|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Mother-In-Law Stories
July 18, 2004
|
 |
I am so glad that I found
this site. I have the most controlling and manipulative MIL.
Let me give you a little background first. DH and I have been
married for 10 years. He is a wonderful man, and I love him
so much. DH is an only son (he had an older brother who passed
away 15 years ago). MIL uses the fact that her older son died
to manipulate and have people pity her. She has "Poor
Me" syndrome big time. She portrays herself as the damsel
in distress/victim. She's had such a hard life, her son died,
and everyone is abusive towards her. She is capable of construing
even the littlest things as being abusive toward her, yet she doesn't
curb her speech or think of other's feelings before she makes one
of her, thoughtless, or demeaning statements. She is very
controlling, pushy, and she does not take "no" for an
answer. She has a tendency to be all over us with smothering,
unnecessary advice. It is her feeling that if she feels something
is good for you, she'll do it, say it, or whatever, whether you
like it or not. Even if she knows that it will hurt you, she'll
do something, all in the name of "what's right".
Most of the stunts that she pulls are passive-aggressive.
She makes comments about me and other things constantly, most times
when my DH isn't around. DH is not a mama's boy, and he has
confronted his mom about her behavior. Every time DH has confronted
his mom about the terrible actions or the things that she says,
his mom denies them, and acts as though nothing is wrong.
His mom never apologizes, is stubborn, and is incapable of admitting
fault or wrongdoing. FIL is no help. He is a spineless
wimp and lets MIL manipulate him. He thinks that the problem
is me. He feels that I should just let her do what she wants,
and not say anything. Well, things got worse after I got pregnant
and had DD. MIL and FIL think that it is their job to raise
my DD. They act like my DD is their daughter, especially MIL.
There were times when she has made me feel as if I gave birth and
then was supposed to hand over my DD to her! MIL is constantly
competing with me for the attention of DD. She is so desperate
for DD to love her, it's smothering. She criticizes my mothering
skills and questions me on everything involving DD. MIL took
care of DD when I went back to work, and she gives herself credit
for every good thing DD does. When DD turned 2, I told my
DH that I couldn't take this situation anymore. I can't live
the rest of my life in this much stress and being the one who bites
my tongue all the time. MIL got her time to play mama, now
it is my turn. DH decided that it was best that we move out
of the state (some place far away). We moved 18 hrs away.
But before we moved, it was he!!. When DH told his parents
that we were moving out of the state, ILs got very upset.
MIL started crying hysterically. She pulled all kinds of cr@p
to try to stop us from moving away. MIL decided to try lying
and manipulation. She made up all kinds of lies about my FIL's
health. She diagnosed him with every disease imaginable.
MIL also made up a story about a visit to the emergency room that
never happened. She told me that she was having severe chest
pains and that FIL had to rush her to the emergency room.
She was diagnosed with severe anxiety and was given antidepressants.
I thought that it was true. I never thought that MIL would
go as far as making up a lie like that. So, I told my DH what
she had told me. DH found out later on that it was a lie.
When DH confronted her about lying, she denied it!! She said
that she never told me that, and that I must have misunderstood
what she said. What??!! Lying b!tch. Why would
I make up such a thing if I had nothing to gain? This is not
the first time that she has made up blatant lies. She also
told DH that FIL wanted to commit suicide. She lies like a
freakin' rug! I can't stand liars, nor do I trust one as far
as I could throw one. She puts on this facade of being this
wonderful, religious woman, yet she does nothing but lie, lie, lie,
to guilt trip DH. She also went as far as suggesting that
I move out of state with my DH and leave my DD to her. She
assumed that if I were to fall for that plan, I would leave my kid
with her! NO WAY!! I have millions of stories to tell
of what has happened since we moved. Stories of awful comments
and horrible behavior. Things have gotten really bad between
the ILs and me. I don't speak to them anymore. But I
will write more later. Stay tuned for the next chapter.
Signed - So Glad I Don't
See Her And Talk To Her Anymore!!!
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
|
|
My MIL and FIL mentioned
that it would be nice if the whole family got together next year
for Grandma's 95th birthday. My wife and I agreed in principle.
They called the next day to discuss lodging options - one place
was presented. Any other ideas or options "just made
it so much more complicated". We explained that right
now we could not commit to a date a year from now, as both of our
boys will have scout camp sometime in June and I will not have additional
vacation until after June 24. We suggested sometime after
July 4th. Last night FIL called to say that he had booked
reservations for the second week in June. Never mind that
my kids may miss camp, I don't have vacations time, or that his
other 2 grandkids will still be in school. This is when he
thought it would be good. He is retired and his dates and
times are quite flexible. He seems to have forgotten that
in the real world some of us have other events and considerations.
When he called and informed us of the date and just expected us
to show up, he also let us know that our part of the lodging bill
is $480. My wife was completely quiet on the phone.
