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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
July 21, 2004
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I guess I've been pretty lucky.
This is the only bad MIL story I've got (now FIL stories, on the
other hand --- ). My ILs had never been to a wedding before.
Their own wedding was done one afternoon in a courthouse with
only two witnesses. So, my wedding to their oldest son was
the first that they had ever attended. They purchased new
outfits, helped set up, and paid for our honeymoon. None
of these things makes up for the lack of common sense used during
our reception. We had a VERY small ceremony, and the reception
took place in the same area, on the other side of the room.
So, after about an hour of milling around, talking to people,
and enjoying our wedding day, my mother pointed out to me that
everyone was starting to leave because my ILs were cleaning up
UNDERNEATH THEM. Everyone was still enjoying themselves,
eating, gabbing, etc. My ILs were apparently ready to leave,
but they wanted to do their part to help out. So, they started
cleaning up plates off of tables, going around with trash bags,
and just generally making people feel like they should leave.
They stopped by our table several times and made comments like,
"You two can leave anytime now." We ended up helping
clean up everything at our own wedding. DH, my mom, my mom's
friend and I were the last people there. I didn't get to
throw my bouquet, nor did anyone get to make use of the bags of
ice melt (bird seed and rice weren't allowed at our location)
that I stayed up making until 2 am the night before. DH
was home on 2 weeks of military leave, and that was one of his
only chances to visit with family and friends. I guess I
can't be too mad, they've been pretty wonderful to me ever since,
but still. It was my wedding. I've get to be a little
peeved, right?
Signed - Just Because
You've Never Been To A Wedding Doesn't Mean You Get to Crash Mine!
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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Ever since my DD was born
2 years ago, MIL has been obsessed with clothing her. Now,
I think that there are plenty of things that are more important
than clothes for a child, in general (this is a real focus of my
ILs, and they get upset if little t-shirts aren't ironed), but,
whatever, to each his own. However, the clothes that MIL buys
for my child are always too small. I mean, typically they
are a year too small. I am getting infant clothes for a toddler.
Once, I said, "This won't fit. Is there any way to get
a larger size, as I don't want you to have to waste your money?"
It was a disaster. She was so offended. So she
upped the ante, buying ever more costly designer kid clothes that
are too small, in even larger quantities. She has given me
8 outfits at a time, all non-wearable. I would much prefer
to buy discount things and put the savings aside for the college
fund - I mean, 60 dollar sweaters for a tot?? She washes them,
too, ensuring that they cannot be taken back. So, I just pop
them in a bag for charity or to the church clothing drive.
I find the aggressiveness and controlling aspects of this very offensive,
and it is not a good precedent for things that really matter with
a child. She will always go out of her way to ensure that
we are in disagreement.
Signed - MIL Obsessed
With Clothing
RESPONSE: MIL Obsessed With Clothing
Wow, she sounds like a real nut job. No offense. Doesn't she realize
that she is only wasting her money by buying clothes that are too
small? It's a waste to buy expensive ones that are too small.
Oh well. It's her money. If she wants to waste it, then that's
her problem, as long as she doesn't throw it in your face later.
RESPONSE: MIL Obsessed With Clothing
She sounds like a hag. Buy a nice doll the size of a large baby,
and put her clothes on the doll. Maybe mumsie will get the picture.
RESPONSE: MIL Obsessed With Clothing
Wait a second. Do you tell her that none of the clothing she brings
can be worn by the child, or do you just take it and give it away?
Surely you should make her AWARE that none of it fits.
RESPONSE: MIL Obsessed With Clothing
And your DH is where??? Ask him to talk to her, plain and simple.
And, if he's too much of a wimp to do so, then YOU need to talk
to her again. Who gives a cr@p if she gets offended? Either that,
or just keep giving the clothes away, which seems like such a waste
for you! I'd rather receive clothes that my kids can use.
RESPONSE: MIL Obsessed With Clothing
If the stuff is really nice, and she washes it, at least try selling
it on ebay. Maybe you can make some money off of it!
RESPONSE: MIL Obsessed With Clothing
Did you ever try to show MIL how small the clothes actually are
for your child? She may think that you're just trying to be difficult.
If she still doesn't get it, give them to charity, as you have been
doing.
RESPONSE: MIL Obsessed With Clothing
This is a classic case of passive-aggressive behavior. You can't
change your MIL, so it's probably best to ignore this behavior and
not give her the drama that she's seeking. However, if she escalates
into more destructive behavior (which is a real possibility), be
ready to cut way back on contact with her. DO NOT leave your child
alone with her at any time.
RESPONSE: MIL Obsessed With Clothing
The next time she gives you an outfit that is too small, ask which
charity should benefit from the donation.
