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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
July 19, 2004
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DH and I have been married for
almost 15 years, and we have no children. Why? Because,
since I was not considered good enough for him, I decided that
I was not good enough to have his children and make them grandparents.
After all, I don't want them to treat the kids badly. Since
the SIL is gonna have kids, they will treat theirs better - favoritism
and stuff. Besides, I don't ever want my DH and I to divorce
because of issues of how to raise the kids if his parents butt
in and if he doesn't take my side. I see too many problems
occurring, and I have been through enough already with just marrying
him. Time and time again I have said that I married the
best man with the worst parents (although I see that I am not
alone now). I resent that I had to make that choice regarding
kids, but I know that if we ever divorced, it would make "her"
happy, even after 15 years. I have indirectly told the younger
SIL about my feelings on kids, being careful not to say too much
about why. But, smart as she is, she picked up on it and
told the FIL that he was the reason that we don't have kids.
But, she forgot to include the MIL.
Signed - I Was Not
Considered Good Enough
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
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Reasons why MIL/FIL didn't think
I was good enough for her son: I was 3 years older than
him, I lived in a city that they didn't like, and ummm, I guess
that's it. Reasons why they say: "We wanted him
to finish college first". YEAH RIGHT, AND I WAS BORN
YESTERDAY! Let's see, that must be why I had to sit outside
and wait for him, because I was never allowed in their house,
ever, when we dated. And, that is the reason why he could
never use the phone to call me. And, that is the reason
she made bets that we'd not last more than 5 years (it is now
15 years). And, that is why they tried to break us up -
college. Yeah, right. The truth is that I was too
good for him and his family. Let's see. My family
never had a jailbird in it. My brother and I never had to
move out at age 15 to live with a friend because our parents were
so bad. Who's not good enough for whom??????? When
the SIL just married, she married a person from another culture.
Her family LOVES him. His family LOVES her family.
And, my FIL is the most prejudiced person in the world.
But, oh, how he loves the new SIL that he has. It makes
me sick. I didn't do anything wrong, and got slaughtered
for no reason at all. They just wanted to control him, for
some reason, when we dated. They disgust me with how prejudiced
and mean they are to people. The only person in their whole
family whom I could talk to and relate to was one of the aunts,
and she just died. They treated her terribly, and I was
soooo upset at the funeral. They make me sick. They
should have treated her better, too.
Signed - They Only
Think Of Themselves
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
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This is a MIL story and
also a FIL story. DH and I struggled, while we were renting
an apartment together, to organize enough funds together to get
married and have a nice wedding. We had plenty of help from
my side of the family, and didn't have any problem covering the
expenses. We had talked to my ILs about how expensive certain
things were going to be, and did everything that we could, short
of coming right out and saying it, to let them know, somewhere along
the way, that they should start pitching in for some of the cost.
We paid for everything as we went along. We didn't want to
be in debt for our wedding as newlyweds. Two days before our
wedding, after every single thing was paid for, my FIL handed my
DH a small amount of money and said they had put off giving it to
us because they didn't want us to "waste it on the wedding".
Signed - MIL Trouble
Again
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
Sorry, but you are wrong. Your ILs have absolutely NO obligation
to pay money for your wedding. To hint around and pressure them
to kick in was wrong on your part.
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
I'm with your in-laws. You do not have a right to spend other people's
money so that you can play Queen for a Day on your wedding day.
That your parents were willing to help out is lovely, but it was
*not* his family's responsibility to make all your Bridezilla dreams
come true.
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
Um, no one, including parents of the bridal couple, are obligated
to pay for your wedding costs. If you are responsible enough to
marry, you should be responsible enough to cover the costs of your
own wedding. If you can't cover the cost, maybe you are spending
too much money on an event that only lasts one day.
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to foot the
bill! It would have been nice for the IL's to offer, but they are
under NO obligation to any of their children to pay for any part
of a wedding!
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
You have a screwed up sense of entitlement here. NO ONE is responsible
for paying for YOUR wedding, except you and your DF. If you are
old enough to shack up, then you are old enough to go to the courthouse
and get married.
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
Grow up. Your parents (or his) are not under any obligation to
pay for your wedding. If it was getting too expensive, then TONE
IT DOWN. How old are you, anyway?
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
Repeat after me, "No one owes me money for my nice wedding."
There, see how easy it was? How can you be so presumptuous as to
assume that they owe you money for a wedding? If they choose to
give you a gift, that's really nice of them. And they have every
right to wait until after your wedding. Grow up, princess.
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
I am sorry, but you are wrong to presume that your FILs "had"
to give money for your wedding. It pisses me off to no extent when
people get married and expect the parents to pay for it.
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
Why do so many people complain about parents who do not pay for
their weddings? Having a wedding is NOT a requirement, and it will
NOT make your marriage any better or worse. Paying for a wedding
is a GIFT, not a requirement of the bride and groom's family. Just
because certain things are traditional, that does not mean they
are required. You sound like a whiny brat. Your ILs are in no
way responsible for helping you with your marriage. Accept that,
embrace it, and don't blame them for wanting to give you money for
other things. A wedding is all glitz and trappings, and after it
is over, you have nothing to show for it. I hope this does not
mean that you will hate your ILs forever, because they did NOTHING
WRONG!
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
This doesn't sound like IL trouble, it sounds like unreasonable
expectations on your part. If you and DH were adults, living in
your own place, it was up to you to pay for your wedding. If your
families were capable of helping, and willing, then that's all fine
and good. But, they certainly aren't obligated to pay for a thing.
I got married at age 37, DH was 47. We didn't ask our parents for
any assistance. My DH and I were gainfully employed, and had set
up housekeeping 5 years before. My mom, out of the goodness of
her heart, paid for my entire wedding. I would have been happy
with a JP, which is what we could afford. I was very happy with,
and grateful for, the wedding that my mother gave us. But, I'd
never in a million years, especially at the age of 37, when I'd
been out and on my own for 20 years, expected her to contribute
one thin dime. The only thing that I wanted from my parents was
their blessing, and that they attend. If this is the only thing
that you have against your ILs, you need to get your head out of
your butt.
RESPONSE: MIL Trouble Again
NO ONE is responsible for paying for your wedding but YOU. Your
ILs didn't have to pitch in anything. You were getting married,
not them. When my son grows up and finds the girl whom he plans
to spend his life with, I will be more than happy to contribute
to their wedding. But, not all parents feel that way. They didn't
owe you anything. I will never understand why brides get so greedy
and expect everyone to give them everything, just because they are
getting married. I got married 3 years ago, and DH and I paid for
practically everything. Our families contributed a small amount,
and we were grateful. But, we never once asked them to do it, nor
did we hint for them to do it or expect them to do it. It was offered,
and we kindly accepted. But, if they had not offered any help,
it wouldn't have mattered, and we would not have held it against
them. Just because you are getting married, the world revolves
around you, and no one has to pay for "your special day".
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Working Women Don't Have Wives