
in Labor Ward
( here is my story )
Per
the poster's request, no response necessary.
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FIL called the other day
while they were on vacation. They always let us know where they
are, how far they traveled that day, how they can be reached, etc.
They have this need to keep in close touch while they are on vacation.
FIL happened to be on his cell phone. I was reminded, yet again,
that DH had set it up for them (you'd think that the man had parted
the red sea or something). God has set up cell service for them!!
Well, FIL then handed the phone to MIL. He said to her, "It's
DIL for you on the cell phone." I heard her say, "WHAT!!",
and then there was a huge sigh and grumble. Apparently, God did
not tell MIL that a cell phone is sensitive and can pick up her
remarks from across the room. She then said, "Hello,"
in a sweet voice. Yep, true to form - phony as usual. I guess
she does not know that she is transparent. I know that she hates
me. A confirmation is nice from time to time. It lets me know
that my intuition and thoughts about how she feels are still correct.
Then, after a short conversation, she said, "Here's FIL."
Gone in a flash. There was none of the common courtesy that most
people use, such as "good-bye", "nice talking to
you", "need to go now". Nope, just gone in a flash.
Signed - God's Cell Service
Confirms Intuition
( respond to this story )
( here is my story )
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I am planning to be married
this summer. His mother spent the 9 months since our meeting being
outwardly nice. I couldn't quite get my head around her for some
reason, but thought it was because she just does housework, watches
TV, goes to work and does everything for her adult sons. They (especially
DF) feel very protective of her since my FIL left her. Their belief
is that FIL is bad, his new partner even worse, and MIL is an angel.
It's never that simple. DF is 15 kgs. or 28 lbs. underweight and
is 6' 3" tall. He has been thin for his whole life. He was
a very picky eater when we met, and he couldn't even make toast.
Now, he eats a range of things and will cook, unless he has an emotional
disturbance. If someone at work criticizes him, or if we have a
row or anything that is to me rather slight, he'll stop eating.
It is not just because he loses his appetite, but in order to punish
himself, and a range of other things. Last Wednesday, when we were
on the phone in the middle of the night (I'm away on a language
course), he told me that he hadn't eaten a proper meal since we
had dinner together on Monday evening, and that he was scared.
I told him to talk to a Dr. within a fortnight, and eat. We went
to the Dr. together on Friday, but I naively let him go in by himself,
and he only mentioned his blisters and his moles. I had to see
the nurse half an hour later, so I explained my concerns to her,
and she spoke to him and said that he'd be checked in a month and
referred, if necessary. I made him lunch, he ate it. I told him
to tell his mother about the Dr., but he decided to only tell her
about the blisters and the moles. It was like Mrs. Lincoln coming
out of the movie theater, after her husband had been shot, and talking
about the film! So, when he went upstairs, I stayed downstairs
and told her. She said that she thought her son, who never really
ate as a child, would eat more as an adult. She also told me about
some paternal uncles who were thin all their lives, anxious, and
had stomach ulcers and died young, and how she hoped that he wouldn't
turn out like them. The following day, we all went to his cousin's
wedding. By 5pm I was tired and bored and feeling stressed. I
didn't just have his mother there, but all her family. DF wanted
to talk to me about his problems, and to make sure that I still
wanted him, because we'd not had much sex in the couple of days
since I'd been home. I explained that I was stressed. His brother
was drinking two pints of beer at a time. There was a free bar,
and the marquee wasn't huge, but he'd still get his beers two at
a time. My family aren't big drinkers and I was worried about how
this would be perceived by my family if that happened at our wedding.
The more stressed I got, the more I wanted space, and the clingier
he got. Eventually, I snapped. I told him that I couldn't cope
with him all by myself, that I needed help from his family, and
that I had every right not to be touched if I didn't want to be.
He then said that he'd drive himself home, even though he had been
drinking. His mother came out, and I told her what he was doing.
I said that I'd leave him to it. I love him, but you cannot save
someone from themselves. She confiscated his keys, and I went back
inside. A bit later, my BIL asked me to come outside to talk to
my DF. My BIL told me that I'm selfish, that my DF does everything
for me, and that I should break up with him. I explained that,
at the grand old age of 22, I cannot deal with everything by myself,
and that I need help from his family. He told me to deal with it.
I went over to DF and he starts begging me not to leave him. I
explained the whole thing to him again. FMIL came over as we were
beginning to sort things out. She said that her son loves me too
much, that I don't care about him as much as he does me, and that
he doesn't have a problem with food. She knows this, because she,
at 5' 5", went down to 98 lbs. when my FIL left her. And,
she said that some people eat more when stressed, others eat less,
and she only wants cigarettes when stressed. She said this, not
knowing that I know that in that same period there was a day when
she waited for my DF, his friend, and my FIL to come home. She
sat on the stairs with a glass of water and 100 acetaminophen tablets
and swallowed them. My FDH was 14 at the time. I don't think that
those are the actions of someone who is totally healthy. She then
continued that she didn't think that we should get married, and
that she never thought that we should get married. That news shocked
us both, because she had spent the preceding 9 months lying through
her stained teeth! DF explained that I hadn't been entirely comfortable,
and that it was partially due to me not feeling comfortable with
his family. I said that I'd never met anyone like them. She said
that it's because we're "from different backgrounds".
Since then I can't sleep. She is frosty and rude, which makes a
truce tough. My family is concerned. DF worries that my family
will think less of him. He has banned me from criticizing them,
and not said a single word to them about their treatment of me.
What should I do?
Signed - Scared Maybe-Bride
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Working Women Don't Have Wives