RESPONSE: MIL Obsessed With Clothing
Every time she gives you a clothing item that's too small, explain
that it is too small, and that it will be donated.
RESPONSE: MIL Obsessed With Clothing
In trying to change a human behavior, consistency in reaction is
the key. You need to tell her, EVERY time, when she buys clothes
that won't fit. If you cannot do it in person, then write her a
note. Make sure that you compliment the clothing choices, if you
want to stay friendly. "Gee, MIL, these clothes are so pretty.
Unfortunately, they are the wrong size. DD wears X size now. Oh
well, some other lucky child will get to wear them when I donate
them to charity, at least." Every single time. It's silly
to have her keep buying sizes that are too small, and staying silent
about it.
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We have been married
for 4 years. We have no children. When DH is not around,
MIL will take every chance to make comments to me about kids, and
that I need to start a family soon. She sends e-mails about
mother's love, and cr@p like that. I tell her that I don't
want any kids right now, and that it is none of her business.
She is always sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong.
DH had a talk with her, and told her that it is a sensitive issue,
and that she should not bring it up. But she just keeps on
and on. MIL has a 2 year old granddaughter from her DD.
Every chance she gets, which is almost daily, she says, "Come
see GD. She needs to get to know you," and on and on.
DH goes over at least once a week for dinner. I have to work
that day. Yes, this is planned so that I don't have to go.
Every time you turn around they are having a family gathering for
something. At Christmas, instead of going to one or two places,
we are supposed to go to about 5 - and this is NO JOKE!! I
just can not stand this woman. Back to the kid issue.
What MIL doesn't know is that my DH is sterile, and we chose not
to tell her because it is none of her business. I overheard
a conversation with my DH and my MIL. MIL was blaming me for
everything about why we don't have children, and DH just said that
he wanted kids and didn't defend me. During a birthday party,
MIL started in on me about kids, and out of anger I told her that
IT was not me, "Your son shoots blanks," and I walked
out. So, a week later, at a graduation party for SIL, when
we were ready to leave, MIL told DH and me, "YOU NEED TO GET
TESTED!!" in front of everyone. IT IS NONE OF HER BUSINESS!!
How can I get her to stop? I am at the point that I never
want to go there again. I have blocked her e-mails.
What else can I do? She will call and leave messages on the
machine for DH to call or come see this or that. She needs
to realize that we have our own life. DH said that he talks
to her, but I don't ever seem to be there when he has THE TALK.
It makes me wonder if he really does. Need help!! She
is causing problems in our marriage.
Signed - Super Wife
RESPONSE: Super Wife
DH shoots blanks because MIL stole his b@lls.
RESPONSE: Super Wife
I understand that you said it in anger, but you really shouldn't
have told your MIL that her son is sterile. Your DH was probably
furious with you about that.
RESPONSE: Super Wife
You were wrong. How could you yell out something like that in front
of anyone? Super wife, you are not.
RESPONSE: Super Wife
It's possible that DH feels like less of a man because he cannot
produce kids. You should really keep that in mind. That said,
you and DH need professional counseling to learn how to deal with
MIL and your anger.
RESPONSE: Super Wife
DH should tell mommy dearest that the two of you will let her know
when there is something that she needs to know, and to otherwise
"eff off".
RESPONSE: Super Wife
You and DH need to be a solid front on this without MIL in the middle.
If he can't get his act together and confront her with you, then
you need to let it go (I know that this is hard, we were harassed
for 6+ years on the same subject). Please help DH come to terms
with his inability to father children, support him, and make sure
that the two of you are a solid front on this issue. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Super Wife
Your MIL's behavior, while absolutely boorish, is becoming more
commonplace. I think that, because of the advent of talk shows,
what were once considered to be private matters have now become
fair topics of conversation at a dinner parties. But, this is STILL
a private matter! You should just tell your MIL that it is none
of her business the next time she brings it up. Also, stress that
this is strictly between you and your DH, and NO ONE else.
RESPONSE: Super Wife
Gee, who needs actual children when you already have such a childish
MIL? Listen, you do not have to go to five events on Christmas.
You do not have to visit your MIL. You have the right to limit
your contact with her, or to cut her off entirely. Your DH has
the right to continue to see her without you. However, it was very
wrong of him not to speak up in your defense, and to make it look
like childlessness was all your decision. Sometimes, IL problems
are really a symptom of underlying marital problems. If you and
DH can't present a united front, and he won't stand up for you,
maybe you should consider some marital counseling to uncover and
fix the root causes of his disloyalty.
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
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Working Women Don't Have Wives