I finally had to speak up and ask why he wanted to "discuss"
this when he was going to ignore everything that we said and just
do whatever he felt like anyway. I told him that we'd see
if we could be there when he made the reservations. If it
conflicts with something else or I can't borrow vacation time, they
shouldn't leave the light on for us. He got upset that we
were not grateful for his help and said that his son had said that
they were not coming either. Maybe having the kids finish
school is more important than catering to grandpa's schedule.
I guess the big problem that I have with this is that he is he!!
bent on this date, for some unknown reason, yet it conflicts with
both sets of grandkids and parents. My wife seems to be willing
to try to bend over backwards to accommodate him. I asked
her if she wants to be the one to explain to the boys that they
can't go to camp with all of their friends is because they have
to travel 1400 miles to cater to grandpa. Once they get there,
he'll complain that the kids are noisy and can't behave. His
idea of behaving is to have them sit quietly while he watches golf
or the endless news on TV. Wrong! They will be out in
the woods or pool, or doing something else while he watches TV.
Why does he even want to go to a cabin in the mountains when all
he's gonna do is watch TV?
Signed - Reluctant Vacationer
RESPONSE: Reluctant Vacationer
I don't believe this! Grandpa is 95, and you are worried that your
boys "won't see their friends"??!! Selfish.
RESPONSE: Reluctant Vacationer
Tell them that you're not going to be able to attend, and make sure
to send a nice card and/or gift to the grandmother. Problem solved.
RESPONSE: Reluctant Vacationer
When is grandpa's birthday? It's usually preferable to have a birthday
party very near to the actual date. Other than that, if it's inconvenient
to go, don't go. Personally, I'd leave you at home to tend the
kids, and go by myself (this is your DW's grandpa, right?). I'd
probably have a better time than having to listen to a DH who does
nothing but complain.
RESPONSE: Reluctant Vacationer
The words you need to use are, "NO. The children are still
in school, and we simply cannot go. Nor should the others miss
their camp, especially as FIL doesn't seem to like them around.
If DW wants to accommodate FIL, she can go herself."
RESPONSE: Reluctant Vacationer
If the date doesn't work for your family, don't go. It's as simple
as that. MIL and FIL can celebrate GMIL's birthday with her, without
everyone else in attendance if they are so bullheaded. They have
to realize that not everyone is as flexible as they are, and to
not even consider your schedule is rude. It says a lot that the
other grown sibling can't make it, either. If you go, it will only
show MIL and FIL that they can eventually bully you into doing what
they want. Don't go!
RESPONSE: Reluctant Vacationer
If the purpose of this trip is to celebrate grandma's birthday,
shouldn't everyone be there together on the actual date of the birthday?
Maybe it's just me, or because I recently lost my own mother, but
I think that the whole family getting together to celebrate such
a milestone is a bigger event than summer camp. Grandma's not going
to have many more of those. My whole family flew in from all over
the U.S. to celebrate my mother's 80th birthday. It was a big surprise
party, and I never saw her happier. All of the siblings and grandchildren
had a great time, too. Mom died at age 82, and at her funeral everyone
reminisced about all the fun we had during her birthday party (even
the grandchildren). Maybe it's not as much fun for your kids as
the scout camp, but they have more of those to look forward to,
and, they probably see many of their camp friends on a regular basis.
You and your wife can make the trip fun for your kids in spite of
your FIL. Don't stay at the same hotel or cabin, and schedule a
lot of activities with your kids. After all, it will be a family
vacation. It's likely that your wife isn't standing up to her dad
because she may really want to go to this gathering, in spite of
your negativity. It is HER grandmother, after all. Maybe she should
go without you.
|
|
DH and I were getting
ready for our upcoming wedding, and discussing some of the plans
with my ILs over dinner. We had gotten to the discussion about
our marriage license and whether we would have to have a blood test
or not in order to apply for our marriage license. I told
my ILs that in our state we were not required any longer to submit
to a blood test. My MIL's response to that was to tell my
DH that it didn't matter, since she figured he had any diseases
that I had anyway by now. DH and I were both virgins when
we met, and have not been with anyone else for over 7 years, but
this was the response that my MIL had.
Signed - MIL Trouble
Again
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
Not to demean your pain, but I laughed out loud when I read your
story, just because your MIL's response was SO asinine. What a
ridiculous thing to say!! I can't wait to see what other kinds
of things she says after the wedding.
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
Your MIL is a b!tch, but what was your DH's response to her statement
about being infected with all of your "diseases?"
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
You poor thing. What a looney. I would have said, "Yeah,
I probably have all of his, too." Good luck. It sounds like
you have one like mine.
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
Why didn't you respond to MIL that the point of the blood test was
to make sure that SHE hadn't passed on bad genes to your DH?
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
You shouldn't have brought up something as personal as the blood
test in that environment.
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
I think that I would've smacked her. There was no reason for such
an insult. And, how insensitive to people who do have to live with
diseases. If I were you, I'd talk to DH about taking a LONG break
from seeing MIL.
|
Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
|
|
|
Working Women Don't Have Wives